Comrades, here we are at the end of perhaps the most successful Progressive year since the heady days of 1917. So what were the biggest stories of the year?

Was it Commissarka Pinkie's gallant stand on the wall?
The Empress' spectacular fall from grace, from MTE to Obama's secretary?
The arrest of the drunken nude Punchenko found in Chairman Mao's sarcophagus?
The crazed dementia of Comrade Vodkov or his subsequent disappearance?
The record setting denouncement of a certain beloved Marshal, or his alleged guest soaps?
The recent talent shitting attack on Commissar Theocritus' ranchero?
The revelation of a trail of stolen Party ca$h that led to General Mao Tse Tung in a cat nip stupor lying in a punch bowl at the Republican convention wearing nothing but a pink lingerie? (Whoops... excuse me Comrades, that story has not been released officially.)
Any number of improvements in available People's weaponry?

Let us hear what you think the Party's Top Headline story was for 2008!

Predictions for 2009? I know we can out do this almost too obvious prediction for 2010!

While you are voting, here is a look at some competing headlines,2 of which I am proud to say come from my home state, one of which from the collective I currently reside in.

A Cracker Barrell, Denham Springs, and five pints.....The Criminally Insane Vodkhov!
Pup, beware!
He's stalking you.

The Empress' spectacular fall from grace, from MTE to Obama's secretary.

There has never been a more effective plan to snatch defeat from the jaws of sure victory since Gary Hart told those reporters to follow him around for awhile. Well, I guess Rod Blagojevich trying to sell a Senate seat despite apparently knowing that his phone was tapped comes close. Yes, the Empress' failure to count the delegates available in the caucus states and plan accordingly has to be the biggest whiff in many a year. But, we must be thankful for not only did this failure bring us the Messiah as our leader, but we also got the MTE as SOS! Oooh, my leg is tingling.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:A Cracker Barrell, Denham Springs, and five pints.....The Criminally Insane Vodkhov!
Pup, beware!
He's stalking you.

Great Stalin's Ghost! You may be on to something. How could I have missed this? Well, at least the Commissarka will get some rest for a time.

Why, the Top Party Story of 2008 is indisputably the one you put in its rightful place at the top of your list, Pupovich! Who here can forget or, if they weren't here at the time, marvel at my courageous 62 day "perch in" for peace out on the ledge?

http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1830

It belongs at the top because let's face it--I have yet to--well, top it!

Happy New Year, Pup! Don't drink and chase cars.

Opiate of the People wrote:....Well, I guess Rod Blagojevich trying to sell a Senate seat despite apparently knowing that his phone was tapped comes close.

Actually, I am shocked that people would be upset about Blogovich. When you think about it, even a progressive government such as we are establishing is in a sense the epitome of capitalism. "How can you say that Marshal?" one may ask. Simple comrades. The State offers services and tangibles to the people. In return, we take OPM for these goods and services. Now what sort of business would not charge a percentage of profit for those goods and services? None of course. What system of government would claim they do not make a profit on these goods and services? Why, Communist™ of course! And WE, the Party here in the USSA are not Communist™ are we comrades? (Everyone nod "no way!") No! Of course not! We are progressive socialists! So we are allowed to take a little off the top so to speak, for our delivery of goods and services. So what if Blogovich chose to do this without advertising his dealings? Why nothing of course! If he weren't so clumsy abot it, we could say "He's our guy!"

Damn, I miss all the fun when the internet connection at the Commission of Mining and Re-education goes down.

Oh well, voting is an outdated concept of bourgeois liberal democracy anyway. All Party stories are equal now.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Why, the Top Party Story of 2008 is indisputably the one you put in its rightful place at the top of your list, Pupovich! Who here can forget or, if they weren't here at the time, marvel at my courageous 62 day "perch in" for peace out on the ledge?

That was the first to come to my mind, and of course the drunken insane Vodkov, but he managed to intrude into that story as well. Of course there were quite a few Chairman headlines, so many they just seemed to merge into one big one.

