To Commissar Pupovich and Comrade Mousey-Tongue:

Lately I have witnessed a disturbing trend on what I once thought of so fondly as The People's Cube.

Every time I log on, I don't know if I'm on The Dog's Cube or The Cat's Cube. An interspecial feud--or vendetta, if you will--is being waged between Dog and Cat on at least three different threads. It's like a virus, and it's spreading.

Moreover, your constant squabbling over these past few months threatens to split and ultimately fracture The Party. I need not tell you of the many ways our enemies will exploit that in the months to come.

Already they're nitpicking over things like who Mousey-Tongue associated with in the National Guard over thirty years ago. Or whether Pupovich thought he could pander to people like me, showing his softer, more gentle, sensitive and--dare I say--feminine side by wearing pink for his interview with that mendacious popinjay O'Reilly. It really makes me lugubrious, when you two pinheads (Pup and Mousey, not O'Reilly even though he's the biggest pinhead of all) should be concentrating on The Real Issues.

My sources (the same ones who told all those Green candidates that Bush would nuke Iran before the end of April--which he did, but the shameful corporate media refuses to cover it because they think they'll sell more papers and get higher ratings beating that Miley Cyrus photophlap into the ground). . . what was I saying? Oh yes--my very reliable sources inform me that The Party's enemies are paying Big Fur Hat to muddy the waters, stir the pot, so to speak, by creating Big Hat Envy among Party members to distract them from what Pupovich and Mousey-Tongue are doing to The Party. In fact, it's even possible that Big Fur Hat is an operative for the hatemonger Rush Limbaugh.

Either way, his chaos tactics are working. Everyone is now whining and wringing their hands over the size of everything from hats to signature blocks.

This must stop!

Obviously, the first step toward doing that is to Raise Awareness of this crisis. Copy and paste this post at all Progressive sites. Stand on the street corner holding up signs and chanting slogans. Wear your awareness ribbon! Write to your representative, demanding that they pass an immediate resolution against the Pupovich/Mousey-Tongue Vendetta. And above all, never underestimate the power of hand puppets.

The next step is to contain the unrest you two critters have caused. Therefore, you will consider this thread a cage for your on-going death match.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Oh yes--my very reliable sources inform me that The Party's enemies are paying Big Fur Hat to muddy the waters, stir the pot, so to speak, by creating Big Hat Envy among Party members...

You mean, big fur hats aren't the new thing? I thought they were the new thing. I just bought a whole bunch of big fur hats from the Commissar of Hats! I didn't want to be left out...

No, Margaret, envy of big fur hats is the new thing--and that may have been what prompted you to start collecting and hoarding. Though I wouldn't be surprised if Comrade Big Fur Hat considers himself the new thing.

And who, might I ask, is the Commissar of Hats?

Just curious. You know how I enjoy a good juicy piece of fresh meat for the gulag gossip.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: The next step is to contain the unrest you two critters have caused. Therefore, you will consider this thread a cage for your on-going death match.

What is the policy on gambling?
I've got 2 dozen beets I'd like to wager on Pup.

Cash only, Maksim, plus a case of vodka for various processing fees. I hold all stakes.

I denounce you Commissarka! For encouraging this by your repeated publication of alleged Pink Commissar and for your siding with cats anti-revolutionary stander of this Commissar that has always been at your side and covering your back.

I pull up one measly picture of said cat's past, and this is your response? After counlless slanders against your office mate with not a word of defense from you? A dog's got to do what a dog's got to do,

Yeah, kiss and make up you two!

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/Ij-AQIw4bl8&h ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

Commissar Pupovich wrote:A dog's got to do what a dog's got to do,

So true, Commissar. Once again, you demonstrate your value to the Party.

I would never want disparage the canine species because of one stray pup. Instead, I encourage all to observe the dangerous and self-serving cult of personality that Pupovich has patiently built for himself over the years. The errors in his thinking cannot go uncorrected by the party. To do nothing would encourage others to sow envy, discontent and rebellion throughout the collective!

For what it's worth, I have tried on multiple occasions to make peace with the Commissar, but it seems he cannot help himself. Instead of this furfight, we could usher in a new era of peace and prosperity...an age of enlightenment...with dog and cat, paw in paw, working together for the Common Good^TM...

