Bears are by nature 99 percenters. They are not rich, they grab what they can where they can and they just want to get along and raise their bear families. Occasionally misfortune befalls them and a safety net is needed - as happened to our Boulder, Colorado bear, who found himself disadvantaged and stranded in a tree. Fortunately, the state had its safety net, in the form of a trampoline, standing by. When our Boulder bear finally gave up on life and dropped from the tree, he was saved by the government trampoline, albeit with a few bumps and lumps.

Now, as heartwarming as this was and as grateful as our Boulder bear felt about being rescued by the state, he had to admit seeing certain opportunities surrounding his new circumstances.
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There were television interviews, book offers, and a bear summit offered by the President of the United States. People treated him as a celebrity and going back to his old life of digging through garbage dumps for food and picking berries seemed tedious and laborious.

Certainly a bear who had become so entitled, could not be expected to earn his own way or find his own food. So Boulder bear spent more and more time around his new human friends who were all too eager to provide for him in return for his support in the voting booth.

But bears were not meant to be dependent and no good can come of it. In the end, our Boulder friend tired of walking and decided automobile transportation would be more convenient.

Bears, however, do not natively understand mechanized transportation and will just as likely be run over as ride.

So Boulder bear's all too foreseeable end was to become roadkill. As helpful as socialists might wish to be, a black bear hitchhiking in the dark on black pavement is very hard to see.

Conservatives are touting Bolder's trampoline bouncing bear's death as an example of dependency gone awry. It is very insensitive to politicize such a tragedy. We feel it would be unfair to draw comparisons to government entitlements, social dependency and our unfortunate trampoline bear's demise.

I can barely bear the thought of that poor bear, lying dead in the road like that. At least he can still vote.

Do you suppose Dear Leader has eaten bear meat?

How did bears ever manage to get down from trees in the seemingly endless time before government could intervene with its trusty safety net?

Maybe that's what killed off the cavemen and smaller dinosaurs--they were crushed to death by bears falling out of trees.

That being said, I don't understand why the phrase, "It's raining bears outside" never caught on.

Sarah Palin would've just shot him and turned him into a rug.

Was the bear named Julia?

It all started with a handful of crackers. Cradle to grave bear entitlement.

Depend on government, they care


Thinking about animals and socialism makes me think of the mammoth. "Like most socialists I believed that mother earth would support me if I looked good and didn't interfere with nature. I would blame George Bush but people didn't exist yet." (Unless you believe the earth is only 5000 years old and then only few people existed.) We will make allowances for your belief system until the post revolutionary purges.