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What can OBAMACARE do for me?

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Comrades! Now that the glorious march to a Single(tm)Payer(tm)System(tm) is on, I propose that we brainstorm for more and more glorious services that the rich, fat kapitalist taxpayers should pay for in order for us to be properly pampered and well.

For example....I work at a hospital. Today, one of my coworkers told us that she was leaving our department to go to the cafeteria to get some food. Someone misheard her, and said, "Oh, I thought you said you were going to get laid!"

This led us to consider a very serious need among the laborers and the would-be-laborers-but-aren't-because-it's-more-fun-to-not-work. Haven't we all learned, brothers and sisters, how important casual sex with strangers is to ours and our children's well being? Without it, how would we have abortions, or condoms for high school students, or vaccines for HPV for 9-year-olds? Or gay marriage, that important civil right that all of us need? (despite the selfish desires of the Kalifornia elektorate!)

So! for my first proposal of a service OBAMACARE must provide the proletariat, I suggest....

SEX CLINICS.

(Not how-to-have sex clinics, not someone-to-talk-to-if-your-sex-life-is-bad clinics, or child prevention clinics, although those are important to....but sex clinics staffed with appropriately licensed and beauracracy approved sex workers. Make love to the people today!!!!)

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We already have these clinics in Tedachusetts where I live. We also pay for sex-change operations for guests in the correctional resorts.

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"Sex clinics" and "sex workers" will probably have a negative connotation reaction from the backward and foolish bitter clingers. Perhaps we should (as we have so often done before) change the name of these services to something more vague and thus less threatening. I suggest "Personal Interaction Centers" staffed by "Persons of Negotiable Affection."

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I just received this in the mail. Will start taking tomorrow, rectally. Comes without a lubricant. Betinov - you lucky brain! You'll get a pass, I guess. Some other Party organ donor who only survives as a rectum will not be so lucky.

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Perhaps a first patient can be this OPF officer...


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Great suggestions, all of you! I am sure the Persons of Negotiable Affection, while realizing what an important part of HOPE and CHANGE they are, will be able to provide Comrade OPF officer with the lowest common denominator of care....oops, I mean the glorious efficiency and professionalism expected of a federal government worker.

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Great suggestions, all of you! I am sure the Persons of Negotiable Affection, while realizing what an important part of HOPE and CHANGE they are, will be able to provide Comrade OPF officer with the lowest common denominator of care....oops, I mean the glorious efficiency and professionalism expected of a federal government worker.

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Comrade Царевна (Tsarevna) ,

Unfortunately, due to budget deficiencies, we will be unable to implement the Personal Interaction Centers. The great economic times of '09 are gone. The Rethuglicans are poised to shut down the Government and our beloved Senate and Dear Leader may have to acquiesce even further to their demands.

Fortunately we will be opening Enjoyment Of Life centers. These centers will deal with the Healthcare needs of millions, especially those very deserving Seniors and "Baby Boomers". Here's a typical session in our test center:

Relax Comrade. I've got a lovely music video for you to watch. Isn't that new lounge chair comfy? It's compliments of our new Healthcare. Now, just a pinch while we hook up this IV... There we go. All set... Enjoy Comrade. You deserve it. Everything's going to be OK. Your Special Needs Counselor will be in with you shortly...................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlprozG ... r_embedded


 
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