The following story from an undisclosed British media source was acquired by Party officials through the wormhole into Next Tuesday.

Since the advent of that bloomin' Scottish secession last Thursday, the world has discovered itself in a right up sticky-wicket. All across the US and western Europe, millions of tourists and European teenagers have had to rub the white stripes off of Union Jacks on pant-legs, iPhone cases, towels, kites, mouse pads, flag pins, and other tourist merchandise, resulting in the loss of several billions of dollars' worth in many countries' gross domestic product.

"My 'keep calm and carry on' memes are all ruined! They're worthless! How will I survive this type of calamity?!?" wailed an agonized online citizen, who, up to now, had always manage to remain hip to the minute and too cool for the old folks.

In addition to a total and unstoppable economic meltdown, the world is now faced with the nightmarish onset of second British invasion, as the streets have become filled with violent gangs from former obscure, poorly named punk rock bands whose sacred emblems no longer have any meaning.

"Dude, I am, like, so angry!" said the Brane Eeting Omeebuh, smashing his guitar over the head of a resident foolish enough to wander outdoors.

These factors, couple with the spontaneous implosion of all Whovians and Sherlock Fans simultaneously across the globe, have prompted the British Parliament to consider replacing the Union Jack. Preferably one with NO stripes. No decisive action has been agreed upon, but many British citizens favor a black flag incorporating a red "V" and two arms shaking hands.

Thought Sheriff wrote:

Union_Jack_No_More.jpg

These factors, coupled with the spontaneous implosion of all Whovians and Sherlock Fans simultaneously across the globe, have prompted the British Parliament to consider replacing the Union Jack. Preferably one with NO stripes. No decisive action has been agreed upon, but many British citizens favor a black flag incorporating a red "V" and two arms shaking hands.

Sounds good to me. I'll get to work on it.

Racists are molesting Dear Leader for "Sending mixed Signals regarding Scotland."
On one hand, he is "elated that Britain is united. "
On the other hand...