I have been given the honor to deliver the rebuttal speech in response to the hate-filled rhetoric of intolerance that we have come to know as The State of The Union Address.

My fellow comrades, progressive Amerikans, household appliances and the idiot in the back corner picking his nose and thumbing through my wallet:

I come to you tonight not as a Demokrat or as an Amerikan citizen; no, tonight I come to you as a world citizen and someone who wants to see this country fall to its knees and surrender its sovereignty to the U.N, Iran or North Korea.

For over a billion years now, we the Amerikan useful-idiots, have been tortured, lied to, silenced and called names all so that two men - two very inept men - may profit off the blood of those who wish to destroy Amerikan freedom.

This, my fellow comrades, is a grave injustice to all - more importantly – a grave injustice to Her Excellency Hillary R. Clinton, who will in time, with all her benevolence, liberate us from money, life, liberty and private property.

I know what you're thinking, we have people who tell us mind you, and yes, this is in fact a picture of my late life-partner Helen.


Helen was a brave soul; an Appliance-Amerikan who had served her country by doing everything in her power to undermine it – after all comrades, dissent is patriotic.

She was indeed a dissenter, she even took part in the Iraq WMD airlift to Syria so that the foolish chimp and his armies of darkness would be embarrassed upon learning that no such WMD's ever existed – or so we told them. I remember the cold nights, and the longing for my toaster Helen.

I remember waking up every morning and not having her to make me Ego waffles or my usual toast and caviar. This comrades is what millions of Iranians are facing to this day, the longing for their loved ones to return from the Holy War to be greeted with flowers, portraits of Ahmadinejad and of course Kool-Aid and Rice-Crispy squares (dyed red of course).

Comrades, we are still living in the land of the two Amerikas. One Amerika wishes to defend itself, the other wishes to mime defending itself in order to appease our allies in Tehran and Damascus. Of course comrades, we're the mimes – the selfless mimes of peace, progress and Sharia Law for all.

But please, don't let me go on preaching about the chimps failed foreign policy, no, let me also talk about those who are starving in the streets and resorting to cannibalism to survive. Yes, its true – the robber barons are back and they wish to eat your teenage children. Do not confuse this with CHOICE, which is of course the state helping you rid yourself of the parasite growing in your womb. Here is another picture of Helen….


You know, Teddy Roosevelt once said…. Bad example, excuse me, let me start again. You know, Forrest Gump once said – “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gunna get”. This poetic verse is what being a Democrat is all about – you really don't know what you're going to get. But I will assure you my fellow comrades, we do know what we're going to get, and this “get” comes to the tune of billions in tax-payer dollars (yummy, yummy, yummy!). So yes, we are ready and willing…. Here is another picture of my late life-partner Helen…..


May Lenin Bless You All!

another masterpiece...forget about the 200 dollah you owe me, you just earned a "Get out of Gulag (or Debt to the Field Marshal) Free" card.

For the Party!

For Her Majesty!

<formation of 12 Sturmoviks perform a fly-by in tribute to the Chairman's moving speech; the huddled masses cheer wildly, waving red scarves>

Salute!!

Thank you, Marshal Pravda. <salutes>

<Jim Webb runs to a corner and cries like a little mime because he didn't have three pictures to show off>

I couldn't find any mention of using corn for all our energy production needs. We gotta mention corn! Or at least Hydrogen, just look how well it worked with the Hindenburg.

Oh no Comrade.....y-you...d-d-didn't say DemoKRAT-ik.....(ducks and covers)

AAAaaahh! The "D" word! We're all doomed! Lenin save us poor souls!

Premier Betty wrote:AAAaaahh! The "D" word! We're all doomed! Lenin save us poor souls!

We, hell! I'm not going anywhere.

<throws ash-tray and lamp> DON'T EVER SAY THE "D" WORD! ARRRGGHHH.... Stalin forbid if Her Excellency hears such a word! Quickly, put on these combat boots and cut off your hair... this is the only way you will get away with it, trust me. Oh, here, smear this black lip-stick all over your face and call yourself "Hank". Maybe Her Excellency will confuse you for one of her butch lesbo pals.... DO IT DAMMIT! <escapes through the window>

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:<throws ash-tray and lamp> DON'T EVER SAY THE "D" WORD! ARRRGGHHH.... Stalin forbid if Her Excellency hears such a word! Quickly, put on these combat boots and cut off your hair... this is the only way you will get away with it, trust me. Oh, here, smear this black lip-stick all over your face and call yourself "Hank". Maybe Her Excellency will confuse you for one of her butch lesbo pals.... DO IT DAMMIT! <escapes through the window>

(scratches head) Well, I do look good in black lipstick....'minds me of my Rocky Horror days.

But WHAT is the D=word we are avoiding?

Democrat?
Democratic?
Democrat party?
Dinsdale?
Doobedoobedoo?
Dumkopf?
Dunkirk?

The second word.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:The second word.

So, it's ok to say now, "Civil rights legislation was largely held up by the Democrat party in the sixties, most picturesquely by Democrat Governer George Wallace, who was famous for saying, 'Segregation today, segregation tomorah, segregation forevah.' In the same way, Democrat politicos have bravely and proudly stood up against the threat of Equality in the form of dismanteling "Affirmative Action". Why, Kwame Kilpatrick, the Democrat Mayor of Detroit, stood up at a rally in Michigan saying, 'Affirmative Action today, Affirmative Action now, Affirmative Action forevah!' It brought a tear to the eye. I'm sure old George had to blow his nose from beyond the grave.

That's ok to say?

I thought we were supposed to say it the other way, but if you say so.....

That is PERFECT! Here, take this expired ration coupon and barter yourself something nice.