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Two Worlds

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"WANT IS WEALTH
POVERTY IS PROSPERITY
SQUALOR IS LUXURY"


Tearrorist Teabagger RethugliKKKans support a world view that is as foreign to us as humans are to space aliens.

We know that we have succeeded in creating a USSA populace that, in the majority, believes government (that is, We, the Elites, the Masterminds, the Made Progs)'s function is to provide the basic necessities of life: food, clothing, and shelter. Of course, the whole shadowy brilliant 0bamacare fiasco coup, enshrined by the useful idiot tool Heroic People's Supreme Court Justice John Roberts, now allows anything – or nothing – to be taxed. Soon even breathing will only be allowed at a price. (Carbon Credits have a great variety of uses, for extracting wealth from everything - from the industries we despise and are successfully destroying to the youngest unaborted fetus – with no reciprocating benefit extracted from us at all.)
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But what of the few remaining *spit* conservatives, whom we have not eradicated from the brilliant Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ that only their dwindling ranks oppose? Comrades, can you believe that they do not trust us, their 0verlords, their mental superiors? For instance, as a cornerstone of our success indoctrinating educating the proles, we have convinced them that humans are no better than, have no more value than, a bacterium – in fact, humans are worse, since humans destroy, pollute, and mismanage the goddess Gaia by merely breathing; yet simultaneously we have indoctrinated educated them to believe know that the human race is evolving. Man is essentially good. Every generation is getting better and smarter. After all, they vote for US!
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As proof of that, one of our brain dead loyal Californicate California informant/operatives shared with me an email she received which she said made her “speechless”, in an answer to her praise of the Glorious 0bamacare, and asked for advice on how to answer such reich-wing trash. I share it to benefit all of us, so we may maintain our attitude essence of superiority over the hated fool *spit* Christian *spit* conservatives, so-called, for they are all merely racist, sexist, bigoted, Islam-hating homophobes! So I will intersperse my own comments to keep you from being driven mad with fury, as I initially was – that is, if you can even get through the filth at all.

So what does this sick, *spit* Christian *spit* conservative say? He says humans were given authority over Gaia – the sickening audacity! Authority over Gaia – by their Christian *spit* GOD – oh horror! I'm about to be sick – for humanity's USE – augh, I feel faint – and at the same time, he says that our indoctrination doctrine, one of our basic, foundational tenets - that man is evolving – is a lie!!! This *spit* Christian writing to our operative tells us to look at any unaborted fetus for proof. He asked, “Does a child have to be taught how to be bad? No, that comes quite naturally. Any child will want to dominate others, be selfish, always want his own way, and always want it now. That's human nature. It is an unchangeable constant in every generation, in every people group.”

These Christian conservatives enrage me! Do you know what else he says, Comrades? He says we never grow out of that state! Another quote: “Adults are no different. Look at your friends. Look at any corporate gathering, whether a rotary club, private enterprise, or government. There are individuals and groups who seek power and advancement, often to the detriment of those deemed weaker.”

How dare he expose us accuse us of doing anything detrimental to The stupid idiot proles People! What he sees is not truth! What we say is truth is truth; there is no other truth!

But this sick Christian trash-heap unworthy even of prolehood is not done: “You have indicated that you hate Bain Capital. You may have also hated the Bush administration. Is the current administration any better? Are the current politicos trying to expand your liberty, or increase and tighten their control over individual citizens? Are they more noble than you, or your corner grocer, or Bain Capital? Should they be given such broad-ranging control over your life, and the life of everyone else, that they can tell us what doctor to see, what treatments we are eligible for, even whether we are worthy of care at all? Should granny just be given a pain pill instead of a pacemaker if she's old and unable to serve the state, even if her daughter loves her and the grandmother is a vibrant lady who loves life and her family? Does a small cabal of “masterminds”, “czars”, have a right to decide who gets what treatment? What if you had a son who's mentally feeble, but you love him with all your heart? What if that son gets in an accident, and his life is endangered unless he receives an expensive operation, and long-term care after that. Would you want fifteen or so strangers deciding if your son should live or die, based on how useful he is to the state? Where's the compassion in that?”

I cannot even begin to expose all the lies in the above statement. It is just too intolerable for consideration. I am finding out where this Christian lives, so I can have local law-enforcement authorities haul him away on some other charge, just as we had done with that contemptuous, despicable, Religion of Peace™ hating “film maker” who was a neighbor of the woman in California who shared this email. Comrades, feel free to expose and refute all the lies this – ugh – Christian spewed, for I am already in need of a Jiffy-Lobo™. Yet still the despicable Christian wasn't finished:

“There is a fundamental difference in our philosophies. I want you to advance and achieve to your fullest potential. I want you to be able to have any car and house and TV and light bulb and dishwasher you want, or none at all, if you want to live in a hut, pick berries, and walk anywhere you have to go. I don't want anyone telling you or me how we must live. I want everyone to have that liberty.

“The people you have aligned yourself with, on the contrary, want to impose their morality on everyone. They want people to live a certain way, only be allowed to do certain things, eat certain things, in certain quantities, and they want that control enforced by an all-powerful human government that will impose their will on everyone no matter how reprehensible and enslaving others find that to be. The statist yearns for equality of outcome, not equality of opportunity, and brooks no dissent. The statist would rather stifle free speech than listen to a dissenting point of view.”

Lies! Lies! All lies! That is why we cannot listen to them! I am so enraged I cannot even type straight!

And perhaps most heinous of all, he says we can only escape this fate with his Christian Savior, Whom we, the Powerful, the Elite, the Masterminds, know to be but a figment of his imagination. Just read the following ridiculous filth:

“That's human nature. It is man's ‘wisdom', which is foolishness to God. And it shows the wisdom of God – observe how the Ten Commandments address the manifestations of man's depravity, of man's inhumanity to man. But these Commandments only point up how woefully short we fall when we try to follow them in our puny power, and how we need a Savior if we are to live a life that truly puts others above ourselves.