Oh come on folks. It was the talent shitting on my Rancho.

Jesu! Can't you all understand <i>it's all about me?</i> Your heart attack, my headache. Vodkov, my talent shitting.

And Pinkie, dear Pinkie, perch all you want to. But the height of your career will always be a Hussie. Which makes Bruno very jealous but that's another story.

Marsha Pup,

I know that you did not intentionally leave out the election of the Obamessiah on purpose? But that was the story of the year! I look forward to 2009, as it will be one of change and hope and finally the ignorant masses will get what they deserve. OH YEAH! BOOYEAH!

OBAMA! and all of his "parroting cabinet minions!" HA! HA! Finally, everthing will fall into place, meaning that the Party will reign with ABSOLUTE POWER!


So salute our new Messiah King, one and all!(Or face the wrath of the Party!)


PS: Anyone want to shake down a dirty capitalist just for kicks?

PSS: I guess the 2nd story of the year should be our MTE's fall and subsequent return to power. It's all in what you do with the power, comrades, and I know she will abuse use it with her typical voracious appetite!

It's all in what you do with the power, comrades, and I know she will abuse use it with her typical voracious appetite!

Think "Alexander Haig" only this time around, Reagan dies.

That's why you are the "bomb", my liege!! Always one step ahead of the others, Si?

Hillary wrote:

It's all in what you do with the power, comrades, and I know she will abuse use it with her typical voracious appetite!

Think "Alexander Haig" only this time around, Reagan dies.

As Secretary of State, the Empress may well be de facto Madame President but de jure she is number 4 in the line of succession.
#1 VP - Joe Biden
#2 Speaker of House - Comrade Pelosi
#3 President Pro tempore of Senate, currently Robert Byrd
#4 Secretary of State - Empress Hillary

Of course, the only real challenge in this list is Comrade Pelosi unless Senator Caroline Kennedy somehow gets someone to hand her the #3 position. Don't underestimate her comrades! She appears to be an empty headed name-brand dilletante but it may be just an act to lure weak-minded males and worshipful female drones into her service. Regardless, if Comrade Obama were to grow weary of the presidency and decide to take the next jump in pay-grade and become Prime Minister of the Solar System, my advice to President-Elect Biden would be to remember the female is deadlier than the male.

Our Many Titted Empress wrote:Think "Alexander Haig" only this time around, Reagan dies.

Empress, although my heart is with you in its entirety we need to careful about such sentiments. After all some people might be scared. And are we entirely sure that His O'liness really can't raise the dead and cure the deaf, the halt, and the lame? I know that Jane Hall, on Faux News, has suggested that the sharks will start feeding a few weeks after the election because they won't feel appreciated enough. I know that Matt Lauer, whose only assets are a mouth like Humphrey Bogart and his assets, will start snarling if his underbelly is not rubbed.

Opiate, let us never forget that we cannot ever count out Our MTE. After all, a simple snarl from her can make bed bugs run away. I've seen it.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: Opiate, let us never forget that we cannot ever count out Our MTE. After all, a simple snarl from her can make bed bugs run away. I've seen it.

Well put, Commissar (though the bedbugs may not agree.) As we all know, the road to success in the quasi-feudal world of progressivism lies not in picking winners but in convincing the winner that one was behind them all along. My point was not to minimize the talents of the MTE but to point out that in any scenario where Comrade Biden were to find himself as President-Elect ahead of Comrade Pelosi, Empress Hillary (with or without Princess Caroline in the #3 slot) his life would shortly resemble that of Shemp's in this video:


Some might consider this view as un-progressive sexism but I say it is simply Realpolitik. The only reason Comrade Biden is not now languishing in gaffe-driven obscurity is because his uncle Obama made him the beneficiary of his will, so to speak. If Comrade Biden were to find himself in a position to claim his inheritence, for whatever reason, it will surely lure the aforementioned superior personalities into battle to claim what is rightfully (one of) theirs from the ineffectual inheritor. My role would be (to paraphrase the very accurately depicted newsman Kent Brockman on "The Simpsons") to welcome our new overlord, whoever she may be.

