Comrades! I've been so giddy with celebrating the long overdue repealing of private property and the punishing of employers and producers that I failed to notice something of powerful significance. Please notice, my dear comrades, that...

The Healthcare Control and Rationing Act was signed into law on a TUESDAY!!!

Like all of you, I'm only now recovering from the mind numbing mist induced by too much distilled tractor fuel and have not noticed until today that the Socialist Utopia of Next Tuesday is not only here, it's now the Socialist Utopia of Last Tuesday!!

I propose, therefore, that Tuesday be declared a national holiday for the PeopleTM to take off from work, with pay (taxable up to 3,000%), and that they be encouraged to reflect and think, along state approved guidelines, of how grateful they should be to our beneficent government. They have been liberated from freedom, from employment, from the burden of property and its corrupting influence, and from making their own choices. It hardly gets any better. Oh, the happy days are here again!

Join me, comrades, in making Tuesday a day to remember.

So we have entered the Glorious World of Last Tuesday? But then what will we strive for? Shall I declare Last Tuesday, to be Next Tuesday on the People's Calenders, so that not only shall we commemorate Last Tuesday, but we will still struggle for Next Tuesday?

Let every Tuesday be Tuesday!

We aren't quite there yet Blogunov, we still have elections, the bill (has it been signed into law yet? I haven't been keeping track in that sense.)

The Progressive World of Next Tuesday will occur when the One is either elected President for Life, all things are provided by the government just like in old country, and the world loves us again.

So it shall be! In conjunction woth Komissar Blogunov's office, it is now determined that every People's Calendar shall show each and every Tuesday, to in fact be Tuesday, and it shall be marked and observed as a Tuesday each and every Tuesday thereafter. Furthermore, the week shall now have TWO Tuesdays. That way can can observe both the Glorious World of Last Tuesday, and the Glorious World of Next Tuesday.

This day was inevitable.

Won't this be in conflict with National Beet Tuesday? I know that on most national holiday, I'm forced must work to re-distribute beets . .. and steal have a few sips of the People's Beer or the People's Vodka (whichever is more readily available and without watchful eyes.)

aaaahh aaaahhhhh

COMRADE FRÄULEIN!!

Would it have killed you to add an 's to your proposed label for our Glorious People's Vodka?!?

Otherwise, nice work. The Party always welcomes freedom, creativity, and innovation when it comes to little things like labels.

-Olga the Spell Cheka

I am confused. If we elevate Tuesday to be "better" than the rest of the days, isn't this some kind of profiling? We should strive to make every day equal. no?

Ted State wrote:I am confused. If we elevate Tuesday to be "better" than the rest of the days, isn't this some kind of profiling? We should strive to make every day equal. no?

In true Socialism, some things are more equal than others, Comrade.

Comradess Komsomolka Olga Katrina ~ (geeeez) One must take into account the grueling drudgery joys of the gulag and that one might possible have had a vodka too many. One sometimes is unable to see .. klearly...clearly... the righ.. wright... writing on the label. And said faux pax was corrected chanaged changed to read, PEEEEEPLES. Joy!

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Comradess Komsomolka Olga Katrina ~ (geeeez) One must take into account the grueling drudgery joys of the gulag and that one might possible have had a vodka too many. One sometimes is unable to see .. klearly...clearly... the righ.. wright... writing on the label. And said faux pax was corrected chanaged changed to read, PEEEEEPLES. Joy!

Comrade Pulloskies,

An apostrophe before the s would be nice, too, but because of my Progressive Caring and Understaaaaanding(TM), I'm willing to overlook it and give you an extra beet ration for the week.

You may carry on shoveling rocks in the gulag.

Bravo Olga, the entire Polit Bureau is on their feet clapping wildly. Once again you have demonstrated your unmatched dedication to the Party. I knew you were the only Prog for the job and you have proved me correct. As a result, my name has been moved further down on the list of Party members likely to be purged for incompetence.

Ted State wrote:I am confused. If we elevate Tuesday to be "better" than the rest of the days, isn't this some kind of profiling? We should strive to make every day equal. no?

Rename every day Tuesday. Problem solved.

No, we cannot make every day Tuesday. We can have two Tuesdays, namely "Last Tuesday" and "Next Tuesday" which in various tenses could be "Next Last Tuesday" or "Last Last Tuesday" or "Last Next Tuesday" or "Next Next Tuesday". Having 7 Tuesdays in a week is just silly.

