OBAMUGABE..........Care to EXPLAIN THIS????????

Comrades,

I have finally sobered up after the holidays had time to to go through some paperwork backlog reports at the People's Navy H.Q. As you know we are diligently tracking all right wing reactionary thugs and their nefarious activities to stay one step ahead of them and also gathering valuable intel in plotting future missions against them.
I had an undercover agent following that she-witch from the north Sarah....spit....Palin as she went on her recent 'book tour' and finally got around to reading his reports.

One photograph caught my eye and I have to bring it the Parties Attention!!!!!!!!!!

Warning Comrades take a shot of Vodka before looking it is SHOCKING.


TRAITOR! What shall we do Comrades? What shall we do? I have no doubt that Obamugabe might even had help from other party members in getting into that book-line! I demand a full investigation as to how far this betrayal went and who else was involved!!!!!!!!!!

I DENOUNCE OBAMUGABE! Call The People's Director! Assemble the the Politiburo from their drinking binge on the beaches of Cuba very important people's business!

This can not stand!

I'm gettin' an urging for a purging! Denouncement should be the least of this non-persons worries! I'm sensing that the golden shovel of the peoples justice will be striking soon.

In the same room?? Holding one of her books?? And the most vile act of all, holding her hand?? My eyes, Comrades!!

Comrade Obamugabe, what's next?? Photos of you in a bath house with Dick Cheney??

My Comrades (all except ex-comrade Snookums)

It is unfortunate that this photo has been published by the known Enemy Of The People, commodore Snookie Woogums, since a very important secret mission of mine is now compromised.

Suffice to say that
--I was in Disguise (See that stylish beret?)
--I was wearing THIS under my pants.


Amandla!


Obamugabe

WHAT!!!!!

My Comrades (all except ex-comrade Snookums)

It is unfortunate that this photo has been published by the known Enemy Of The People, commodore Snookie Woogums, since a very important secret mission of mine is now compromised.

For your information I did not DENOUNCE you I only asked that you 'splain' yourself but you counter with a DENOUCEMENT on me? And a slanderious accusation that I beloved Commodore of the People's Navy is an enemy of the people, when every single act since I became a made prog has been "for the children"???

This cannot stand Despot breath, wait a minute...........Stand......Stand.....Something is starting to form in my hung-over head.......Stand.....Yup, Clarity has now struck!!!!!

I demand that you stand a SHOW TRIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For Palling around with Palin, Watching Fox news, Underwear abuse, and wearing a non=party approved Beret, Che wouldn't be caught dead in that style your sporting.

I also demand that your cheesy attempt at deflection by posting a denouncement of me on another thread is even more proof of your obvious guilt, and be submitted as evidence against you! As anyone can tell on that thread that is just a photo shopped picture and no proof at all. As opposed to my real picture here that catches you in the act!

We need a Judge and a special prosecutor appointed Comrades! I nominate Pinkie as judge to preside!!!!!


Psst....... Red Rooster, BONUS, Zimbabwe has got gold and diamond mines, I'm thinking that some serious 'defense evidence' will be presented for us to examine at his trial, I love the inner party rule that the first one to denounce and the first one to formally call for a show trial get's first dipsies on the 'evidence'!!!!!!

Gold!?! Diamonds!?! What!?! er... hrrmmmmm

This is most puzzling indeed Comrades, here we have what we thought was a shoe in for The Party. A dictator, a real peoples leader, an iron fist fister with numerous wives to disguise his love of fisting donkeys... and yet we find he is a traitor a cheat a scoundrel (all the finest traits the party could ask for, of course) and he has double crossed our most esteemed Commodore and committed fallacious fraud.

He must be tried, he must be hung fairly with the rope judge with Peoples Justice(TM). Of course he must be shot, but first tried, in the fairest showtrial The Party(TM) can offer.

I cannot be bribed Commodore, no, the booty will go to the peoples coffers, as it always has and we will enrich the people with the services they need such as Che-Tex(TM), Progosil(TM), and various other ass-sundries produced at The Wombat Factory. Yes the money extortedrightfully coerced taken stolen won through this just trial is for The Children(TM) and The People(TM) respectively.

Hail Obama!

Noooooo! Say it ain't so, O!

Oh <i>thank</i> you Most UberGlorious and Astoundingly Equal Commodore! Your tireless dedication to The Party has once again stopped a KKKapitalist threat kold.

...Can I have Obamugabe's shovel?

Ah yes, Red Rooster,

I cannot be bribed Commodore, no, the booty will go to the peoples coffers, as it always has and we will enrich the people with the services they need such as Che-Tex™, Progosil™, and various other ass-sundries produced at The Wombat Factory. Yes the money extorted rightfully coerced taken stolen won through this just trial is for The Children™ and The People™ respectively.

No finer words can be spoken my fine most equal Comrade on our total dedication to the party and 'The Children'. I had tears in my eyes when I read this, so selfless, so pure. Of course our intentions our and always will be purely noble in the finest progressive sense. Speaking of the children I think your kids and mine braces are just about to got paid for.

It's high time comrades.
First the Nigerian Email scam, now this.
Look at his hands Comrades!
1) No rubber gloves! What if you needed fisting? Would you let him fist you after he had unprotected hand touching with Palin? He not only needs a show trial, he needs quarantined for public health safety.
2) Those hands look whitey to me. I think Obamgabe is using Shinola to cover up his Racism!

My Comrades! (Except Snookums) (Except for the part where I address you directy, Snookums.)

Firstly, I would like to make a few points:
1) Since I am the Black Comrade here it is absolutely logical and elementary that I am speaking the truth, and not the Middleaged White Babies who are slandering me. It is a basic tenet of Progressivism: "The Black Person Always Speaks the Truth", and "Black People Cannot Be Racist". Anybody whpo does not agree with this is guilty of Thoughtcrimes!!
2) I am the Tyranic Despot of a whole nation, The Dear Leader of the Peoples Utopia of Zimbabwe, and this young tsotsi who dares to slander me is the commodore of what? A SHIP? Excuse me? When did people who have to take orders from their Leaders suddenly get the right to slander comrades of More Equal Rank???
3) And Soon-to-be-EX-Commodore Snookums, slandering a Leader with allegations of treason is equal in severity to denunciation. Your excuse that you did not Denounce me is pathetic. I SPIT ON YOUR DIAPER, SIR!

Here is proof that Zimbabwe is Bigger Than Snookums' Ship!


One Settler One Bullet! ONE SETTLER ONE BULLET!!!

Obamugabe

And here is Fianal an Incontrovertible Proof that I only maintain friendship with the Most Equal of all Comrades and Leaders of state. Palin? Pfft. I spit on her hunting rifle!

But comrade Obamugabe, if we get rid of Snoogie who'll pilot the People's^TM yacht? Yes, I said yacht. You didn't think all the profits from the swag that gets sold in the Dry Goods store actually goes to running this site do you? If not for comrade Soros and his mighty checkbook this propaganda tool would've folded long ago.

As for Zimboobwe, if one dictator should suddenly disappear, I'm sure there'd be dozens of replacements waiting in the wings. Why any one of your cannibal wives could fill in until the killing stops and a new leader emerges. Or perhaps the UN could appoint a replacement. The starving masses might even demand a return to white rule.

But finding a sea faring man who can steer a boat, use GPS and radar while talking on the radio...good luck with that.

Don't risk it comrade, your narcissistic pride isn't worth losing a nation and returning a Socialist success story to racist rule.