“As Bob Dylan sang, ‘you're gonna serve somebody.' It's your choice: do you choose to serve a temporary politician? A gang of bureaucrats telling you how to live? Or will you serve the King of the universe?”

King of the universe??? WE ARE THE KINGS AND QUEENS AND TRANS-GENDERED OF THE UNIVERSE, AND WE WILL BOW DOWN TO NO GOD BUT OURSELVES! (And Gaia, of course. And Allah. And maybe genuflect to the wisdom of Buddha.)

We have succeeded in making lies the truth, and making the truth completely unacceptable. We cannot be hindered in this highest of causes! OOOooooh, my head hurts! Where's the JiffyLobo™ station?

I am willing to be denounced to bring this horrifying transcript to you, Comrades, to show you – in graphic, horrifying, stark naked raving mad reich-wing filth from their own mouths and keyboards, why every Christian, every conservative, every Tearrorist Teabagging RethugliKKKan must not be merely scorned, ridiculed, or marginalized – NO! Every last one of them must be DESTROYED!

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Calm down, comrade, as sophisticated materialists, we know men are nothing but meat puppets, ready to do our bidding as soon as we program them correctly. I am sure this person's problem is something simple, perhaps too many 16 oz sodas or something. By the way, have you been watching your sugar intake lately?

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Comrade Opiate, you may have partaken too freely of your own junk. Surely you acknowledge the korrektness of the deeper dog whistle code (not racism! We Progs are incapable of racism by definition) which is woven throughout this little set-piece. It is the core of essence, which forms the page that is Dear 0'Leader's book, written by the insanely ungrounded in reality brilliant Alinsky and Marx. Let it be absorbed by your mind, heart, and soul (as if there were such a thing; it is a mere metaphor) in stupefyingly large and repetitiously pounded healthy doses until it becomes all you can see, do, or be, as Dear 0'Leader has: Maintain Agitation In Your Audience. It is a truism for all, proles and Prog Elites alike. Now off with you to review The Glorious Holy Texts!

However, you are korrekt in that we are all merely meat puppets, randomly produced by an uncaring, chaotic universe, as our Darwinist Doctrine of Evolution teaches us. Everyone knows it's true; it was written in the 1800s when pseudo-scientists like The Great Darwin knew that cells were no more complicated than bags of jelly. As such, we simple random biological constructs crave the programming of the Glorious God State™ for instruction on how we are to march happily in lock-step FORWARD!™ like the ant colony we are into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

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[table][/table]
Commissar Redumdimski wrote:Comrade Opiate, you may have partaken too freely of your own junk.
Redumdi,


As a fellow Cubist (an art form) I must applaud this Pointillist phrase (another art form).[table][/table]
So many meanings, so many colors, so many points. Such diversity! (Nice touch).


[table][/table]

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Comrade P,

There you go again, scrambl'n my head with all that artistic technical jargon n' stuff !

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Hey, Kraz,

You know exactly what I'm saying.

Your ploy of "playing dumb" is over! We all know, despite your lack of knees and an actual spine, and despite your designer shoes, you're a hypocrite!

Carry on! And, good luck! Don't mean to be harsh, my friend, but, this is The Cube! We take the truth seriously!

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My dear Pamalinsky,

Have you not heard ? To be a liberal means to be a hypocrite .

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Yes Kras, I have heard, daily, and that was my point. (which you already know)


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That to be a liberal means to be a hypocrite. That's what! : • )


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Um, yes, Kras, I take full responsibility for this. I was just using the info I was given. Capiche? Which, BTW, absolves me of all responsibility! Capiche?

Oh yes, let me be clear, I apologize for this "misunderstanding."

We're all set now, right?

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All set.

BTW: Who is this " Capiche " you keep calling out to ? A new invisible friend, perhaps ?

Hmmm .........

Are you still taking your meds, Pamalinsky ?
Remember, you promised the collective you'd stay on them this time.

None of us want a repeat of what happened last New Year's Eve at Theo's Rancho.

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Pamalinsky wrote:Redumdi,

As a fellow Cubist (an art form) I must applaud this Pointillist phrase (another art form).[table][/table]
So many meanings, so many colors, so many points. Such diversity! (Nice touch).
Pamy, those Pointillists were no doubt inspired by the same muse who influenced Charles Babbage. Who would've guessed that their ideas would combine to present our wonderful Cubeverse to the world? (I guess the same muse must've whispered in Algore's ear to give us Algore's Amazing Internet! Let's all move FORWARD™ to the muse!)

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Krasnodar wrote:None of us want a repeat of what happened last New Year's Eve at Theo's Rancho.
And why not, Spoon-Ready Comrade? A splendid time was had by all... Particularly Father Theo!

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Remember..... just before midnight........

That's when Pamilinsky was hanging upside-down from Theo's third story balcony.... with a bottle of Putinka in one hand and her pink Glock in the other, firing indiscriminately into the night..... yelling out at the top of her lungs that she was Calamity Jane.... all the while singing her favorite selections from " Annie Get Your Gun "!

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Indeed, that WAS a sight I'll never forget - especially when the weather changes and I get a twinge where one of those pink bullets passed through my right leg and nicked my femur on the way through! And to think, I didn't even notice the hole until the next day - Theo's upper shelf beet vodka has Very Special Properties, does it not?

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Where's that Outer Party prolerunner when I need him...?

You! Nameless obsequious functionary! Send a message to Father Theo's nameless obsequious functionary (wait - he has a name - that would be Bruno) that the Collective will once again enjoy the pleasure of his hosting The Great Leap FORWARD™ 2013 New Year's Beneficent Benighted Bash at the Rancho. Yes! And Comradette Pamy's pink gun and pink bullets will be there too.

R.O.C.K., do you still have that suit of armor you pilfered liberated from the 1% after the last, er, celebration?

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Yes, Comrade, yes I do. It's currently on loan to a friend for nefarious purposes of her own, but it will be back in time for The Great Leap FORWARD 2013 New Year's Beneficent Benighted Bash at the Rancho.

Myself, I'm packing a flamethrower this year.

