Loyal Comrades -

Again, we see the pure hatred of Republipukes. Sen. Jim Bunning is holding up legislation that would extend freebies, handouts, aka "unemployment and health insurance benefits" to millions of Amerikans out of work. His lame excuse? He's whining that this tiny $10billion dollar handout isn't "paid for" in-light of the fact that the Congress had just passed the "pay go" Rule.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I've been "out of work" for nearly 25 years and I need my unemployment to continue my lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. I have plans for a trip to St. Thomas with a quick stop off at St. Croix (just lovely this time of year), and I MUST have MY check! Does Sen. Benning have any idea what is cost to fill up a Cadillac XLR or an Escalade? Well, let me tell you, it ain't cheap. How does he expect me to get to Nordstrom's? To Neimans? This is the most selfish Republipuke I've heard of in a long time.

We can only hope that our comrades in the Congress will work around this greedy little pimp of a capitalist and 'SHO' ME DA'MONEY!' What say, Cubers? Tell us your sad story's of need. We all know that it's hard work, standing in those unemployment lines year after year, waiting for the money. My Manolo Blahnik attired feet get so weary.

Mr. Bunning is about to join me at my self imposed exile. I must teach him a few tricks to avoid getting knocked off by Stalin's death squads.

Comrades, with my luck I might not live to reach retirement age. That said why can't I start receiving my Socialist Insecurity checks now? I made a lot of forced contributions over the years and if I wait until age 65 there is no way I'll get all the money I paid in back out before I die, let alone more than I paid in (which I feel personally entitled to).

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Had I been allowed to invest that money in the stockmarket, it would've grown to several times that amount by now and I could be spending it whenever I please. And the gov. would still make out because I'd be paying taxes on the capital gains and interest as I withdrew the money.

Remember dearest Comrade Whoopie, if dear Leader gets his "healthcare" (spit spit) done, we will have death squads to to put a stop to any fellow citizens and patriots who refuse to die in a timely manner. We can't allow these people to be a burden on the collective. Only the Party Elites (aka Liberal/Progressive/Communist) will be allowed 'extended life benefits'! Life Lucky Lottery, at it's finest.

From Wikipedia:

The first monthly (Social Security) payment was issued on January 31, 1940 to Ida May Fuller of Ludlow, Vermont. In 1937, 1938 and 1939 she paid a total of $24.75 into the Social Security System. Her first check was for $22.54. After her second check, Fuller already had received more than she contributed over the three-year period. She lived to be 100 and collected a total of $22,888.92.

You see Comrades, the State WILL provide for you! For each dollar invested in the glorious Social Security program, you will receive MORE THAN A THOUSAND DOLLARS BACK! No one should doubt the wisdom of intelligent central planning, for it is a veritable GOLD MINE for the working class!

"Show Me the Money?" All you have to do is look to Washington, the streets there are paved with gold.

Washington streets may well be "paved with gold" but my Cadillac's driving on asphalt and the ride is bumping (does DC have pot holes or just 'holes' filling themselves with pot?)
I must have my unemployment check to secure my Caribbean trip by Friday. I'm getting most annoyed.

Fervent Fraulein, those aren't potholes but rather specially engineered suspension adjusters. Our wise and all knowing progressive leaders realize that you get more gas mileage when your suspension is properly tuned.

Oh and trust me, the check's in the mail.

Whoopie, I may look for potholes myself. My vehicle's out of alinement but that's because I run over proles who piss me off. Or who look at me funny. Those are bumps of course. We could take the position that a pothole is only a negative bump, just as we could take the position that our ginormous national debt is only negative net wealth, and since math scores are declining all the time, I think that it's unfair for us to insist on the sign of a number, when absolute value will do.

So. Potholes = bodies in your car.

Ruinous, free-wheeling, vote-buying deficit spending = wealth.

I hope that I have myself clear.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Fervent Fraulein, those aren't potholes but rather specially engineered suspension adjusters. Our wise and all knowing progressive leaders realize that you get more gas mileage when your suspension is properly tuned....

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super rofl!

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Fervent Fraulein, those aren't potholes but rather specially engineered suspension adjusters. Our wise and all knowing progressive leaders realize that you get more gas mileage when your suspension is properly tuned.

Whoopie, this is realy good news. After all the recent snowfalls here, I see numerous specially engineered suspension adjusters have been implanted in our local roads. It's a good thing, too, for I saw one guy's car yesterday, his suspension was so badly out of adjustment that his muffler was scraping on the ground as he drove. I yelled at him, "Hey, why don't you drive over one of those specially engineered suspension adjusters and adjust your suspension!" He yelled back, "I just did!" He must have been a tea-bagger or something.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: We could take the position that a pothole is only a negative bump, just as we could take the position that our ginormous national debt is only negative net wealth, and since math scores are declining all the time, I think that it's unfair for us to insist on the sign of a number, when absolute value will do.

You raise a very good point here, Theocritus. We must not discriminate against numbers just because of their signs, that's pretty close to being racism (in fact, give CNN or the NY Times about 15 minutes and IT WILL BE RACISM!) Society should extend this concept to all areas of reality in the name of social justice. An enemy is just a friend who's pointing a gun at you! Love it! Now I have to call Master Card and tell them it's they that OWE ME $10,000. Obama bless you!

Ah. I think we have it! The solution to all our problems! Absolute math! There are no negative numbers in Absolute Math. A government writes a check, and the treasury doesn't go down, because we are sticking our fingers in our ears and screaming, "Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! I can't hear you!" and refusing to acknowledge negative numbers.

So the next time you worry about your insufficient kickbacks or rake-offs or bribes, take heart. The people who are paying you just need to know that your money doesn't diminish their money which means that you ought to get even more of it!