(My opinion subject to change given a suitable bribe, it's the Chicago way)

Oh Please...Omagumbe,


We know what what you been up to. Ahmadinejad and you both have the 'hots' for Palin
.......DISGUSTING.

Comrades:

I just ran the picture in question through the new TSA scanner and the results are quite suprising!

It turns out that Obama was desperate to read Palin's new book so he wore an Obamugabe disguise to get an authetic autographed copy!

Word from the Secret Police Secret Service was that Obama often wears disguises and goes out into public. (The Secret Service doesn't really care, hey loook who they let in the White House as party guests)

They also say that the choice of this disguise; though close to his heart, is really nothing and you should see the ones he wears to go to Barney Frank's private parties.......

Obamugabe wrote:My Comrades! (Except Snookums) (Except for the part where I address you directy, Snookums.)
Firstly, I would like to make a few points:
1) Since I am the Black Comrade here it is absolutely logical and elementary that I am speaking the truth, and not the Middleaged White Babies who are slandering me. It is a basic tenet of Progressivism: "The Black Person Always Speaks the Truth", and "Black People Cannot Be Racist". Anybody whpo does not agree with this is guilty of Thoughtcrimes....

Yo, save it my brutha, yo ass is in the frying pan and you about to get cooked. And yes, this coming from a chicken, you've devoured my Peoples™ (please read PETA Directive #239876) for far to long!



The gig is up. You have yet to demonstrate your Ebonic prowess, so your claims fall on deaf ears, every progressive knows that when a brutha succumbs to Proper English™ that he's just an Uncle Tom and a slave to the Cracker Ass Honkey White Master. As even our most progressive Comrades in Berkley are now denouncing Cracker Ass Honkey White Master Science in the public classroom because African-American comrades are failing the courses. Why are they failing the courses? you ask... because science is an Evil Cracker Ass Honkey White Master plot rule the proper peoples of African descents minds.

Stand down yo, you just Uncle Tomin'™, and you is a disgrace to The Black Community™!

The Wall is waiting....

“The blacks, those magnificent examples of the African race who have maintained their racial purity thanks to their lack of an affinity with bathing, have seen their territory invaded by a new kind of slave: the Portuguese. The contempt and poverty unites them in the daily struggle, but the different way of dealing with life separates them completely;the black is indolent and a dreamer; spending his meager wage on frivolity or drink; the European has a tradition of work and saving, which has pursued him as far as this corner of America and drives him to advance himself, even independently of his own individual aspirations.”

- Che Guevara, The Motorcycle Diaries

Comrades!

I'm pleased to announce that I have been appointed judge over these proceedings. I would like to think that my compelling life story, coupled with a wise Commissarka's richness of experience, endows me with great empathy, the ability to feel as one with the oppressed, and will thus enable me to make better decisions than anyone else at the Cube.

Obamugabe: I am disgusted to see you in the company of that horrible woman. Are you not aware that she has imperiled the entire women's movement by getting to where she is without (a) affirmative action and/or assistance from some other government program, (b) being married to a philandering Party member, (c) being the member of a Party-approved family dynasty, (d) or (d) baring her boobs? No, she did it all on her own. Obamugabe, must I remind you that the women's movement is all about raising awareness of how we women are oppressed, how we don't have the same opportunities as men, and how our only hope to have a chance of being offered the possibility of those opportunities can only be achieved through the women's movement, and that the women's movement can only be kept moving by perpetual increased government funding.

She is not someone you should associate with, Obamugabe. Have you not been paying attention to all the Levi Johnston interviews? I most certainly have, for I know of no man who can have as much credibility as one who isn't afraid to show his hairy armpit to the world. Who isn't afraid to hide anything.

As for you, not only do you hide your armpits, but I've heard you hide other things--like socks in your pants. Do you put condoms on your feet, and if so, are they textured and ridged for the pleasure of whosoever has a foot fetish--and BTW, I want that person's name.

As it is, I already have the names of the other pieces of your sandwich. Yes, Obamugabe, like the Made Prog Adam Grenway, you have two female comrades that stick to you like two slices of bread on either side of your baloney. Tell me, have you ever gone with them on forays into Red Rooster's henhouse? Liberated a few eggs, perhaps?

If they happen to be Faberge Imperial Eggs, then you'd best hand them over to me at once--along with those two females--and things just might go a bit easier for you.

In the meantime, I am not the least bit moved by the picture of you with Ahmadinejad. Your contempt for him is just as obvious as your contempt for The Party. Why, you're not even bowing to him.

But I'll bet you like to hold hands with Saudi royals and pat German chancellors on the back, don't you?

Tell me, Obamugabe, do you think I'm pretty? And kindly remember I have a shovel and I know how to use it. Do you doubt that?

Do you think anyone else here doubts it?

If so, I want you to give me their names, too.

Oh, and don't forget the vodka and Chippendales in red thongs.

Evidence is pouring in!

Here we can plainly see Obamugabe physically push away the hand of friendship and cooperation from Comrade Chavez!


And here we can see Our dear friend, president Hu showing Obamugabe the door. Certainly after some sort of attempted discussion about free trade or something of the sort.


It is plain for all to see...

A Glorious Day!

The finest most beautiful Commissarka that has ever walked across the socialist stage will preside as judge! I haven't seen you in awhile my sweet babushka but it is obvious that you have lost a little weight and dang your....LOOKING GOOD!

I know you will be totally fair and show no favoritism to the defense or the prosecution in your wise decisions. (I'd like my usual window seat near the bathroom during this sham trial if you don't mind, did I tell you that your eyes radiate like two soyez rockets launching in the night?).

I opened up a wormhole using a bottle of 7.62's Wormhole Juice and a particle accelerator, and found Obamugabe in Palin's BEDROOM! It was a horrible threesome with Todd, Sarah and OBAMUGABE! Oh the horrors I witnessed in that bedroom with those three cannot be imagined (videotapes will be made available for only $19.95 plus shipping and handling). The *only* original master copy of the recording, as well as control of the wormhole, and the entire stockpile of DVD copies I made can also be had for an appropriate amount of gold, diamonds and ivory.

Comraes,

This looks like a photo documenting a future of radiant Party progress. In order to prepare oneself, I suggest that--if you are a Mac user--you try to rustle up a copy of Simbabwe. I've come across few political simulation games as progressive as this.

Obamugabe wrote: "The Black Person Always Speaks the Truth", and "Black People Cannot Be Racist". Anybody whpo does not agree with this is guilty of Thoughtcrimes!!

WRONG! A black person may lose affirmative action victim status by thinking for his or herself siding with the forces of evil by going against the will of the Party^TM (We HEART Victims!) I give you exhibits A, B, and C: Clarance Thomas, Condi Rice and Thomas Sowell. So you see, Obamugabe, once you are excommunicated from the progressive religion, you are cast out from the Garden of Eden's benefits and become like any other heretic conservative great satan!

Judge Pinkie,

For the evidence record. This was the poster advertising that horrid book signing event that Obamugabe attended. It seems after he passed through security (musta have been pretty lax judging by the picture of that female guard on the poster) that he was treated to a pretty good meal with the deal. I never knew he had such a fondness for casseroles.

I see you have already have a lead on his two female co-conspirators and their party betrayal. I wonder who could they be? Or do you think he'll cough em up to save his own skin?

