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Susan Sarandon To Be Appointed Breast Equalization Czar

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In a surprising development, President Obama plans to make Hollywood film star Susan Sarandon the Breast Equalization Czar."This has been a long neglected problem, and my administration will be the first to do something about it," said Mr. Obama. "Susan Sarandon has been a longtime supporter of both Democrats and breast enhancement, and I believe she is the best person for the job."

In an exclusive interview by a reporter from the National People's Radio (NPR) on the picturesque estate of fellow Democrat Harrison Ford, with the spectacular Grand Teton Mountains in the background, Susan Sarandon spoke of her commitment to making all breasts in the USSA equal.

"There has been a disparity between large and small breasts far too long. It's about time for some kind of breast equalization legislation."

The well endowed beauty, well known for her superlative portrayals in film, of one white trash female character after another, plans to submit her ideas for what will be known as the Breast Equalization Act of 2010, to bring equally sized breasts to all women.

"I'm not just talking about making every breast in America the exact same size, I'm also talking about funding for research to have it done naturally, to save the planet. If all American women were able to produce their own milk, it would reduce carbon emissions, save on fuel costs of milk runs to grocery stores, and reduce the use of plastic milk containers. It's a win-win situation all the way around."

Ms. Sarandon recently split with her partner Tim Robbins, and a brief moment of contention occurred with the NPR reporter when she was asked about the breakup.

"I didn't invite you here to conduct this interview to ask me about my personal life. If you can't stay on the subject of my being appointed the Breast Equalization Czar, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

However, Sarandon could not contain her temper, and before the reporter asked her the next question she coyly shook her cleavage in the NPR reporter's face and quipped: "Have you seen my breasts? Believe me, my breasts were not the reason we split up."

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Comrade Susanski has some large hills to climb in her new position (as breast czar, I mean, get your minds out of the gutter.) There is a gap here the average boob would not be able to fill; namely, the imposition of large DDD taxes on cosmetic surgical procedures by the glorious ObamaCare bill. Such restrictiveness may tend to flatten out the inflationary trend needed to bring all below-the-belt comrades up to snuff with their fellows and achieve the breast results. In spite of her preferences for the non-surgical, there would appear to be no other sure way to nurse deficient comrades towards her gland goals. So, the mother's milk of politics may need to be applied to amend the bill, that the cleavage between the haves and the have-nots may be addressed directly instead of casting sly downward glances at them. I know, I know, the more amendments to the glorious ObamaCare bill, the greater the chance that the odds of passing it may sag irreparably. However, the cause of breast equalization is so impressive, it demands immediate enhancement even at the risk of letting all the air out of the totally-real guaranteed-no-falsies-at-all healthcare reform mandate.

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Bodacious ta-ta's may distract a man for a moment or two, but they won't make up for an ugly face or uglier attitude.

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Comrade Opiate,

Never have I seen such well endowed language. This is the finest example I have ever seen of using every single applicable euphemism there is, and stuffing them into a well padded soliloquy.

Comrade Whoopie,

This is so in many cases.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Bodacious ta-ta's may distract a man for a moment or two, but they won't make up for an ugly face or uglier attitude.


Comrade Whoopie, ugly attitudes are not only justified but required of all right-thinking progs to show solidarity with the oppressed and downtrodden and display opposition to the dominant paradigm of capitalism, phallocentrism, eurocentrism, centrism-centrism, etc. If Comrade Susanski were to show happiness and good humor, the proletariat might begin to think that it is acceptable to be so in spite of all the capitalism-caused suffering in the world. This is why Lady Michelle always displays the "junkyard dog" attitude; we must all be pissed-off until inequality is abolished.

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Comrade Leninka,

The purpose of the written word is to lift the cogent arguments up and separate them from the foolish ones. If we fail to give our leadership the proper support, we risk having what should be an uplifting time instead becoming a bust. With the poll numbers on ObamaCare bouncing all over the place, we must cradle our principles firmly and thrust them forth proudly, else they will droop and eventually drag along the floor.

What euphemisms are you talking about?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Bodacious ta-ta's may distract a man for a moment or two, but they won't make up for an ugly face or uglier attitude.