Besides, "The Brideless Groom" is a damn funny film, one of the Stooges best!

Opiate wrote: As we all know, the road to success in the quasi-feudal world of progressivism lies not in picking winners but <i>in convincing the winner that one was behind them all along.</i>

Opiate, have you been reading Ambrose Bierce?

Our MTE's senior paper was on Saul Alinsky, which lends suasion to your theory that no one ought to get between our MTE and the prize.


But I have to say, as much as I loathe that bitch Hiillary, she's the best thing for SoS that his O'liness could have chosen. I think he would be perfectly capable of being schmoozed with a glass of chablis and a crunchy biscuit in Stockholm, patted on the back and told how glad the Euroweenies are to have a "reasonable" American. Which means someone who will pretend they are more important than they are and that their weakness isn't, er, weakness and self-loathing.

That bitch <i>wants</i> the brass ring and she knows that America has the big brass ring and she will make sure it's shiny because her best chance of running everything is running it from America.

If you believe in natural selection then there are are only two ways that you can get good treatment: if you know someone personally or if he has a good reputation. Or if the person's interests are concurrent with yours. That's why I fired all my stockbrokers. That's why I like Vanguard. And in this case that MTE bitch's interests run more concurrently with America's than his O'liness' do.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:The recent talent shitting attack on Commissar Theocritus' ranchero?

This story, by far, is my favorite...it speaks to the comradery of progressive love for each other.

Leftfield, you have not heard the end of it. I have no idea how Pupovich does it. When I get back from vacation, on Sunday Night, if my house is white then I'll have his guts for garters.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Leftfield, you have not heard the end of it. I have no idea how Pupovich does it. When I get back from vacation, on Sunday Night, if my house is white then I'll have his guts for garters.

Perhaps that was the cause of this unfortunate mistake Commissar. Since it is known you intend to entertain the Obama, what would be more appropriate that your home be known as the "Western White House?" However, that being what it may be, I can assure you that everything was restored to it's former condition....at least it was when I inspected Christmas Day..no rest for the weary. If anything is amiss now, I suggest that you look in other directions, such as Premier Betty. You know how he is always testing some weapon system or another.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:

But I have to say, as much as I loathe that bitch Hiillary, she's the best thing for SoS that his O'liness could have chosen. I think he would be perfectly capable of being schmoozed with a glass of chablis and a crunchy biscuit in Stockholm, patted on the back and told how glad the Euroweenies are to have a "reasonable" American. Which means someone who will pretend they are more important than they are and that their weakness isn't, er, weakness and self-loathing.

If you believe in natural selection then there are are only two ways that you can get good treatment: if you know someone personally or if he has a good reputation. Or if the person's interests are concurrent with yours. That's why I fired all my stockbrokers. That's why I like Vanguard. And in this case that MTE bitch's interests run more concurrently with America's than his O'liness' do.

Y, Hillary is the closest thing there is to a patriot in the entire whine-and-cheese party, at least the national one anyway. The ironic thing is ZerO castigated her for that in the primaries and she lost the nomination partially because of her stance. Then, he turns around and makes her SoS (to the consternation of all the Kos-Kool-aid types, and just seeing that was worth the price of admission.) ZerO is, if nothing else, a manipulative hypocritical POS and I guess that's why the MSM drools over him so much - he is just like them. Y, you are right about the Euroweenies. Europe has become as Gertrude Stein said of Oakland: there is no there there.