I must Denounce Casserole Czar! I found a half baked casserole inside my DeLorean, AND there were strange attempts to manipulate the 2008 election in favor of Palin in timeline 6-66A-QRM

As a member of the botanical community I Denounce Colonel 7.62 for Denouncing the Casserole Czar. She's been a respected philo-veggie for years, statedammit, and given the fact that she's in the position to have me re-fried if she wanted, I feel it's in my best interest for the Good of the Children that I stand by her.

Furthermore I reverse my earlier position and throw my support behind Obamugabe; you made a good point, oh Gloriously Particularly Equal Comrade, when you demonstrated the relative size of Zimbabwe. I can therefore assume you control more dirt than the Formerly Respected Commodore, and as a vegetable I always side with the man with the most fertilizer.

Well Comrade PP. I happen to have acquired a diverse multicultural taste for burritos when I lived near the mexican border. And I also happen to have acquired a very nice field kitchen from Marshal Pupovich. It seems to me that the combination of my love for hispanic foods, and an unused field kitchen, coupled with your insolence...

By the way, have you seen what an uncontrolled wormhole does to a vegetable? BWWWWAAAHHHAAAHHAAA!!!!

Comrade PP,

I need your input as you have inspired me with your support for that Palin ----spit---admiring Obamugabe to just maybe release these orders. Unless you think I should not after all.

PROPOSED ROUGH DRAFT ORDERS TO THE FLEET

To promote the general health of all sailors in the fleet. Thursdays will be declared 'Vegetarian Only Meals' day. A particular different vegetable be highlighted as the main course for variety. The first Vegetarian day will promote parsnips.

Signed

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

If feedback from you is negative this proposal will be dropped, if feedback is received positively from you, Thursday will be "Parsnips" day for the entire fleet and believe me they sure can eat.

Opiate of the People wrote:

Obamugabe wrote: "The Black Person Always Speaks the Truth", and "Black People Cannot Be Racist". Anybody whpo does not agree with this is guilty of Thoughtcrimes!!

WRONG! A black person may lose affirmative action victim status by thinking for his or herself siding with the forces of evil by going against the will of the Party^TM (We HEART Victims!) I give you exhibits A, B, and C: Clarance Thomas, Condi Rice and Thomas Sowell. So you see, Obamugabe, once you are excommunicated from the progressive religion, you are cast out from the Garden of Eden's benefits and become like any other heretic conservative great satan!

Comrade Opiate

Please refer to my note to the Rooster above. below.

Thomas, Rice and Steele are American distortions of the true African People. Good Stalin! Each of these individuals have at least as much white blood as African blood in them. Why do you insist on calling them black? The answer is: You see them from a white perspective. Well, I see them from a Black perspective, and I see only WHITE! These people you mention are WHITE!

Once again my slanderers are shown to be ignorant, malignant liars!

One Settler One Bullet!

Obamugabe

Great Stalin, Why can't I post a simple note to this thread! I tried to post an answer to Rooster twice now and each time it disappeared. Did someone open a wormhole into cyberspace?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Tell me, Obamugabe, do you think I'm pretty? And kindly remember I have a shovel and I know how to use it. Do you doubt that?

Do you think anyone else here doubts it?

If so, I want you to give me their names, too.

Oh, and don't forget the vodka and Chippendales in red thongs.

My equally dearest and most equally beautiful Komissarka Pinkie

Thank Stalin, the Goracle, Obamessiah and all other Holy Progs that you have been made my judge. Your compelling life storyness, your compassionateness shine as beacons in the world of justice.

I am sure you realize immediately that all the accusations against me are false. This is clearly a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy hatched by the Evil Imperialist Thatcherite Tories to rid my country of of its Dear and Beloved Leader to pave the way to a new British invasion and colonization of Africa. The evidence is clear for anybody to see:

http://www.mg.co.za/article/2009-12-30- ... ist-mugabe
<br>https://www.mg.co.za/article/2009-12-30-margaret-thatcher-blocked-talks-with-terrorist-mugabe
[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]<WARNING>[/HIGHLIGHT]

Also, as mentioned before, I was on a Top Secret Mission when I met Palin, at the book signing and in her Bedroom. No Secret Agent who is worth his cause will shrink away from doing his duty, even if it means he must infiltrate a target's bedroom!

We all have to make sacrifices for the Greater And Common Good.

I am sure you can understand that?

Obamugabe

PS

I still have a few VERY productive farms that were confiscated from British Imperialist Tobacco Farmers, and have not yet been redistributed to the masses. Please let me know whether you would refer one in the mountains or on the plains

===============================================
Comrades, Please ignore comrade Obamugabe's falsified claims. It is obvious that he is desperate to secure his place in The Party after such scandalous behavior. May he be shot tried fairly by this court.

-Commissar Red Rooster

Comrade Whoopie wrote:
(My opinion subject to change given a suitable bribe, it's the Chicago way)

Comrade Whoopie

I am sure you will realize the truth of my position once you realize that you can't mine copper on a ship, but you can on one of the many farms scheduled for redistribution in Zimbabwe...

Amandla!

Obamugabe

Partitioned Pasternak wrote:As a member of the botanical community I Denounce Colonel 7.62 for Denouncing the Casserole Czar. She's been a respected philo-veggie for years, statedammit, and given the fact that she's in the position to have me re-fried if she wanted, I feel it's in my best interest for the Good of the Children that I stand by her.

Furthermore I reverse my earlier position and throw my support behind Obamugabe; you made a good point, oh Gloriously Particularly Equal Comrade, when you demonstrated the relative size of Zimbabwe. I can therefore assume you control more dirt than the Formerly Respected Commodore, and as a vegetable I always side with the man with the most fertilizer.

Comrade Pasternak.

Zimbabwe has some of the most fertile soil on earth...

Amandla!

Obamugabe

Ahh Comrade Whoopie,

My most esteemed and most equal inner party circle comrade. In my haste I hadn't had a chance to really talk to you on this most important matter of party betrayal. As you know I am also very busy with global warming research using the fine socialist scientific equipment placed on-board my sailing research eco-ship the People's Socialist Ship, A. Gore. So my humble apologies for my late response.

Were currently in Tahiti doing err.....ummm....research on this global warming stuff. Why don't you drop by for a visit and we can chat about this little matter in person? Oh, Don't worry about the cost of the flight just put the entire bill on the People's Navy expense account as it will be on people's business and as always 'for the children'.

From the South African Press Association Archives

Obamugabe wrote:

Comrade Whoopie wrote: I am sure you will realize the truth of my position once you realize that you can't mine copper on a ship, but you can on one of the many farms scheduled for redistribution in Zimbabwe...

Obamugabe

Oh so you admit to selling out your nation to multi-national mining interests bent on raping mother Gaia. And how exactly does reminding me of your crimes constitute a bribe that will win my favor? You're only making it worse for yourself. I advise you to throw yourself on the mercy of the court and hope for a bullet to the brain and a quick end rather than Pinkie's shovel or worse, a necklacing party hosted by Winnie Mandela.

Uhhh... in light of recent developments, I reverse my reversal and stand firmly with the Most Magnificently Equal Colonel and the Superlatively Though Not Unduly Glorious Commodore.

No, I do not know what an uncontrolled wormhole does to a vegetable. I treasure my ignorance like any good Party member.

That being said, I'm still open to additional bribery and threats rational arguments, if the Previously Esteemed Obamugabe would care to try them...

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:TRAITOR! What shall we do Comrades? What shall we do? I have no doubt that Obamugabe might even had help from other party members in getting into that book-line! I demand a full investigation as to how far this betrayal went and who else was involved!!!!!!!!!!