Comrade, there's nothing that enough vodka won't fix.

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Comrade Opiate,

There are enough euphemisms there to hoist a large bolder over my shoulder, and back again.

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Comrade Opiate,

I owe you an apology. I used the word euphemism when I should have used the word: "double entendre." You are the master of the "double entendre." Please forgive my ignorance.

So the sentence in the above post ought to say:

There are enough double entendres to hoist a large bolder over my shoulder, and back again.

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Comrade Leninka,

You're leaving out the more "equally-endowed" comrades out there ... it should be "double-d entendre" for them.

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Leninka wrote:Comrade Opiate,

I owe you an apology. I used the word euphemism when I should have used the word: "double entendre." You are the master of the "double entendre." Please forgive my ignorance.

So the sentence in the above post ought to say:

There are enough double entendres to hoist a large bolder over my shoulder, and back again.

I knew what you meant. I was just establishing my alibi of ignorance in case the Thought Police decide to bring up the issue at one of my future show trials. Oh, shit, I guess I shouldn't have revealed that in public. No wonder I have so many frequent shoveller miles from the Siberian Express.

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Comrade Pewkov,

Those more "equally-endowed" ought to be taxed for purposes of equalization. And for those who are able to honk a horn when they get into the driver's seat of their automobiles without using their hands, if you know what I mean, then they should be subject to an obscene endowment tax.

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Comrade Opiate,

I suspect both you and your double entendres will be put on trial next time.

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Comrades,

Are we suggesting that we promulgate womyn to merely milk cows? This subjugation of womyn might seem misogynistic to some of our sisters in the femynist movement who reportedly abhor the Objectification of Women(TM)... Hmmm... no matter, they are just useful idiots until the glorious World of Next Tuesday takes hold anyhoo. We already have them baring naked ass for PITA, brandishing boobs for bombs, exposing pubis for code pink, and all around flashing the world some T & A in the name of Equality(TM).

Nevermind, carry on comrades.

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Go ahead, milk this thread for all it's worth jugheads.
(Why then am I sitting at a keyboard nibbling on a pencil eraser?) Leninka you're a bad influence. For shame!

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Comrade RR,

Green trumps femynism. Don't you know that? It has the power of the Goracle behind it and there is no power greater than the power of the Goracle to change everything, including femynism.

Comrade Whoopie,

I placed this post for re-education purposes only. We are aspiring, after all to equalize everyone, and the equalization of all breasts is no exception.

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Leninka, I support your effort to enshrine Saranski at the Czar of Breast Equalization. I still recall having seen her in <i>The Rocky Horror Picture Show</i> and I thought, and still do, that it was her zenith.

But let us not be feminicentric. What are we to do about the biggest pricks around? I do not mean the actual appendages, of course; that would be phallocentric. I mean the people who are the biggest pricks.

Nanski comes to mind, with her claw up Obowma's butt. But let's not forget Murtha. Jack Murtha has his own airport, and no one needs it. He only wants it. Now if that's not being a prick.

I have seen Senator Byrd give a speech with the Governor of West Virgina. "I'll bring in the money and you build them." Every cobblestone in West Virginia is named after Senator Byrd. Is that a prick or what?

And Senator Schumer. That man's face welcomes us to the Doc Johnson website. Every pore of his body screams "Prick!"

I just came from the state of Harry Reid. Now there's a man whom you would not associate with any sort of potency but yet he screams "Prick!" from every pore.

I think that it is sexist to limit this to women. When there are so many pricks around.

Including Olbermann, Matthews, Gibson, Williams, and of course dear Rahm Emanuel, who could give a dildo lessons...

In fact let me propose an award: the WBP: The World's Biggest Prick. On current form the Emanuel brothers are neck and neck for it. Or frenum and frenum for it.

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Fine, then. I suggest retired Comrade Billy Clinton to be appointed the new and spiffy Prick Equalization Czar, unless you have another suggestion. Remember, they must be available for the job.

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Gennifer Flowers said, "Hillary Clinton has fat ankles and Bill Clinton has a smal penis and they'll have to get used to each other's imperfections." So I think that Billy Clinton would be a great prick equalizer.

