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UN to Act on Growing List of Global Warming Culprits

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COPENHAGEN, DENMARK -- The leaders of the upcoming UN Climate Change Summit have decided to expand the world body's influence to things previously thought beyond human control. This decision is based on Professor Ian Plimer's recent quote

...to stop global warming climate change Governments should find ways to prevent changes to the Earth's orbit and ocean currents and avoid explosions of supernovae in space.

A spokesperson stated "We are looking for about $700 Billion in funding to regulate Earth's orbit and ocean currents. Many of the more scientific-minded countries have already agreed to contribute to that effort. We don't have a supernovae solution yet, as that probably requires more study and additional funds."

When asked whether there would be an investigation into these phenomenon and their measurable effect on the global climate, she replied "No. The science is settled, let's move on to fixing the problem."

The Hell Gazette contributed to this article.

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This is not the real problem. The real problem are DENIERS!
March them off to special "GoreBull Warming Denier Camps" immediately!

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"It ought to be possible to establish a coordinated global program to accomplish the strategic goal of completely eliminating the internal combustion engine over, say, a twenty-five year period."
~Al Gore - Climategate Fraudster

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Panem Et Circenses wrote:
...to stop climate change Governments should find ways to prevent changes to the Earth's orbit and ocean currents and avoid explosions of supernovae in space.



Since Soon et al showed a correlation between solar activity and arctic temperatures, and since the cause has to be anthropogenic, I hereby call on the IPCC and the UN to devise a system whereby solar spot activity can be capped and taxed. We have less than ten years to save the earth. Billions of proles will die! Act now!

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Comrade Bread and Circuses (Hey! That sounds like a great campaign slogan!):

Gosh, you have awakened my progressive mind to numerous dangers which I had not thought of petitioning the government to redress before! Perhaps we should have a program to build large rocket motors into Gaia and move her to some part of the galaxy where there are no dangerous supernovae around. This might cost enormous amounts of money but I am sure the Politburo can concoct a glorious solution like taxing the rich for 100 years of construction but only actually building for 60. But we better get started soon because one never knows what those villainous supernovae may do next.

BTW, what did Pilmer mean by this: "Of the saga of the leaked emails, he said: “If you have to argue your science by using fraud, your science is not valid.”

Is he some kind of closet RAAAAACIST?

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Comrade Opiate,
I agree Whole-heartedly with your solution. However, lest we be too rash, I advocate the immediate creation of a massive new government agency to study the issues and make recommendations. For example, are you considering the environmental effects of the large rocket motors? Perhaps something more exotic is in order, like planet-sized solar arrays or nanotubes or somehow harnessing the power of 7-foot-tall supermodels...?

(In addition, if we don't spread the program over multiple generations of fools, er, citizens, they may think that results are expected!)

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P.S. As for Comrade Pilmer, I'm sure he will be dealt with for his apostasy.

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Opiate of the People wrote:Comrade Bread and Circuses (Hey! That sounds like a great campaign slogan!)

As in Peace, Land, Bread, and Circuses?

A fitting slogan for the People's Demokratic Party of the USSA.


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Along with "The Science Is Settled... Nothing to See Here, Move Along"

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Panem Et Circenses wrote:Comrade Opiate,
I agree Whole-heartedly with your solution. However, lest we be too rash, I advocate the immediate creation of a massive new government agency to study the issues and make recommendations. For example, are you considering the environmental effects of the large rocket motors? Perhaps something more exotic is in order, like planet-sized solar arrays or nanotubes or somehow harnessing the power of 7-foot-tall supermodels...?

(In addition, if we don't spread the program over multiple generations of fools, er, citizens, they may think that results are expected!)

Gosh, again I am made to slap my head with a resounding thud in a manner which will inspire deep thinking! Of course, Obama must postpone his Jobs Summit, which was guaranteed to create mucho employment throughout the land very shortly, and instead convene a Non-polluting Rocket Motors Summit which will bring together the very finest designers of wind and solar powered rocket motors (we can't have any rocket motors powered by anything which actually works, you see.) For attendees, I would suggest Gilligan, the Skipper too, the Millionaire and his wife, the Movie Star, the Professor and Mary Ann!

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Komsomolka Olga Katrina wrote: As in Peace, Land, Bread, and Circuses?

A fitting slogan for the People's Demokratic Party of the USSA.



Must convene the Polituro Poopaganda Committee for some ideas. Here are ones that have been discarded and their authors executed for inadvertently telling the truth.

Hoax and Chains
Hopeless Change
Hope'n for Rain
Lane Changes You Can't Believe
Change You Want to Pee On
Less, We Can
Yes, Weak-an
We Are the Dummies He Baited For
We Are the Ones He Put on the Floor

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Comrade Gore shall have his 25 years. More will become apparent in a few more days Comrades when I unleash the new time rules. 25 years for eleminating the infernal combustion engine will happen. Even if it takes a millenium!

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For attendees, I would suggest Gilligan, the Skipper too, the Millionaire and his wife, the Movie Star, the Professor and Mary Ann!
Dunno about the others, but Millionaires and their wives will most certainly attend.


 
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