Obamugabe how could you? I trusted you!




I was even considering allowing you to fist me!




You seemed to have all the characteristics of a good progressive!




You have truly let us all down ... I say on with the show trial!

Reiuxcat wrote:Evidence is pouring in!

Here we can plainly see Obamugabe physically push away the hand of friendship and cooperation from Comrade Chavez!


And here we can see Our dear friend, president Hu showing Obamugabe the door. Certainly after some sort of attempted discussion about free trade or something of the sort.


It is plain for all to see...

These photos PROVE Obamugabe is NOT a true progressive! Two photos of him with world leaders and he's not bowing to either one of them! Imperialist! Colonialist! Anti-Hope-and-Change-Jingoist!

Comrades! treachery! Conspiracy!

I've just returned from Tahiti and after consulting with our most equal comrades Snoogie and Red Rooster I must report that there is compelling evidence to indict two female co-conspirators in Obamugabe's crimes.

I hereby call for Komosomolka Olga Katrina and Casserole Czar to be subpoenaed by the People's Court and explain their whereabouts during the Palin book signing scandal. Of course if they wish to register a plea of Guilty now and save us the trouble of extracting a confession...

btw: There may yet be other conspirators involved, rest assured the State Security apparatus never sleeps. Oh and Snoogie makes these marvelous cocktails (no offense RR) with a little umbrella and a wedge of pineapple...outstanding!

Ugh. Please. As Obamugabe pointed out, it was an espionage operation. I was only there disguised as a security guard, taking the names of everyone who attended this vile book signing for classified Party records. If anything, THEY'RE the ones who should be brought to trial.

Do you think I ENJOYED being there? How insulting. I kicked and screamed, but it was my day to go, and I could not question State Security's decision. I could hardly wait to rush back to my office and compile a report. I am quite confident that the esteemed Party Leadership will find that I have done nothing wrong.

[off]
Man, I really wanted to go to a book signing, but I had to study for final exams the weekend she was closest to my city...

Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote: Ugh. Please. As Obamugabe pointed out, it was an espionage operation. I was only there disguised as a security guard, taking the names of everyone who attended this vile book signing for classified Party records. If anything, THEY'RE the ones who should be brought to trial.

Comrade, I went down to the Department of Dossiers located in the Ministry of Eavesdropping and read the names you took down while you were at this book signing purportedly doing your duty as an underhanded treacherous spy. Here are the names you wrote down and filed:

Sarah Palin (big suprise there, eh?)
The Dallas Cowboys (They took time out from voting in Nevada to come down?)
Micheal Moore (Really? And yet the building was still standing after his appearance?)
Karl Marx (Groucho's bro?)
Lassie (woof!)

So, what were you doing comrade while you were SUPPOSEDLY writing down the names of traitors? I guess one thing you were doing was looking the other way so that Obamagube could come and go without "being seen"! The Party is wise to that ruse, comrade! After all, that is how most public officials in Chicago collect their pay!

I DENOUNCE KOMSOMOLKA OLGA KATRINA FOR HER PART IN THE VILE PLOT CONTRIVED BY OBAMAGUBE!

Comrades! WHERE'S THE GROVELING?

I'm still waiting for my vodka and my Chippendales with red thongs.

Komsomolka Olga Katrina. So nice of you to take time out of your oh-so-busy schedule of scheming and plotting and backstabbing to finally favor us with your presence. And what the hell do you want to go to a booksigning for? Just so you can ask the author which way to the bathroom? Clean out her candy dish? Ask her to drop what she's doing and conduct an on-the-spot critique of your own crappy attempt at writing? Thumb through one of her books, say, "Man, that's a lot of writing," and then walk away empty-handed because you "don't read THOSE kind of books"?

Comrade, that's one way to get the book thrown at you. And I'm here to do some bookthrowing at you, Obamugabe, and Casserole Czar.

And just where is Casserole Czar? Stealing eggs from Red Rooster for her next recipe?

By the way, I would like to remind everyone that as judge I do not bang a gavel, but instead I whack my shovel.

Pinkie, Katrina seeking to save money wanted to hire some of my Temporal Guards, put them in red thongs and send them to you. However given as her money looked suspiciously like foil coated candy shaped like coins, the unwillingness of any of my troops to wear a thong in front of a woman (in front of Bruno is a different story) and my unwillingness to listen to you bitch and moan about how I allowed such a thing... well I tried dumping Katrina down a wormhole. Unfortunately she had wooed the wormhole operator with her fine moustache, girder like thighs, and broad lumber carying shoulders. The operator faced with such an example of progressive womanhood ran off with her. What can I say? I tried...

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Comrades! WHERE'S THE GROVELING?

I'm still waiting for my vodka and my Chippendales with red thongs.

Ok, ok Madame judge. I managed to find one Russian Chippendale (red bowtie and boots, no thong). Leave a note on the Inner Party Washroom wall if you'd like the uncensored version.

And I want you to know how dirty I feel having to go through countless pics to find that. Let some other comrade find you a bottle of vodka, I'm going to drown my anguish with my own bottle right now.

Ack! Booze! Where is the booze! Comrade Whoopie, you best watch out for wormholes opening up where you are walking...

Colonel 7.62 wrote:However given as her money looked suspiciously like foil coated candy shaped like coins, the unwillingness of any of my troops to wear a thong in front of a woman (in front of Bruno is a different story) and my unwillingness to listen to you bitch and moan about how I allowed such a thing... well I tried dumping Katrina down a wormhole.

First question for you to answer while you still have teeth and a working jaw: Why won't your troops wear thongs in front of me? Are they afraid I'll laugh? Will they get shrinkage from the sight of me? Or are they just a bunch of wussies?

Secondly: She had CHOCOLATE COINS and you didn't even confiscate them and bring them to me??

WHACK!!!

How's that for some bitching and moaning? May that send you back in time--or forward in time--or whenever it is in time that shovel-wielding Amazons rule the earth and keep men either for pets or for sacrifice to the great feminist goddess Abortia.

Pinkie, pinkie, pinkie...

After the purges from Red Guard to Temporal Guard, what was left wasn't all that impressive. I'm working on recruiting a better quality of guard, but do you know how hard it is to find good help that also meets your standards for men?

As far as the Chocolate Coins, I feared they were poisoned and tainted. I simply didn't wish for any harm to come to you. If you simply look underneath your bed, you will find a 25 pound block of Swiss chocolate that I deposited there via a handy wormhole that just happened to open up there.

Who says I wanted to eat the chocolate coins? I was going to take them to Detroit and redistribute them as Obama money, you buffoon!

And how hard can it be to find good help that meets my standards for men, when you could probably find people here who will tell you I have no standards when it comes to men?

If you do find those people, I want their names.

Hm. That wasn't my list...it was far more extensive. The more names I wrote, the angrier I got. Some reactionary must have infiltrated the Department of Dossiers!

I would like to reiterate that I most certainly did NOT want to be there. That's why it was so easy to play the part of the sour-faced security guard. Nor have I run off with any wormhole operator. I did have to bribe him with vodka and the rest of my weekly beet ration to keep him away from me though.

I do believe I have been FRAMED by some Rethuglikan operatives. I beg the People's Court to reconsider my case, but if necessary, I am willing to be thrown under the bus on behalf of Dear Leader.

