Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama is consulting with Comrade Secretary Hillary Hughovna Clinton and the Committee for Redistributive Algorithms of the Directorate for Minorities Ranking of the Office of the Commissar for Equality Enforcement under the Department of Social Egalitarianism and Redistribution to determine the proper response to news that American hostages are being held by an Algerian Social Justice Agitator who is handicapped. The Party wishes to ensure that the State’s response is appropriate to the hostage-taker’s minority status due to his disability and ethnic origins.
Before military intervention can be ordered, the Committee for Redistributive Algorithms must establish the proper value of the hostage-taker’s total level of victimization. If his rating is high enough, the Party may choose to overlook this hostage taking, particularly if the American hostages have a lower overall victimization score. However, if the score of the hostages is higher than the hostage-taker’s score, you can expect a lightening-fast response, not unlike the effort to kill Comrade Usama bin-Laden.
Since radicalized fundamentalist Islamic agitators are not considered white males, whey are naturally to be found within the rankings of Directorate for Minorities Ranking of the Office of the Commissar for Equality Enforcement, as are those with physical disabilities. Given that the hostage-taker is both disabled and from an ethnically-disadvantaged class, his score is expected to be much higher than average.
Given the success of the State in this system, demands for victimization ranking is soaring. This has somewhat slowed the process, and so the People can expect that State to provide President B. B. Obama with a ranking for this hostage-taker in the next six to eight months.
We are not publishing the name of the hostage-taker since he has not been properly convicted on any crime in a USSA court, and is therefore presumed innocent of any crimes of hostage-taking, should it be proven that his hostages have higher victimization scores than him.
Struggle for the fair treatment of the disabled!
Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Update: the Algerian Army has responded to the situation. The White Fortress has announced that it has ceded the situation to Algerian leadership, and is now making preparations for proper reception of survivors and/or the bodies. Still no word on the score of the hostage-taker.
Nomenklatura-climberUpdate: the Algerian Army has responded to the situation. The White Fortress has announced that is has ceded the situation to Algerian leadership,
A board has been formed to determine if all his weapons and explosives were reasonably accommodated for his disability.
Community organizing hostage takers
Human rights group, Human Rights Right This Minute! (HRRTM) has condemned what it calls "inappropriate remarks bordering on racism and bigotry" that came from an English journalist Joe Snuffy as he was beheaded on a recently surfaced Al Qaeda video. The official transcript of the tape attributes to Mr. Snuffy the following statement: "Islam and Mo..." While the rest of the message was censored by Western news agencies out of respect for non-Western religions, human rights watchdogs at HRRTM claim that with the help of hired lip-reading and body-language experts they reconstructed Mr. Snuffy's statement, which appears to contain inflammatory hate speech. "Just as we had suspected all along," says spokesbeing for HRRTM Sarah Fulano.