AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE OFFICE OF THE DEPARTMENT OF THE COMMISSAR OF TIME

Comrades, as you may be aware, the thought criminal Harold Camping has predicted that on 6pm, local time the Christian Rapture will occur, and set off a series of events that will eventually lead to the destruction of the world. The Rapture(TM) will be foreshadowed by global earthquakes, the rising of the necro voters dead, and the elect few Saved(TM) ascending to heaven. Then for the next five months, the earth will suffer tribulations, and on October 21st, 2011 will be destroyed by fire, and all remaining people cast into Hell.

Now as good socialist atheists we have reason to be concerned about this on many levels. For one thing, it is clear that the opiate of the masses is still widely consumed; however as has been shown before, religion can be bent to serve the needs of the State. So we will ignore this whole "religion" thing for now. The more pressing concern is all the formerly democratic voters who have been happily buried in Chicago cemeteries will be out wandering the streets again. It is important that we immediately reach out to these comrades, and properly register them to vote the straight democratic ticket.

This "Rapture" is discriminatory, as it does not include followers of the Religion of Peace(TM), and even singles them out for punishment in the hell of another religion. We must be prepared to clearly and loudly denounce the Rapture when it occurs, and seek legal injunction against it in all jurisdictions. Meanwhile, it is pretty clear that the impending destruction of the earth is pretty bad for the environment. I am certain Green Peace will be out in force protesting the destruction of the earth by fire. Just think of all the greenhouse gases alone that will be released by this action.

In fact, I'm pretty sure we can all agree this Rapture and impending destruction of the earth is pretty bad business for the Party as a whole. Thusly for the time being, until the proper injunctions can be filed in friendly jurisdictions to prevent the Rapture, I am declaring all days henceforth to be Friday, May 20th 2011 until this whole mess is sorted out. Hail Obama!

The "blessed hope", "harpazo" in the Greek or "rapture" as a Latin derivative from the Vulgate is an intolerable concept to us collective progressives. A "some and not others" or "few as opposed to many" philosophy is not acceptable. Who does God think He is, rewarding some and depriving others. This is the prerogative of the state and its bureaucratic apparatus i.e. wisdom of the collective.

The true rapture for Progressives came with the election of Obama.

What other savior could people want ?

You know what, Comrades? I really wish there was a Rapture. Think of it. In one fell swoop, we can finally get rid of all those damned Christofascist conservatives forever. I hate the way they yammer on and on about the so-called need for “less government” telling everyone what to do and how to live, just so they can take over with their own stupid rules and regulations that do what? Tell everyone what to do and how to live! Hypocrites!

If I'm going to be told what to do and how to live, then I'd rather be told by the government than rightwing Christofascists. At least the government will cut me a check to help me do it. All I'll ever get from the religious right is some blather to the effect that I should learn to catch my own damn fish. Like what, am I supposed to get out of bed at the absolute crack every morning and find a boat and sit out there until I catch a fish? What if I don't catch anything? What if the fish is too small to eat? And boats are expensive, so all I can afford is a leaky rowboat, because if I want a better boat, I might not be able to pay my cell phone bill that month, or get new tattoos, or buy new sneakers with sparkly pink toe caps because my name is Pinkie and I feel like being sparkly.

What if my boat springs a leak and sinks? I can't swim, so what if I drown? Especially if there are no lifeguards because budget cuts by Republican legislatures eliminated all lifeguard jobs, because we all know Republicans want people to drown?

But Christians don't care about all that, since they're in cahoots with the Republicans. They just want me to shut up and go fishing, and beyond that the hypocrites don't give a damn what might happen to me. This is no more than I'd expect from the same bunch that are so obsessed with saving the “unborn”, yet once they become the “born” these hypocrites don't give a damn what happens to them. They refuse to provide them with food and shelter and diapers, instead going back to that same kooky idea that the babies' parental units should get up at the crack to go fishing.

So I say let 'em get sucked up into the sky! Once they get beyond the Earth's gravitational pull, they'll be stuck floating around in space where there's no oxygen, and guess what? They're all going to die! They don't know it because they've always ignored science and laughed at it.