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R.O.C.K., no doubt your friend is undertaking the noble act of casting the armored incognito vote to supplement the necroproxy, pet, and undocumented votes she will be casting in her duty to re-elect Dear 0'Leader for Four More Smears Fears Years!

Flamethrower? That's good. Apparently we have both volunteered ourselves for the Entertainment Ministry. I will bring additional fireworks to further lighten our celebration. I still have a couple of unused Patriot missile systems Comrade Krasno was kind enough to donate that I will use to ensure Economic Patriotism™ through wealth destruction is adhered to by training them on RethugliKKKan targets – that is, if there are any remaining after we mop the floor with their sorry a$$es during our Progressive FORWARD™ Victory this November! And with each of our actual drones voters casting a minimum of five proxy votes as prescribed by the Party, Lord 0, and György Soros, our victory is assured.

By the way, not to worry if there are living RethugliKKKan (but really, we know RethugliKKKans cannot truly be alive, for they do not believe our Current Truth™) civilians at the target sites; Lord 0 has given the nod of approval that collateral damage will not only be tolerated, but expected.

With the DHS, EPA, and FEMA UCAVs – strictly for domestic surveillance, I was assured – that I have secured, we will have full virtual visibility of the fireworks shows as they immolate their targets! We will all see the show in Theo's Theatre Royale at the Rancho – immediately following the New Year Toast!

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Krasnodar wrote:Remember..... just before midnight........

That's when Pamilinsky was hanging upside-down from Theo's third story balcony.... with a bottle of Putinka in one hand and her pink Glock in the other, firing indiscriminately into the night..... yelling out at the top of her lungs that she was Calamity Jane.... all the while singing her favorite selections from " Annie Get Your Gun "!
I have never hung myself "upside down" at any time, Kras. Never. And, I just can't stand Calamity Jane, it's just too close to home. AND, I don't drink disgusting bottles of Putinka, whatever that is. I do know it's disgusting though. (the police acted stupidly even I know nothing about this...Obama) Here's Calamity Jane at her worst!

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Comrade P,
Haven't you ever wondered why your Glock's magazine was as empty as Newsweak's following the party festivities ?
I'd bet that a few of those pink slugs of yours are still buried in those thick adobe walls of Theo's holding ... recreation are.

" Putinka " is a clear vodka made for high Party officials.

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Wow, Kras, and thanks so much for your definition of Putinka. I still won't drink it.Regarding my "pink slugs", I offer no apologies for this. It's a done deal.

I know I'll be "all in" at Father Prog's New Year's Festivities! Thing is, I never got an invite. Maybe he dosen't want me there or anyone else for that matter. Maybe he just has had it with entertaining the proletariat! I take nothing for granted when it comes to Father Prog Theocritus. My mentor and hero.

While I think us Cubists (an art form) can enjoy one another on New Year's Eve, I choose to not take for granted our wonderful, former host, Father Prog Theocritus.

I need to hear it from him directly. As do we all.

What say you, dear Father Prog Theo? No pressure intended, of course. Pft!

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The way I figure it, Comrade Theo is doing one of three things :

(A.) Bruno chewed through his chain again and wandered off, leaving Theo no choice but to go out looking for him before he gets near a populated area.

or

(B.) Dear Leader's re-election campaign has grown desperate enough to have flown Father Prog Theocritus to Washington D.C. to commiserate and mutually strategize
on implementation of underhanded, treacherous methods needed to secure Obama's election.

or finally.....

( C.) He's in jail somewhere.

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Pamalinsky wrote:While I think us Cubists (an art form) can enjoy one another on New Year's Eve, I choose to not take for granted our wonderful, former host, Father Prog Theocritus.

I need to hear it from him directly. As do we all.

What say you, dear Father Prog Theo? No pressure intended, of course. Pft!
Comradette Pamy, what we have here is a failure to communicate. Have you forgotten the Essential Tenet of Statism?

In those heady months of 2011, the 0ccupiers, in their battle against the despised and totally made-up one percent, got it.

Repeat after me: There is no private property. There is no liberty. There is no privacy. There is no individuality. The state is all.

There! Doesn't that feel better?

Theo has no say in the matter. The Party's needs are paramount. Su casa es nuestra casa. If Theo has any complaints to voice, well then, he'll find he's got no voice at all. Word has it that he has recently been visiting an 0bamadumacation Program - technical jargon for re-education at an approved federal public facility. Not nearly as private or luxurious as the Rancho!

Even a Made Prog must bow down to the god-state.

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Redumdimski wrote:his hosting The Great Leap FORWARD™ 2013 New Year's Beneficent Benighted Bash at the Rancho
I say, what a splendid idea. In fact I'll have some more housing put up to house all of my comrades, the Made Progs™, here at the Rancho and I'll go one better: I'll hide Bruno's platform wedgies. When he's had two Bloody Hillary cocktails, he's death on that.

(That is however better than the time that Bonnie Fwank came over and talked about cocktails. Pardon me while I cwean up the sick.)

Yes, yes, yes. What a wonderful idea. And I'll let my comrades onto something: Just for you I've established a super-safe data center. Any, oh, stocks, bearer bonds, credit cards, savings bonds, the odd blackmail item, can be put there without the slightest worry as to its safety. It will never get out of my possession and you may rely on my Proggish word for that.

Oh, and bring the credit cards which don't have large balances. That's so embarrassing to Bruno when he tries to buy another hundredweight of plastic jewels at Michael's only to find that it's overlimit. But my comrades would never do that, would they?

If they would, they're not my comrades because they're not stealing as much as they could.

Sorry. Wiping flecks of foam off the mouth.

Also the new quarters I have for my esteemed comrades have not only a fire extinguisher in the ceiling but a second one. It doesn't actually spray water but it passes gas just fine.

Now I'm off to read my Primo Levi.

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Redumdimski, you have failed to take in the era of our Many Titted Empress and now of our Lord and Master. Of course the state is all. But as the froggie king said, Le état, c'est moi. I'm the freaking state. As dear Benito said, "Everything for the state, and nothing outside the state."