Naaaah!
By the way, Commissarka Pinkie, your custom Laika^TM edition Kosmokar is at the dealer ready for pickup. The pink one, of course. [wink, wink]

That's it! I DENOUNCE Comrade Mousey-Tongue!

Comrade Mousey-Tongue -- who will be known for now as Accused Mousey-Tongue – has been defaming Canine-Americans for some time now. His comments against Commissar Pupovich are disgusting, degrading, defamatory and completely unwelcome here. His elitism is apparent – not to mention his feelings of specie “superiority” which is blatant and offensive nonetheless.

For some time now the Ministry of Going Through Your Sh*t (MGTYS) has uncovered several damning photos of Accused Mousey-Tongue accepting large checks from Vice-President and War Criminal Dick Cheney. MGTYS has also found a number of other items in Accused Mousey-Tongues cat box that is of a scandalous – and dare I say INCREMINATING – nature:

1 – One Karl Rove campaign handbook for ensuring Republican victories.

2 – Three “W” campaign buttons.

3 – One autographed picture of Laura Bush.

4 – Defamatory literature designed to mock, humiliate and degrade Canine-Americans.

5 – Commissar Theocritus' wallet, checkbook and credit cards which went missing the last time I stayed at his luxurious 5-Star hotel, bar and, yes, Bruno's Salon.

6 – Ten bottles – all priced at $87.95 – of Bruno's Magic Hair Serum (Please, Theocritus. Please don't tell me what the “magic” or “serum” means) which also went missing the last time I stayed at Theocritus' luxurious 5-Star hotel, bar and, yes, Bruno's Salon.

7 – Bruno's pink shawl that was given to him by Barbara Streisand which, supposedly, was stolen due to his inability to return a certain limited edition Kenneth Cole cardigan which I need to have back if I am ever going to go back the Cole's home to raise much needed campaign cash you lousy, no-good and disgusting son-of-a-bitch. The pink shawl was also found in Accused Mousey-Tongues cat box.

Do you have anything to say for yourself, Accused Mousey-Tongue? Anything at all?

I love a good denouncing, Mr. Chairman. I appreciate the Party cares enough to send the very best in you and Commissarka Pinkie to denounce Pupovich and the deplorable damage already brought to the collective. I only live to serve the Party.

The items mentioned above are exhibits being held in trust for the Chung-King Museum of Opression being built by Halliburton in Beijing. There will be ample time to discuss these charges in detail should that be necessary.

I must point out that a kitten friend of mine is currently employed at Bruno's Salon. Small world, no?!? Meeeeow! Anyway, Ying-Yang has an excellent digital movie camera. It is particularly good in low light photography, including the massage therapy rooms in the back. As a kitten, she is natrurally inquisitive and curious, sometimes nosing about the private affairs of others. She may have uncovered embarrassing facts about certain individuals' unique, um, preferences. Should I continue?

It seems, Chairman, that the MGTYS ball of yarn rolls both ways, doesn't it?

I ate Ying-Yang, Accused Mousey-Tongue, and then I pooped her out. She was naturally "inquisitive" and "curious" to the point that she wandered into the microwave, set the timer for seven minutes and then magically found her way into my belly. I did, however, have the common decency to save her little pink collar with the jingle bell -- that is after crapping it out, of course. It still has fecal matter on it, but I mailed it to you all the same. It was the decent thing to do and I have no regrets mailing it to you!

Accused Mousey-Tongue -- who surely does not know me -- foolishly wrote:She may have uncovered embarrassing facts about certain individuals' unique, um, preferences. Should I continue?

Please do! Nothing turns me on more than being photographed in compromising sexual acts and then being blackmailed by Republican spies like yourself. I am a Democrat, Accused Mousey-Tongue -- there is nothing "too low" or "too depraved" for a true-blue Hammer and Sickle wielding Democrat. Go on! Do your worst! I once dated Rachel Maddow! I AM THE ONE THAT TURNED HER LESBO!

But before we talk about me (which is my favorite thing to talk about!) ... let us talk about "preferences", Accused Mousey-Tongue. Let us talk about your disdain for trying something new. Yes, let us talk about your NARROW-MINDEDNESS! Are you narrow-minded, Accused Mousey-Tongue? Hmm? Are you homophobic, appliancephobic, necrophobic, etc. etc. etc.? Do you harbor ill-feelings towards people who are, well, different? I think you do... Yes, I think you watch Faux News all day and night with your wife and three kids. I think you go to church, Comrade! I even think you salute the flag! (GASP!!!).