I also like Vanguard. I never had a full-service broker because, as you say, it was apparent early on that their incentives were at cross-purposes to my interests. One of Warren Buffet's main principles in deciding whether to invest in a company or not is the quality and character of the management (he is such a clear thinker with regards to economics and business matters, I don't understand why he sides with the dipshit-ocrats. He must know they are a bunch of self-serving idiots.) This is what bothered me the most about ZerO, he has no character. But, maybe his emptiness will work to the nation's advantage; his hundred-plus "present" votes in the Ill senate were not an accident. Maybe he really has no interest or even a clue about the grubby work of policy and governing, he just wants to sit in the big chair and have the media dingbats fawn over him and leave the real work to other people who know what they're doing. The downside is that Congress may attempt to fill the void; I guess this is where we get the concept of using garbage as landfill. But we may luck out again; the petty kleptocrats are already starting to squabble among themselves over turf and which empty suits will fill the empty senate seats. If that keeps up for a couple more years at least, the country may yet survive this mess.

Marshal Pupovich,

I would say that the exploits of Commissar Vodkov are at the top of the list of the most noteworthy events in 2008. Even your attempt at using surgery to alleviate his symptoms seems to have failed to alter his behavior.
Poor Vodkov!! Now he's doomed to remain in hiding, in fear from the people who want to "help" him the most.

The second event that comes to mind would be shocking treatment our Chairman Punchenko received in China when when he was drugged and made to pose for some lurid photos with Chairman Mao in his sarcophagus. How dare they lure a High ranking member of the Party to cover up the fact that Chairman Mao has a problem with his bladder control!!

And last, but not least would be the revelation that a certain pup party member knows Rahm Emmanuel and his body parts more than anyone else. I'm sure this was done to obtain a position in our Dear Leader's new administration. Perhaps a position as Deputy Chief of Staff?? As long as the blackmail payments are still being received, we will never know who this heroic Party member is.

I tend to agree with you Comrade Zarkov, at least in the sense that the Criminally Insane Commissar Vodkov seemed to be involved in so many news worthy events this year. Even the admittedly big story of Pinkie and her stand on the wall was touched by the insane Commissar.

As for the Chairman, what can one say that has not been said in just about every grocery store National Enquirer headline? One can hardly even make up a story of degradation or moral decay without it reminding you of one of the Chairman's exploits, whether it be a Kennedy cop trying to swindle a 50 cent bauble from some teenage checkout girl or being caught sleeping it off with Chairman Mao. He is almost passe in his predictable antics. He sure has been quiet lately, I suppose someone really should check the People's Police Action bulletins to see what he is up to now.

As for the last....according to a certain unnamed comrade's financial records, said transfer was made.... Oh for Lenin's sake! Perhaps we have discovered what the Chairman has been up to!

My vote for the MTE's fall from grace. Though the talent shitting on Theocritus' rancho is very close.

Elliott, a suggestion. Our MTE is useful only insofar as she has power. The talent shitting on my rancho is a top story because if it's not cleaned up when I get back tomorrow the first thing that I will have happen to Pupovich is have Nansky Peloski and Janet Reno come and stay with him.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, a suggestion. Our MTE is useful only insofar as she has power. The talent shitting on my rancho is a top story because if it's not cleaned up when I get back tomorrow the first thing that I will have happen to Pupovich is have Nansky Peloski and Janet Reno come and stay with him.

There's a match made in Hell, much like Rosie O' Donnallvich and our MTE watching The View and taking it out on you.

I was greatly enthralled by Radnoschnix.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Elliott, a suggestion. Our MTE is useful only insofar as she has power. The talent shitting on my rancho is a top story because if it's not cleaned up when I get back tomorrow the first thing that I will have happen to Pupovich is have Nansky Peloski and Janet Reno come and stay with him.

Now Commissar, that is a most generous offer, but as you know, my health has been poorly the past few years, so I have had to give up farming. Surely they would be of more use on your back 40?

Pupovich wrote:Surely they would be of more use on your back 40

Well, Nansky would frighten off the crows, and Janet could pull the plow.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:

Pupovich wrote:Surely they would be of more use on your back 40

Well, Nansky would frighten off the crows, and Janet could pull the plow.

Wouldn't Rosie be the cow?

Rosie is the first trans-species animal: cow and braying jennie-ass.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Rosie is the first trans-species animal: cow and braying jennie-ass.

Hahaha. . .