And I thought that the state could be safely entrusted to our MTE, because if you're talking about nothing outside the state, substitute "ass" for "state" and you have a winner there. But no, she crumbled to the skinny socialist, PBUH, with it is said in the Chicago black community, the slims.

K, as far as Bruno chewing through his chain, I regret to say it has happened. That's why I had to have his teeth pulled. It didn't make any difference, at least to the chain.

And I have never been in jail.

Wait for Mein Kampf from the Rancho to be published on Kindle in about a month.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Redumdimski, you have failed to take in the era of our Many Titted Empress and now of our Lord and Master. Of course the state is all. But as the froggie king said, Le état, c'est moi. I'm the freaking state. As dear Benito said, "Everything for the state, and nothing outside the state."
Father Theo, so good to see your beneficent smiling countenance gracing this postspace. Welcome to our chat! I am so looking FORWARD™ to our Great Leap FORWARD™ 2013 New Year's Beneficent Benighted Bash at the Rancho.

Now, to business. To paraphrase Lord 0, You didn't build that state. I'm sure that (in spite of his tendency to lurk in the underbelly behind the behind of the scenes) György's ego would make him unwilling to go completely uncredited. And of course, the MTE. And Algore and his Amazing Technicolor Internet. And Billy-Bob-Boy Clinton. And… Well, you get the idea. It's a whole Collective of insect-minded nonsense-spewing destruction-wielding mind-numbed robot drones Great 0nes who have given us the stinking steaming pile of a mess glorious regressive Progressive World leading to Next Tuesday that we find ourselves up to our necks in.

In fact, we Progs have boldly, yea, proudly continued the use of an ancient (we call it Humane, Looking Out for the Middle Class, Sustainable, New, Fresh, Inspired, Forward-Thinking, and Progressive) principal employed in every self-destroyed social system the world has ever known, Ever-Expanding liberty- and ingenuity choking smothering enslaving Centralized Government, and honed it into the nearest thing to a perpetual-motion (until the money, resources, and population's desire to support us run out) statist-machine ever invented by the diabolical mind of man. Of course, this is not a state machine, since at least two states will of necessity occur simultaneously (since the “take” action will always be active once the start event is initiated, and at least one regulatory imposition will be active as well). Note that in the diagram there is no “yes” branch; this is by design, as the program is determined from the outset to loop infinitely. Note also that had this been an actual submitted government plan, an “end” terminator would never be included, for obvious “reasons”. Also, this program is duplicated under different names as many times as the state is able to do so, limited only by bureaucratic imagination or public outcry. It should be noted, however, that the last brake on our power is becoming ever easier to overcome as the idiot proles Heroic Masses become further closed-minded and unable to think logically more numerous and displace the Tearrorist Teabagger RethughliKKKans.

The following key explains the diagram's cryptic abbreviations:

C= Currency
R = Resources
DL = Diminishing Liberty
IR = Increasing Regulations
WFA = Waste, Fraud, and Abuse

The elemental statist machine can be diagrammed thus:
Statist Flow_23.png

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Redumdimski, my rheumy eyes are still watering in amazement. Your very elegant recitation of all the whiny, self-entitled, snarling, vicious, egocentric true virtues of being a prog have brought me to my knees.

Either that or the fact that after I read your flowchart, I, utterly without palpation, became Onan's brother. The cat is still trying to figure out what happened.

I do like the way your mind works, Redumdimski. Very clever. There's always a Catch-22, isn't there? There must be or I wouldn't like it. A Catch-22 denotes decreased freedom and sometimes even slavery and there I go to shake hands with Onan again.

All proggery is by definition homeopathic. Dear Oleader has had four years to fix the mess that he inherited from the Bu$hitler, and has managed to make it a good deal worse. Now we, here, in camera, know that's the point of it because rich people are independent and ungovernable so we must break them. [ And if you don't think that's the point, you're a fool and I don't think you are.]

So. Massive spending to reward our friends is fine, and if it makes things worse, then we need more of it. That's homeopathy, right? The last thing to do is have a solution which actually works, because things that work don't need our interference. After all, the most profitable doctor is the one who keeps his patients just sick enough not to go away or die.

So the best government is the one which does the most violence and rapine to the citizens without crossing the fine line of being thrown out of office, either at the polls or if needed by bayonets and rifles.

"Doctor, I thought I just had a cold but you bled me a pint of blood. And now I feel even weaker."

"Tut, tut. I can fix it. Roll up your sleeve. If I take another pint, you'll be just fine."

"But won't that make me weaker?"

"No, not at all. Now lie back, and look up my flaring nostril..."

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Pardon me, Comrades. It's time for Bruno and me to have our daily telling of racist jokes. You know, the ones about kinky hair and laziness and all that stuff, and short and thieving and swimming the Rio Grande. All those racist jokes that we liberals love to tell.

[ They really do that. They excoriate people with different political opinions and for years the people I've heard say "nigger" are liberals. 100% Obama voters, who are virtuous and can get away with it. The well-to-do in Midland would never do that. It's in appalling taste, which is, by the way, entirely the point.]

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Commissar Redumdimski:

A mutual acquaintance has recommended that I award you with Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award for your most equal Progressive article in which you skillfully give what-for to digitally Limbaughtomized, Faux News addicted, knuckledragging, slack-jawed neocon reichwing idiots.

I was stunned by the temerity of this recommendation. For one thing, no comrade EVER recommends that I award BOTW to another comrade. The covetousness for this coveted honor is fierce. Many a comrade has trampled over his own dear mother just to get the bumpersticker for her car. So you can imagine what they do to other comrades to receive BOTW for themselves.

Moreover, I and I alone decide who shall receive Beet of the Week. I pride myself on choosing recipients free of any influence peddling. That means no one pays me or offers me any favors--which is not to say that I've never pocketed any bribes or accepted the favors, because I have. But those who offered the tributes to which I'm entitled in any case never received Beet of the Week, despite their pathetic efforts to kiss up to me and my shovel. Because those efforts only cheapen the prestige of the award. Beet of the Week is not for sale.

