President Obama Vindicated by Science!

Chile earthquake: red faces in Japan over tsunami no-show

From our correspondent at the Zimbabwe Press Association

When presidential candidate Barack Obama promised in 2008 that the sea levels would fall during his presidency, the right wing media and talk radio hosts made fun of him. Moronic racist entertainers like Rush Limbaugh and his ilk accused him of delusions of divinity.

It now seems they have to eat their words. That is, if they can chew with their dirty Nazi feet in their mouths.

Scientist predicted that a massive tsunami would race across the Pacific and flood the shores of Japan after the recent earthquake in Chile. It never happened. "The sea levels are just too low at the moment, due to Mr. Obama's progressive presidency", said Mr John Holdren, Obama's science adviser in the White House. "There was a real and measurable absence of a tsunami at all the observation stations. We are very excited about what it means for our president. He has at last been vindicated."

The Japanese ambassador called the White House this morning to thank the president on behalf of the Japanese people for his intervention. Obama accepted their thanks graciously, but apologized that America could not do the same during the tsunami that hit the Indian Ocean nations during December 2003. "We inherited a lot of problems from the previous administration, at least now we can point to some real change we can believe in."

Mr Obama was also praised by many observers for the two-million-plus jobs saved or created in Japan by that fact that the tsunami was averted.

Obamugabe

Obamugabe wrote:President Obama Vindicated by Science!

Comrade Obamugabe,

You make a brilliantly insightful observation, but, unfortunately, it is apparent that a fascist tea-partier must have recently hacked into TOTUS and thereby forced Obama to incorrectly deny that he can "control nature." Big Fur Hat** was the first to bring this to everyone's attention.

Not only is the Secret Service frantically attempting to find and apprehend such hacker, but World-Climate Chairman Gore (my immediate "supervisor," who is also known as Gorbels Cube) is attempting to minimize this unfortunate effect of Obama's normal habit of trusting that the content of every word TOTUS feeds to him is correct when, unbeknownst to him, a tea-partier has hacked into TOTUS.

To minimize such unfortunate effects, Gorbels issued a public statment. He said: "A mere error in ObamaSpeak is not sufficient to undermine the universal consensus that Obama's policies do control Nature and only in a very positive way and never in a negative way."

I assume that as a high party official you have clearance to know that there is a top-secret additional high-tech device upon which Obama understandably relies as greatly as he relies upon TOTUS. It is a tiny device worn inside his ear where it is not visible to any observer, which provides pronunciation assistance to Obama as he's speaking the text he reads on TOTUS.

The top-secret acronym for this top-secret device is IDIOTOTUS^TM (Insert Delivering Interpretations Of Teleprompter Of The United States), and, as we all know, a tea-party hacker recently hacked into the operational software for that device and thereby caused Obama to refer to "Corpsmen" as "Corpse-Men," and the Secret Service is still frantically trying to find and apprehend that hacker.

Thus, it's possible that Obama's mispeaking in denying he can "control nature" may have been caused by a hacker into IDIOTUS instead of TOTUS. Apparently it's quite a challenge for the Secret Service to identify the source of such "garbage-in/garbage-out" problems.

Meanwhile, we're all awaiting the next opportunity for Obama to firmly and unequivocally assert control over Nature.

PS--
If I may backslide into an archaic capitalist habit, I want to mention that in my capacity as GAIA Minister (which capacity gives me Top-Secret Clearance), I coined the acronym "IDIOTOTUS^TM" for the Secret Service, which initially proposed a far less suitable acronym, which the requirements of polite discourse prohibit me from repeating here.

**Here's are links to Big Fur Hat's report:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwW8hyqGBr8<br>http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=18280

--GAIA Minister Neytiri

Can anyone be surprised? This IS the chosen One and yet there are still doubters? He's brought temporary cooling to a world "with a fever", so of course he can cause the sea to raise and lower. He is Barack Hussein Obama; he is full of "me, myself and I'isms". He speaks and TOTUS trembles; he smokes and the world smokes; he flatulates and the world farts; he eats a burger and we all belch; he supports a candidate and he loses points. What a shame he wasn't in Orlando in time to make the whale cough up his victim.

Glorious post, just glorious.

What!? Are you suggesting that the One can't walk on water? That it was all a trick? That he merely lowered the sea levels to create an illusion?

Comrade Whoopie! What if Rahm overhears such an un-progressive statement?! 'The Finger' might not be pleased. We know glorious Leader can walk on water, freeze the water, boil the water, evaporate the water, depose of water, as well as lower the water & raise the water.