CONFESS YOUR CRIMES, ACCUSED MOUSEY-TONGUE! CONFESS YOUR CRIMES!

Comrades, I was going to do my best to simply state my grievances as I did in the earlier post. Many comrades here seem to have fell for the spin put on by a few, but if they would take the time to examine, they would see that I have pretty much restrained myself these past few months. All one need do is look at the multitude of pictures allegedly showing me in pink, yet how often did you see me respond in kind? While Accused Mousey-Tongue is quick to say that he had made his peace, I believe an honest examination of the record will reveal that I put this into practice, and for the most part have "turned the other muzzle."

However, his blatant disobedience and slander of the Chairman can not go unpunished. For you comrades with a short memory, this willful disobedience began with his first reply to the Chairman. The Chairman, as a test of Party loyalty and an offer to prove his faith in the wisdom of the Party leaders, requested then that Accused Mousey-Tongue enter into a microwave. This is the same sort of training we require of our Peace Corp Forces when we ask them to go into a tent filled with Empress Flatulence with no gas mask. This "comrade" refused then as he refuses now!

But is that enough for the accused? No, for then he tops off disobedience by actually trying to blackmail the Chairman! Comrades, we must nip this in the bud!

Comrades, this has nothing to do with specieism, Nay! This is about loyalty to the Party and the willingness to place trust in the party leaders!

I LOVE THE PARTY!

Commissar Pupovich wrote:I LOVE THE PARTY!

I believe in your strange and unique way you do, Commissar. The collective is large, and embraces vast diversity. There is room for both paw and claw.

I obviously misspoke when offering entertainment for the Chairman's amusement. I can begin to understand why and how he got where he is, and he commands my deepest respect. (But why, tell me, is he referred to as "Chairman Meow"?)

I am grieved to hear my name associated with such things! These are specious and trumped up charges. The glorious Cube is exhibiting a cataphobic dark side, consistently casting my good intent as evil. Obviously, feline workers in the Struggle are less equal in the collective!

None love the Party more than I. For all I have done, and sacrificed, and all the proles I have flogged, and struggle sessions I presided over, only to be treated like some pitiful neocon shufflng in the back door looking for purses to steal. Not Mousey-Tongue!

It was I, Mousey-Tongue, who stood by Chairman Mao as his personal assistant and favorite animal companion in his later years, when he was disoriented and incontinent;

It was I, Mousey-Tongue, who led the Purge of Chung King, spewing their cheap canned false doctrine and turning the perpetrators in for justice;

It was I, Mousey-Tongue, who toiled beside Che and Fidel in the fields, learning their way with the people;

It was I, Mousey-Tongue, who has spoken tirelessly against Criminal kitty-killer Bush and his hate-mongering hegemonists;

It was I, Mousey-Tongue, who exposed the Cheney-Halliburton-MilitaryIndustrialComplex cabal that was tainting cat food from our Mother China for their amusement.

Sift my kitty litter with a fine screen, Mr. Chairman, and all you will find is 100% pure Communist Cat doo-doo. I appeal to our Glorious Leader for clemency!

[quote="LoneRedStar"]Here puppy puppy





Comrade Red Star, you may wish to see if you can find a way to turn that off. It comes on regardless when you come to the page, and were it not for my ad block, I was unable to turn it off.

I just deleted it, It shouldn't auto run like that. Since its flash on autorun I cant turn it off .

It is a good one, one the Party can be proud of, but I am glad you agreed that perhaps it was more of a pain than it was worth.

I LOVE THE PARTY!

Hillary 08

That was hilarious, LoneRedStar! LMFLAO! Do you have a link you could provide, for the edification of the Party?

But of course, Its a classic


Gerbil

Gerbil flash file

<br>More Gerbil Fun

Because its for the Party....

Commissar Pupovich wrote:I denounce you Commissarka! For encouraging this by your repeated publication of alleged Pink Commissar and for your siding with cats anti-revolutionary stander of this Commissar that has always been at your side and covering your back.

I pull up one measly picture of said cat's past, and this is your response? After counlless slanders against your office mate with not a word of defense from you? A dog's got to do what a dog's got to do,

Pupovich, methinks you've been hanging out with Betinov too much. Neither of you are reading my posts.

