Judge Pinkie,

I have to second Obamubabe points, he has laid the gavel down and has confessed.
Speaking of gavels.... The big "O" and I think this would look really cool on your desk, (24 karat baby).

Snoogie, he has yet to bring me your mop.

And what do I need with a gavel when my shovel covers a much larger area? Care to see a demo?

Judge Pinkie,

I do have to tell you that you have given Obamugabe and impossible task. My swab is safe and there is no way he could ever get his mitts on my mop. Do you think he could walk in to my headquarters and just help himself to it?

Sheesh, this would require that he would have to go to my Naval headquarters use the password ‘Bush Sucks' to the security sentry at the entrance, then proceed to the second floor to room 203, open the cipher lock by pressing 2-4-6-3, then find the mop stashed in the closet in the back of the room by using the key that is hanging by the picture of Lenin on the wall…..yeah right.

This is about as likely to happen as some Rethugglikkan Senator actually winning Ted Kennedy's old Senate seat.

Bah, check your closet there Comrade Commodore. Wormholes beat passwords any day of the week.

Obamugabe offered me an excellent tract of farmland, right next to the poorly defined area of a minefield in exchange for the mop.

Obamugabe wrote:

Leninka wrote: I was on a secret mission to Zimbabwe to check up on some details about Comrade Obamugabe and gather evidence. And I must say, I was sorely disappointed not to find one thong bikini in the presidential palace, not one semen stained dress, no evidence of groping of white women in need of a job a la Catherine Wylie. No denials of sordid affairs.

However, via Comrade Fidel, I did find evidence of Comrades CCCP, and Comrade KOK making secret visits to Zimbabwe to give counseling and comfort to Comrade Obamugabe.

Now, if they had carried out the duties mandated by Comrade Fidel when he sold them to Comrade Mugabe, to set up government food lines, and a women's correctional facility for women who are raped and pillaged and dare to complain to any Christian missionaries stationed in neighboring countries, this would have been fine. But instead, they themselves tried to defect to Texas, of all Rethuglican places. This is very serious, and they both had better have a good explanation for this!

Comrade Leninka

AS if I did not have enough to deal with during the PalinGate scandal, now you have to denounce me for the lack of "thong bikini in the presidential palace, not one semen stained dress, no evidence of groping of white women in need of a job a la Catherine Wylie. No denials of sordid affairs."

Well, I may have Confessed and Grovelled after the previous accusations, but this is going too far, and I will not take it lying down, or in any other position your perprogressive mind can think of.

If you just applied to my office like any other comrade in good faith, I would have taken you on an official tour of our Thong Museums, Stained Dress Collections, Groping Schools or any other monument to our proud progressive Zimbabwean heritage.

I am disappointed in you Comrade Leninka. You could have asked.

Amandla!

Obamugabe

Well, thank you for that, Comrade Obamugabe. I'll make sure the next time I visit, I will ask for the full tour. In the meantime, I don't think you're completely out of the frying pan here at the Cube yet.

Comrade Theocritus is thinking up recipes now as we speak. It all started with the thought of fried rat on a stick. I don't know, a thug dictator like yourself might make for a good night of feasting after this show trial is over.

Colonel!!!!

You might want to really inspect that mop first before you and Obamugabe pass it to Pinkie. Your wormhole actually opened up in room 204 closet not the room 203 closet!!!!!!! I'm sure my most equal comrade you remember room 204 from the days when you were charge of the People's Navy before your temporal duties promotion. It's still where the random urinalysis drug testing takes place and that mop you swiped is to swab the floor after those inevitable ‘oopsies'.

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote: Sheesh, this would require that he would have to go to my Naval headquarters use the password ‘Bush Sucks' to the security sentry at the entrance, then proceed to the second floor to room 203, open the cipher lock by pressing 2-4-6-3, then find the mop stashed in the closet in the back of the room by using the key that is hanging by the picture of Lenin on the wall…..yeah right.

Comrade Snookums

I am slightly confused. Do you mean "Navel Headquarters?"



Comrade Pinkie

I present to you Snookums' mop in the centre of his Navel Headquarters.

Amandla

Obamugabe

Leninka wrote:
Comrade Theocritus is thinking up recipes now as we speak. It all started with the thought of fried rat on a stick. I don't know, a thug dictator like yourself might make for a good night of feasting after this show trial is over.

Comrade Leninka

I know that Comrade Idi Amin was quite ahead of his time with the cannibalism thing and such, and that it is now universally considered progressive, but I do think you would like to reconsider. I am too old to make good feasting. But if you really insist, I may send you a few members of the Movement for Democratic Change that went missing just before the last elections...

Obamugabe

Comrade Obamugabe,

I will not be the one to judge you. That will be Comrade Pinkie, and as you know, she takes no prisoners. However, here is a card you may be able to play. Don't lose it. It may be your only chance to lessen your sentence.

OK, Obamugabe. That picture of Snoogie's mop is just about the most disgusting thing I've seen since Casserole Czar's sextings.

With that in mind, a deal is a deal, and I'm ready to drop all charges against you if you promise not to post anything like that ever again.

All that remains now is for Olga Katrina to post something utterly revolting. She'd just better remember I have a shovel and know how to use it. Third time is the charm.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:OK, Obamugabe. That picture of Snoogie's mop is just about the most disgusting thing I've seen since Casserole Czar's sextings.

With that in mind, a deal is a deal, and I'm ready to drop all charges against you if you promise not to post anything like that ever again.

All that remains now is for Olga Katrina to post something utterly revolting. She'd just better remember I have a shovel and know how to use it. Third time is the charm.

Her avatar isn't disgusting enough? You heard the Judge Olga cough something revolting good so we can wrap this up.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:OK, Obamugabe. That picture of Snoogie's mop is just about the most disgusting thing I've seen since Casserole Czar's sextings.