That's why our mutual acquaintance didn't even bother with bribes or favors, but in their own inimitable fashion, went straight for the jugular. Yes, Comrade Redumdimski, I've been blackmailed.

If this person were a neocon, they'd simply tell me flat out to release the pictures and documents, and in turn they'll donate five million dollars to the charity of my choice. Only I don't believe in charity. Why should I, when the government provides all? This person knows I'm just as Progressive as they are, as Progressive as you are, Redumdimski--hence no offer of a charitable donation, just a simple threat: Award you with Beet of the Week or I'm the subject of a lurid new thread on The People's Blog tomorrow.

Therefore, Redumdimski, congratulations! You are hereby the latest recipient of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award:
Image

And for your mother:
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But if you have no mother, take heart, for a mother's love is no substitute for a government program.

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Hey, Redumdi! Way to go, AGAIN! Especially after your wonderfully fulfilling submission, Occupy the USSA, garnering more than 5 pages of responses from comrades everywhere. Getting Pinkie's BOW is so cool! Outstanding! I am in awe! You deserve it! I'm so happy now! Yee Haw! Happy, happy, happy!

My work is done here! (just pretending to have had anything to do with the wonderful submissions by Redumdimdinski.)

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:...I don't believe in charity. Why should I, when the government provides all? This person knows I'm just as Progressive as they are, as Progressive as you are, Redumdimski--hence no offer of a charitable donation, just a simple threat: Award you with Beet of the Week or I'm the subject of a lurid new thread on The People's Blog tomorrow.
Commissarka, I stand dazzled by your Golden Shovel of Justice, flashing on the stage before us, and I am most equally pleased - but NOT humbled - by your most generously coerced presentation. As you are one of the Cubeverse's brightest stars, I can but hope to continue my advancement and one day match your viciousness. I may even forego my ration of beet vodka tonight so I may drink in the BotW's splendor unimpaired.

And to the unknown person who influenced our Dear Commissarka: You know that, to remain an undenounced and upstanding member of the Cube, it is your duty and pleasure to expose Pinkie for the edification of all the Collective by producing the lurid thread she alluded to.

Now pardon me while I don the armor that R.O.C.K. pilfered so I can have a defense against the Whacking That Will Come.

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Pamalinsky wrote:My work is done here! (just pretending to have had anything to do with the wonderful submissions by Redumdimdinski.)
Pamy, if your work is done here, then this thread will shrivel and die a quick, agonizing death. It is you who breathed life back into it after it had languished in the cold darkness of digital space for countless cycles.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Redumdimski, my rheumy eyes are still watering in amazement. Your very elegant recitation of all the whiny, self-entitled, snarling, vicious, egocentric true virtues of being a prog have brought me to my knees.

Either that or the fact that after I read your flowchart, I, utterly without palpation, became Onan's brother. The cat is still trying to figure out what happened.
Father Theo, I am more equally humbled that my proud desire to impress should have its desired effect. To clarify, I would never present an “idea” (the quotes are to reinforce that the whole idea of an idea is evil, as it encourages thought) to engender a possible “thinking” discussion; as a Made Prog myself, all I do is designed to inflate my ego, preferably at the expense of as many as I can drag along. Which is my way of saying “thanks”, as I wipe away my own rheumy tear, which is not emotional, merely biological. As a fellow Made Prog I am beyond sentimentality; I am mere Ego.

I do, however, hope that the cat is unscathed, even unsoiled, having a fondness for those furry bundles of joy. (Was that Bruno's cat?)

The next point you raised will allow us to segue from Onan and his deceased brother Er (by the way, Theo: I trust you're saying not that you're DEAD, please confirm, but merely spilling seed, as a brother or close kin of Onan might have done). However, we will not totally veer from Onan, since the subjects of religion and redemption are interwoven with our role as access guarantors to health solutions. Not that we care anything for redemption, outside that which we claim to offer to our faithful followers. Nor do we care for health, except that in talking about it, and falsely promising access to “healers”, we increase our control of and loyalty exacted from our weak-minded Glorious Proletariat. One of the beauties of being a Prog is we constantly promise, and never deliver, but our followers always believe us. To whom else can they turn? Certainly not to the hated RethugliKKKans! To themselves? No, we have been extremely effective at breeding and training all independence out of our sheeple people. They have adoring, slavish respect for us – as they must! - though we constantly lie to them. As well, lying is what we've trained our tweeting, twittering, twaddling followers to do, as easily as we. Lying to others, and to themselves. Our world is fabricated on a bedrock of lies, and on that firm foundation we continually build more. Lying is like cotton candy. Easily spun, and almost weightless, so insignificant is its substance. But it's bright, it's easily colored, and it takes up a huge space, so it covers what should not be seen. And like cotton candy, it's impossible to separate those gossamer strands and reconstitute them for analysis. That is the one thing we produce: Bewildering volumes of bright, shiny, cotton-candy lies.

Well, okay, yes, two things: The other being foul and malodorous, again in copious quantities. Come to think of it, it's all the same. Candy or crap, it's all in how you look at it. From the left angle, it can be anything.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:So. Massive spending to reward our friends is fine, and if it makes things worse, then we need more of it. That's homeopathy, right? The last thing to do is have a solution which actually works, because things that work don't need our interference. After all, the most profitable doctor is the one who keeps his patients just sick enough not to go away or die.

In all cases as you rightly pointed out, homeopathy is good, as long as it serves to make the patient sicker.

Theo, here I will be writing strictly theoretically. We know that to defeat the Enemy, we must think as He thinks, and since thinking is to be denounced, it is neither safe nor easy, but I shall boldly go where no Prog has gone before make the effort.