I have not sided with the cat. I have merely pointed out that your differences are in danger of being exploited by the opposition for their own benefit. And someone is being paid to keep the fires going so as to fracture The Party.

It's everywhere I look on the Cube--it's as if there's a media saturation. We need to get it under control and contain it. That's why I created this thread--so you two animals can duke it out here, instead of leaping and swinging from one thread to another like you're both re-enacting the sword fight from Scaramouche. The opposition is lapping it up like a dog does water--or a cat does milk--and in the end they will use it to destroy us all!

I rebuke that attitude Commissarka! As I tried to point out, I have done my best to refrain from species competition. But you can not expect me to forever turn my muzzle when confronted with slanders. Besides, this merely promotes твердость партии, which seems a bit lacking on your end. Sometimes I must wonder if you are but a "Situational Socialist" Commissarka. Even that gold shovel seems a bit bourgeois. Besides, these sort of competitions were most valued in the Motherland.

Can't We All Just Get Along?


(at least until Denver?)

Oh, you rebuke me. You denounce. You this me and you that me. Pupovich, I am not telling you to turn your muzzle--I am merely exhorting you and Mousey-Tongue to confine your petty little feud to this thread, instead of airing your dirty dog bedding and Mousey-Tongue his litter box all over the place for all the world to see. Because when they see the two of you at each other's throats--even if you, for your part, are only defending yourself--they think everyone in The Party is at each other's throats--and they will do everything in their power to use that against all of us and win!

And as for this little quip of yours:

Besides, this merely promotes твердость партии, which seems a bit lacking on your end.

In light of your phrasing, I sincerely hope for your sake that твердость партии is Russian for "big butt." Should Red Square assert it means anything less favorable to me, then you will be in very big trouble indeed.

And how dare you impugn my gold shovel! Don't you know Our Glorious Leader gave that to me for my loyal service to The Party, and for always obeying him, without question?

I am only trying to be helpful here, and to save The Party from destruction by our enemies--and you attack every effort I make to do so. I'm beginning to think you're one of the opposition's operatives--perhaps you're the one who's paying Big Fur Hat to stir up Big Hat Envy.

I devoutly hope not.

One thing you clearly do not seem to understand..... I have no feud with said cat, any more than you had a feud with Vodkov, or the Chairman a feud with proles who hide their contributions. It is beyond my understanding why you chose to cast a spotlight on this.

As for твердость партии, that is THE most esteemed virtue of a Bolshevik! Roughly speaking, it means "the hardness of the party" or "party hardness." The work of World Socialism is not for the weak and thin skinned Commissarka. If you wish to accuse me of promoting this virtue, then I plead guilty!

It just so happens I am having a feud with Vodkov. He keeps accusing me of being a Huckabee Operative, when I'm not that kind of HO.

Roughly speaking, it means "the hardness of the party" or "party hardness."

I'm not touching that with a ten foot--oh, I'm just not touching that.

Any one with half a brain would know you are not a Huckabee Operative Commissarka..... Oh, never mind, that explains a lot doesn't it?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I'm beginning to think you're one of the opposition's operatives--perhaps you're the one who's paying Big Fur Hat to stir up Big Hat Envy.

I am just passing through...let the titans duke it out...purrrrr.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Can't We All Just Get Along?


(at least until Denver?)

Are you opposed to beating dead horses comrade? Or do you prefer beating live ones? I also note that your "beater" is dressed suspiciously like a neo-con rethuglican, yet his face has no features. This is a disturbing psychological indication. I think you best report to my nearest therapist.

That looks like a llama to me. Or an albino kangaroo.

Given the hooves, I can only conclude it is a relative to the Empress! He is beating on a Empress kin!

A horse doesn't have cloven hooves, Commissar Pupovich.

Our Beloved Empress belongs to a Superior species than a horse. She is the culmination and the perfection of Progressive genetic engineering, to create the Perfect Ruler for the New World of Next Tuesday.
Soon, Her Excellency will ascend to Her Throne and there will be a new beginning for Progressive government.

This graphic is clearly Rethuglican propaganda. And the prole in the monkey suit is as ineffective as he is faceless. Just like conservatives. I'll bet a keg of Tsing-tao he's laughing right now in Starbucks, sipping his Caffe Americano. Yuppie scum.