With that in mind, a deal is a deal, and I'm ready to drop all charges against you if you promise not to post anything like that ever again.

All that remains now is for Olga Katrina to post something utterly revolting. She'd just better remember I have a shovel and know how to use it. Third time is the charm.

Dear Honourable, Compelling-life-storyable and Compassionable Justice Pinkie

I hereby solemnly swear on Das Kapital never to post a picture of Snookums' Navel Headquarters again.

Obamugabe

BTW Obamugabe you didn't use that mop I gave you to clean anything that should be sanitary, right?

With that in mind, a deal is a deal, and I'm ready to drop all charges against you if you promise not to post anything like that ever again.

A Glorious decision my most esteemed Judge Pinkie! It deserves my most prestigious award!!!!!!!!

Colonel

Only my reputation here at the cube.

Obamugabe.

WHERE IS THE SQUIRMING PEDAGOGY OF THE WALL!?!

Where is the glorious gifts bribes evidence?Why this trial hasn't even gone on in a socially korrekt fashion of the Peoples Right To A Speedy Trial™ as exemplified in the glorious USS of A. These proles need to fill out at least a dozen forms and wait at least a year whilst we bury go over any evidence contrary to The Party's™ preconceived conclusions compassionate collective justice.

Since there has been no assigned People's Prosecutor in this showtrial, We, Red Rooster, by condolence of The Politburo, hereby assume these duties to keep these proles in check and make sure they get exiled to Siberia to help these proles get the Peoples Justice™ they deserve.

May they all be shot given Civil Justice™ in the name of Obama!

Hail Obama!

(excuse me my vodka ration is calling)

Komrad Kollektivists!!

This glorious showtrial has brought a tear of People's Justice to my communist eyes. To see the sanctity of the pedagogy of kantian truth in action. To think, no understand, that I was just vile jew hating negro bashing racist in my days of turmoil writing my glorious ode to The People™. Do not judge comrades for we are all racist to some degree, and admitting our vile racist thoughts is the battle of existential Truth. Why... my ideological mentor Kant said it best in the In the Critique of Pure Reason. While he countered Hume's skeptical empiricism by arguing that any affirmation or denial regarding the ultimate nature of reality (“noumenon”) makes no sense.

All nonsense mind you in countering an imperative subjectivism with an imperative subjectivism, but pay no attention, it's for your own good and the good of the people.

Excuse me.... (*devours a bowl of sauerkraut*)

Ahhhh... that's better.... now where were we? Oh yes, this glorious showtrial exemplifies resonance of guilt in action, there is no need for the archaic Biblical dead "GOD" here. As Nietzsche so roundly pointed out "GOD" is dead.

Excuse me.... (*devours another bowl of sauerkraut*)

Ah Hrrmmmm Umm.... So as I was saying, the culmination of these subjective ideologies in post-modern discourse my leg tingle with People's Joy™!

In fact I am so Joyous at this moment I would like to share these glorious culmination of People's Logic with you....


Well that's all for now comrades, may the People's Justice prevail, oh, and buy my best selling book.... The Communist Manifesto.... I wrote it for The People!

It's entertaining to watch you damn commies try to shoot each other in the back like this. Not so entertaining is that now I'll have to find someone else to spy on the Party. It looks like Obamugabe is just about to get it. Farewell Obamugabe, your last check is in the mail.

Hold on to your giblets just for a moment there Red Rooster.

Judge Pinkie has been pretty impressed during the presentation of the pre-trial evidence by this traitorous trio. Obamugabe's pre-trial confession actually brought tears to my eyes. We really need to hear her wise counsel as to the next step on this case.

Speaking of cases here is a truckload that I dug up for you and I am sending your way for Judge Pinkie and you to examine to help you bone up on past legal proceedings that have precedence here.

Ah yes, thank you Commodore Snoogie, We will examine this evidence closely while watching those on showtrial trial closely, very closely comrade.

Salute! Hail Obama!

Hrrmmm Obamugabe gave me a large quantity of these things while trying to access a wormhole to Wasilla, Alaska. Silly me, I think I sent him to Siberia instead. But I imagine Pinkie probably wants these.

Comrade Casserole,

Your offer of the pie may lessen your sentence. Especially if you make, not just a piece, but a whole pie, like a pecan pie, for Comrade Pinkie. How are you at making casseroles from the pickings off the carcass of a Zimbabwe dictator?

Oooh a mincemeat pie. That sounds tasty

Judge Pinkie,

No offense but you could stop drooling over this photo of Scott Brown for just a second and give us your decisions???????

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Hrrmmm Obamugabe gave me a large quantity of these things while trying to access a wormhole to Wasilla, Alaska. Silly me, I think I sent him to Siberia instead. But I imagine Pinkie probably wants these.

OH. MY. LENIN!!!

Chocolate and vodka TOGETHER!!! Born when two commisssarkas were staggering down the street toward each other, one swilling Putinka and the other stuffing herself full of Godiva, then WHAM! They collided and fell on their butts on the ice.

"You bitch! You got chocolate in my vodka!"

"Well, you got vodka in my chocolate!"

A cat fight ensued, and as the two commissarkas clawed at one another and pulled each other's hair, dozens of male comrades crowded around to cheer and slobber over this marvelous sight, all of them eager to see ripped clothing and thus the chance to catch a glimpse, however fleeting, of bare boob.

Meanwhile, I stepped in with my shovel, and instead of whacking everyone with it, I used it to scoop up the vodka and chocolate, and I took it back to my hovel.

As I devoured it, I experienced an exquisite ecstasy those men could only dream of with their pathetic hope of maybe, possibly, if they were standing in the right place and didn't blink when it happened, see a shriveled up tit hanging out somewhere after which they could go home happy that for at least one night, they wouldn't have to make that special trip to the outhouse, where they always had to explain to their mothers for the umpteenth time that they were taking the tattered old Sears catalog with them because they had hemorrhoids and the catalog's pages were smoother than old newspapers. For they invariably returned from the outhouse to find that in their absence, their clucking, devoted mothers had prepared a--well, a preparation to clear up those nasty hemorrhoids, now would they please be a good boy about it?

