This intercepted message was transmitted to my tinfoil hat by Laika The Space Dog. Author unknown.

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam.
Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

What the hell is that union hack thinking!? Look at her, she is one hot GILF! You know; I would much rather have a geriatric on my arm (preferably rich) then some glitzy runway model diva who sustains herself on half a cracker and bottled Avian water... give me the GILF anytime!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:You know; I would much rather have a geriatric on my arm (preferably rich) then some glitzy runway model diva who sustains herself on half a cracker and bottled Avian water... give me the GILF anytime!

Great Gramsci's Ghost! Snap out of it, man! Snap out of it!

What in the hell is this business about grannies? It turns my stomach. You've got a reputation to uphold, Chairman -- and coke habits to support. Glitzy runway model divas are the requisite arm-candy of every party leader of good standing. Please tell me you were joking. Please... I couldn't abide the sight of bluehairs on RedSkies One.

<uncontrolable crying> I'm... <sob> I'm sorry... its just that... <sob> the AARP is making me say these things! Bwahahahah! <blows nose> These awful, awful and un-Lenin-like things!! Oh sweet merciful Stalin, help me, Dr. P - help me! They... <sob> froze one of my accounts in South Africa and threatened to slash my tires! And... and... <sob> they said if I didn't progandize them as sex-symbols they would spend my money on medication and vinyl for their sofas! Oh the humynity!

Whew. I was really concerned that you had been corrupted in some perverse manner, but I see it's just an old-fashioned AARP shakedown. No worries, though. We've got dirt on a few senior AARP officials. It's been handled. They've called off their attack dentures.

So, Stalinspeed, good Chairman: so many sveldt models, so little time!

Our Dearest Dr. P wrote: Whew. I was really concerned that you had been corrupted in some perverse manner, but I see it's just an old-fashioned AARP shakedown. No worries, though. We've got dirt on a few senior AARP officials. It's been handled. They've called off their attack dentures.

So, Stalinspeed, good Chairman: so many sveldt models, so little time!

Thank God(s)/Goddess(s)/ Banana Cream Pie(s)! They almost had me in their twisted snare! Yes, I could feel the Poligrip oozing down my neck as they barked their demands and prodded me with their canes! Oh the terror! I haven't been that traumatized since Paul Begala was released from the "institution" (you know what I mean when I say "institution"...yes, the cosmetic testing lab... terrifying, absolutely terrifying!) Ugh... where did I place that Croc skin bag of coke and that skeletal broad that I met at the Vogue shindig!?

(Michaela…hunny… where are you? I got the coke right here on loan from Mayor Berry, and the saltine crackers too! Dammit… she must have passed out somewhere again. Yuri, check the attic and the ventilation…she must have been sucked up there again! I thought I told you to keep the AC off when she is visiting! Dammit… I can't afford another missing model, Yuri! Maxim is going to kill me if I keep losing'em!)

I was really concerned that you had been corrupted in some perverse manner

It is scary. Relationships with deceased non-human organisms, and household appliances are one thing, but having one with an aged humanoid life form is just disturbing.

It's all my plot, comrades, in my nefarious scheme. It's a palace coup of my own devising. Soon everyone will feel guilty about twitching in the pants, requiring trips for the head doctor for treatment, and the head doctors, all on the Party's payroll, will instill an Oedipal complex in everyone to render everyone impotent so my type can take over!

I have received an official communique from the Union of Sex Trade Drudges. They said that while they condemn the clearly unprofessional behaviour of the Shop Steward at this particular brothel, certain well known and often received members of the Politburo must make some sacrifices if they are to depend on STD's** for their necroproxy support. I believe the way the Madam put it, Meow, was that you "can't suck and blow"...

So... I'm sorry, but you may just have to take one for the Party. But don't worry... as always, Sister will be there to clean up the mess.

This message brought to you by the whores of STD** Local 69, District of Columbia and paid for by the Mark Foley Fund-a-Page Program and Gooseberry Instant Text Massaging Service.
**(Sex Trade Drudges)