Of particular value for illustrative purposes is the standard psychiatrist, who uses learned social-engineering tricks to make his patients feel good about their depravity, while doing nothing to combat the cause of their depravity, thereby necessitating that the patients continue to return to him to get a temporary “feel-better” fix on a regular basis. Indeed, if the psychiatrist is particularly effective, he will inject his own depravity into the psyche of his patient, so the last state of the patient will be worse than the first. The psychiatrist assumes the role that the father-confessor serves in the Catholic church, but the psychiatrist makes much more money; secular treatments always cost more than religious ones. And the father-confessor is not at liberty to inject his own psychoses into the parishioner.

This is not advocacy for religion, even though religion is one of our most effectively wielded tools; religion is merely man's attempt to reach God, and man's arms are far too short. Religion is always tainted with man's nature, and man's nature is not Godly. This is one of the reasons why so much evil is carried out under the banner of religion. (Other reasons are more esoteric and even harder for us Progs to swallow.)

(Aside: The question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” evidences a complete misunderstanding of human nature. The correct question is, “Why do good things happen to bad people?”)

Religion is a result of man's construction; a wet-wired need to seek something beyond the self. We can make use of this in-built need of humans to worship, when we insist they worship us. It is so easy to twist this need into a cult of personality surrounding one of our Inner Party puppets, currently Lord 0. We can and in many cases do become our own religion, as the god-state, with the sheeple masses following us and hanging on our every word as if it is delivered from the divine, and we certainly are correct to encourage and even insist that they do so. Worship is owed us, and it is only one small element of what we insist upon (that is, their very beings) as we drink in the sweet elixir of their praise and worship of us.

God, however, insists on Relationship with Him if man is to reach his potential and realize his destiny (and thereby be “saved”, redeemed; that is, join God's family as His children), and for that to occur, God has reached down to man through Christ, since Christ lived the perfect life on man's behalf that no mere man can live. But again, that is something we True – Made – Progs will never acknowledge, for there is no god but our bellies ourselves. And I am more of a god than you are, if only in my own tiny world. Which is also why the only truth is my truth; your truth is not good enough for me.

Now, back on topic and to further elaborate: Good Father P., your illustration of the doctor who only just refrains from killing his patients is more valid than a thoughtless perusal (the only sort we Progs are to engage in) might initially spark recognition of. That doctor is much like any parasite, devouring its host yet not being recognized for what it truly is. If the host recognizes us, what we are, and that our loud yelps of “We're for justice! We're for equality! We're for you!” are merely self-camouflaging lies, our existence may be threatened. Indeed, we must do all we can to hide our true natures as the takers from the makers, for if a maker “collective consciousness” should ever awaken, our time would be through. Fortunately for us, history (which must be hidden from the masses) has shown that each generation is a fresh tabula rasa on which we may write our own beliefs, and in so doing, make each generation as we are. It is a reproductive function, to reference Onan again, but one which we undertake with gusto.

We appeal to two basic elements of man's nature: Greed and Laziness. Greed in that we offer back a few crumbs of what we take from makers back to the masses and claim we are generously giving back from our “stash”, and laziness appealing to that highest of human concerns: what parent would not want a loving, kind, all-sensitive nursemaid, such as ourselves, raising his children in our image? We become the surrogate parent that the legitimate parent, because of selfish laziness, is unwilling to be, and because that parent gives his child to us, he loses his legitimacy and we become legitimate through the laziness we endorse and foster. Therefore our ranks expand and we reap whole generations of like-minded drones without suffering the pangs of childbirth. And if anything goes wrong, we do not hesitate to lay the blame on the biological parents who will not accept responsibility for the fruit of their loins – that is, of those who do not abort their offspring as we so helpfully suggest and provide for, with their own money. All the fun, and none of the responsibility! It's been our siren-song from the beginning. Just as our father sang to the first two of these weak, disgusting humans. Oh, how I love the webs of deception and disharmony we spin, and spin, and spin.

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Oh. My. Lenin. Pinkie is after me. Redumdimski, have you ever felt the back of her shovel on your cranium? It's quite...indescribable. Sort of like the reverse of one of Jeeves' pick-me-ups. I merely suggested that you were worthy of her blood-shot-eyed notice and she thinks that I've somehow betrayed her.

Well, we need to give poor Pinkie some space. One time at the Rancho, I was pouring with a free hand some Mumbai Non-conflict Sapphire Gin and Tonics, and she broke down and told me some things.

When she was a child, she had perfectly normal parents who loved her. They taught her to be industrious, thrifty, honest, and hard-working. This of course does not work with a prog, and especially with a most-made prog like her. She, even as a wartling, knew that she was made for better things than the so-called honest virtues, because they didn't allow her enough expression of her true feelings, and also they were hard to do.

Oh. I repeat myself.

After the fourth or fifth beaker of G&Ts, and Bruno was snoring on the floor loudly enough to register on the seismometer at Rice, Pinkie collapsed into the quivering heap of prog womanhood that I knew she always was.

"Theocritus, I had such a horrible childhood. My parents expected me to tell the truth."

"Get out of here!"

"And they expected me to keep my word. If I said I'd so something, I had to do it."

"You're shitting me. No one is that backwards. Hell, I lie to a wall just to keep my hand in."

"But here's the really bad thing. They really couldn't see that I, even at twelve, was more evolved than they were. You know, I listen to evolved people who ensorsel with words like 'Lightworker' and who make me all warm and tingly below.

"I tried to reason with them. I told them how much more intelligent I was than they were, or at least that I was told I was more intelligent and that's the same thing because it flatters me.

"But they merely told me to do my homework and go to bed.

"That's unacceptable. I'm better than anyone else because I'm a Made Prog. I'm a Transnational Progressive. I am better because we Tranzis are better and if you say that's the best definition of begging the question you've ever heard, I'll gut-shoot you.

"So, here I was. A mature child. I knew what I needed, and I was right, because I told myself I was right. Oh, that damned begging the question. My parents weren't buying it though.

"What to do?

"I killed them with a butcher knife while they were in bed."

"Was the knife made by a union?"

"Of course."

"What did you get from the medical schools for the bodies?"