Ah, but chocolate and vodka together! Those are to me what Sears bras and girdles are to you, Colonel.

And you say Obamugabe gave you these to give to me?

And then he escaped through a wormhole?

Oh, what a shame. For I was going to give him Beet of the Week for this!

Comrades,

As Peoples Prosecutor I have yet to see evidence which exonerates Comrade Casserole Czar and Comrade K. Olga Katrina from there crimes against the people. This concerns us comrades, as comrade Obamugabe has demonstrated to this most tolerant progressive court a certain "acceptable" behavior, Citizens Casserole and Katrina have been negligent in presenting evidence to exonerate them from their crimes. As People's Prosecutor it is my duty to The People™ and The Children™ to see that justice is served, and while Her Magistrate Commissarka Pinkie has, ahrrrmmm, recently found certainfavor fairness with a certain thoughtcriminal, who if not for the grace of a certain Colonel may not have found such favor fairness, we find it disconcerting that further evidence has not been presented by certain other thoughtcriminals.

With these specifics we are concerned that possibly The People™ and The Children™ are at risk while these certain other thoughtcriminals are alive free not held to the standards of the justice this court represents.

What those standards are we can say at the moment, but in our compassionate way we will let you know when we see they are adhered too. These are specific rules of conduct The Party™ must follow in our quest for Compassion™ and Social Justice™.

Think on this thoughtcriminals! We await your evidence for consideration. This showtrial must conclude in Justice™ for The People™.

Yes, yes my most esteemed Peoples Prosecutor! It has not escaped my attention either. Here we have Olga Katrina who ADMITS that she was at that horrid womans booksigning as a security guard with a golden opportunity to rifle through purses and wallets and get wads of OPM but feigns that it was only to gather names and that she was there on a spy mission.......Pffffft.
And that Casserole Czar who claims she was shopping at WALMART of all places and was not serving up some tasty dishes at .......Gag.....Palin's..spit... booksigning.
It is also noted that these two think they can slip under the radar screen of People's justice because their Co-hort in crime Obamugabe took the initiative to do some from fine groveling, toadyism, and pre-evidence giving for our eximination prior to a confession that would have made Lenin proud.

Yes Comrade Red Rooster, this MUST NOT STAND. Start coughing up the groveling, sniveling, backstabbing, and bankable evidence goods ladies and don't forget to use a number two pencil on all the forms!!!!!!
Oh just for information, People's Navy Number two pencils can be had for a very...errrr.....small administration fee desposited into an my offshore bank account in the Cayman Islands.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: And you say Obamugabe gave you these to give to me?

And then he escaped through a wormhole?

Oh, what a shame. For I was going to give him Beet of the Week for this!

No he gave them to me as a bribe. Several carloads of them that had been found on a freighter off of Somalia, and acquired in a trade of kalashnikov bullets for cargo.

I kept some for myself, and decided to give the rest to you, simply because it's less painful than the shovel whack you would give me if I didn't give them to you.

Check under your bed for Obamugabe, Pinkie. I keep a wormhole under there ever since I lost my office waste basket. He might have gone through there, although I'm not sure it was wide enough for a fat dictator with no clear negro dialect.

What kind of show trial is this, anyway? A no-show trial? Where are the missing defendants, the bribes, the payoffs? I'm afraid some heads are going to role. And there will be some major impaling, too.

I DENOUNCE LENINKA!

We know you are hiding the defendants. Why I have yet to figure out, but you have a nefarious reason I don't doubt.

Also I think Pinkie may have simply gotten so bloated on vodka chocolates that she's obscuring one or two defendants.

What!! You denounce me? I'm starved for a morsel of Zimbabwe Dictator, roasted on a spit, after being marinated in a solution of Spanish Sherry, garlic and Thyme.

But, will it be enough to feed us all?

This Haliburton person is obvious not a Comrade, but an Enemy of the People.

Off to the Gulag!

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:OK, Obamugabe. That picture of Snoogie's mop is just about the most disgusting thing I've seen since Casserole Czar's sextings.

With that in mind, a deal is a deal, and I'm ready to drop all charges against you if you promise not to post anything like that ever again.

All that remains now is for Olga Katrina to post something utterly revolting. She'd just better remember I have a shovel and know how to use it. Third time is the charm.

Her avatar isn't disgusting enough? You heard the Judge Olga cough something revolting good so we can wrap this up.

Commodore,

I refuse to post a picture of the Bu$hitler(TM). The thought of it makes me nauseous. Surely we can spare the Collective(TM) that horror.

Furthermore, how DARE you call my picture disgusting?!? That is Offensive(TM) and Discriminatory(TM)! Even being shipped off to Siberia on false charges is better than enduring such Bigotry(TM)!!

Oh just for information, People's Navy Number two pencils can be had for a very...errrr.....small administration fee desposited into an my offshore bank account in the Cayman Islands.

I would like to make a small purchase...a few pencils, please.

When Palin (spit spit) approached me and proposed a minor "deal," I had a hard time refusing. You see, I've been working on a book of my own, and it hadn't gotten very many takers...in fact, it got sent back to me doused in gasoline once, and twice, well, returned in a "disheveled" manner.

Being discouraged and all, and trying to hide the fact that I had any thoughts of my own and wanted to make any money off of them whatsoever, I needed to keep it on the down low from my fellow progs.

She (Palin, spit spit) proposed that I give her half of the profit from my book and she would slip my work to her publisher. I HAD thought of going grocery shopping that day, and since I needed an alibi, I hired by nanny Freida to pose for the pictures that would supposedly give me a clean get away.