Komsomolka, would you happen to have a description of this wormhole operator? (Whom we shall hereafter refer to as either "worm" or "hole" for short.) For I suspect this worm might be a suspect involved in something suspicious.

Would he be none other than Obamugabe? Describe him, comrade. Do you think the hole in question is light-skinned? Can he talk like a Negro if he wants? (C'mon everyone, you know that's what we're all thinking!) Would he be someone who would've been getting us coffee just a few years ago?

And where the #$%^&*! is Casserole Czar? There's a bounty on her oven mitts. Beet of the Week to whoever can bring her before me!

Well I can TRY to apprehend the Casserole Czar, but only if I can get it in writing that I'll be protected from her afterward; as fearful as I am of The Gorgeously Terrible and Most Definitively Equal Commissarka Pinkie, I'm more frightened of ending up like my green bean brethren.

Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote:I beg the People's Court to reconsider my case, but if necessary, I am willing to be thrown under the bus on behalf of Dear Leader.

Spoken like a child of the revolution. I'll choke back a tear at your execution.

Pinkie, I don't dare presume what your minimum standards are for men, and so instead boldy presume you have high standards. My best Temporal Guards are of the thong wearing variety, but also of the female persuasion, and the surviving men were sent to me as part of the Obama Stimulus plan. Figure that one out for yourself.

Now as far as Obamugabe, I do recall hiring a wormhole operator who met required diversity standards, but did not speak with a clear negro dialect. I should have used him to fulfill diversity standards in the purge department, instead of the wormhole operation department.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
And where the #$%^&*! is Casserole Czar? There's a bounty on her oven mitts. Beet of the Week to whoever can bring her before me!

The search continues, but I did find this comrade who may be a relative.

Okay, okay...(crawling out from a dark closet).

Up til now, I have been terrified of the dangerously precarious situation that I am in. (Though I have nothing to hide, of course.) And I believe my status as a Made Progressive was secured when I first received my red and yellow CCCP shirt from Theocritus.

Also, Leninka receives the credit for luring me out of hiding. PP did help, too. But Leninka has known me from the beginning, and being a Made Prog is all about being loyal to those who are loyal to you, unless they threaten your position. I am touched and deeply indebted to PP for standing up for me, though, thank you.

I have been using lots of white kleenex tissue this week, but that does not mean I am racist. I could not find any black or other colorful shades at Che-Mart, and I was too sick to shop around.

I have never heard of Obamugabe.

I plead the fifth.

If you put me on show trial it will backfire on you. I will receive pity from the masses standing in the beet lines behind the kollective kitchen window. They need me. I feed them. (By the way, parsnip casseroles are my speciality, Commodore, and I am happy to service your ship on top of my normal duties at the Kollective Kitchen.) If you try to execute me, there will be rioting in the streets.

I am but a simple kook who minds her own business in the kitchen, baking pies for winners of the Beet of the Week award. Creating special new dishes for fun. (Hiding the sack of knives behind my back--I just got back from shopping).

The only books I read are kookbooks. I would never come within ten feet of racist, backwards, kapitalist propoganda. It leaves a residue in my mouth, and then I cannot taste the beet soup to make sure it is bland enough.

Obamugabe doesn't favor gorgeous blonde types anyway (which I am). Women wearing aprons in the kitchen does turn him on though...(not that I would know.) I believe he is more into topless Many Titted types. (which I am not.)

Lest I dig myself in deeper, I will stop for now until I receive the first round of initial judgements against me, and then I can better defend myself. I have avoided the shovel up til now, and I intend to continue this good fortune.

*munch* *munch* Mmmm... casserole briber.... ahh umm nevermind.

The question is, where did you learn how to read? That proves you didn't attend a glorious state run school.

In defense of the Astronomically Equal CC, (and what the heck is with people craving parsnip today!?) I think we can make an allowance for the education of such a fine culinary artisan; nobody knows better than I that there's an essential difference between G-R-E-E-N B-E-A-N-S and A-R-S-E-N-I-C.

Or alternatively, she could just be hitting random keys and getting lucky. That's what I do dehfeiouw3756gh.

So everybody go have cheese or caviar or something. LAY OFF THE GREENS... unless it's someveg I dislike. Beets are fine.

My comrades (Including Comrade Snookums and Comrade Rooster)

I had a dream.

I was sitting in my outhouse, enjoying the cool draft from the dark depths below that carried the faint sounds of my political enemies' pleas for mercy, when suddenly the the door exploded with a blinding flash of napalm and and the sound of twenty tetra-nitro- thingy-loaded underpants going off at once.

When my sight returned I stared out onto a barren wasteland, a desert scorching under a fierce red sun. The only signs of life were charred trees, their bare branches reaching into the platinum sky, and the bleached carcasses of Nguni cattle on the cracked earth. I stepped from my outhouse with my belt around my knees, unable to believe my eyes. Was this the Peoples' Paradise of Zimbabwe? The land of my forefathers that I have ruled and raped with so much love and care over the decades?

What hadhappened?

And then I heard it. Someone called my name, "Obamugabe!"

I could see no one.

"OBAMUGABE!"

The sound seemed to come from above. I looked up, shielding my eyes from the burning sky.

And then I saw him.

I saw Him descending from the sun.


His countenance was brighter than the exploding sun, there were lightning in his hair, thunder in his mouth and a hurricane in his breeches. He rose on the flood of the rising seas.

I fell in the hot dust and lay like one slain.

"Obamugabe! I am displeased with you!"

My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, like duct tape to the face of Mr Tsvangirai. Even if I wanted to speak, I could not.

"You consorted with the Beast! You shook the hand of Anti-Obama! She publicly called the One True Science JUNK Science! "

At last I found the courage to speak. I am, after all, the Tyrannical Despot and Dear Leader of the People's Paradise of Zimbabwe!

"It was in a good cause, I was in disguise (the stylish purple beret, remember?) and I had Tetra-Nitro-Thingy sewn into my Calvin Kleins!"

"SILENCE!" His voice was like the sound of an Atlantic Hurricane snapping the Statue of Liberty off her base.

My microphone was immediately cut by shadowy men in suits and shades.

"I don't care how much Big Massage Oil, Big Pharma and Phizer in particular paid you to test their Blue Diamonds with Terta-Nitro-Thingy in your underpants! YOU WILL CONFESS AND GROVEL NOW!"

He was quiet for a moment, and then said in a low voice, "If you do not I will have no choice but to destroy the earth by Next Tuesday. The fate of Mankind and our Brothers and Sisters of Other Species is in your hands, Obamugabe!"

And then He was gone. Just like that.

I woke in a cold sweat, with my jammies around my knees. I called for my man servant - he did not respond. It was several fearful moments before I remembered that he had Dissappeared Without A Trace into my outhouse yesterday morning.

When the sun rose on the new day I called an emergency meeting with the Politburo, and Confessed to them and Grovelled before them because I had been pallin' around with Palin. We decided unanimously that half the Politburo would be sent to the salt mines, and the other half would be sent for immediate End-Of-Life-Counseling to atone for my sins.

Comrade Pinky I am in your Compelling Life Storyness and Compassionate hands.

Do with me as you seem fit.

A Luta Continua!

Obamugabe

Casserole Czar wrote:Okay, okay...(crawling out from a dark closet).

Up til now, I have been terrified of the dangerously precarious situation that I am in. (Though I have nothing to hide, of course.) And I believe my status as a Made Progressive was secured when I first received my red and yellow CCCP shirt from Theocritus.