But I know it's science so basic that I actually figured it out for myself.

Now excuse me while I go back to surfing the net for pictures of conservative Christians' mansions. I'm going to pick which one I want to live in after it's vacated at 6 pm tonight. Speaking of which, who wants to join me for some looting after dark? Big flat screen TV's for all!

You're correct. Having the Obamessiah eliminates the need for Rapture on 5-21-11:


Obamessiah Code. ......can't get this blankety-blank software to recognize end-paragraph codes!!!!


--KOOK .......


.....PS-- YouTube deleted the entire account that contained the YouTube version of this video-- thus the wmv version is the only one available for viewing.



... .....--KOOK

All this talk of rapture has me thinking we need to change our date system.

What better way to show our appreciation of Papa Obama and all he has done for us and the rest of mankind humankind then to start the calender with his birth.

Indeed time did not really start or matter until his birth - (born August 4, 1961)


So right now under the oppressive Christian based time line it it 2011 AD (Anno Domini) ; but to the Progressive mind, the year is now 49 B.O. (Barack Obama)

It works for me... ;-)

Comrade Neo Trotsky. The new calendar will be implemented when Obama takes his third term in office. Much like Comrade Mussolini who made the trains run on spices, and also dated everything in Italy with the number of years since he took office.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Comrade Neo Trotsky. The new calendar will be implemented when Obama takes his third term in office. Much like Comrade Mussolini who made the trains run on spices, and also dated everything in Italy with the number of years since he took office.

This is good news comrade!

Perhaps we should not use BO, since people may think it to be "body odor ".

It may be best if we go with B.M. (Barack Moment)

B.O. or B.M. hmmm this is a tough call

Either one really works.....

Postquam Barack (After Barack)

I'm going with Pinkie. Sounds like she has a lot of goodies already scoped out for tonight's event. That's our Commissarka, she always seizes upon the silver lining of total progressive caring.

Seize the moment Comrades.

There cannot be a rapture untill after beet harvest. I still have wild oats to sow with Princess Nookie, prevously known as Tsarevna.

I have personally been living in Rapture ever since my first (of sure to be many) JiffyLobo™. I see no reason to get sucked up into the sky at this point; if it were necessary, Obamessiah would surely tell us!

Comrade Rock is correct,

Government directives would have been issued telling us what to wear!I am reminded of Jehova's Witness who were predicting the end of the word every few years around the turn of the 20th century. Sell everything you own and wait on a hill top. The next day they were still there. The first time was about 1895.

The Major says: And what to bring sir!

I thought Comradette Harry had all this Rapture business figured out back when capitalists were still exploiting leisure suits and lit floors to the tune of disco. Yet more evidence of how the rightwing Christian fascists remain unable to move beyond their inherent neolithic oppressive ways while the vanguard boogies its way to the bright world of Next Tuesday.

I demand the Leisure Suit be the Mao Jacket of the 21st Century!

ummm, I thought the Obama ReignPresidency WAS the rapture? No?

Rapture is a mistranslation due to scribal error. The correct word is rupture.

There are very few who wish to get a rupture.

Here we are days later and the Christofacists (love the term Pinkie!) are still here. Morons. . .
First off, wasn't the world suppose to end in 2012? Why have it changed from 2011 to 2012? Second, remember Matthew 24:36? "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

I find it rather sad to see people suckered in when it's clearly stated otherwise.

I woke up Sunday believing I was in heaven, if heaven looks exactly like my dacha just outside the wire at Gulag 37. Then I turned on the TV and saw FoxNews...I screamed, no! I'm still in Hell.

I thought I liked Rapture, musta been another thoughtcrime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHCdS7O ... ture=share

Gulag 4 Alfred wrote:I thought I liked Rapture, musta been another thoughtcrime.

Is that a young Papa Obama in the video?

Even more reason to like it!

KOOK wrote:

Obamessiah Code. ......can't get this blankety-blank software to recognize end-paragraph codes!!!!

Paragraphs are for the proletariat and available in Poor Text only.