I didn't expect that so many of you would be getting her number after those were released...if I had known that, I might have done it myself...I havn't had a date in a LONG time and it might have been worth scrapping the book deal over...

Anyway. Palin (spit spit) and I met in the kitchen of the hotel where the book signing would take place. I was preparing some tasty rethuglican casseroles for the hungry security guard workers (that's when I saw KOK.) I have no idea what she was doing there...

I thought I saw the Partitioned Pasternak from a distance too, but I got distracted when a large dessert tray passed by.

Palin (spit spit) took my manuscript, and bolted. I never saw her again. I am hoping for a phone call...I still need some cash.

(tears, sobbing, nose blowing) As you can see, I am not a Made Progressive. I wanted to be, but my greed got the best of me. That, and I needed to buy some new tablecloths for the People's picnic, and I didn't have any carbon credits left.

Comrade Casserole,

That was some excellent groveling. I'm sure that after everyone get's over the whiplash from the election of that Rethuglican in Massachusetts, they will come back to deciding your sentence.

Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote:

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:OK, Obamugabe. That picture of Snoogie's mop is just about the most disgusting thing I've seen since Casserole Czar's sextings.

With that in mind, a deal is a deal, and I'm ready to drop all charges against you if you promise not to post anything like that ever again.

All that remains now is for Olga Katrina to post something utterly revolting. She'd just better remember I have a shovel and know how to use it. Third time is the charm.

Her avatar isn't disgusting enough? You heard the Judge Olga cough something revolting good so we can wrap this up.

Commodore,

I refuse to post a picture of the Bu$hitler(TM). The thought of it makes me nauseous. Surely we can spare the Collective(TM) that horror.

Furthermore, how DARE you call my picture disgusting?!? That is Offensive(TM) and Discriminatory(TM)! Even being shipped off to Siberia on false charges is better than enduring such Bigotry(TM)!!

GREAT STALIN"S GHOST!!!!!!!! I stop in for a quick check before returning to my Coakley victory celebration party ( Boy, what a bunch of sad sacks there you would think we really lost or something) and I find this INSOLENCE to an inner party member.

I'll have you know Olga Katrina the party knows what is best for everyone and always helps young and upcoming progs that show talent in ways that may not seem apparent at first BUT DO NOT DEMAND QUESTIONING. By my suggesting that your picture would suffice as "revolting" enough to our glorious Judge Pinkie, I allowed you to get away with NOT HAVING TO POST A PICTURE OF BUSHITLER AFTER ALL and not offend your dainty feminine sensibilities in the first place looking out for after all!!!!!!!!! and also ensuring that I could blackmail you in the future by calling in that favor at a latter date.

I'm very ANGRY at you right now just like all those ANGRY VOTERS in Massachusetts who have turned out in droves to defeat that Teabagging, Bush /Brown. Which reminds I have to get back to the my Coakley victory party, the extra vodka I'm bringing should finally get some real mirth started in there.

Well I'm back from the Coakley victory party for another quick check here (boy, they seem to be hiding something from me every time I walk into the room they're snickering like they know something that I don't).

Now as for Casserole Czar, I've just about had it also with you! Wait a minute there is a knock at the door. ............Funny nobody's here,....... Hey what's this on the floor?.... And that smell...........That oh, so delicious smell........Let me just pull that dainty cloth covering over this square pan and.................ITS LOVIN' FROM THE OVEN!!!!!!!!!!! BEET CASSEROLE MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!! OH, poetry on a plate, get me a fork, get me a fork,

Ohhhhhhhh, melting in my mouth just like Mama Snoogie use to make!!!!!!!!!!!!!....slurp, drool, chew, chew, drool.........Culinary perfection!

Oh where was I, oh yes you Casserole Czar.....I'll put in the good word for you and another bite in my mouth........ahhhh, heaven, to the Judge and Red Rooster, your role here....er.... now seems to be nothing more than just a very poor half baked scheme on your part.

Not so fast Woogums.

I intercepted a signal to the hidden listening device in Comrade Coakley's [HIGHLIGHT=#ff0000]PURGED[/HIGHLIGHT] inner ear saying "Yankee fan too" when queried about Curt Schilling.
The GPS transmission was pinpointed to Casserole Czar's Radar Range, known in Kapitalist circles as a "microwave oven".

Hmmmm...Yankee Fan?
Is Cassarole Czar not only a saboteur but a "Yankee" fan too?
Maybe she was making "Yankee Pot Pie"? eh, comrades?

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Judge Pinkie,

No offense but you could stop drooling over this photo of Scott Brown for just a second and give us your decisions???????

Be still, my tongue . . . don't fall out now . . . oh what the hell . . . aaahhhghhh! . . . he can dig my ditch with his shovel anytime! Ohh, why must the hottest, hunkiest ones always be married, gay, or Republican?

For your information, Snoogie, I am not DROOLING over the photos of this vile man--I am spitting on them! Yes, spitting on them so fast and so many times that it only LOOKS as if I'm drooling!

What you are seeing are the early symptoms of a new strain of HBO--Hate Brown Orgasm.

Now if only I could make my spit hit the photos instead of it constantly falling into my lap.

By the way, is anyone up for a short recess?

We interrupt this thread while Pinkie takes a hot bubble bath with candles and dreams up her next "Bodice Ripper".

Posting will resume shortly.

Wormholes! Get your wormholes here! Wormholes directly to the ceiling over Commissarka Pinkie's candlelit bubble bath! Other custom directions also available.

Do you have one that leads to Scott Brown's bubble bath? Just askin'...

If you survive the show trial, produce very interesting evidence in your defense, produce damning evidence against Obamugabe or simply pay me off, then yes I do.

I have several heads of lettuce in the walk in fridge, which I would be happy to trade for some inside favors, Colonel. But then I also have a delicious grasshopper pie on the counter with a "pretty, pretty please" cherry on top.