I believe it is time, before the auroa of invicibility is firmly planted upon the Empress, to document her glory - her rise from lowly beginnings to lead our shining path to Next Tuesday. Unfortunately I am a cat, without opposable thumbs, so I can only stand by and help direct the work of others and accept credit. Once she has remodeled the White House into her vision of the progressive coven, there will be many kitty boxes, no?

"Mass hysteria...dogs and cats living together..." - Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters.

Commissarka Pinkie, you are just and fair...we will bring you the shrubbery of peace for the sake of the party. Commissar Pupovich and I have settled (most of) our differences and have learned to tolerate appreciate each other. Here we are commuting to conduct Party business across town:


Pupovich, I knew you were good with a shovel, but was not aware you are also accustomed to handling a ho as well.

Please be assured this is by no means an endorsement of decadent western culture. I want to drive next time.

I would steal a copy if I liked rap. Fortunatly I don't. I roll dis way.

Comrade Mousey-Tongue,
Could there be any signifigance to the colors used in your graphic? Why did you make your side of the car and your clothes white and Pupovich's side of the car and his clothes black? Are you holding a gun on Pupovich and making him your getaway driver? Could there be any merit in the Chairman's charges against you?

+10 points to Comrade Zarkof for pointing out Comrade Mousey-Tongue's subversive album cover.

I too have a problem with the obvious racial overtones displayed in your graphic, Comrade Mousey-Tongue. Both you and Commissar Pupovich should be wearing black and the car should be a nice shade of rainbow to promote diversity and your willingness in engage in an "alternative lifestyle" of the Party's choosing.

I warned him Chairman! I also sent in the proper denunciation forms, in triplicate, signed in pure virgin blood to the proper authority!

*Praise Lenin! I came this close to posting something else!*

Not so fast, Mousey-Tongue . . .

Mousey-Tongue wrote:And the prole in the [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]monkey suit [/HIGHLIGHT]is as ineffective as he is faceless.

THAT IS A RACIAL SLUR!!! You are a racist and a bigot, Mousey-Tongue!

Everybody riot! Then we can demand financial reparations from him.

But in his facelessness does he portray us all in the constant struggle to advance the parties ideals.

Comrade Pinkie I did not know you held Monkeys as an enlightened and protected species. Are there any on your ledge with you?


FLASH..... This just in Pinkies Monkey has been found

LoneRedStar, I denounce you for using the M-word! You, like Mousey-Tongue, are a racist and a bigot.

Just google the M-word followed by "racist term" and you'll see. It is considered a slur all over the world now.

You and Mousey-Tongue are the worst human beings ever, next to George W. Bush. In fact, I'll bet the two of you voted for him twice! And what's more, I'll bet you both believe in religion and that we were all somehow magically created by the G-word, when everyone knows we evolved from--well, we evolved!

Now excuse me while I go off to ransack Macy's ladies and jewelry departments in protest of your hate speech.

So just what exactly is the m-word.... Mousey-Tongue, or Monkey? Considering you own a monkey as shown in the evidence i think you take an indefensible position since you are a monkey lover...AND ransack at the bourgeouis Macy's you really are stooping to prole merchandise

The M-word? You only used it three times in your last post, you dumb ape digitally lobotomized, knuckle-dragging, Faux News addicted, Bush-worshiping 19 percenter! And I do not own that--thing you pictured--that's George W. Bush, who owns YOU, and I hate him! Do you hear me, you big baboon digitally lobotomized, knuckle-dragging, Faux News addicted, Bush-worshiping 19 percenter? He's a lousy f*** and I HATE HIM!

Hmmm, my dear Pinkie I think you doth protest too much.. You only drop the f bomb to derail the Current truth of today which is :

1. You denounce Mousey-Tongue while being in possession of a monkey
2. You are controlling Pupovich and make him dress like said monkey.
3. You have likened His excellencey Mousey-Tongue to a monkey that you, yourself have.
4. Therefore you not only approve of, but secretly suffer from Big Hat Envy AND covet Mousey-Tongue since you liken him to your monkey.

I stand by my assertion that you are a ledge hopping monkey-lover

Case closed, report for re-education and hand over the gold shovel.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:You and Mousey-Tongue are the worst human beings ever, next to George W. Bush. In fact, I'll bet the two of you voted for him twice! And what's more, I'll bet you both believe in religion and that we were all somehow magically created by the G-word, when everyone knows we evolved from--well, we evolved!

