Comrades!

I write you from the people's collective farm, where I am being re-educated for posting a people's youtube without commentary. It hurts, and the food is not good, but this is only as I deserve. The following video has been denounced for being suspiciously catchy and easy to sing, but many comrades have lost their lives exposing the false revolutionaries at the DNC, who are trying to make our Bolshevik brothers look caring and compassionate by comparison. For the sake of workers everywhere, the DNC must stop looking so scary. WE are supposed to be the scary ones.

Ah comrade collector of low hanging and fallen fruits I thought those were your fingerprints on a that juicy red apple I finished munching on. I hope you remembered to wash your hands after visiting the People's Porta-Potty since I forgot to wash my apple before consuming it with gusto.

Try not to think about the quality of the food you are given at the gulag as we of the Inner Party gobble our bacon double cheese burgers and pizza which we wash down with tall frosted mugs of beer. Once you've been rehabilitated there will be plenty of beets, potatoes and cabbage for you to consume morning noon and night.

I drink to your early release. Now get back to work.

Comrade Whoopie, it is bourgeoisie thought crime to engage in hand washing after windfall gathering of the people's fruit. Here on the collective, we are allowed, even, (sometimes), to eat the fallen fruit as long as the commisar's horse has rejected it. I have been promoted to barrack clerk for reporting comrades who did not even give horse chance to reject! (Secret is in putting people's ammonia on apple before showing commisar's horse--then certain disdain on part of horse!) But we are as nothing. Even commisar is as nothing. All must live for revolution. Even commisar's horse, which now has bad case of colic.

Prole AP,

Do you dig trench with bare hands? How big trench? Do hands bleed?

You have been promoted by none comrade! To get shovel comrade do not poison commissars horse, do not question Comrade Whoopie, and do not forget to wipe after hands are bleeding.

Da?

I do comrade's horse favor! Too many apples, too much colic! Hands bleed only from boxing ears of comrades who make orchard too productive! Like old days around here since they give every man two trees to sell in small farmer's market--for own profit!! Small wonder when you and Com. Whoopie eating burgers and pizza! Who in charge here???

NOT Gulag, Comrade Whoopie. People's Collective Apple Farm, where we are proud to report 4,472 trees producing fruit for people, as opposed to old days of Czar, when they were 143,243 Tzarist trees. Commisar's office has photo of crate box maker being shot as middleman enemy of people. Apples no more taken to Moscow because no more bourgeoise crates and boxes. Apples stay here now and we make apple brandy for Commisar's friends associates. Commisar asks to know anyone who calls farm a Gulag, so friendly warning, comrade.

Comrade Apple Collectivist
It has come to my attention that Comrade Uri Demko gave a keynote speech at your gulag. He reported that you have been growing peaches, which are against the People's code of conduct. As we all know, only RED fruit is acceptable for official Party consumption. He also advised me that while he was there one of the People's goats gave birth to ONLY three young. This is once again unacceptable by the Party. If your performance does not improve, you will be sent to the Pasadena Re-education Center operated by Comrade Wilson and his party members.