Associated PressScientists to Vie for $25M Climate Prize
MargaretI think what we need to do is kill off as many people as possible... maybe two or three billion for starters. You know its coming to that anyway so I thought I'd be first. Do I get my $25 million now?
Red SquareThe good news is, YES!!! YOU HAVE WON $25 MILLION DOLLARS!!! *ka-ching!*
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI'm confused and require a prolier being to explain this to me.
O'BrienThe Party faithful will of course be given the appropriate cave space that is due their rank and shall be spared from the misery of the transition, for we will need to be around to keep some semblance of society after the dust settles.
Chairman MeowThe Party is currently fabricating the needed computer generated models (with numbers!) to take down the scourge of Big Soda Pop™.
O'BrienSo now we must fabricate the lies about how we The Party elite must unfortunately have the jets and limos and things...
MargaretMister O'Brien sir, we don't deal in lies. This is one of the most deadly serious issues of our time. Coca Cola and Pepsi are getting away with murder.
France Tells U.S. To Sign Climate Pacts or Face TaxHe [Jacques Chirac] said that he welcomed last week’s State of the Union address in which President Bush described climate change as a “serious challenge” and acknowledged that a growing number of American politicians now favor emissions cuts.
O'BrienYes!! Breathing has got to be the number one producer of CO2 in the world!
O'BrienBreathing has got to be the number one producer of CO2 in the world! Comrades we must start a campaign to either get everyone to stop breathing in the name of the planet or to wear heavy bulky cumbersome filtration units similar to the ones we require coal burning power plants to use!
Sister Massively OpiatedActually... and please don't ask how I know this... the effects of oxygen breathing life forms putting out CO2 as a result of breathing is cancelled out somewhat by CO2 breathing life forms - there is a net decrease... However, because flatus is similar among all life forms whether they breathe O2 or CO2, there is a net increase because there is no cancelling effect... so... the carbon culprit your lookin' for is farts...
Sister Massively Opiatedoh... wait... life on earth is carbon-based... Crap, crap, crap (no... I'm not saying crap is the problem)... Oh well... back to the drawing board!
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoNO BLOOD FOR HYDRATES, THE WORLD IS WATCHING! DRAIN THE OCEAN NOW, END GLOBAL WARMING!
O'BrienMore solutions to the Imminent Global Warming Doomsday Catastrophic Event Just Around The Corner (IGWDCEJATC)! This one is kind of killing two birds with one stone kind of thing. The answer:
Before the sky fell, SMOOw... hey... HEY! Something wet just fell on me.... Some-thing wet just fell and HIT me... THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLI..... <hisssss.... transmission ends... >.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoUgh... I'm sick... <sneeze><cough><cough> Ugh.... I found this little gem on Macy's website to keep you warm this Ice-Age, SMO... It's for men but I'm sure you could make use of it (the comment below is pretty funny).
Sister Massively Opiated
Quote:Looks like we got our Red The Progressive Hedgehog, Kommissar of Wildlife and Robotics. I didn't know he was moonlighting for Macy's. One might almost conclude that the ration coupons we so generously give him are not enough to support this comrade's lifestyle.
RedtheProgressiveHedgehogit is true that the ration coupons are not supporting me anymore.
Laika the Space DogIt's the year 2061...
Red SquareLooks like we got our Red The Progressive Hedgehog, Kommissar of Wildlife and Robotics. I didn't know he was moonlighting for Macy's. One might almost conclude that the ration coupons we so generously give him are not enough to support this comrade's lifestyle.
Laika the Space DogThey're People!
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoDr. P and I will be attending New York Fashion Week soon, we plan to shake down the whole Progressive Elite Community while viewing the nations top rag makers. We also plan on unionizing the models there... that is after we get them drunk and, uhhh, well you know.
O'BrienAnd your blizzard SMO, we experienced a similar snow storm here in the Peoples State of Illinois, it's because of global warming! Yes! Global warming is causing sub zero temperatures and snow and ice and all things cold! I have proof! See it's all hot and stuff around the equator right, getting hotter and hotter and hotter cause of global warming. So as we all know hot air rises right? Where where does the air come from to replace the air that is rising? From north of the equator (or south)! It sucks all the cold air from the poles to replace all the warm air that is rising and thus making everything cold and snowy and blizzardy and stuff! Damn you global warming for cooling everything off! *shakes fist at random objects*
Dr. W. S. PalimpsestStand and deliver,
My dearest friend Dr. PBTW, Punchy, ole pal, which Hollywood tool is loaning us his/her jet for this year's festivities?