I cannot believe my eyes - this is - it's an outrage! An outrage of 5-year-plan proportions!

Some of my best friends are monkeys. I employ many winged monkeys in my compound security detail.

Bigot? Racist? This is an outrage!

And Pupovich, to run away whimpering when you praised my clever Photoshop in another thread! You cowering canine.

Allow me to remind my comrades that the ying-yang is the eternal symbol of inclusiveness and diversity. Has everyone been taking stupid pills? There must be an investigation into what they put in the Kool-Aid. Clearly, there is a disinformation campaign that has infiltrated the Party with its inverted groupthink. And Pupovich is the common denominator running through all of this.

This entire episode has forced me to resume medication, has ruffled my fur, and delayed my daily grooming. I demand reparations from Commissarka Pinkie!

Premier Betty wrote:I would steal a copy if I liked rap. Fortunatly I don't. I roll dis way.

Ahhhhhh,a voice of reason amidst the fray. Sweet strains of Eddie,save us!!

Comrade, I too prefer good guitar to rap kimchi. My point using degernate rap album was the Ying-Yang thing, plus I like the car. It was a gesture of good will towards Commissar Pupovich, but has been warped into a screed against me.

Racist and bigots all! Come, Commissarka Pinkie. Let us make our way down to Saks Fifth Avenue (much better than Macys) and use our righteous anger to liberate the high-end stuff from the white oppressive store owner! I heard they have new Louis Vuitton bags -- not to mention David Yurman men's rings!!!

Mousey-Tongue, with all the compassion of Don Imus, wrote:
Some of my best friends are monkeys. I employ many winged monkeys in my compound security detail.

...
This entire episode has forced me to resume medication, has ruffled my fur, and delayed my daily grooming. I demand reparations from Commissarka Pinkie!

I give you reparations in the form of a re-education, Comrade Kitty. We don't use the M-word in these parts. We prefer the less offensive term "squirrel."

I grant you some of your best friends are squirrels, and that you employ many winged squirrels.

You may think this is more fun than a barrel of squirrels.

You may throw a squirrel wrench into Pupovich's efforts to turn his other muzzle and make peace with you. But don't be surprised if he challenges you to meet him under the squirrel bars after re-education class.

And LoneRedStar is even worse. You'll note in his more recent posts, he can't even write a coherent sentence without sputtering the M word. And he dares to order me to hand over my gold shovel. Oh, my hand is over it, all right--and I'm about to raise it up and turn him into FlatRedStar.

[quote="LoneRedStar"]Considering you own a monkey as shown in the evidence i think you take an indefensible position since you are a [HIGHLIGHT=#f79646]monkey lover..[/HIGHLIGHT].[[quote]

An M******* lover? I am shocked even more than my Comrades! Shocked!

I denounce racist Comrade LoneRedStar!!!

Mousey-Tongue wrote:[Pupovich, to run away whimpering when you praised my clever Photoshop in another thread! You cowering canine.!

I have no idea what you are talking about race baiting Comrade! I have always opposed race baiting and always will! I remember when I was but a wee pup, and my mother moved our small litter to another location under the hut, just because she saw a person of different melanin concentration pass by. I was so ashamed, and it took years of expensive therapy to help me cope with the emotional distress.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I give you reparations in the form of a re-education, Comrade Kitty. We don't use the M-word in these parts. We prefer the less offensive term "squirrel."

Commissarka, remember your medication please. These outbursts are most unseemly.

I must remind you that squirrels can be very offensive...I give you a member of the opressive, hegemonist US Army Striker Squirrel Brigade. The most foul-tempered rodent you'll ever lay eyes on!


Fear them! Pay them tribute, or you will awaken one night to the sound of thousands of little boots!

Winged monkeys Ms are much more politically reliable, and cheaper too. I learned that from our MTE, she once had many in her service.

Mousey-Tongue wrote:[I must remind you that squirrels can be very offensive...

And it is also said by many that cats can be very offensive as well! Do you deny this?? Confess! Are cats offensive as well Comrade?

When oh when will we rid this Party of stereotypical, race baiting, Party Incorrect language? I thought we had made such progress, till these 2 comrades started using the M word,

http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/Fuzzy-M ... ein-3.html

Asploding kitties!

Premier Betty wrote:http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/Fuzzy-M ... ein-3.html

Asploding kitties!