Also, I bring a gift for the Honorable Judge Pinkie:


And now, in my defense...
It is difficult to be the kollective kitchen overseer. There is so much whining and complaining from the People. They want to have their beets and eat them too. (Instead of having to trade them for basic necessities like toilet paper and blankets.)

Our esteemed leaders in the fanski restaurant out front are also whiny. They send back every morsel of lobster because they refuse to be nourished through the suffering of animals. They make me dab their lips with napkins after they slurp in an undignified manner. (Nanski in particular has trouble with this, and I feel so frightened every time I get up that close to her face.)

I thought going to the book signing/book dealing would be my ticket to moving up in the progressive circles, since my book was of course about the glories of a new order built on the backs of the people principles of progressive thought and statism. (I got most of my inspiration from the video I rented called, "By the People--The Election of Barack Obama." Boy that was good! I highly recommend it--if you can find a copy. All fifteen of them were checked out last time I stopped by the video store.)

But it has caught up with me. And I throw myself upon the mercy of the court! I have disgraced the revolution with my weakness. I promise to harden myself if only you will not send me to Siberia. Re-education I can deal with, because they still have kitchens there. But in Siberia, I would have no creative outlet, and I beg you to spare me.

As far as damning evidence on Obamugabe. I have heard that he has been dabbling in FAITH. Which is strictly forbidden by the revolution unless it is the faith of the One World Government of Unity and whoever currently stands on it's pillar of leadership. Their celebrations are so festive! Like the half time show of the Super Bowl (gag, gag) several years back. It was a celebration of the triumph of humanity all right! Loved the fireworks and large inflatable alienlike statures.

Obamugabe may slaughter his own people and send them off to serve his sentences, but sometimes he is a softie, and cannot be counted on the effectively deal with his wandering wives. He is much too forgiving since there are limited women in his country due to disease and famine and he needs all the good recreation he can get in the evenings after a long day of torturing and maiming--it is such an exhausting job. Softness will be his downfall if he keeps it up. Control and fear must dominate.

Again, (begging, crawling, groveling, eating dirt, tearing clothes, stuffing padding into my bra) I beseech the court, and in particular my shovel-weilding hero (and worst nightmare), to sustain the principle of innocent until proven guilty as you have done for our terrorist war criminals freedom fighters. And it is essential, is it not, to preserve the carrying out of civil liberties by the ACLU and it's associates, since I am a suffering minority?

I, in desperation, rest my case, and await my sentence. (By the way, where was my right to legal counsel, provided by the state? Any volunteers? There's a year's supply of French Silk Pie in it for you!)

Excellent groveling Casserole Czar, excellent. I expect Judge Pinkie will be quite pleased.

Casserole Czar wrote:......I also have a delicious grasshopper pie on the counter with a "pretty, pretty please" cherry on top.

mine!

Mine!

MINE!

ALLLLLL MINE!!!!

ahrrmmmm....

We will examine this evidence closely Dear Casserole Czar,
thank you for the submission.

I denounce the Crimson Fowl! That pie was clearly meant as a bribe for me!
The pie or several heads of lettuce were offered up. You are a bird, you eat lettuce. I am a Colonel, I eat pie. And birds.

Thank you, Leninka! What kind of pie would you like? Or would you prefer Russian Tea Cakes, or perhaps an ice cream cake?

I have been preparing a special pie for Red Rooster...it took a little extra time, but now it is fresh out of the oven. It will make you want to crow with delight! Bon Apetite! (Aren't the French so admirable? The language ought to be the language of the whole world...)

You know, Casserole Czar,

Just a nice Minnesota Hot Dish would be nice. We don't quite have enough cold weather in Houston, and you can't have enough Tater Tot Hot Dishes.

Ooooooo! My speciality! Want some jello salad on the side?

What about a nice Frito Pie? With beets instead of the chili, and beat tops instead of the fritos?

[laughter]

Is that sort of like the "emperor's new clothes?" I can sell my Frito Pies for a handsome price and none of the proles will see that it's just beets with tops? "MMmmmm....mmmm"...they will say! And then they will tell all their comrades how spicy the chili is, and how crunchy and corny the fritos are...

Casserole Czar wrote:Ooooooo! My speciality! Want some jello salad on the side?

Nothing tops off a Hot Dish quite like Jello. Especially if it's cherry or strawberry flavor. Thank you.

Casserole Czar wrote: I have been preparing a special pie for Red Rooster...it took a little extra time, but now it is fresh out of the oven. It will make you want to crow with delight! Bon Apetite! (Aren't the French so admirable? The language ought to be the language of the whole world...)

Ahrrrrmmmm.... (*cough* *cough*)... as you know Thoughtcriminal Casserole Czar we, Red Rooster, cannot be bribed. We are true to the People(tm) and everything we do is for The Children(tm).... so if this is some type of attempted payoff I'll we'll have you know that this will count against you when the verdict is rendered. HOWEVER, if this EVIDENCE was meant for perusal and consideration by a certain fowl's little darling chics, then there might be presidence for such EVIDENCE in this court.

As it stands now I we are forced to hold this evidence in a secret safe I we have here at The Wombat Factory(tm) until the Honorable Judge Commissarka Pinkie gets the hell out of the bubble bath with that Scott Brown Mag returns from her important peoples' business.

So don't you think for one moment you can sway Social Justice(tm) with such attempts at shear bribery and exploitation of this court, because....

IT AIN'T HAPPENIN' THOUGHTCRIMINAL!

Casserole Czar wrote:[laughter]

Is that sort of like the "emperor's new clothes?" I can sell my Frito Pies for a handsome price and none of the proles will see that it's just beets with tops? "MMmmmm....mmmm"...they will say! And then they will tell all their comrades how spicy the chili is, and how crunchy and corny the fritos are...