Absolute Math! Absolutely!

Absolut too.

Opiate of the People wrote:... An enemy is just a friend who's pointing a gun at you! Love it! Now I have to call Master Card and tell them it's they that OWE ME $10,000. Obama bless you!

Dear Comrade Opiate ~ what a glorious revelation. And who the better friend than our glorious Leader and his compassionate government forces administrators! Nothing says "Friendship" like an AK47 or a Glock Crimson Trace LG. We should feel warm and tingly, at the thought. Should might come into play as we pond Negative numbers math on our glorious income tax forms.
I can barely wait!

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Last night I had a revelation in a dream. It was the Absolute Accounting won't do. We need Complex Accounting. We take the square root of a budget deficit, which is a negative number, and we get an <i>imaginary number</i>. So our deficit isn't one trillion. It's 1,000,000i.

Isn't that immensely more comforting?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Last night I had a revelation in a dream. It was the Absolute Accounting won't do. We need Complex Accounting. We take the square root of a budget deficit, which is a negative number, and we get an <i>imaginary number</i>. So our deficit isn't one trillion. It's 1,000,000i.

Isn't that immensely more comforting?

imaginary number. . . i . . . negative number . . . . times imaginary number . . . multiplied by i divided by deficit . . . add the negative number to the imaginary number . . . . minus deficit number times i squared . . . . . . .

Numbers are just a mathematical construct. Numbers are neither positive or negative. All numbers are equal (some being more equal than others of course). We must put an end to this numeric totalitarianism, it's a tool of capitalism.

Proof? Try and describe a number without referring to another number. Can't do it. Just like you can't describe a color without referring to some other color. Thus numbers, like color are relative. An illusion. You can't suggest that one color is superior to another. Hence all colors and numbers are equal.

The science is settled!

imaginary number. . . i . . . negative number . . . . times imaginary number . . . multiplied by i divided by deficit . . . add the negative number to the imaginary number . . . . minus deficit number times i squared . . . . . . . . . . times superior colors. oh, yeah, I get it.

Back to the issue of money. I propose this be the official anthem of the Obama administration.

Whoopie, there's no question that the administration of His Awesome Zeroness is all about money, and the dollar is a fungible unit of power. But Lord Oron has decided that a massive transfer of wealth won't be enough. No, we must also bow as a nation and show our soft underbelly. We must also be brave enough to believe that we'll be rewarded by being scratched, instead of disemboweled. So the administration of His Serene Highness Barium the First must switch money around as much as possible but also manage to commit suicide.

Fraulein, why don't you have a nice lie-down? Then when you're more settled in your mind, call up your nearest Jiffy-Lobo. After all, it takes REAL work to get to be as self-blinded as a National Prog, as opposed to a Local Prog. And Jiffy-Lobo is your best friend.

"I want my money.." great fancy gulags! That's what I've been saying for weeks. My unemployment - welfare - monies are still tardy. (must be those evil Republipukes, holding up glorious redistribution again). And what a catchy tune, Comrade. If I had known we could make our own, I'd be on my cruise to the Caribbean.

Jiffy-Lobo it is, Comrade Theo . . . and . . . exactly what is that? I hope it doesn't involve disrobing for some grabby, big-eyed masseuse.

Dear Fraulein, <a href="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... 15">here's Jiffi-Lobo.</a>

Be sure to take a driver though; we have recently revamped our office procedures and our surgeons, all trained at the Dr. Mengele School of Medicine, are the most efficient that they've ever been.

"Nothing matters more to us than making sure that there is no bad thought. If there is to be no thought, that is a small price to pay." GLORIOUS! I love the non-thinkers idea.... oh wait, this sounds a little like a lobotomy.

OUCHers

Fraulein, lobotomies are the progressives most cherished entitlement. Abortion? A taradiddle. Free love? A nothing. Recreational drugs? Exiguous. The progressive cannot <i>be</i> a progressive if his brain is of normal function.

If he is susceptible to outside stimuli, then he is always angry to drown out the cognitive dissonance. Hence Jiffy-Lobo.

If he's not susceptible to outside stimuli, he gets a job on America Left and competes with Mean Mike Malloy the Moaning Moonbat for air time and to see who can do the most serial sighs and moans.

Glorious agreements, Commissar Theocritus. The only stimuli worth being stimulate with is our glorious left sided brain matter. Jiffy-Lobo ~ Power to the Collective! (if permitted by great Leader, of course)

Comrades,
the glorious party members of the People's Republik of Kalifornia may have the solution to our financial problems. Read below

https://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/02 ... 6434.shtml

Workers, who will use a non-party approved language, will be punished.
If you feel that you really must to cuss, to proclaiming the greatness of The Party, just have a $20 ready, in case a uniformed comrade shows up to restore the order. Your $20 will go a long way to help out the needy ones, who cannot afford to use the profanity.

Glorious, glorious Cruiser. The next step in the Nanny State. After this proves to be a runaway success, I shall propose that we take the Nanny State one step farther. Every Friday everyone will proceed to a local Dosing Center and take his weekly dose of castor oil. Compliance is required and negligence will be noted and punished.

After the castor oil has its laxative effect, every citizen will either bring in the slop jar or a picture of the slops and a daily newspaper with the date shown, so that the Nanny State will know that all her little piglets have clean colons.

Great fancy gulags, Commissar, you have such glorious ideas for the depend collective! I would just add, that there is a grand fibrous product know as Colon Blow, which I hear, is most productive.

As late Mr. P always said, "a clean colon is a constructive colon".

Commissar Theocritus wrote:the Nanny State will know that all her little piglets have clean colons.

Speaking of piglets commissar...

My oh my . . . looks like chow time in the gulag.