Komissar al-Blogunov

Comrades! There is reason for much rejoicing. The inevitable progressive future has never looked brighter, not even in 1917. For president, we will get a liberal progressive, a liberal progressive, or a Republican maverick, which is PeopleSpeak™ for liberal progressive. Moreover, we will continue to have a progressive liberal majority in both houses. What does this mean? It’s all good, comrades…
·No more denial about the truth of gullible global warming
·More taxes for the planet
·Never again will we drill for our own oil
·Even more taxes for the children™
·Retreat from Iraq
·Way more taxes on gasoline to fund investigations into price gouging by oil companies
·Hope and change
·Gobs more taxes to correct the horrendous maldistribution of wealth
·Universal health care as good as Cuba
·Still more taxes to pay for monitoring the lists of those waiting on health care
·Progressive judges for decades to come
oNo more state child breeders asserting their “right” to educate “their” children™
oNo more deluded “private citizens” imagining a right to arm themselves
oNo more bigoted displays of the Ten Commandments
oMandatory sensitivity training in Sharia Law for everybody
·Long overdue attention to Basic Human Rights™
…which is where I get to my point, comrades. You see, we all have Basic Human Rights™ that have been trampled by the evil Bush Cheney Hitler administration. But now that the revolution has finally come, possibly making future elections unnecessary, it is time to codify, once and for all, just what our Basic Human Rights™ are. Therefore, I suggest a collective effort to identify and establish our Basic Human Rights™ so that the misery and oppression of the past will be finally replaced with an Amerikan workers’ utopia just as good as the one in North Korea.
So, let’s get started. What is your Basic Human Right™?

Chairman M. S. Punchenko
My Basic Human Right(s)™ entails the Government's unlimited access to other people's money to pay for my healthcare, my housing, my living expenses, my drug addiction(s), my mental affliction (I am a sexaholic!), my illegitimate children (all twenty of them), my on demand exercise of a woman's right to choose, my new pimped out BMW, my new pimped out Caddy, my sub-prime loan, my houses that I bought with my sub-prime loan, and, of course, my rebates. I want a lot of rebates so that I can stimulate the economy by buying some new Prada shoes and Louis Vuitton bags.
Commissarka Pinkie
Vodka. I have the right to government-subsidized vodka. Dammit! Heroin addicts get free needles to avoid the spread of disease. My kids get free condoms to avoid the spread of disease. Why can't I have free vodka for the same reason?
If only the government would give me as much vodka as I needed, no questions asked, just like they do with the needles and the condoms, then I wouldn't have to ask for swigs out of other peoples' bottles, and I wouldn't be getting all these weird diseases and cold sores and infections. The one on my tongue has gotten a lot worse ever since I let that hippy girl pierce it at the Impeach Or Else Pierce-In and Hokey Poke-In last Monday. I just know it's from shared vodka bottles.
Boris Badenov
RedtheProgressiveFox
Here! Here! I agree with comrade Boris. I would like to add though that My BasicHumanRights(s)™ also include a handled computer and a tablet PC. Oh yea, and more robots.
Komissar al-Blogunov
Parasite
My Basic Human Right is (quite predictably) the right to collect a paycheck (less the 99% payroll tax) from The People's Government while being a total burden to the revolution.
Laika the Space Dog
My Basic Human Right is Free Government sponsered anything I demand! I demand my Free Government sponsered anything Free Government sponsered anything Free Government sponsered anything Free Government sponsered anything I demand!I demand!I demand!I demand!I demand!
Free this and free that.
I Demand It!
Now!
It's My Basic Human Right!
It's Universal!
It's Omnipotent!
But most of all, it has to be FREE or it's not worth anything.
Komissar al-Blogunov
Marshal Pupovich
My basic right is to have anything I wish on a silver platter as Laika suggested, however, I also have a right for an apology from the government for denying my basic rights for all these many years. Yes, I was reparations for this denial of services all these years.
I also have a basic right to eat my boiled crawfish while feeling pity for my comrades who are not enjoying such a feast tonight.
Which reminds me.... I have a basic human right to feel good about any thing I choose to do. No matter how selfish, how extreme, how "perverted" in the eyes of backward moralists, I have a right to feel good about myself.
Commissarka Pinkie
As a result of the endless anguish I've suffered under the Bush Administration, I have the basic right to lifelong cash reparations (with regular increases to keep up with inflation); and official victim status that will entitle me to special extras like free housing, unlimited free admission to all amusement parks in Orlando, FL (with no blackout dates), free condoms, free abortions for when the condoms break (at anytime during the pregnancy), free shopping sprees at all malls, and a BMW convertible in Putinka Pink.
Also, I want Barbie's Dream Gulag complete with a Kommissar Ken, and a pony.
Marshal Pupovich
What Pinke? No Brad Pitt?
Premier Betty
Komissar al-Blogunov
Marshal Pupovich
As is appropriate, the glorious game produced by our southern comrades features a red cube.... in 2 D as opposed to that capitalist 3D.
Premier Betty
S.A.F. Marshal Pravda
Premier Betty
Marshal Pupovich
Premier Betty
Komissar al-Blogunov
Marshal Pupovich
There is just so much need out there! Need that just didn't exist before Bush!
Komissar al-Blogunov
Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
Red Square
LOL. Mikhail - did you just make this inner-cities-schools-approved edition of MS WORD or did you find it elsewhere?
Komissar al-Blogunov
Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
Marshal Pupovich
Premier Betty
Marshal Pupovich
The Kitten Cannon is an old favorite of mine! If only we had more control over the "munition" while in flight.
Premier Betty
I agree. So many times I have it prematurely eaten or stabbed, or skid to a halt. Stupid cat.
Marshal Pupovich
Do you prefer the explosions or the trampolines? The explosions are certainly more satisfying, but the trampolines maintain the speed better.
Premier Betty
I like the explosions, because you get the satisfying sound, effect, and it makes it go flying faster and faster.
Marshal Pupovich
I like it when you hit a few aerial bombs in a row. There is a vast world of cat cannon doctrine still to be uncovered! But we will keep studying!
Premier Betty
There should be a sequel.