Pinkie, dear Pinkie, you are so much more than the sum of your parts. You are a true recipe of proggery. Mean, drunken, vicious, nasty, snide, larcenous, and egomaniacal.

That's why I love you so. And I do so while viewing you in the rear-view mirror.

Have you checked your silverware lately? Ever since I took away Bruno's Victoria's Secret catalog, it's been Theocritus this, Theocritus that. I thought that melting some of your sterling, the stuff that is that I couldn't get a good price for, would make him a nice set of nipple rings.

Moochelle can practice on them.

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Redumdimski wrote:As a fellow Made Prog I am beyond sentimentality; I am mere Ego.
Oh, you have hit gold there. Sentiment is feeling; sentimentality is blubbering over a dead donkey. Sentimentality is our tool chest; our entire armamentarium. We say something soppy and then bug our eyes and defy people to blench at the treacle. If we have cut, cuddly, hug-me thoughts, then we can't be the biggest bastards on earth, can we?

Bear in mind that for a Made Prog Halloween is the only night when he DOESN'T have to go in drag.

Now for being pure Ego. I get that. I really do. But progs can also be more Freudian: Bruno is a walking id.

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Yes, R, we constantly promise but never deliver. Our coinage is verbiage. And the word was made real. The word of the day. It's like the Golgafrinchans in Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's series: they made leaves legal tender.

There are so many words and they mean so little that it only makes sense that they're our legal tender. We must debase all of human communication until everything is reduced to a web of political connection, which is at a bestial, sub-rational level.

In fact, I make a practice of believing a dozen impossible things before breakfast, and that is indeed when I look in the mirror and don't find my reflection turning away.

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Redumdimski wrote:We appeal to two basic elements of man's nature: Greed and Laziness.
And let's not forget fear. Use fear to excuse man's greed and laziness. And the automatic promotion of self-esteem, that great leveler which cancels all achievement.

I am just as good as anyone else; the Constitution says so. (Actually I'm a hell of a lot better than anyone else because I'm a made prog, but we'll let that pass.) So why shouldn't I have that Audi with the W12? Why shouldn't I have that condo on South Padre Island? Why shouldn't I be president?

As far as the bar goes, the bar to the last one was proven in 2008 to be a good deal lower than buying an Audi or a condo.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Oh. My. Lenin. Pinkie is after me. Redumdimski, have you ever felt the back of her shovel on your cranium? It's quite...indescribable. Sort of like the reverse of one of Jeeves' pick-me-ups. I merely suggested that you were worthy of her blood-shot-eyed notice and she thinks that I've somehow betrayed her.
Bravo Theo! You continue to serve the Collective well and truly, even unintentionally, which really is the only way for a Made Prog to serve. We were made to be SERVED. (That is, waited upon, hand and foot; this is not a "To Serve Man" moment.)

Now, pick up the pace. Pinkie is gaining on us.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:I thought that melting some of [Pinkie's] sterling, the stuff that is that I couldn't get a good price for, would make him a nice set of nipple rings.

Moochelle can practice on them.
Disgustingly disturbing, which is why it is so Proggish. And somehow, I believe Moochelle may be well-practiced in such... Words are inadequate for it.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Now for being pure Ego. I get that. I really do. But progs can also be more Freudian: Bruno is a walking id.
Freud was quite the grand one, in his own eyes. Modern Made Progs, such as you or I, eat Freud for lunch, intellectually. Evolution, you know. But as far as attitudes go, Freud was assuredly one of us.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:So why shouldn't I have that Audi with the W12? Why shouldn't I have that condo on South Padre Island? Why shouldn't I be president?

As far as the bar goes, the bar to the last one was proven in 2008 to be a good deal lower than buying an Audi or a condo.
As you well know, Dear Theo, intellectual capacity is hardly a requirement for an Inner Party member. Remember, we decided we wanted someone who could relate to our proletariat base, intellectually, physically, socially, verbally. I'd say we outdid ourselves. Indeed, I'd say we've succeeded brilliantly in dragging the base's lowest common denominator further downward. They are happiest when they're in the dirtiest, lowest sector of the sewers. Why shouldn't we assist them in getting there, "led from behind" (as they suppose) by their Dear 0'Leader, our own limp puppet?

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote: That's why I love you so. And I do so while viewing you in the rear-view mirror.
…..and you know, Father Prog, as in all Government Motors Standard Rear View Mirrors™: "Objects appear much closer than you think." Says so right on the mirror. I reminded Comrade Tovarich of this the other day when a wasp made its way into the cabin of our car. Sometimes government "intervention" helps. Did give all present a good laugh, though. Heh, heh.

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:
Pamalinsky wrote:My work is done here! (just pretending to have had anything to do with the wonderful submissions by Redumdimdinski.)
Pamy, if your work is done here, then this thread will shrivel and die a quick, agonizing death. It is you who breathed life back into it after it had languished in the cold darkness of digital space for countless cycles.
No darling, t'was not I, although I certainly would have. Methinks t'was Pinkie tugging on Theo's shirtsleeves for the go-ahead. Truly, I don't know. But, I am so happy you got this, my dear Redumdi. It's quite fun, though, to think I actually had something to do with it. Did not! I only contributed my posts. That's it! You got the BOW on your own! YAY! (I do not lie about these things, or anything else)

[/indentr]

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Pamalinsky wrote:No darling, t'was not I, although I certainly would have. Methinks t'was Pinkie tugging on Theo's shirtsleeves for the go-ahead.
Well my good Lady, as you know the Prog let himself out of the bag. Though we see the results, we may not have the resources to learn exactly how the events transpired, even though there are no secrets in the Collective. Those resources are being employed to ensure Dear 0'Leader is swept along to victory, through any and all means available, including that employed against our beloved Commissarka.

But there is still objective truth in the observation that it is you, Pamy, who brought this thread back from obscurity, and made the entire process possible.

*Sniff* My sleepless eyes are red from gazing with fondness on the delightful, if ill-gained (not that the method of obtaining concerns us Progs) Beet of the Week from the Commissarka, connivingly engineered by Father Theo, allowed to grow by your nurturing hand and ready shovel.