WRONG!!!

Also, Leninka receives the credit for luring me out of hiding. PP did help, too. But Leninka has known me from the beginning, and being a Made Prog is all about being loyal to those who are loyal to you, unless they threaten your position. I am touched and deeply indebted to PP for standing up for me, though, thank you.

Thank you for this information; I shall see that Leninka receives Beet of the Week. As for Partitioned Pasternak, I'll have to think on how to reward him. Maybe a gift certificate to a Party-approved food processor?

I have been using lots of white kleenex tissue this week, but that does not mean I am racist. I could not find any black or other colorful shades at Che-Mart, and I was too sick to shop around.

Colored tissues are bad because of the colors. The colors are derived from chemicals that pollute our air and water and thus kill plants and animals.***

In fact, all tissues are bad. Please read this post:

http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic ... 2763#82763

I have never heard of Obamugabe.

Beetstumps! He told you to say that, didn't he? (Not "beetstumps," but that you never heard of him.)

I plead the fifth.

Excuse me? I'm the judge. I will plead the fifth. In fact, I've been pleading the fifth ever since I agreed to preside over this case--come to think of it, forget the fifth, I've been pleading for a whole case. Lots of cases--of vodka. WHERE ARE THEY ALREADY?

If you put me on show trial it will backfire on you. I will receive pity from the masses standing in the beet lines behind the kollective kitchen window. They need me. I feed them. (By the way, parsnip casseroles are my speciality, Commodore, and I am happy to service your ship on top of my normal duties at the Kollective Kitchen.) If you try to execute me, there will be rioting in the streets.

You're talking to Snoogie-Woogums, right? Right. OK. Because no one talks this way to me and walks out of here on their own two feet. In fact, they'll be lucky if they can crawl out on all fours. (You didn't think HE still crawls around because he looks like a baby, did you?)

I am but a simple kook who minds her own business in the kitchen, baking pies for winners of the Beet of the Week award. Creating special new dishes for fun. (Hiding the sack of knives behind my back--I just got back from shopping).

Honey, your business is no longer your own. It's now The Party's business. And as for your sack of knives, we have a saying in my courtroom: If they bring a knife to the fight, you bring me a naked Viggo Mortensen. (Ha! You thought I was going to say "shovel", didn't you? Never, ever second guess Pinkie!)

The only books I read are kookbooks. I would never come within ten feet of racist, backwards, kapitalist propoganda. It leaves a residue in my mouth, and then I cannot taste the beet soup to make sure it is bland enough.

What? You've never read Alinsky's Rules for Radicals? Or Obama's The Audacity of Hope, or Dreams of My Father? Or even Jeremy Zilber's Why Mommy is a Democrat?

Obamugabe doesn't favor gorgeous blonde types anyway (which I am). Women wearing aprons in the kitchen does turn him on though...(not that I would know.) I believe he is more into topless Many Titted types. (which I am not.)

Well, guess who else doesn't favor gorgeous blonde types? ME!!! At least not the female kind. Brad, Rutger, yea, even Viggo--bring 'em on!

Lest I dig myself in deeper, I will stop for now until I receive the first round of initial judgements against me, and then I can better defend myself. I have avoided the shovel up til now, and I intend to continue this good fortune.

Did you at least remember to bring me some chocolate beet cupcakes?

***Heard that from my sixth grade moonbat math teacher at a time when notebook paper in far out pastel colors was all the crack among the girls and he wanted to discourage them from using it. (OTOH, my more conservative homeroom teacher was opposed to it because he said it made their schoolwork harder to read.)

True story.

Next in the docket: Obamugabe.

I'm very impressed with your confession, comrade. I especially like that you received your epiphany while sitting upon a People's Commode, and that you were properly humbled by the simple act of being caught with your pants down. Indeed, you achieved the rare feat of forcing the muscles around my mouth to move in such a way that my lips curved not downward in a disapproving frown, but upward in the faintly amused hint of a smile.

There's just one little itsy-bitsy loose thread to tie up: Rumor has it that you've been coached in your testimony, Obamugabe. And while we don't have the name of the coach, my sources tell me this comrade is baby-faced in appearance and has a thing for mops.

Give me that comrade's name, and bring me his mop, preferably the Swab of Truth (even if you have to melt him with a bucket of water to do it), and we'll consider this case closed.

OK, moving right along (though I'm starting to feel as if I'm talking to myself here; this is like the IFP membership forum). Calling Commissarka Leninka!

Congratulations, Leninka! For bringing in Casserole Czar, you are hereby awarded Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

And for your mother:

You also get a gift certificate to Pup's Party Pleasure Palace, your own parking space in front of Party headquarters (you will be responsible for cleaning up any oil stains once your reign as Beet of the Week has ended), and I do believe Casserole Czar owes you a pie.

As for you, Partitioned Pasternak: Since I am told you also had a hand in bringing forth the bounty, I'm afraid I can't give you Beet of the Week this time around (only one per comrade per instance), but I'm pleased to present you a consolation prize in the form of these two adorable bunny rabbits!


Oh wait, what happened here? I could've sworn there were only two when that nice man boxed them up for me, but--oh well--this only makes for a bigger, better prize, doesn't it? And he did recommend them to me with the words, "They're the gift that keeps on giving!"

So you see, Pasternak, these will last you much longer than Beet of the Week! And aren't they absolutely darling? Oh, they're just the sweetest, cutest things, and look! They're all over you now, they love you so much!

Oh, this is the greatest thing I've ever done for anyone! I feel so good about myself now!

Comrades, listen! Do you hear how much Partitioned Pasternak is enjoying the bunnies I gave him? Why, he's shrieking with joy! And they, in turn, absolutely adore him, why they're just eating him up!

This is what makes being a Prog so worthwhile. It's the change, the difference I can make in other people's lives.

And with so little effort . . . and even less thought!

Did you see that ad for an Interracial Relationships dating service on the side bar? Racist! I want to join, but I am not colorful enough. One day, my daughter was in a Kid's Club at the gym and said to one of the workers who happened to be black, "You're black." And the girl laughed and said, "Yep, I am!" And the girl asked my daughter what color she was, and she said, "PINK!"


Ahem. Anyway.

Colonel 7.62, I can read because I was born a genius. I could read "Ten Apples Up On Top" by the time I was ten. My favorite cookbooks are Beetty Crocker (not Betty Cracker, also an unracist edition, but less colorful--it only comes with black pages with black writing--hard to use.) and Beetter Homes and Beet Gardens, which I read in the tub while I soak in essence of beet oil and peppermint which I confiscated from a kaptialist and then decided was unuseful in the kitchen because I didn't have enough to go around. It would have been unfair. But again, I AM a Made Progressive and therefore I am free to indulge in simple luxuries while no one is looking. Don't you dare say you were looking at me in the tub! I had that skylight put in for OTHER reasons.

Pre-emptive Judge Obama Pinkie, (I was going to say Justice, but that would be an insult, since our revolutionary glories are not achieved by such an uncivilized means):

I did bring chocolate-double-fudge-brownie-frosting-devil's-food-supreme beet cupcakes for you. (Why grovel when you can bribe? Bribery is a virtue which all of our great leaders have embraced. We do not stoop to it, we rise to it.)

