Comrades, how often have you fantasized about the coming revolution only to be stymied by which implement of protest you'd carry? Tired of mulling over in your mind which tool to choose, torch or pitchfork?

Well put your mind at ease. Introducing the first multipurpose tool for all angry protests. The revolutionary Torchfork brought to you by The People's Cube Industries. Crafted in the glorious People's Republic of China out of quality recycled materials and assembled by prison labor, this instrument of discontent will provide a lifetime of outrage in the palm of your hand.

And if you order in the next ten minutes (because we can't do this all night) you can get a second Torchfork for your fellow traveler absolutely FREE, yes, I said FREE (just pay shipping and handling). That's right, two genuine Torchforks for the price of one. Talk about redistributing the wealth comrade. Order now, our ACORN cadre is standing by to take your call.

TORCHFORK TESTIMONIAL:

I could always use as little help in the multi-tasking areas. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could light someone on fire while stabbing their ass with a pitchfork. Now I can do both- without breaking a sweat! Thanks, Billy Mays! (Hope you're resting peacefully.)

Comrade Whoopie, I applaud your push to have the masses arm themselves for the coming revolution, however I do take exception to:

"this instrument of discontent will provide a lifetime of outrage in the palm of your hand"

This invoked memories of last nights marathon pr0n vortex... but I digress.

The filthy right winger is a stubborn animal and I fear may be immune to fleshly wounds and/or fire. I insist that our lock step comrade consider the Pelosi Spray as a sidearm for the most stubborn of the stubborn filthy capitalist.


A spray to dumb down the masses...

Can I get a TorchFork(TM) with shovel head on the other end? That would make it even more of a People's Multipurpose Tool.

How 'bout a Torchforkovelbagger? Dispose of those pesky KKKons four ways:
Ignight
Impale
Shovelwhack, and
Teabag the remains?
Also, the shovel doubles as an evidence-removal tool. Enjoy!

I think another company already markets something with this slogan but they surely won't mind anyone else using it for the public good:
"Now that's Progressive!"

Comrade Buffoon, the spray looks like it could come in handy. I'll contact IG Flabber Chemicals and see if they can package their new human pesticide "Flabber Gas" in a handy aerosol form. Conservatives will be Flabbergasted.

Col. 7.62, shhhhh! The plan is to sell everyone a Torchfork and then we come out with the new improved version for half the price (along with an ad campaign that ridicules anyone who shows up for a protest with the old version).

LEAVE BILLY MAYS ALONE!

Now with that out of the way, where can I get a Torchfork? (BTW, I couldn't help but notice the Vince Shlomi reference in there, get that weasel out of here before I have to come down with the full rage of a commercial hater to slime like that.)

That's funny. Here I always thought Joe Biden was the People's all-purpose tool.
https://patriotpost.us/edition/2010/02/17/chronicle/