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You are too kind, Redumdi, and give me too much credit. Howsomever, as a truly "made" prog, I'll concede. (For the children, of course). I would caution you to avoid using rhetoric like, "Objective truth." This idea really puts Progs into a Spin! For your own sake, and mine, don't get real! I get the gist of your post, nonetheless.

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Pamalinsky wrote:I would caution you to avoid using rhetoric like, "Objective truth."
So right, Comradette Pamy. I spun denouncement-threateningly close to the bleeding edge of incurring Collective wrath with that simple, unutterable phrase!

We Progs are indeed open-minded. So open-minded any intelligence and common sense leak right out! Just completely agree with us. If you sway at all, sway to the left, and you'll be fine!

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Oh. My. Lenin. Pinkie is after me. Redumdimski, have you ever felt the back of her shovel on your cranium? It's quite...indescribable. Sort of like the reverse of one of Jeeves' pick-me-ups.
Theo, I lost track of you back there. Strangely, I did not feel the blow of Pinkie's shovel blade on the back of my cranium, which is just as well, since R.O.C.K.'s friend will be using his armor until after election day - that is, assuming Dear 0'Leader does not call off election day due to The Frankenstorm™.

Say, maybe Pinkie is using her Golden Shovel of Justice on The Frankenstorm™. That would explain the lack of its application to my skull. Theo? Did your escape her shovel? Hello... Theo?

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:
Redumdimski wrote:We appeal to two basic elements of man's nature: Greed and Laziness.
And let's not forget fear. Use fear to excuse man's greed and laziness. And the automatic promotion of self-esteem, that great leveler which cancels all achievement.
Add to fear: Misery, Hopelessness, and Despair. By now you have no doubt seen and heard - available here on our own Cube from our very own NancyPeloski - the Children From The Future For The Children™ Blame Ad, produced by one of our proud Prog ad agencies that blames their parents and the US of KKK and the Evil RethugliKKKans and in particular Mittens for all the Evils That We Progs Hate That Would Come that can be packed into two minutes and twenty-two seconds. It warms my heart to see the best characteristics we Progs have to offer presented so succinctly. The god-state indeed does a fine job of propagandizing raising the Children Of The 0bamanation to be ready to face the Glorious Progressive World of Next Tuesday™!

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To : Comrades Theocritus and Redumdimski ,

If you don't mind my asking, does The State determine your wages by the word ?


Just wonder'n.

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Ha! No Comrade Krasnodar. Writing strictly of my motives, I would not deign to accept filthy rubles or beets for my wordsmithery. All I do, I do for the god-state! Meh!

But, I will let you in on a little secret: Most of our Cubemates are expert electronic artists, painting pretty pictures that propagate their points in picoseconds through pixels. And since a picture is worth - not lucre or beets, but a thousand words, well, you can see why it takes so many for me to express what most in our Collective could convey with a single image.

By the way, I'm so excited about the The Great Leap FORWARD™ 2013 New Year's Beneficent Benighted Bash that we've conned convinced Theo to host I could go all logorrheaic on you (don't worry - I won't). As you know, I've still got a few Patriot missile systems I blatantly pilfered acquired from you. So between Theo's beet vodka, R.O.C.K.'s flamethrower, Pamy's weapons, and my missiles, we'll have quite a drunken bang-up explosively hot good time at the bash!

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Redumdimski wrote:You continue to serve the Collective well and truly, even unintentionally, which really is the only way for a Made Prog to serve. We were made to be SERVED. (That is, waited upon, hand and foot; this is not a "To Serve Man" moment.)
Ah yes, we are to be served, and not to serve. The only exception is when I serve as Executive
Chef for Comrade Idi Amin's Long Pig Festival. I make sure that I serve up the finest Long Pig, which cannot vote against us ever again.

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Krasnodar, when you ask if the State determines my wages by the word, I can only answer that I, being the state, determine my wages and I hide my utter vacuity by glibness, lies, and just plain huckstering.

Like Lord Obominable. Why, by the way, do you think that the State sets my pay scale? Like the Sun King, [/i]le ètat, c'est moi.[/i]. The state, it is good old wonderful me I say with all the glory of a deliberate ignoramus.

I am rather shocked that at this point you do not know that we utter pieties in public and steal what we can. Have you not heard of Solyndra? What about the rapine on GM bond holders? We talked a good talk in public and then did just what we wanted.

That's the lesson to be learned from Dear Oleader. Utter platitudes in stained-glass attitudes [pace W. S. Gilbert] and then roll up your sleeves and traduce anyone that you can, make people as miserable as possible, take away as much money and liberties as possible, and stick your nose in the air and talk about your good intentions.

Now that's proggery.

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:Ha! No Comrade Krasnodar. Writing strictly of my motives, I would not deign to accept filthy rubles or beets for my wordsmithery. All I do, I do for the god-state! Meh!


Fair enough...... rubles and beets are transitory.
So tell me, did you make arrangements to except (or take) filthy gold bullion instead ?

That question goes to our other mindless-bastard Father Prog Theocritus as well.

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Let's admit it to ourselves, Comrade Spoon-played-as-Shovel, nothing has that beautiful, mellow glow that is cast in the candlelight like a few thousand gold fillings (diamonds sparkle beautifully but their iridescence is better described as "brilliant", not "mellow"), or melted down and separated into constituent elements like, say, military electronics.

But enough talk of beauty and where to find it. What is the motivation of your intense interest, Comrade? You wouldn't be suffering from a - a - I hesitate to even write this - a KKKapitalist craving, would you, hmmmm? Perhaps your hat is shoved down too tightly on that non-existant brain case. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here.

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:I make sure that I serve up the finest Long Pig, which cannot vote against us ever again.
Too Proggishly true, Father T. Indeed, after they have served the state by being served, the Long Pigs' identities shall be used in assisting our Long March F0RWARD™ to the upcoming election to ensure Dear 0'Leader is Leading From Behind™ again for Four More Years™!


 
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