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Space Shuttle Exploration

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Fellow Comrades:

In the coming days, the USSA's NASA program will be launching Space Shuttle Discovery after an embarrassing explosion occurred back in 2003. Unfortunately for the USSA, the pain still remains for those who lost their family members in the Space Shuttle Columbia explosion.

May we, the People at the People's Cube, present to the USSA: Space Shuttle Exploration! The Space Shuttle Exploration has a perfect record (simply because there is no record!), and no one has ever died due to a failure of the People's Space Shuttle Program. By guaranteeing the work of the People, the Space Shuttle Exploration will be safe, and no one will ever have to worry about deaths! Check out the USSR's record of Space Exploration!

So USSA, please feel free to explore outside your small capitalist world with Space Shuttle Exploration!

Watching out for our fellow cosmonauts,
Vladimir Ivanov
Red Journalism Headquarters, Moscow, USSR

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I have sucessfully launched a small satellite into low earth orbit using a Peoples Model Rocket kit so I can spy on my neighbors to make sure they don't do anything that the capitalist pigs may suport.

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The main purpose of the Soviet space exploration program was to show the strength and superiority of the socialist system. The risk, sacrifice, and suffering of the cosmonauts served mainly to improve the socialist morale and international respect. The scientific value was a mere side effect and can be neglected.

Therefore, we can easily recreate the Soviet Space Program in our organization without going to space. We'll simply make our cosmonauts suffer here on earth. As long as there is sacrifice we're OK. Recreating the illusion of space travel is optional but it can add an interesting touch. Comrade Otis has been developing the Red Planet Project for some time now. Another Five-Year Plan and we'll be "broadcasting" from Ptyomkingrad, Mars!

We already have a crew of selfless cosmonauts standing by:

Image Laika the Space Dog

Image Hillary

Image Comrade Kerry
(released from Gulag, currently on probation)

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I have it on the highest authority that these "shuttle flights" are an elaborate ruse to divert funds from righteous programs (e.g. Healthcare) to spurious "space research" (produced by contractors from Halliburton, Enron and Tyco). I am sure that Hillary will agree that our future lies on Mother Earth, and that global warming, healthcare, welfare, housing, social security and the like are our future. Nobody ever fed a homeless man a pizza by flying into space!

I also want all of you to know that the movie "<a href="https://www.scifimoviepage.com/capri.html" target="_blank">Capricorn One</a>" was based on a true story, and we <a href="https://batesmotel.8m.com/" target="_blank">never landed on the moon</a>. Save our money for social programs. The Shuttle is a HOAX.

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NASA faked those landings to get funds. Our goal is different. We will fake space missions to get credibility (and converts, faith, popularity, etc.).

Human sacrifice is crucial to our humanistic ideology. The bigger the sacrifice, the stronger the humanism. Or communism. Or socialism. But let's not get lost in the semantics. The bottom line is, someone will have to die on a fake mission and become a celebrated martyr. I suggest it's J. Carter who right now is being conveniently tried by the People's Tribunal for a crime that's yet to be determined. He can be "sent" into space by Comrade Betty and his trusty guillotine.

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Laika here, present!

On standby awaiting orders!

Thank Lenin! Red said it's only human sacrifices.
Am I reading too much into this?
I just had my "Pour le Merite" shined the other day!
C'mon, I get to see another May Day don't I?
Ahh sh*t, you be pimpin' da Laika!
I get it!
OK, I'm in.

I get to wear my medals in the photo ops don't I?
Yesssssss!

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Red Square wrote:NASA faked those landings to get funds. Our goal is different. We will fake space missions to get credibility (and converts, faith, popularity, etc.).

Human sacrifice is crucial to our humanistic ideology. The bigger the sacrifice, the stronger the humanism. Or communism. Or socialism. But let's not get lost in the semantics. The bottom line is, someone will have to die on a fake mission and become a celebrated martyr. I suggest it's J. Carter who right now is being conveniently tried by the People's Tribunal for a crime that's yet to be determined. He can be "sent" into space by Comrade Betty and his trusty guillotine.

Comrade, why would we allow the Malaise Carter to become a hero? Clearly he is enemy of the People!!

Heil Hillary

Comrade Laika:
The Space Shuttle Exploration is ready for launch. Report to it at 0600 tomorrow morning...that's what I was told to tell you. Hope you get the message. Good luck, and may you be successful!

Vladimir Ivanov

Elsworth Toohey
Farrakhan has told the people of the the fast approaching Mothership that will save the black masses in the not to distant future. Do you have any reports of when this Mothership will arrive to free the black masses from the tyranny of free market capitalism, individual liberties, and property rights?

Alien Nation: Louis Farrakhan, phone home

In 1995, Farrakhan claimed he'd been abducted by aliens and that he communicates with late Nation of Islam leader Elijah Muhammad who, as you read this, is orbiting Earth in a giant spaceship.

And Farrakhan isn't alone in his belief in unidentified flying objects and sky-walking extraterrestrials. The Nation believes, too, and Elijah Muhammad often spoke of their importance to the black separatist faith.


 
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