I threw all my tissues away after I read your troubling account about harmful chemicals. The kollective kitchen is extremely globally environmentally consious and we do not ever throw anything away if we can help it. We have a compost for all the leftover scraps. The compost is empty though since we never have enough, I mean leftovers. We use the bones of the animals we slaughter, except Roosters, to carve into useful tiny shovels for midgets and the mice that frequent our cupboards. They also wear tiny red aprons like my own, made from the dried blood of chickens. The Rooster bones are used as toothpicks and sold as dental tools to the community doctors. The leftover parsnip tops and beet greens etc. are reserved for special guests...PETA members, etc. They like to eat out of a trough like their animal friends and greens keep them "going" since that type is often constipated. (The kollective masses are not allowed greens as it would keep color in their pathetic, destined for the death-panel faces.)

Back to the nose-blowing, since I have no tissues, I considered using my leftover Marxi-Pads since they are approved by The Party, but then I am still raping the rainforests, so I decided to use the leaves in my front yard, yet still I am exploiting nature. So I'll just use my sleeves as you suggested earlier, but they become so crusted that I cannot use my arm to stir the soup that I am sneezing over. What's that? The Holy Gore has given me permission to use the sails from his yacht? Sweet. (Maybe he has some toilet paper I could sneak out...)

As to pleading the fifth, I realized that I shredded my copy of the Constitution to make pom-poms for the Progressive Team cheer squad, so that's out. The words in it were too big for my taste anyway. There were no words in it like...beet, kollective, global, diversity, progressive, etc. I did see the word "revolution" but it wasn't spelled out the same.

Viggo Mortensen. A true Renaissance man. He is not a kapitalist, is he? Otherwise...you might find yourself better attracted to more appropriate men. Like, say...our hot president sporting sophisticated rain gear? In fact, I believe it could be construed as disloyal to the Party to lust after anyone else. He is the ultimate socialist sex symbol. The ultimate commie complex. The brightest benderoverer that ever bended over. Viggo has nothing on him. True, he is gifted in sooo many ways...(daydreaming...drooling...snapping out of it).

Finally, SOME might say that I am a hot blonde type (and that's who I was referring to) but actually some might say that I am short, brunette and not the prettiest limb on the tree. Maybe, somewhat rounded too, like the great chefs of times gone by. I guess you will never know unless I show you a picture of myself...hmmm...let me see if I can dig one up.

Comrade Casserole, I see by your avatar that you know that baking casseroles in a square pan creates dry corners. It also shows that you subscribe to the Progressive ideology of circular logic. "Is good" but I find it troubling that unlike your co-conspirator Olga Katrina you have yet to accept your crimes and throw yourself under the bus on the mercy of the court.

Instead you've hurled threats of an uprising by the People. I must remind you, we alone provide for the needs of the proles, not you comrade. Repent! Confess!

As for Viggo Mortensen, no he's not a kapitalist, not by the skin of his skinny tattooed Russian mafia penis he isn't (judging by his recent political comments and his performance in Eastern Promises, an excellent movie about life in post Soviet Eastern Europe).

btw: What are your thoughts on halupki casserole? I just don't have time to roll up the beef and rice in steamed cabbage leaves so I just chop it all up and bake it like that. Do you consider that a cultural crime? Just askin'

Comrade Whoopie,

As long as you are cooking cabbage in any form, it is not a crime. It is a crime to cook asperagus in the winter or other more too-expensive-for-the-masses vegatables. That is why we serve beets year round in the kitchen. They can keep in a large wooden crate for years on end.

But the only thing I will confess is that I have not yet make halupki casserole. I will not confess to even having breathed the same air as that vile Obamugabe (that is unless he is pardoned, and then well--we are best of friends.) Olga sounded a little defensive to me...and that usually means guilt. But I am as cool as a cucumber because I am innocent.

He who smelt it dealt it. I have not heard from Snoogie yet...perhaps he is sweating since I am being treated fairly? He may be deflecting the fact that he was at the book signing himself and by redirecting the attention of the people, he is saving himself. Does he have an alibi? No, I am not redirecting the attention off of myself...

Isn't Viggobaby in "Good" as well? I have been meaning to see that...maybe it isn't out yet on video...

Uh, CC? Do you, um, know any recipes for rabbit casserole? I ask purely in the spirit of intellectual curiosity. I've managed to turn my bowl upside down to hide in, but I, ah, don't know how long it'll hold...

I'd like to remind you how much we have in common: You like vegetables, I like vegetables (gotta love compost, after all), you're surrounded by suspicious leftists, I'm surrounded by starving lagomorphs...

I might not be a made prog, but I have considerable talent in the toadeating department and I find that's usually enough to get out of most predicaments (having zilch self respect helps) and if you, uh, need a character witness... OH STATE HELP ME THEY'VE CHEWED THROUGH!!

Ah hah! There you ARE! Casserole Czar!!!!

Karl has been looking all over hell and back for you! Have you been hanging out in the Kollective Kitchen Kloset again devouring all the beets!?! Huh? Huh?

Anyway, Karl found that clothing item you lost in the Communal Laundry and he'd like to return them to you.


® This item is 100% Feminist Dialectic approved.

PINKIE!!!!!

Oh the shame! Do you really think that I would actually help that Palin……spit…..admiring, Obamugabe! What would possess you to think that? Do you think that he gave me a gold mine in Zimbabwe or something that I would keep for myself and not let such fine Judge as your self or the party know about it? Oh the shame, the shame.
But I will forgive you and have I told you how lovely you look on the bench recently? I was thinking that fine solid 24k gold brooch I just sent you would look great on your robe my sweet little babushka. Oh and did you like the gold chain also?
Let us not put Obamugabe in any more hot water than he already is in by listening to these totally unfounded rumors. I'm ready to forgive him for his sins by that beautiful confession of his it was errr…..Golden.

As for you casserole czar, your cheesy attempt at deflection by trying to implicate me in your nefarious deeds has not gone unnoticed! I highly suggest you and Katrina start presenting some real defense evidence that I and the rest of the party can examine to save both yours collective bacon. Evidence that can be independently appraised and then deposited in a nice safe place for future reference by other party members is the most approved method.

Psst...Red Rooster what ever you do don't let Pinkie know about the diamond mine Obamugabe gave us also!!!!!!

Comrade Pasternak, look to the left. No, your left not my left. Good. See the wormhole? Jump through it. Now I must confess. I can't remember if this is the wormhole that will open up in Pinkie's salad crisper, the one that opens up to a PETA buffet, or the one that sends you to the courtroom where you can be a mandatory voluntary witness. Hope for the best. It's either that, or the bunny rabbits.

Comrade Pasternak, I hear the Big Fur Hat manufacturing collective will trade a bottle of vodka for each dozen prime rabbit pelts. You can also turn their little unlucky feet into keychains and of course you can sell the meat in any back alley (provided you kick some of the money back to the Party^TM).

Oh and if you find anything on the carpet that looks like cocoa puffs, don't eat 'em.

Now, I hate to admit it, but since I was given the choice of silence, or Pinkie's Shovel 'o Justice, I feel compelled to speak out about Casserole Czar.

While she presents a good show of serving up beet casseroles, I noticed that she also was ROASTING A CHICKEN (the poor slaughter of innocent animals), and also had a McCain/Palin sticker on the front of her oven!

On top of that, when confronted with this hastily located evidence, she DENIED everything, and on top of that, REFUSED TO GIVE ME ANY CASSEROLE!

She even tried to shove *me* out of her kitchen and underneath the People's Bus(TM) that was waiting outside for her to throw herself under. Most irregular to say the least.

WHAT!?!