I am, however, going to be gone for a little while, on a top-secret mission and won't be available for inspection.

Damn. It's hard to walk with your legs crossed.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Gennifer Flowers said, "Hillary Clinton has fat ankles... "


Ye gads, fat ankles you say???? Yet another crisis to deal with while we are still reeling from the breast and prick crises! We must prioritize in order of importance and handle the most pressing crises first: 1) fat ankle 2) breast and prick 3) healthcare deform reform and then if there is any time left over before the election in 2012, we gotta make a hard pivot and do something about the 17% unemployment and the great recession, which will then be in its 5th year or thereabouts.

Anyway, back to the most important issues first: we must appoint John Kerry as the first Fat Ankle Czar as he has so much fat between his ears, he'll know exactly what to do about fat at the other end. Janet Napolitano should be sub-czar because we'll need to be able to tell the populace that the plan is working when they can see that it isn't. Then we'll need Janeane Gawdawfulo to go on Olberman and denounce everyone who doesn't want federal intervention in the fat ankle crisis as "racists". Oooh, I just love a good crisis, don't you guys????

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Never let a crisis go to waste, as my hero Rambutt Emanuel said. But let's not forget the other half of that equation--that's the small-prick crisis, and Gennifer Flowers ought to know. Dear Gennifer. When you consider that Slick was then, as he is now, married to Our Many Titted Empress, our beloved Hildebeest, it's nice to know that he had a port in the storm which was not a collop on our dear MTE's stippled flesh. And perhaps, on evidence, not that big a collop at that.

But do you think that Janet Napolitano should be wheeled out to tell obvious lies? I should think that we'd need Robert Rubin--who lied, and lied, and lied, like the finest communist, on a Sunday show about what Bill Clinton said. He was confronted with verifiable facts and still lied.

A man after my own heart. Why tell the truth? It's so confining.

I haven't heard from Ms. Gawdawfulo lately. I wonder what she's hating herself for now, and blaming us for?

I'm in Los Angeles now and pray for a nightly visit from her just like the one I got in Vancouver a few months ago. And then the night after, I can have another dream, in which I shit in Keith Olbermann's sink. [ I am not making this up. ]

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Don't worry about Janet (this brings back memories of another Janet--Waco Janet) Comrade Theocritus, Matt Lauer gave her a chance to clear the whole thing up with a pre-planned question, and her pre-planned answer was perfect:


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Leninka, thanks for this. I hadn't seen Matt Glower for nearly 20 years and to find him actually asking a question of Janet was astonishing. I always thought that they hired him because he had Bogart's teeth and a nice ass. Nothing else that I could see.

I do so love Obowma's appointees, both confirmed and not confirmed. They are so well calculated to make him, er, <b>Him</b> look good when it is increasingly obvious that the dog turds in my yard are having a hard time making Obowma look good.

Here's an interesting <a href="https://www.slate.com/id/2239935/">article by Christopher Hitchens</a>, who was once the literary editor of a Marxist paper, and who now--spit, spit--more often than not says things of amazing intelligence.

Personally I think that we ought to send Hitchens off to Jiffi-Lobo. He needs a good dose of it.

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Yes, Christopher Hitchens can't seem to help himself when it comes to spitting out the truth, unlike Matt Glower, who poses no danger whatsoever to the furthering of our glorious system. He seems to continues taking his instructions from the Couric, or, it must be that he has a direct link to the office of his O'liness.

I won't be surprised if Matt goes to the grave keeping the secrets of the close connections between his O'liness and the NBC network.


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Comrade RR,

I expect that when the Breast Equalization Act goes into effect, you might be required to have a breast reduction, whereas I will get to have breast enhancement in order to make us exactly equal.

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Comrade Leninka,

Does it look my Janyt's need a breast reduction to you!?!

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And don't say a word about their Boob Belts!

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Oh my, looks as if your Janyts will, indeed, require breast enhancements to make them equal, not that they haven't already come a long way towards being equals. I see that very clearly. You would think working at the Wombat Factory, that there were be enough estrogen going there to blow up at least 10 hot air bazooms balloons.