Thought criminals do not laugh. They cringe. And beg. And plead. But they do not laugh. Laughing thought criminals are a sign of lax justice. And that means Pinkie is failing in her job. But I won't say that, because she'll whack me over the head with her damnable shovel again.

But, yes. You have the proper, Party Approved(TM) idea. Crunch corn chips, spicy chili, and all made from beets.

Colonel 7.62

I would call that a Beet-Trotsky Dish, for it's ability to give you the Beet-Trotskies. My, what internal fortitude you have.

OK, recess is over, children, and court is back in session. Where's the bailiff? I could really use a cigarette right now.

Casserole Czar, thank you for the earrings. I appreciate that you paid for them with that pitiful $600 tax refund that the evil Bushitler deigned to give you because idiot that he is, he assumed you were a better judge than the government of how to stimulate the economy. But you know what's really idiotic, CC? That tax refund isn't even free money! That's right--Bush takes money from you, only to give it back to you, and for that you're supposed to dancing around, whooping and hollering, "I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm faaa-bulously wealthy!"

What a scam. It's not like you got free extra money or anything like that. It's all right wing smoke and mirrors. It's how Republicans do their laundry.

So allow me to let you in on a little secret, missy: If you REALLY want the free extra money you're entitled to, then there's nothing so gratifying as waiting in line for three days to fill out some forms in triplicate, then coming back six weeks later to pick up a check--and all for doing nothing more than just waiting in line and filling out some forms. That's it. Nothing more.

Now, I have heard your confession that you want a wormhole that leads to Scott Brown's bubble bath, and I have just finished reviewing evidence that would support your motive for doing so. And you are clearly guilty.

The only way you can change my mind at this point is by giving ME a pie, and convincing me that you find yourself beyond disgusted by the sight of Scott Brown's impeccably sculpted body, with those firm pecs, those broad shoulders you just want to twine your arms over, those hard muscled thighs you want to wrap your own around as you gaze deeply into his velvety brown eyes, rake your fingers through his thick chestnut locks, and bring your lips to his as you hotly whisper, "Scott . . . make my voice heard . . . oh yes . . . can you hear me now? . . . now? Now! NOW!!! Hear me, HEAR ME!" as shock waves ripple across the nation and beyond, till you swear you can feel the earth move and hear the angels Democrats weep.

I will take another short recess while you formulate your answer. Cue the Final Jeopardy music.

mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm.....It looks like Commissarka Pinkie is in need of another cigarette. Allow me to share one of mine...

Who needs Scott Brown, when I have THIS?


This is my pool boythe guy who delivers the rottenfresh beets to the back door of the kollective kitchen. Of course, he always has a few extra minutes between deliveries to uh, help me unload the groceries, so we have gotten to know each other Quite Well...

I must have been delusional when I asked for a wormhole to Scott Brown's bubble bath...probably high on the steam coming from my chocolate fountain beet kettle.

Judge Pinkie, I don't want SB whatsoever. He is too skinny and scrawny for me. His hair is coarse like the tail of a horse. His skin is getting middle-age wrinkly, and his nose and ears have un-trimmed hairs. I even thought I saw something like Snoogie's mop in his belly button. His left front upper tooth is stained, and he forgets to rub the sleep out of his eyes sometimes. When he laughs, one of his nostrils flares, while the other stays put. Every shirt he wears is white, and every pants are either gray or navy...BORING. (I prefer Hawaiin shirt, with baggy MC Hammers) He smells like a rhino and he wears cheap cologne to cover it up. The car he drives is a stinking kapitalist old guy car, instead of something youthful and snappy, like a fuel efficient beetle. No hot car, no hot guy! Besides, in his sleep he keeps muttering..."Pinkie, Pinkalicious, Pinkaboo,..." and it makes me wonder what he's been up to...

I think I'd rather have my pool cleaned my beets brought in!

Leninka, a tator tot hot dish for you! (Keep your mitts off of it you starving people potato lovin' punks!) Sorry, I was just fighting off the proles with tongs at the back of the beet line. Whenever they see food, they just jump on me like I'm some kind of trampoline!


and nothing says jello salad like a can of fruit cocktail!

And finally, since I am not out of the woods yet, I went the extra mile and brought you back a t-shirt from the Land-O-Lots-O-Lakes:
Thanks, again, Leninka! Wear it with pride...and a neutral colored bra. There's lots o' water where that came from!

(I know it's completely possible to over-do it, but using colorful pictures has served me well so far and I'm afraid that the Commissarka may be on the brink of sentencing me to a good shovel bashing--I'm afraid she's going to see through my fake disdain for the Massachusettes Man of the Month.)

Ahem. Judge Commissarka Pinkie, you are the highest exalted Party Approved messenger of The Party to carry out all the Party things that need to be, uh, Partied. So I have once and for all produced a MAGNIFICENT pie for you. A pie like no other. A pie high and lifted up, just as yourself. It is the creme de la creme, you got it, just like yourself! It is pink (hoping you don't remember those awful pink things burning at the end of your shovel), and it is cool (just like you). I mean that in a good way, like, "Wow! You are SO COOL!" Not, "You cold-hearted prole slayer!"

And not that you would be jealous of Leninka's t-shirt or anything, but since you probably burned all your old pink shirts, and since you do look stunning in pink (not stunning like, Oh my gosh...I am stunned by that pink THING, as in the Walmart photos, but like "you look stunning!" glimmer! glimmer! twinkle! flirt!) and so I purchased at very high cost, (but it was nothing really, I sold all the pots and pans from the kitchen) a lovely, one of a kind (since you ARE one of a kind) SHIRT.

And here it is: drum roll please, flash bulbs going off, blinding lights, screaming teenage girls, and the Reddest of RED carpets:



And NOW, the SUPERLICIOUS SHIRT!!!!!

(Hoping that I picked the right size, because if you buy a woman the wrong size shirt in either direction, you are going to get that shovel bashing that you were trying so desperately to avoid!)


