The day of the election I was sitting in Rancho de Rio Grande going over the books. The cost of stakes, the cost of kindling, the cost of starter fluid, and how I'm going to pay that goddamned Frederick's of Hollywood bill that Bruno keeps running up. It wouldn't be so bad except for the plus sizes. And the farrier's bills.

Bruno had over a one of his little friends--Stacy. Although little is only a term; together they look like wrestlers, until they move or open their mouths and then you wish that Chuck Jones could have lived to send them up. They were sitting around the dining table squealing and applying make-up to each other until the Obama made his acceptance speech after the enough poll results were in.

Bruno dropped his nail polish and said, "Who's that?"

Stacy chimed in, "I think that man is wants to be something, something to do with government?"

"He's running for president, you silly queens! President of the United States! He's going to lead us into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday."

"He's hot," said Bruno.

"Yes," signed Stacy. "Just dreamy. And listen to that voice!"

The Chosen One at that time was taking about Change and Hope and Belief, all those things that he does so well. Talking in that rich, umber voice.

Bruno then wrinkled his brow, which I'd have to pay for in tears later on, and said, "He sure does sound good. That lovely baritone voice. But what is he saying?"

"I don't know," said Stacy, but he's so good looking. I'd could listen to him read the phone book any time."

Bruno looked at me, and asked, "Theocritus, what's the word that you use when someone sounds really nice? It starts with an S, and remember, I didn't hiss it. This time."

"Suave?"

"No."

"Seductive?"

"No, that's not quite it."

"Sonorous?"

Bruno squealed. "That is! Barack is sonorous!"

Stacy then gasped, "And he's so nice, you know. So pleasant."

"Unctuous?" I asked.

"Yes!" Bruno squealed. "That's it! Unctuous. Like you tell me to be when I start shrieking in falsetto!"

Stacy then asked, "But I don't make any sense of it. He sounds real nice, you know, but it's just 'hope' and 'change' and 'belief.' I don't get it. What's he saying?"

"I have no idea," I replied, "But we don't care because he sounds real nice and he looks real good like Joe Biden said and he's going to lead us to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday. Maybe Tuesday in five years, but it'll be progressive and it will be Tuesday. Unless it isn't."

"So," Stacy asked with a furrowed brow, "There's not really anything there? Except of course for all that sonorous and unctuous thing?"

"No," I said, "Obama is a good-sounding vacuity. I should know. I worked real hard to get him elected."

"Theocritus!" squealed Bruno. "You did it! You always said that you'd buy me a big, pretty, purring, empty thing for hauling a lot of other people's stuff away in. You're bought me the Lexus of Sonorous Unctuous Vacuity! I have a Barack SUV!

Haw, haw, haw! The joke's gonna be on y'all, Barky fans! I tol' Laura just the other night, I said "Barky gettin' elected POTUS is jus' like bein' promoted to Captain of the Titanic AFTER she's hit the iceberg!" I mean, me and my dad and Uncle Ronnie have spent the las' 30 years BANKRUPTIN' this here country! Ain't no chicken-sh*t lilly-livered commie from Chicargo gonna dig hisself outta this hole in forty years, let alone four. Sonorous, my ass! He's gonna sound pretty sonorous after those dopey voters who thought Barky was gonna pay their mortgage and buy gas for their cars find out they ain't no money left and chase his ass outta town with a pitchfork! So long, Barky! Say hello to Rezko for me!
Sincerely,
Soon to be former-President G. W. Bush


P.S. From Red State, a howler from the first press conference with the new president-elect:

"It's not going to be quick, and it's not going to be easy to dig ourselves out of the hole that we're in," Mr. Obama said, declaring that he wants to see "a rescue plan for the middle class" and a further extension of unemployment-insurance benefits."

Someone please inform the smartest man who ever lived that one cannot dig oneself OUT of a hole, unless the intent is to dig all the way thru the earth's center and get out that way. Wait a minute, let's start thinking like Obama supporters: "YES WE CAN DIG OURSELVES OUT OF HOLES!"

Opiate, surely the SUV knew that one cannot dig oneself out of a hole. What is the first tenet of being in a hole? When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging. This could explain why Chelsea is an only child by the way.

I am <i>so</i> impressed by the rescue plan for the middle class. Considering that's there the money is, where will the rescue come from? Will he tax the coyotes on Rancho de Rio Grande?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, surely the SUV knew that one cannot dig oneself out of a hole. What is the first tenet of being in a hole? When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging. This could explain why Chelsea is an only child by the way.