Perhaps the Wombat Factory would be a good place to manufacture all of the equally sized breasts, too.

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Hmmm... this would require much machinery comrade, much supplies, and much much OPM. We may just have to put in request to OPM Czar right away! Da?

Good thinking, er we mean, good tinfoil hat signals Comrade Leninka!

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Well, it just might lift up the place. Maybe they can come with the bras glued on. Might take the tedium away from making Che-tex and the other femynine products.

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i'm taking it personally upon myself to lanch an undercover operation and expose anykind of naked aggression possibly related to this appointment. we want this czar to be firmly and smoothly in place and have the ability to be 'hands on' with any situation that may need to be physically manipulated or massaged. we do not want to let opposition mound as to be unhandleable and spill from its glorious round restraints.

reporting agent: blackmarket citizen - the peoples black op

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Comrade Blackmarket,

I see you are abreast of the day to day operations, always keeping a hand on any future developments, and keeping everything ship shape, while pushing up anything that is a major priority.

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Leninka wrote:Comrade Blackmarket,

I see you are abreast of the day to day operations, always keeping a hand on any future developments, and keeping everything ship shape, while pushing up anything that is a major priority.


good day comrade leninka,

the party™ can always depend on my unyielding enthusiastic dedication to this subject. since this mission could possibly be a touchy one, i will be out of sight for a while, buried deep in the mountains of sweet deception we call espionage to ensure the partys™ nurturing organs are operational and tasty. and as always, the party™ can deny any knowledge of my existance if it doesn't like the feel of my actions. i will be using a two pronged investigation strategy and will have further reports as i reach each summit of this case.

operation code name: twin peaks
reporting agent: blackmarket citizen - the peoples black op

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Comrades, have you ever thought that perhaps these comrades are sensitive to how other parts of the body feel? Is it fair, I ask you, for only the chest to sprout boobs? Why not the back?

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It's entirely possible that Janyt has boobs all over her body. It's entirely possible that Nanski does too and this is the best explanation for her belly boobs.

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Comrade Theocritus,

You are most astute in pointing this out. And don't forget Mr. Bean Boob.

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A Glorious example of Art from our Comrades in China. Once again they are showing us The Way! (or No Boobs Too Big for The Cube!)


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An artwork called The World's Largest Breasts, by Chinese artist Shu Yong, is towed by an ox in Qingyuan, Guangdong Province, China

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Comrades, Comrades,

Breasts aren't everything, don't you know. As a woman get's older, there are other things that count even more!


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Once I saw Dame Edna interviewing Ron Reagan, Jr., and he actually was quicker than she was. And as far as breasts, here's Brian Zembic, a man who had boobs implanted on a bet.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/56uHv-vKLpg&c ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/56uHv-vKLpg&c ... edded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Notice that unlike Nanski they're not on his belly.

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Oh, the memories of breasts gone by,

If I could only show you a calendar I once saw as a child. It was in the outhouse of a doctor, a bachelor, and the calendar of was old women, with breasts whose days had come and gone. I've tried to find such a calendar on the web, and alas, not a soul has uploaded one for posterity. Each month had a different set of sags.

Really, Comrade Theocritus, I do believe the day will come when the average metro-sexual will sport a pair of implants and no one will bat an eye. Just think, if Beyonce can bring the art of Burlesque to teenagers, and even pre-teens, the day will come when even she will appear quite old fashioned.

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Bear in mind that Beyonce danced on the tomb of a president. And that Obowma had someone rap classical music in the White House.

Is there a connection?

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Of course there is, Comrade Theocritus. The glorious day is coming when no whites will be allowed at the lunch counter. I've already envisioned sitting there myself with Dear Leader just a few stools down, but you know me, I'm cantankerous, and I can just see myself shaking a finger at him about not raising my taxes. You know how it is, we progs, can't stand having to be the ones who pay any taxes, and it better stay that way! Of course, I'll still expect others to pay their share.

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Personally I never pay taxes. They're for the little people, as my heroine Leona Helmsley said. As made progressives we may pay taxes but we always take in more.

Oh I miss Meow to give me pointers on the fine points of socialist theft.


 
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