Well, what do you think, eh? Will I live to see tomorrow? (Or have I sealed my fate with one too many colorful images purely motivated exotic gifts?)

Good Grief,

All this pie eating and man meat drooling when we are suppose to doing the People's business! I guess it is going to be up to me to actually restore some discipline to these proceedings.

Here you go ladies.....A true prog and Daily KOS blogger to get your attention away from your slobbering over right wing rethuglikkan hunks

Thank you for the cigs, Comrade Nika, you are now by default my bailiff, which brings with it great benefits--for instance, you get to drag defendants and unruly spectators kicking and screaming out of the courtroom, and beat them over the head.

Snoogie, that's the boy Yelling Yelena wants me to date because now with Obamacare as good as dead, dating boys like this is cheaper than paying for an abortion.

And the thank you for the pie, Casserole Czar; however, I'm not so sure about that t-shirt, but maybe it comes from reading The DaVinci Code too many times if you know what I mean--you know, the inverted triangles and what they really signify, like this one is pointing downward as if to say, "Guess what's down here?" like those tacky old maternity tops that said "Baby" with an arrow pointing down. And good Prog that I am, while I thoroughly enjoyed all the church-bashing in that book and the promotion of promiscuous sex with everyone and the idea that women should be running things and should've been all along, I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who's noticed that homosexuality fits absolutely nowhere into the scheme of things Dan Brown did such a good job selling to the gullible public (maybe they should've put him in charge of Marcia's campaign).

Maybe it's one of those things I'm not supposed to notice, but I digress.

Casserole Czar, I'm especially disturbed by your denunciation, or rather, description of Scott Brown. He sounds like any of the hundred or so comrades lined up outside my hovel every other Friday night.

Do you know something about him that I don't? Is there something I should know? Something I probably would rather not know, but should? Something you should tell me lest you meet the business end of my shovel?

Commissarka Pinkie,

I do still have the receipt for that shirt...if I had known it would be so offensive...they don't call me naive for nothing...I would be happy to return it and just give you the CASH.

Scott Brown is a delightful young man, full of promise. I merely meant to point out that he's not PERFECT. But as for any extra information, I resound with the words of Hogan's Heroes' Schultzy, "I know nothing, NOTHING!"

Casserole Czar wrote:Leninka, a tator tot hot dish for you! (Keep your mitts off of it you starving people potato lovin' punks!) Sorry, I was just fighting off the proles with tongs at the back of the beet line. Whenever they see food, they just jump on me like I'm some kind of trampoline!


and nothing says jello salad like a can of fruit cocktail!

And finally, since I am not out of the woods yet, I went the extra mile and brought you back a t-shirt from the Land-O-Lots-O-Lakes:
Thanks, again, Leninka! Wear it with pride...and a neutral colored bra. There's lots o' water where that came from!

Thank you for the hot dish Casserole Czar. As our dinner last night (boiled beets and potatoes) was accidentally toppled off the stove by a drunken visitor who wiped us out of all of our vodka rations (actually, my spouse), it came it quite handy. As for the jello, that was the first fresh fruit (or was it canned? Oh, well), that I have eaten since the food bank was full during the Bushitler era.

And the T-shirt was great, too. Let's hope we can keep those beet stains off it, for at least the first week.

Returning to these glorious peoples proceedings, we find things quite in order and moving along swimmingly for Comrade Casserole Czar. She has produced many items of evidence that seem to present them self well to this compassionate peoples court. As People's Prosecutor might I suggest that we get these items numbered and locked away safely immediately. Ahem.... for safe keeping and all, comrades.

As for Comrade Olga Katrina, it looks like we may have to make other plans. I wonder if Marshal Pupovich needs his Zil waxed this winter? And how clean are your decks Commodore Snoogie? Oh yes, and Lenin knows the Colonel's office needs serviced. And really Party Headquarters is starting to look Dear Karl Marx's abode -- wads of this and wads of that upon piles and piles of blathering spat and the food upon food upon food stains while the chips wrinkle and crinkle and the crumbs drizzle from his gray shizzle. Yes, Comrade Olga Katrina, some thoughtcriminal will have to look into these things.

I suppose Comrade Obamugabe thinks he's off the hook, but this trial isn't over by a long shot!!! And if you think you can skate through these proceeding with a few glorious confessions in the first thread of the trial, YOU'RE WRONG, DEAD WRONG THOUGHTCRIMINAL!

THE PEOPLE DEMAND SOCIAL JUSTICE!
CZAR DEMOCRACY(TM) NOW!!!!!!!

HAIL OBAMA!

Hear hear! All praise the wise and noble Extra Tasty Crispy People's Prosecutor(TM)!

I demand that Comrade Olga Katrina be taken in the middle of the night and brought here to finish testifying, wherever she may be. She is still making posts on the Cube, just not on this thread.

(Do you think she is frightened? Or maybe she doesn't like us?)

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?p=83792&highlight=#83792<br>

Frightened? Of what? There are no Republicans around here, nor have I seen Rosie O'Donnell standing naked on her balcony lately. And as for not liking us, how could Olga Katrina not like us?

Someone needs to pound it into her head that we are all she has. That The Party is her whole life, her only life, and without us she has none at all. Certainly she's free to leave anytime, but where will she go? Who will take her in? The Republicans? Ha! They don't take anyone in, they only cast everyone out. Old people, little children, the homeless, cute kittens and playful puppies, all of them left to starve and freeze and die. Why, even those bunny rabbits I gave to Partitioned Pasternak--whatever happened to him anyway?--why even they were banished from the Republican big tent because they didn't believe in abstinence only.