Besides I'm working to reform the calendar. And now I'm adding a file to your dossier about attempted meddling with time. Most unusual, most unusual indeed. You do know the penalty for unauthorized calendar tampering? Or even thinking about it? Much to do, much to do. But first I must *ahem* make a trip to the *liquor store* because I'm *out* of *top shelf, high quality vodka*. Now back to that dossier...

Can you bring me back a couple of extra Fridays while you're at the store? I like Fridays.

Leninka, Friday is 48 hours long, there is no Saturday, and Sunday was made into a Tuesday. The good news is that Monday is a day off. The bad news is that it is ony 8 hours long, and Last Tuesday is 32 hours.

Colonel 7.62,

This is glorious news. I never, never expected the Progressive World of Next Tuesday to have a 48 hour long Friday. This is wonderful!

It is so that we can ensure proper production at the end of the work week. And you got it wrong. Next Tuesday has no Friday, although that is an interesting concept. Giving Tuesday a Friday that is. Want to pose for the next People's Calendar?

Just let me know when you want me to pose, and I will do it. Anything for the party, and, of course, a Red Army Colonel.

Thank you for answering my question about Tuesday. Looks like it will be a glorious week indeed! However, I now need a day off to figure it all out and remark my calendar.

Try not to think about it Comrade Ted, just do what the voices coming from your tinfoil hat tell you. If they tell you to go to work that day, go to work. If they say it's a day off, then don't go to work. I

Colonel 7.62 wrote:No, we cannot make every day Tuesday. We can have two Tuesdays, namely "Last Tuesday" and "Next Tuesday" which in various tenses could be "Next Last Tuesday" or "Last Last Tuesday" or "Last Next Tuesday" or "Next Next Tuesday". Having 7 Tuesdays in a week is just silly.

Besides I'm working to reform the calendar. And now I'm adding a file to your dossier about attempted meddling with time. Most unusual, most unusual indeed. You do know the penalty for unauthorized calendar tampering? Or even thinking about it? Much to do, much to do. But first I must *ahem* make a trip to the *liquor store* because I'm *out* of *top shelf, high quality vodka*. Now back to that dossier...

Comrade,

Pardon the assumption and my absence from this thread as I was indisposed pulling out my own fingernails as punishment for my indiscretion.

After reading the thoughts of my most equal comrades might I suggest condensing the work week into a 40 hour day.

In said day hours will last the span of five minutes of any standard day. So that "day of work week" in which the nation accomplishes so much resource and ration production passes in the standard time of 1 hour and 20 minutes. This is loosely based on the French production model.

Admittedly 40 hours even under my most compassionate plan may be too harsh for the working class and appear exploitive. We should consult union leadership if "work week day" is deemed worthy.

Comrade Ingsoc, it appears great minds think alike, and one of them must be purged to prevent it from over taking the other.

There is much remodeling to do, and I am inspired by the French Revolutionary calendar, but ours is superior because Comrade Commissar Blogunov has given us the Tuesday holiday.

Komissar Blogunov wrote:And Olga, while I appreciate your efforts for the Common Good^TM, I urge a measure of caution. Skill in language often promotes, well, thinking! Thinking promotes logic, reflection, observing cause and effect, and all kinds of dangerous scenarios. Colonel 7.62 knows the trouble it can be to keep up with purges and how it drives up the price of ammunition for other Inner Party members who enjoy a little recreational shooting. The sloppier the grammar of the sheeple, the less likely they are to be thinking. The more we can encourage textspeak, the more controllable the People^TM become. r u with me?

I'm only doing it to skewer condescending academic elitism and bureaucratic fixation on mundane things show off my Party Elite expertise in Enlightening the Masses(TM) and prevent the Rethuglikans from laughing at us. Until the Class Enemies(TM) are finally defeated, we need to look as smart as possible because prog ideas sure don't sell well on their own.


[off]
Credit for that goes to either Comrade Whoopie or Casserole Czar... oh dear, I forgot who exactly it was!!

Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote:

Komissar Blogunov wrote:...and Olga, Spell Cheka had me barking in laughter. Fellow comrades all looked around to see what was so funny.

Credit for that goes to either Comrade Whoopie or Casserole Czar... oh dear, I forgot who exactly it was!!

I'm only willing to admit to creating that position of authority because you are doing such a fine job. Keep up the good work, you make me proud comrade commissar.