I am <i>so</i> impressed by the rescue plan for the middle class. Considering that's there the money is, where will the rescue come from? Will he tax the coyotes on Rancho de Rio Grande?

Commissar, that is discredited phallo-centric euro-centric something-centric thinking. The NEW way is thus: America found itself in a hole so it did the counter-intuitive thing which is to continue digging. This enabled it to find Barack Obama which verified that America was doing the right thing; thus, the digging continues.

Chelsea is an only child because cigars can't... never mind.

Ah, the key to the middle class rescue plan is that the Democrats will redefine the demographic so that it will only consist of 30 or so people that hang around Bill Ayers house in Chicago. This will make it a cinch to rescue them, especially when they have the resources of the upper class (anybody else with more than a dollar's worth of change in their pocket) to draw upon (tax the crap out of.) Much more interesting is the plan to "save" GM and Ford with taxpayer money, seeing how the plan to rescue AIG, Fannie and Freddie (among others) has gone so well. Propping up dead industries so that they could continue to produce products that nobody wanted to buy was what made the Soviet economy such a shining example of hope for so many years. Anyone for a Five-Year Plan?

Next I hear is a bail-out for Sony to revive the Beta VCR. Now it was better than VHS, but it died because there was no smut on it. The Barack plan will be to decree that all smut will be issued only on Beta and not on VHS or DVD.

Nyet, Sony is Japanese and not politically appropriate for American bailout money. Besides, Japan has spent the better part of the last 20 yrs bailing out its own moribund industries. If Sony didn't get any $$$ from their own politicians, why should ours give them any? No, Obama has a better idea; bail out Ampex which created the first VTR in the 1950s. I can see it now: we'll all be encouraged to ditch our VCRs and DVDs in favor of retro VTRs which are the size of a small car with reel-to-reel tapes having a radius comparable to the vehicle's tires. Next up: bail out Sperry, Univac and Burroughs so we can ditch tiny PCs in favor of house-filling vacuum-tube computers which required a PhD in real science to program and operate. They are perfect for filling up all those empty McMansions the gov't is about to buy and the heat generated by the tubes will keep the occupants warm, too! (Unfortunately, there is no room in the building for occupants but the intentions were good!) Oh joy, I can hardly wait for the new economy engineered by our best and brightest, the political class! Class, can you say "Stone Age"?

[off]Actually Burroughs, now part of Unisys, had a superlative architecture--the stack machine. As I recall, its operating system was an ALGOL type language. Infinitely better for software than IBM, and we learned how to write compilers on software simulations of Burroughs machines. Truly elegant architecture. [on]

Opiate, since Ford is having a near-death experience, why do we not resurrect the Edsel? Or what about the Kaiser J? I would suggest Packard but the made good cars. We could have Duesenberg made cars for the Inner Circle.

What about Buckminster Fuller's Dymaxion? Gee I hope I got that right.

And punch cards! Punch cards. An iPod using punch cards for storage. I figure that storing the third Brandenberg would take a forest the size of Washington State.

Comrades,

Speaking for bailouts for everyone:


<update>
KUDOS TO SPEAKER NANCY! She just announced that a bill to help bail out the car manufacturers (only Amerikkan, of course) will be ready to sign in a few days! The Obamessiah demanded that Bushitler get on board and sign it when he chatted with the Lameduck President at their oh so private meeting , LOL

Well, I for one will resurrect my horse, Rocinante. He was my faithful companion, soldier of the best sort and always reliable too. Besides, I miss him. You can have your stupid cars, comrades. There won't be any fuel to run cars anyway, except for the Black Marias and State vehicles) when our Glorious Leader gets done signing Executive Orders with his magic pen (NO MORE OIL!) and nationalizing all industry. At least my horse, (so far), is my sturdy transportation. There is no hope for the People's Kitchen van since we switched over to ethanol fuel.
riding Rocinante with pleasure,



Che' Gourmet

UNTIL ETERNAL VICTORY!

I understand that the home builders want a bailout too. And that makes sense. Why not? In fact I think that every single industry in America needs a bailout, to be paid for by the taxes on hamburger flippers.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I understand that the home builders want a bailout too. And that makes sense. Why not? In fact I think that every single industry in America needs a bailout, to be paid for by the taxes on hamburger flippers.

Wait! Where is MY bailout?

Bailout for unemployed community organizers ... in Red States ... that failed to elect the correct candidate, ... or am I in danger of further cuts?

HEY! I need a new ID.




Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III UrbanThug
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities Needing Bailout

I am watching a documentary on the Mongols, the motorcycle club. Pul, I suggest that you band together with other community organizers who failed in the red states, and ride the streets looking for people to intimidate. This will be workfare, and practice for the next, and one hopes, last election.

And you might consider getting a new occupation. As the United States of America transforms itself from a republic into a theocracy, the time for elections will be past.

I suggest that you become a member of the Political Espressions Religious Police. As a PERP you will have a free hand in bludgeoning people, whipping people, stealing from them. You may make free use of their daughters (I'm <i>so</i> broadminded) and their wives, if they do not look like our MTE or our NTE.

In fact you will each be issued with a Pinkie Mark V shovel and a whetstone. You can progress up the ranks through intimidation, skulduggery and just plain meanness until you reach the stage of being a member of the inner council of PERPs. Who answer directly to Rahm Emanuel.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:[off]Actually Burroughs, now part of Unisys, had a superlative architecture--the stack machine. As I recall, its operating system was an ALGOL type language. Infinitely better for software than IBM, and we learned how to write compilers on software simulations of Burroughs machines. Truly elegant architecture. [on]

Opiate, since Ford is having a near-death experience, why do we not resurrect the Edsel? Or what about the Kaiser J? I would suggest Packard but the made good cars. We could have Duesenberg made cars for the Inner Circle.

What about Buckminster Fuller's Dymaxion? Gee I hope I got that right.

And punch cards! Punch cards. An iPod using punch cards for storage. I figure that storing the third Brandenberg would take a forest the size of Washington State.

When I first read this I thought it said "ALGORE" type language instead of "ALGOL". For a brief moment I wondered if he was claiming he invented computer languages as well as the internet.

I remember the Edsel, it was named after one of the Ford sons, I believe. If Ford gets a bailout, I think they should create a new car called the Obamobile. It will be built from communist-made parts (mostly old Yugos) never run long enough to get out of the garage but everyone will hail it as the best car that was ever made.

There was actually quite a few companies making mainframes back in the early 70s. My first job was with a big insurance company who had machines made by IBM, GE and Honeywell. Why? I was told those companies bought our insurance so we had to buy their machines. I don't know how good the non-IBM machines were but I do know they had trouble talking to each other. But GE and Honeywell eventually got out the computer business and IBM became the dominant name in business machines. Digital Equipment was big in the mini-computer arena for awhile but eventually merged with Compaq which merged with HP. Sperry and Burroughs combined to make Unisys, I don't know what happened to Univac. Enough of this destructive capitalism! These companies must all be revived and bailed out! I'm going to locate my shares from the steam locomotive company and start a campaign to bail them out! America cannot afford not to have a steam locomotive producer; we cannot afford to lose all of those jobs.

Opiate, I quite agree with you. They must be revived. As must the Altair, and Cromemco, and the Seattle Computer Company, which made an S100 disk-controller card and to run it a man wrote QDOS--Quick and Dirty DOS, which was bought by Bill Gates and which gave us DOS which still lies under Windows.

So that must definitely be brought back to enter again into the unforgiving command lines of backslashes for no reason.

But first I think that we should bring back buggy whips. It was the automobile which drove buggy-whip makers out of business.

And whale-bone corsets, from non-endangered whales, of course.

Thug-Marxist wrote:

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I understand that the home builders want a bailout too. And that makes sense. Why not? In fact I think that every single industry in America needs a bailout, to be paid for by the taxes on hamburger flippers.

Wait! Where is MY bailout?

Bailout for unemployed community organizers ... in Red States ... that failed to elect the correct candidate, ... or am I in danger of further cuts?

HEY! I need a new ID.




Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III UrbanThug
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities Needing Bailout

Hey, Tiglath? or Thug-Marxist or.... whoever you are today,

Do you morph continuously, or on a predictable schedule? Did Commissar Theocritis push some of those stolen ruffies on you? 'Tis a precarious time we are in Comrade. Hang in there!

Hanging in there too,

Che' Gourmet



Wondering why the dear Leader-Elect would consider MTE for Secretary of State?
(Could it be because everyone, so far, served in her husband's cabinet? How Progressive
and Life-Changing is that! (coughs....and spits..)

I fear if the Chosen One has decided to consider our Many Titted Empress for SoS. Don't get me wrong--I love Hildog's sheer grasping meanness and nastiness. Why, she can bare one tusk and send the cockroaches fleeing from the house. But is that wise?

