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Revolutionary Step to Immortal Brains

4/30/2018, 12:09 pm
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Revolutionary Step to Immortality: Pig Brains Kept Alive Outside of Bodies

The brains of hundreds of pigs reportedly survived for up to 36 hours after they were decapitated in an experiment that lays the foundation for the preservation of human minds beyond their physical limitations.

Scientist Dr. Nenad Sestan, alongside his colleagues at Yale University, explained the experiment at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland. Once the pigs had been decapitated, their brains were resuscitated and attached to the “BrainEX” closed-loop system that provided them with artificially oxygenated blood.

The team found that billions of cells in the 100-200 pig brains tested were not only surviving but healthy and functional. Sestan called the result “unexpected,” even “mind-boggling.” He also claimed that not only could the brains be kept alive indefinitely with this method, but that they could have gone even further to restore awareness but chose not to because “this is uncharted territory.”

There are some pretty serious complications, however. First, that the same chemicals used to prevent the brain from swelling during the procedure could very well inhibit consciousness — leaving prospective immortals technically alive but ironically brain-dead.

Soon, we can ALL be Comrade Betinov

[img]/images/various_uploads/Betinov_Brain_Jar_342.jpg[/img]
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4/30/2018, 1:12 pm
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How soon before they start grafting porcine heads onto penguin human bodies?
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4/30/2018, 2:34 pm
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Need I point out the triumph of Soviet Cubical Science that we have been doing this for years? To phooey with this so-called "breakthrough!"

All it takes is impure vodka and the pure collective truth of Scientific Socialism.
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4/30/2018, 2:45 pm
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Ivan Betinov wrote:Need I point out the triumph of Soviet Cubical Science that we have been doing this for years? To phooey with this so-called "breakthrough!"

All it takes is impure vodka and the pure collective truth of Scientific Socialism.

[img]/images/Samogon_Brain.jpg[/img]
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4/30/2018, 2:47 pm
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Ah, the good old days...

[img]/images/various_uploads/Brain_Obama_Pelosi.jpg[/img]

These promotional items didn't sell well, however.

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4/30/2018, 2:54 pm
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Scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center have been hard at work trying to save the brains of The Children™

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So far the results have been mixed...

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4/30/2018, 3:05 pm
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A fellow Party Organ Donor spotted outside the Karl Marx Treatment Center.

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4/30/2018, 5:20 pm
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And before any of you happy little meme-makers get any ideas, the first person to replace my brain with the picture of a boob will also be the first person on the next train to Kolyma.
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5/1/2018, 4:20 pm
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"Get that cat outa here!"
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5/1/2018, 10:07 pm
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"Abby-someone. I'm almost sure that was the name..."

- SK

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