Through some perverted science (fomented by the Bush-Cheney-Haliburton cabal) the sun has splooged a huge solar flare right at Mother Gaia! This is horrendous! Such a disaster could endanger Laika, Friend of The People!™ Anyone wearing tinfoil hats could receive dangerous radiation tainted by the capitalist propaganda of the nefarious neocons. Chairman Meow's cash could be singed. and what about his Hummel collection???

This required quick action, aided by the people's favorite KosmoKitten...ME!


Using powerful jets on my spacecraft, I doused the solar flares with state-issue bulk grade vodka. The explosion of superheated vodka-plasma propelled me all the way back to earth in time for my Kibbles n Bits before bedtime.

I did it for Next Tuesday. I did it for Laika. I did it for The Children.™

A grateful Kollective thanks you for your unselfish service.

So is there any chance some of that solar charged vodka might be landing any time soon?

AH YES! VODKA! Much thankfulness, General Mousey.

You are most welcome, my Comrades! It is but a small sacrifice, I noticed while brushing this morning that my glorious fur was slightly singed in the mission. A small sacrifice for the people's health and happiness!

Beware consuming the ionized vodka that returns to earth. Remember, this was the bulk-grade stuff that the party doles out to the proles, so its quality is more on the level of paint remover the finest libation money can buy. It may do things to the innards that would be pretty nasty. I know for a fact Comrade Olbermann practically brushes his teeth with the stuff, and consider the brain cell loss there. He may only serve as a warning to others...

But I digress...HOW IS LAIKA???? Has anyone received transmissions from her since the horrendous solar flares toasted our planet like a flame-broiled slab of halibut? My tinfoil hat melted on re-entry (fortunately I took it off my head first) so I am counting on my comrades to assure me she is ok.

Beware consuming the ionized vodka that returns to earth. Remember, this was the bulk-grade stuff that the party doles out to the proles, so its quality is more on the level of paint remover the finest libation money

can buy. (spit spit spit this would have been good news to receive earlier!)

I am so sorry you were singed glorious General (but that sure explains the smell). Those little balded spots should fill in soon enough. Thank you again for our devoted service.

aaakk, we have not heard from Laika! I hope she is not a hot dog. (and I am most embarrassed I thought she was a he or maybe that was some other unfortunate trip incident??!!)

Poor Laika! The helmet should provide protection since it's made of the finest materials and constructed at the People's Helmet Collective under the watchful eyes of a hundred Commissars. But I fear for the rest of our heroic space doggy's body.

Ewwww...now I am truly worried!

From Wikipedia, which is notorious for its right-wing capitalist spin:

The dog who would later be named Laika was found as a stray wandering the streets of Moscow. Soviet scientists chose to use Moscow strays since they assumed that such animals had already learned to endure conditions of extreme cold and hunger.[7] This specimen was an eleven-pound[10] mongrel female, approximately three years old. Another account reported that she weighed about 6 kg (13 lb). Soviet personnel gave her several names and nicknames, among them Kudryavka (Russian for Little Curly), Zhuchka (Little Bug) and Limonchik (Little Lemon). Laika, the Russian name for several breeds of dogs similar to the husky, was the name popularized around the world. The American press dubbed her Muttnik (mutt + suffix -nik) as a pun on Sputnik,[11] or referred to her as Curly.[12] Her true pedigree is unknown, although it is generally accepted that she was part husky or other Nordic breed, and possibly part terrier.[7] A Russian magazine described her temperament as phlegmatic, saying that she did not quarrel with other dogs.[10]

oh dear. Someone called the city pound and have that thing put to sle.... poor dear Laika, umm, rescued.


spit

Thank you Mousey.
Putinka is on it's way.

And remember, I'm a Mongrel, the noblest of the Obama clan!

Oh, we are much filled with thrill that you have returned safely! You are our fav mongrel, next to dear Leader, of course!

"There is nothing like a true mongrel to bring warm feelings of Obama"

Most Equal Gen MT,

Thank G-D Obama we have loyal Comrades like you on the job. One could only wonder what condition the Pork Collective would have found itself had it not been for your quick action to thwart this solar attack!

I noticed the fine space-mobile you used to combat this attack and knowing you to be a card carrying Progressive and Union Delegate, I will assume said space craft was built by Public Sector Union hands.

Question:

Now that you have thwarted this disaster, what will become of said Union Workers jobs, pensions and tax payer funded entitlements?

I hate to be the stick in the collective mud but we must always, in all of our actions, consider Union Entitlements.

My thoughts are that a Blue Ribbon Panel be assembled to consider how we can "create" additional problems that only we can solve.

Makes sense right?

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Thank you Mousey.
Putinka is on it's way.

My dear Laika, I am greatly relieved to hear from you! Thanks for the Putinka, I will savor it with my whitefish and beets tonight. I will sleep better knowing that you remain up there, orbiting above the Kollektive, broadcasting The Current Truth ™ !

Comrade Buffoon, you are hereby commissioned to chair a panel on Gaseous Emissions in Near Space. To be specific, your duty is to report on dangerous gaseous emissions that could imperil the coming of Next Tuesday, including the immediate vicinity of Al Gore.

As for my spacecraft, I employed Gulag talent made available upon The One's glorious cancellation of missile defense project. Scab labor, true, but you can't beat the price. To keep the unions happy, we should ask Chairman Meow to propose a manned space flight to Uranus (or Neptune) in a modified Chevy Volt. I will be in charge of selecting and training a hand-picked team of KosmoKittens for the mission. Any third grader with a brain can figure out it will never work, but Congress will no doubt appropriate millions for the project, which can be diverted to more productive purposes within the Party.

Comrade Buffoon, you are hereby commissioned to chair a panel on Gaseous Emissions in Near Space. To be specific, your duty is to report on dangerous gaseous emissions that could imperil the coming of Next Tuesday, including the immediate vicinity of Al Gore.

Most loyal General, I truly believe you should give Comrade Algore an exemption from any gaseous emissions. We know that some of us are more equal in expulsion than others and without a doubt, Comrade Algore is among those.
your humble equal comrade, Frau

Madame Frau, having shared a cubicle with you at Party HQ I must say that your own gaseous emissions are quite flowery indeed.

(What was that the other day, jalapenos and garlic?)

I am sure I'm thrilled that you took note, but I assure you, that was my government provide travel vehicle from GM, Boris. He loves to go for long walks in the gulag but garlic goes give him gas, so I always try to travel with the 'wind at my back' so to speak.

May the success of your voyage long live in the annuls of the collective General.
The birth of our glorious Peoples Leader Pelalien aboard your craft during your daring mission was a sign straight from Stalin.