Sister Massively OpiatedAHHH... Does this mean The Chairman and Dr. P will be needing your Highwaymen outfits cleaned? Dr. P! You are very difficult to find "hosiery" for, given your height... and will have to be digging for black powder and musket balls... damn! Why can't you give a dolphin a little more notice!!!
Sister Massively OpiatedPlease let me know what type of plumage is for going on funny Britisher hats. May I also suggest plain black masks this time, as you look silly in Mardi Gras fifi things and no models on catwalk will 'show you their tits' in return for beads, during fashion week... I promise...
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoP.S SMO - Make sure my ruffle pirate shirt is dry-cleaned, I wish to impress Calvin and Tommy this year (I know those bastards will seat Dr. P and I next to them AGAIN - they always do!) Oh, pick up my tiger print Ushanka too, you know, the one with the ivory elephant tusk sticking out.
Dr. W. S. PalimpsestSorry, SMO, but redistribution duty calls. Yes, we'll be needing our "dandy" highwaymen outfits pressed to perfection so that we can look "flash" and grab our quarry's attention! <The devil take your stereo and your record collection> Err, pardon that last bit.
Dr. W. S. PalimpsestIn addition to powder and ball, we'll also require some new flints -- you remember how the Chairman's pistol misfired on our last outing and we almost made damned fools of ourselves. Blasted cheap N. Korean flints!
Dr. W. S. PalimpsestAs for the plumage, it's got to be ostrich feather and I agree with your suggestion of going with "plain black masks". I guess the foppish chartreuse and gold disguise that I wore last time didn't quite inspire the requisite dread in our kulak prey.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoThat whole pistol misfiring was particularly embarrassing, that is until the projectile hit Commissar Roscoe in the face (which made it most amusing)
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoI know how you like to hob-nob with the super rich and famous. If you come I will buy you a very cheap second-hand Hello-Kitty sketch book so you can draw all the latest rag styles. Your Uncle Ka-Ching told me how much you like to be around the well-to-do coked up people of alternative life-styles and how much you enjoy hitting up the night scene with this years "it girl" (although I think Paris Hilton is still in the headlines, or on the cover of some raunchy tabloid). Just be sure to let us know so we can give you a private room on the jet so that we can keep you away from the scantily-clad models in the orgy room (I wouldn't want you to become corrupted on account of Dr. P and I - that is until you are fully programmed by the media to become a coke whore... and when I say coke you know I mean fairy dust and not the dreaded soda-pop which is destroying the youth).
O'BrienComrade! Is that CO2 bubbling up out of that pool?
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoThat whole pistol misfiring was particularly embarrassing, that is until the projectile hit Commissar Roscoe in the face (which made it most amusing). Of course he suffered in agonizing pain and had to wear metal nose piece for the rest of his days, or should I say until he was shipped out to Siberia for the whole Taurus incident...
SMO: People's Arbiter ElegantiaeDr. P... you will find an Adam Ant compilation disk in your carry on... please do not work yourself up too soon...
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
SMO: People's Arbiter ElegantiaeDr. P... you will find an Adam Ant compilation disk in your carry on... please do not work yourself up too soon...
Sister Massively OpiatedGreat Uncle Nikita's Shoe!
Dr. W. S. PalimpsestSMOAE: Of course it's not a thoughtcrime: it's the will of The Party.
Sister Massively OpiatedTo lift people out of their ditches for even a second risks that they will see over the edge, and the precipitous drop back into reality from such heady heights of bourgeoise opulance will certainly crush their spirits, and hinder the cause.
Red Square"Because, my dear son, this asshole is our Motherland, and we must always love it and be forever grateful and faithful to it."
Quote:Hey, Progressive Hedgehog. Based on your avatar, you must have connections with Aeroflot. You know, they're phasing out the Tupolev Tu-154-B, the pride of Soviet civil aviation. See if you can get us a deal on one those celestial beauties.
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Mardi Gras in North Korea: "Throw me some food!"
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Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
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Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
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Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
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Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
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State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
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Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
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Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
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