A SHAME COLONEL, A DAMN SHAME!

WILL THIS BLASPHEMY OF THE PARTY EVER STOP DEAR CASSEROLE CZAR!!!

BY ORDER OF THE POLITBURO WE FULLY DENOUNCE CASSEROLE CZAR AS HEATHEN OF THE KAPITALIST REICH WING!!!!

(*feathers-a-fly*)

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE! Wait! I have evidence! I was at Walmart that day! I promise!

I have a photo that shows that I was there that day buying generic beets and knives for the kitchen. (But now I buy brand name beets b/c the recession is over.)

Today I will change the photo to the People's size--remind me Red Rooster-- then you can bake me if you must in the ovens of your wrath. But give me just this one last chance!

Walmart? That bastion of Kkkaptalism? Real progressives go to their local food co-ops.

See! There I was. There are beets in that black bag. (Yes I paid for them!)

You guessed it! Some call me a hot blonde, but as you can see, I am more rounded like the great chefs of the world. Here I am with beets...uh, they are behind the mountain dew, and the diet pepsi. And, it looks like I have some veges in there too...PP, can you recognize these cousins of yours?

Here I am after my melanin transplant. And I was on my way to a date, that's why I had the fancy socks on. So as you can see. I am innocent. I was on my own the People's business that day. Not my own. I was not as you might suspect going on a date with Obamugabe, I was meeting our own Theocritus--he was taking me out for Mc Don't-ask-me-to-speak-English for lunch. I eat there...oh, several times a day. But mostly I just order salads, and then I bring home a couple of happy meals for later the kids.

Casserole Czar wrote:
Here I am after my melanin transplant.

Son of a....Girl you look like you just rolled in on the Code Pink bus. Come to think of it, you look like the bus. Were you the inspiration for all those "your mama" jokes? I bet you have to turn around twice just to scratch your own back. Forget what I said, don't throw yourself under the bus, I don't think there's enough ground clearance. Try a freight train instead. Or maybe one of them monster trucks that the Tea Bagger's are so fond of.

Alright, gratuitous fat jokes aside, I don't believe these obviously doctored photos. They probably came from some website that mocks the humble shoppers of Walmart instead of attacking the evil corporation itself for exploiting their workers, decent hard working guys like Adam Grenway (or was it Sam Jenkins).

If you're holding out for a plea bargain, let me say that the People's Court doesn't make deals with terrorists. Bribes we take, but no quid pro quo deals.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:OK, moving right along (though I'm starting to feel as if I'm talking to myself here; this is like the IFP membership forum). Calling Commissarka Leninka!

Congratulations, Leninka! For bringing in Casserole Czar, you are hereby awarded Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

And for your mother:

You also get a gift certificate to Pup's Party Pleasure Palace, your own parking space in front of Party headquarters (you will be responsible for cleaning up any oil stains once your reign as Beet of the Week has ended), and I do believe Casserole Czar owes you a pie.

As for you, Partitioned Pasternak: Since I am told you also had a hand in bringing forth the bounty, I'm afraid I can't give you Beet of the Week this time around (only one per comrade per instance), but I'm pleased to present you a consolation prize in the form of these two adorable bunny rabbits!


Oh wait, what happened here? I could've sworn there were only two when that nice man boxed them up for me, but--oh well--this only makes for a bigger, better prize, doesn't it? And he did recommend them to me with the words, "They're the gift that keeps on giving!"

So you see, Pasternak, these will last you much longer than Beet of the Week! And aren't they absolutely darling? Oh, they're just the sweetest, cutest things, and look! They're all over you now, they love you so much!

Oh, this is the greatest thing I've ever done for anyone! I feel so good about myself now!

Comrades, listen! Do you hear how much Partitioned Pasternak is enjoying the bunnies I gave him? Why, he's shrieking with joy! And they, in turn, absolutely adore him, why they're just eating him up!

This is what makes being a Prog so worthwhile. It's the change, the difference I can make in other people's lives.

And with so little effort . . . and even less thought!

Thank you Comrade Pinkie,

Sorry for my tardiness in this response. I do so like rounding up criminals for trial. And about the oil cleaning assignment, oh, how I love cleaning up oil. I just mix some Barbara Boxer I'm whiter than you, so I can call the president of a black chamber of commerce "Sir," but if you're a general, don't you dare call me "Ma'am" enzymatic phosphate cleaner into the oil, and it disappears in seconds.

I was on a secret mission to Zimbabwe to check up on some details about Comrade Obamugabe and gather evidence. And I must say, I was sorely disappointed not to find one thong bikini in the presidential palace, not one semen stained dress, no evidence of groping of white women in need of a job a la Catherine Wylie. No denials of sordid affairs.

However, via Comrade Fidel, I did find evidence of Comrades CCCP, and Comrade KOK making secret visits to Zimbabwe to give counseling and comfort to Comrade Obamugabe.

Now, if they had carried out the duties mandated by Comrade Fidel when he sold them to Comrade Mugabe, to set up government food lines, and a women's correctional facility for women who are raped and pillaged and dare to complain to any Christian missionaries stationed in neighboring countries, this would have been fine. But instead, they themselves tried to defect to Texas, of all Rethuglican places. This is very serious, and they both had better have a good explanation for this!

Again, thank you Comrade Pinkie for awarding me a Beet of the Week Award. I will hang it up above my cleaning supplies.

You are most welcome, Leninka. Keep up the good work on Obamugabe and KOK (where ARE they, anyway?)

CASSEROLE CZAR: I'm the one who's supposed to be the judge, not the one on trial being subjected to extremely enhanced interrogation techniques. With that in mind, I will gladly drop all charges against you provided:

1. You put on that underwear Karl is holding up. And anything else he gives you.

2. That for the love of Lenin, you stop posting those Wal-Mart pictures. I may never wear pink again. In fact, I have this awful urge to hang all my pink clothes on the end of a very long stick and set them aflame.

Leninka wrote: I was on a secret mission to Zimbabwe to check up on some details about Comrade Obamugabe and gather evidence. And I must say, I was sorely disappointed not to find one thong bikini in the presidential palace, not one semen stained dress, no evidence of groping of white women in need of a job a la Catherine Wylie. No denials of sordid affairs.

However, via Comrade Fidel, I did find evidence of Comrades CCCP, and Comrade KOK making secret visits to Zimbabwe to give counseling and comfort to Comrade Obamugabe.

Now, if they had carried out the duties mandated by Comrade Fidel when he sold them to Comrade Mugabe, to set up government food lines, and a women's correctional facility for women who are raped and pillaged and dare to complain to any Christian missionaries stationed in neighboring countries, this would have been fine. But instead, they themselves tried to defect to Texas, of all Rethuglican places. This is very serious, and they both had better have a good explanation for this!

Comrade Leninka

AS if I did not have enough to deal with during the PalinGate scandal, now you have to denounce me for the lack of "thong bikini in the presidential palace, not one semen stained dress, no evidence of groping of white women in need of a job a la Catherine Wylie. No denials of sordid affairs."

Well, I may have Confessed and Grovelled after the previous accusations, but this is going too far, and I will not take it lying down, or in any other position your perprogressive mind can think of.

If you just applied to my office like any other comrade in good faith, I would have taken you on an official tour of our Thong Museums, Stained Dress Collections, Groping Schools or any other monument to our proud progressive Zimbabwean heritage.

I am disappointed in you Comrade Leninka. You could have asked.

Amandla!

Obamugabe