Does Olga Katrina think for one stinking minute the Republicans will want to listen to her whining and complaining about her victimhood, let alone encourage it like we do? Why, they'll just give her an earful of that old rugged individualism and personal responsibility crap, and how life's challenges can be "blessings", instead of what they really are--problems that any halfwit will tell you can only be solved with more government spending. And then the Republicans will toss her out in the cold with nothing--no helping hand, no safety net, and sure as hell no hammock.

Only The Party can offer her those things . . . and more. More, like Hope. And Change. Yes, She Can, but only if she's willing to dedicate to The Party all she has. And more.

Bring her before my judgment. Frightened? Doesn't like us? I mean to persuade her otherwise, even if I have to bash her brains out with my shovel.

Frightened? The only things that frightens me is that chilling scenario the esteemed Commissarka Pinkie described. I could never give up my Party(TM) membership to those selfish, coldhearted Rethuglikans! I could never give up my Hope(TM) and Change(TM) for a dollar! And of course I love you all soooooo much. Especially those of you who get to decide my fate!! Why would I dislike anyone who has such formidable skill with a shovel?

No, Comrades, I was eagerly attending Dear Leader's umpteenth recent glorious jobs speech and crying with laughter over Ellie Light's letters to the editors. Of course, I wish to reiterate that whatever the People's Court decides, it is in the best interests of the Party(TM), the People(TM), and the Children(TM), so if my next assignment is to serve as a necro-voter for ACORN, so be it.

This is all well and good thoughtcriminal Olga Katrina, but The People Demand Social Justice™ and you are here on trial because of YOUR trespasses against The People™. You have yet to present any EVIDENCE in your Defense™ as so gloriously demonstrated above by Comrade Casserole Czar.

Where is the EVIDENCE!

The People Demand Social Justice™!

RR,

Perhaps THIS will convince you of my innocence?

By evidence, Olga, I believe Comrade Red Rooster would like some corn and grain to peck at. Or, maybe, cornbread, bread sticks, cakes, pies, truffles. You know what I mean. Some kind of payoff, but never money, lest it be seen as corruption. Or, I don't know. Perhaps Red Rooster would like money.

Me, I could use let's see, some macaroni and cheese, or some short ribs, something like that.

And don't forget Pinkie, as she is the ultimate decider of your sentence.

Looks like you came up with the money idea at the same time I was writing my post. Well, let's see if RR will be pleased.

Or this? See, Dear Leader personally presented me with this gift. There's plenty for all of you. Of course, he insisted that Pinkie get the most. We have to be fair, now. Just don't show anyone else.

Commissarka Pinkie said[HIGHLIGHT=#d8d8d8];"I mean to persuade her otherwise, even if I have to bash her brains out with my shovel." [/HIGHLIGHT]

Oh my.......... I'm not one to interfere with the Show Trials (since the Trial of my good friend Trotsky), but I feel the need here. I knew Olga's great grandmother back in the motherland. If ever there was the perfect Communist Woman, she was it. It was even rumored that Uncle Joe and her had a thing going. That's how respected and revered she was to the Party. When she entered the room it fell silent.

I have a rare photo of her:
Anyway, anyone with this womans blood in their veins can only be an asset to the Party. Please to consider this in your ruling Dear Pinkie and check under your pillow. You never know when the Fabrege Bird may deposit a new egg.

Comrades,

I wish to inform the court that Komsomolka Olga Katrina has purchased the proper number two pencils for filling out the proper forms required by the court, from the The People's Navy stationary store. A recent small deposit was made by her into my offshore bank account, quite the tidy sumto cover the expense and this does look kindly as to this Comrades sincerity.

Just for courts information and I'll be taking a little recess as I've got some shopping to do.

Oh for Pete's sake comrades, I'm off goose stepping around in the bunker and I come back here only to find Pinkie diddling over a picture of some jiggalo conservative who pimps his own daughters from a State no decent person can even spell (no offense Pinkie, you know how much I love it when you diddle). Leninka is swapping recipes or something with CC. Olga Katrina is playing with money...MONEY... the tool of capitalist swine. And the rest of you are twiddling your thumbs.

Can we get this show trial wrapped up before before the graves I dug fill with rain water? These people will never get to heaven in time for lunch if we don't shoot them at day break. Don't make me pull this ice axe out of my hat and start singing the Beatle's tune "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"

Sincerely, Starved for justice

Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote:Or this? See, Dear Leader personally presented me with this gift. There's plenty for all of you. Of course, he insisted that Pinkie get the most. We have to be fair, now. Just don't show anyone else.

U.S. dollars? What the hell good is that nowadays? Why not just give me Monopoly money?

Oh, and that reminds me of a story--well, actually, a commercial I saw on TV the other day for that place where Casserole Czar likes to hang out and take photos of herself. I refer to Wal-Mart.

Anyway, it's a commercial that--HEY! ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! Everyone stop groaning and heading for the door, I don't believe I called a recess. Now I'm the judge, I have a story to tell, and dammit you're all going to sit down and shut up and listen to me tell my story. Well, actually it's a Wal-Mart commercial that shows a family of four playing Monopoly. (Monopoly--I want you all to think of that word and what it means.) The daughter, about aged 10, owns half the board with hotels and houses galore, while her kid brother can't even get past Go and is sulking about it.

So what does Sis do? Why, she does what all capitalists like her should be required by law to do for sulky losers like her kid brother who aren't as successful as she is--she takes pity on him and gives him one of her hotels, and everyone lives happily ever after in socialist utopia. Oh, my usually cold and hardened heart melted, it was so warmed by this delightful tableau of wealth redistribution

Speaking of which, are you still thinking about the name "Monopoly" and what it means? Good. Therefore, Olga Katrina, I am going to do like that girl's kid brother and sit up here on the judge's bench and sulk and frown and slouch and mumble under my breath about how unfair it is that some people have hotels and others don't, until you show me proper Progressive compassion (say that ten times real fast), and give me one of your hotels.

Don't have a hotel? Get one! Then give it to me.