You are one sick puppy, Premier.

Comrade LoneRedStar, again it is you and I manning the defenses to maintain the Party! Better a Baboon with an AK-47 than a Chimpanzee with a Kalashnikov. Although a Gibbon with a Glock is pretty good too.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

Mousey-Tongue wrote:[I must remind you that squirrels can be very offensive...

And it is also said by many that cats can be very offensive as well! Do you deny this?? Confess! Are cats offensive as well Comrade?

When oh when will we rid this Party of stereotypical, race baiting, Party Incorrect language? I thought we had made such progress, till these 2 comrades started using the M word,

Thanks to your insensitivity and hate speech, Commissar, I have been defnsive since the day I arrived at the Cube. How did you get to be a Commissar anyway...you found a big hat? Maybe you sent in a self-stamped post card to the address on the matchbook cover? Be a Commissar! In our 5-day course, we will show you how!

(Trying to feign understanding)

.....nup. Sorry to troll but I don't get any of this.

Pub, anyone?

There has been a mini civil war. Comrade Pupovich and Mousey-Tongue have been fighting over whether cats or dogs are better. This thread just prolongs the experience and stuff. I don't know, I don't really understand it that much either. All I know is that dogs are way better than cats.

Not true Premier. I have not been fighting such a battle! That issue was settled long ago. After all, dogs have been known as man's best friend for thousands of years.

No, this is a sad case of a certain Commissarka trying to focus a light on a non-existent competition.

Premier Betty wrote:There has been a mini civil war. Comrade Pupovich and Mousey-Tongue have been fighting over whether cats or dogs are better. This thread just prolongs the experience and stuff. I don't know, I don't really understand it that much either. All I know is that dogs are way better than cats.

Ah. I see. That's the beauty of socialism, it reduces life to the bare neccesities and simplicity. If we must war, it should be over simple things like whether cats or dogs are better.

Of course neither are. These guys are.


<a href="https://picasaweb.google.co.uk/Beezelbo ... 4818"><img src="https://lh3.ggpht.com/Beezelbob.Brown/S ... o.jpg"></a>

What happens when you don't listen to cats.


Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

'WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ..

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **%!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! Still in shock!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid."

Reminds me of an activist I knew in college who was determined to prove how inhumane shock collars are for dogs (in keeping with the thread of the topic). Shock collars have two uses: as a training device for bird dogs, and as part of an "invisible fence" setup for a homeowner to keep critters inside the family perimeter. Dave found a third use: making a PETA activist pee himself. He strapped himself into an invisible fence model and approached the perimeter. What he hadn't counted on is that a dog has thicker fur and a tougher skin than a pale and androgynous college freshman. It didn't set his nipples on fire, but he did lose control of his bladder.

This reminds me of the time a friend pepper-sprayed himself while driving...he discharged an old pepper spray cartridge out the open driver's window while doing 70 on the Interstate. Of course, the open window creates low pressure and drew the spray into the truck...with bad results for the driver. He was able to pull over and wash his eyes out with a bottle of drinking water.

I should also add this intelligent stupid person gets paid a lot of money doing very techie stuff for a Fortune 50 company. 'We's all dumb sometimes...'

I don't want to know any more, I am a creature of comfort...

Seems to me I have several comrades here who apparently either do stupid things to themselves, or are close associates of those that do. All I can say is....

There but for the Grace of Lenin, Go I....

ROFLMAO!!! I'm crying with laughter.

This is exactly why this sort of stuff is forbidden at Pinkie's dacha. And for that I'm accused of being "no fun."

Only what kind of man are you, LoneRedStar, that you were consulting directions?

Comrade LoneRedStar, good news! Your testicles were found in a tree in Yinchuan Province. They are apparently unharmed from their long flight.

I have packed them in dry ice and am sending them to you by Yak Express, with a complimentary shipment of lichee nuts as consolation for your horrendous ordeal. If you need assistance with reassembly, we have acupuncture doctors skilled at such things - my finest physician is at your disposal.

Ironically, Yinchuan is our foremost producer of lichee nuts. To think that your testicles might have inadvertently been packaged in an orchard!

FOR THE RECORD..... and Party approved Organs. I still have all my organs, AND do not own a taser. This was presented as reference material only. I have several large guns and have no need of such a toy. I say why injure when you can positively maim and get the point across....Or use a bow to be silent......

