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Trump's Tariffs: Making American Light Again

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Dear Future President Donald J. Trump,

You are on the right track. You have made it clear that you wish to place tariffs on foreign made goods in order to stimulate American Manufacturing. China and Mexico have taken the jobs that Americans used to do with pride, and even our service jobs are being outsourced to India.

Unfortunately, there is yet another producer who undercuts the wages of American workers. For when he is allowed to flood our domestic market with his cheap product, our sales cease. Consumers prefer to use his product over those that are domestically produced and sold at a higher price. Yes, we are talking about our nemesis, the sun.

We, who bring artificial light to millions of Americans through the production of electricity, humbly beseech you to take action against this unfair competitor who is waging a trade war against us and our nation's economy in the energy sector.

In short, we ask that you codify into the law, by executive order if necessary, the mandatory closing of all windows, dormers, skylights, inside and outside shutters, curtains, casements, and blinds-- All openings, holes, chinks, and fissures through which the light of the sun is wont to enter homes and businesses to the detriment of fair industries such as ours.

Just as you have condemned the abundance of inexpensive products produced abroad by cheap labor, you must remain consistent by doing the same regarding the consumption of free light, which cripples the American energy sector. You have pledged to place tariffs on the half-priced products that Americans can afford, how much more should we benefit from the banning of natural light that sells for zero dollars all day long, in order to stimulate the manufacture and sale of artificial light.


*Audaciously plagiarized from "A Petition from the Manufacturers of Candles" by Frederic Bastiat, 19th Century French Libertarian Economist

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Comrades, we have a problem with this due to having too many openings that allow light in our buildings.

America is already too light in the loafers, if you know what I mean, and I think you do, nudge nudge wink wink.

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Too much light can lead to thinking and ideas. We've all heard the phrase "I have seen the Light!" and what radical behavior follows such a pronouncement. We can't have that!

It's best if everyone be kept in the dark or, at least, in Party™ approved light.

I believe we can all agree on this, comrades.

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Comrade Punk, I think you and Frederic are onto something here! Let's break more windows!

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Comrade Konservative_Punk,

Trump's Tariffs: Making American L̲i̲g̲h̲t̲ Again Offline

The rioting masses in Ferguson are gonna be back in the streets after this racist heading.

Great work as Next Tuesday approaches. Long live the revolution.

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Thanks for the awesome Trump/Che mashup Konservative_Punk!
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Comrade Putout wrote: ItIT
Thanks for the awesome Trump/Che mashup Konservative_Punk!
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I love what you did with it Comrade... Now just where is tractor barn #44? I have never heard of it, nor have I received any invitations to such festivities being hosted there.

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That original home of Tyranny in the former U. S. of A. and my glorious hometown Springfield, Illinois is helping to move this agenda forward.

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Konservative_Punk wrote: [highlight=#ffff00]Now just where is tractor barn #44?[/highlight] I have never heard of it, nor have I received any invitations to such festivities being hosted there.

It's down by the river side...

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