The Chosen One needs a college of cardinals, not a normal cabinet, and can you imagine her in a chasuble and miter? She would look like the love child of a penguin and a bowling pin.


Folks, I really don't think that there's anyone there. People talked about the emptiness of Bush but I knew him personally in the 70s and 80s and although he is not the brightest person on earth, he really and actually exists.

There are two reasons for Obama's past: either he really is a nasty bit of subversive work or he simply has no center whatsoever. And, although I've not kept up the the news, having no stomach for it, if he's choosing old Clinton retreads, all the way through, it lends evidence to my contention that there's no one there.

Which is great because it would keep ACORN out of it. But again I don't have the needed stomach.

Damn Firefox crash, I had 6 paragraphs of thoughtful and introspective insight on Obama, the Clintons, Chicago-San Fransisco Marxists, north-east socialists, the upcoming power play, the fall of Rome, the secret identity of the communist behind the progressive red curtain, and my personal need for more ammunition. I'll just leave you with this:



I need to get to the Fort Worth gun show early in the morning. I need another Mosin, maybe M38 to go with my 1891/30. Last week's Dallas gun show was unreal--super crowded with panic buying. The last days of freedom?




Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.

Pul, why resist the National Police? They are there to <i>help</i> us and suppress uncivilized thought.

I have just bought from Cafe Press some Texas Secede tee-shirts, and some bumper stickers are coming too. I would dearly love for the Chosen One and his sorry little lot of jackbooted thugs to try to grab guns. Texas would secede. To all of you who are not Texans--I do not mean to lord it over you and I know it must be offensive to listen to Texas braggadocio, but it's a special thing to be a Texan. I don't know why. We're some of the most aggressive drivers on earth, with some of the loudest mouths, and people in a lot of other states are politer. But there is something--the sense that if things just reach a certain point, we'll deal with it ourselves and screw anyone else. We'll handle it.

Let them grab guns. It really would cause a tectonic shift in our feeling about being in the US. Only Ronald Reagan made me feel that we didn't make a mistake in 1845.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pul, why resist the National Police? They are there to <i>help</i> us and suppress uncivilized thought.

I have just bought from Cafe Press some Texas Secede tee-shirts, and some bumper stickers are coming too. I would dearly love for the Chosen One and his sorry little lot of jackbooted thugs to try to grab guns. Texas would secede. To all of you who are not Texans--I do not mean to lord it over you and I know it must be offensive to listen to Texas braggadocio, but it's a special thing to be a Texan. I don't know why. We're some of the most aggressive drivers on earth, with some of the loudest mouths, and people in a lot of other states are politer. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]But there is something--the sense that if things just reach a certain point, we'll deal with it ourselves and screw anyone else. We'll handle it.

[/HIGHLIGHT]Let them grab guns. It really would cause a tectonic shift in our feeling about being in the US. Only Ronald Reagan made me feel that we didn't make a mistake in 1845.

Ah...Good Day to you Commissar Theocritis,

Yes, there are good things a happening around here, too. Brownshirts, (actually the uniform is jeans, white tee and black hood) abound everywhere, and boy are they full of themselves now that the Obamessiah is ready to ascend to the great throne of the USSA. Putin is positively fuming with jealousy! He was mistaken, assuming that he would eventually be the Supreme Leader of the World. HA! Take that you dumb Russian! (no offense intended to our Russian Cube members)

Wolfgang, pull the damn crap out of that oven before it burns! Can't you smell that? Pee..yewww.... just throw some water on it. I'll make it into some gruel for the proles..... later....

Signing out to kick some proles no-good butt,

Che' Gourmet
I've checked out the census figures for Texas, and your state is growing in population, while the Northeast is dying. Coincidence? I doubt that!

Texas has grown and grown and grown--I recall when Houston reached a million people. Now it's got half again as many as Norway. Texas has 1/3 the population of Britain and half the economy. We're not all oil any more. High tech, although Vita Nova was paid for by oil and gas.

What I like is the fact that we all get along fairly well. Some of the growth is of course yankees coming down, and welcome. But a lot of it is Mexicans. I'm 200 miles from the border. I have three who work (part time only) at the house; two at the office, and one who is part, and only one who is entirely white. Nearly all the people that I work with are Mexican. And we like each other. There's no suspicion, or hatred, or dislike. To some I'm a patron, to others I'm a hireling. As you can see, there's no ideology involved.

Mexicans are survivors. They come into Texas and take jobs and show up and make the place run. I can't imagine the state without them. And that partially explains the population growth.

By the way, do you know Asleep at the Wheel? Great Texas swing.