AARGH!!!

I've been duped. I should've known LoneRedStar is such a good, dedicated Progressive, that his post about the taser couldn't possibly have been his own written work, which is to say: the product of original, individual thought.

Indeed, upon seeing his latest post, I googled the words "Larry's Pistol and Pawn taser" only to discover that his yarn, which I might have thought worthy of submission to the "Drama in Real Life" department of Reader's Digest, has been posted by a gazillion different sources all over the Internet. Lenin alone knows the ID of the original author.

Rewrite it in a way that puts all the blame on the failed, immoral, illegal policies of the Bush Administration. I would suggest changing the character of dumbass husband to an Undocumented American or Muslim only trying to protect his family from the midnight raids of Bush's gestapo. I give it 48 hours to show up on the IFP site complete with doctored up photo of Bush.

(Pinkie off)

I'd like to know why I haven't seen this one before. I'm sure I'd remember if my father had e-mailed it to me. He forwards jokes every day; I must see the one about lawyer questions and witness answers ("All my autopsies are performed on dead people!") every week.

Commissarka, you should have recognized this as one of those urban legends from the start, I certainly knew it was but a joke when I saw the line "She is such a sweet cat" and this was not in reference to a recipe.

Pupovich, I shan't be fooled again. Rest assured I'll be suspicious of everyone's posts from now on.

But at least we know which animal LoneRedStar obeys. And is that information not more useful than knowing you shouldn't tase yourself?

Yes Commissarka, which is why I have chosen the Party to be my wife. To have and to be held by, in sickness and managed health care, for subsidy or labor camp, till my death be required.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Pupovich, I shan't be fooled again. Rest assured I'll be suspicious of everyone's posts from now on.

But at least we know which animal LoneRedStar obeys. And is that information not more useful than knowing you shouldn't tase yourself?

Pinkie if it has taken you this long to figure out why i drive around in this all day collecting my usual usury ........ Hmmmm... a little slow on the uptake this morning.....you need a hot pocket

Ihave some sad news for Comrade Cat, though it may be helpful for yourfleas... pleas for a subsidy.

I am regrettable to anounce that Comrade Mousey-Tongue, leader of the undertrodden in glorious People's Republic of Catnip, dyed of enjuries from very bad quake. Is lying in state in buffet line at Peking Tom's Takee-Outee, biggest building still standing in village. Comrade Tongue's last words as removed from rubble:

"Mmmm, the Kung Pao Rodent looks pretty good...gaaaaack!"

Comrade Tongue will be soarly missd amond those who loved him.

This bloody well better be another hoax, like that thing with Lone Red Star and the taser, devised for the express purpose of messing with Pinkie's head. Because I love that cat, as much as I love the dog. I love Pupovich and Mousey-Tongue equally, as I love everyone equally, like the good Progressive I am.

Besides, how dumb do you think I am? Even if this were true, Mousey-Tongue would still have eight lives left to squander pledge to The Party.

I demand to see Mousey-Tongue!

Er,,, not sure Commissarka, I believe he used one of his lives up since he has been here, and Lenin knows how many he used before. But this does smell of a WRECKER, bent on sabotage!

Please allow me to introduce myself and say I am a loyal reader of the Cube, and have lurked about the site for the past two years. This is only my second post, but I must share what I know for the greater good.

It is sad news, but alas, true. Mousey was the cousin of Dr. Chai Lat Teh, Research Professor at the People's Institute of Scientific Study (PISS). I am an alumnus of this fine research university, and a colleague of Dr. Teh's. He wired to say his cousin's remains were confirmed through dental records. Commissarka Pinkie, your demand to see Mousey-Tongue is hereby met:


Here, I am filled with sorrow to say, is his monument:


The other side of the monument shares similar sentiments in Chinese. Mousey was a true servant of the Party! Who can replace our trusted friend?

Wow, that was fast. I wonder what's next....

Can I have his TV?

I know Dr. Teh and Mousey are - that is, the Dr. is and poor Mousey was - most humble. I know they would prefer obscurity, but would not a memorial thread and perhaps a parade with some rocket launchers be appropriate? After all, without a doubt, if all are loved equally as the Commissarka so correctly stated, would not Mousey's demise be observed with no less respect than that of, say, Commissar Pupovich?

I only ask because I know it would make his mother proud.