If further proof be needed . . . .

This is yet another example of how international and interdimensional socialism is the real key to success. The O-ssiah foresees the failure of his followers to lower the sea levels so he calls on his good friends in the People's Party of Pandemonium and we succeed where the noble intentions of the gormans failed do to capitalist sabetoge. The sea is lowered, jobs are saved and the O-ssiah is vindicated.

So what if the United Sates incures a deficite of owed souls to the PPP the important thing is that O-ssiah has yet another miracle atributed to him. Besides those souls who will be sent to use via death panel, will be well cared for in the glorious people's paradise of down below.

So that is what the DЭAЯ LЭADЭЯ does when he is not chain-smoking and swimming in his Vodka pool: walking on water, stopping tsunamis, and raising the dead (Fidel). Fraulein, your surveillance skills are unmatched, and makes your STAZI trainers proud, kudos!!!!!!!!

Golly Obamugabe, I thought it was a coincidence but something similar happened to me! In that same speech where he pledged to lower the oceans, Obama also promised he would heal the planet. I was a bit skeptical but recently, I noticed the big hole in my back yard (that was there since the Bush Administration) has been filled with snow! It's a miracle!

I will never doubt Him again! Do you think he can make me one of his twelve apostles or do I have to call Organizing for America to get on a list or something?

Comrade Opiate

I DENOUNCE YOU FOR OWNING A SWIMMING POOL!

You should now better! All shoveling skills should be used for The Greater Good or for The Children.

A swimming pool is utterly Kulak and therefore reprehensible.

One Kulak One Bullet!

Obamugabe

Opiate of the People wrote:Golly Obamugabe, I thought it was a coincidence but something similar happened to me! In that same speech where he pledged to lower the oceans, Obama also promised he would heal the planet. I was a bit skeptical but recently, I noticed the big hole in my back yard (that was there since the Bush Administration) has been filled with snow! It's a miracle!

I will never doubt Him again! Do you think he can make me one of his twelve apostles or do I have to call Organizing for America to get on a list or something?

How glorious! We need to keep careful video and written documentation of such miracles, in hope of Pope Secola Benedict making him an office Saint. This would hold well for the next upcoming eleciton. I do hope you had the foresight to send that snow to the north pole as a donation for the polar bears, who I hear are drowning'n stuff. I believe such donations with help fill the coffers of the SEIU, as well. Congratulations on your hole . . empty or full of snow, I'm sure we're all a little envious.

Obamugabe, the hole is not a swimming pool. My dog, enraged by the horrors of the Bush Administration, began to dig himself a bomb shelter. He continued to dig after Obama's inauguration inspired by the Dear Leader's example showing the way out of a hole is to keep digging.

Fraulein Pulloskies, I think there should be a TV show - like those bitter clinging religious types used to go on - where people testify to the greatness of Obama. Holes filled, jobs created and/or saved, oceans lowered - we all need to see the wonders He is working for us in spite of the fierce opposition to his plans from all those stupid Democrats Rethuglicans.

Opiate of the People wrote:Obamugabe, the hole is not a swimming pool. My dog, enraged by the horrors of the Bush Administration, began to dig himself a bomb shelter. He continued to dig after Obama's inauguration inspired by the Dear Leader's example showing the way out of a hole is to keep digging.

Fraulein Pulloskies, I think there should be a TV show - like those bitter clinging religious types used to go on - where people testify to the greatness of Obama. Holes filled, jobs created and/or saved, oceans lowered - we all need to see the wonders He is working for us in spite of the fierce opposition to his plans from all those stupid Democrats Rethuglicans.

This is a most glorious suggest and one that should be given to Rahm 'the finger' Emanuel immediately so the "most transparent administration in the history" of the world might move forward. Title suggestions? - "As the World Worships Obama" I think Katie Couric would be a lovely host and his already proved how worthy she is by all the butt kiss'n that's been going on for the last 2 years.
I feel for your dog and understand his plight. He needs reassurance that the Nazi Bushit is gone. My cat might never recover. She runs in circles, digging holes, searching for wmd that shall never be found.

Curses on Bushit.

It is a tiny device worn inside his ear where it is not visible to any observer, which provides pronunciation assistance to Obama as he's speaking the text he reads on TOTUS.

Oh! and the volume control is implanted in his nostril! He wasn't picking his nose, but rather turning up the volume to overcome that screechy old-man voice McCain was using.