Comrades!

There is reason for much rejoicing. The inevitable progressive future has never looked brighter, not even in 1917. For president, we will get a liberal progressive, a liberal progressive, or a Republican maverick, which is PeopleSpeak™ for liberal progressive. Moreover, we will continue to have a progressive liberal majority in both houses. What does this mean? It's all good, comrades…

• No more denial about the truth of gullible global warming
  
• More taxes for the planet
  
• Never again will we drill for our own oil
  
• Even more taxes for the children™
  
• Retreat from Iraq
  
• Way more taxes on gasoline to fund investigations into price gouging by oil companies
  
• Hope and change
  
• Gobs more taxes to correct the horrendous maldistribution of wealth
  
• Universal health care as good as Cuba
  
• Still more taxes to pay for monitoring the lists of those waiting on health care
  
• Progressive judges for decades to come
  - No more state child breeders asserting their “right” to educate “their” children™
  ​​​​​​​- No more deluded “private citizens” imagining a right to arm themselves
  ​​​​​​​- No more bigoted displays of the Ten Commandments
  - Mandatory sensitivity training in Sharia Law for everybody
  
• Long overdue attention to Basic Human Rights™

…which is where I get to my point, comrades. You see, we all have Basic Human Rights™ that have been trampled by the evil Bush Cheney Hitler administration. But now that the revolution has finally come, possibly making future elections unnecessary, it is time to codify, once and for all, just what our Basic Human Rights™ are. Therefore, I suggest a collective effort to identify and establish our Basic Human Rights™ so that the misery and oppression of the past will be finally replaced with an Amerikan workers' utopia just as good as the one in North Korea.

So, let's get started. What is your Basic Human Right™?

My Basic Human Right(s)™ entails the Government's unlimited access to other people's money to pay for my healthcare, my housing, my living expenses, my drug addiction(s), my mental affliction (I am a sexaholic!), my illegitimate children (all twenty of them), my on demand exercise of a woman's right to choose, my new pimped out BMW, my new pimped out Caddy, my sub-prime loan, my houses that I bought with my sub-prime loan, and, of course, my rebates. I want a lot of rebates so that I can stimulate the economy by buying some new Prada shoes and Louis Vuitton bags.

Vodka. I have the right to government-subsidized vodka. Dammit! Heroin addicts get free needles to avoid the spread of disease. My kids get free condoms to avoid the spread of disease. Why can't I have free vodka for the same reason?

If only the government would give me as much vodka as I needed, no questions asked, just like they do with the needles and the condoms, then I wouldn't have to ask for swigs out of other peoples' bottles, and I wouldn't be getting all these weird diseases and cold sores and infections. The one on my tongue has gotten a lot worse ever since I let that hippy girl pierce it at the Impeach Or Else Pierce-In and Hokey Poke-In last Monday. I just know it's from shared vodka bottles.

My Basic Human Right(s)™ include:

• 50" plasma TV
  
• Broadband internet
  
• Cellular phone with functionality to serve the collective:
  • Quad-band international capability
    
  • Integrated digital VGA camera with 4x zoom, image quality options, and auto-timer
    
  • Photo phone book and picture ComradeID™
    
  • Voice activated dialing and commands
    
  • Video download and playback capabilities

Here! Here! I agree with comrade Boris. I would like to add though that My BasicHumanRights(s)™ also include a handled computer and a tablet PC. Oh yea, and more robots.

My Basic Human Right is (quite predictably) the right to collect a paycheck (less the 99% payroll tax) from The People's Government while being a total burden to the revolution.

My Basic Human Right is Free Government sponsered anything I demand! I demand my Free Government sponsered anything Free Government sponsered anything Free Government sponsered anything Free Government sponsered anything I demand!I demand!I demand!I demand!I demand!

Free this and free that.

I Demand It!

Now!

It's My Basic Human Right!

It's Universal!
It's Omnipotent!
But most of all, it has to be FREE or it's not worth anything.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Free this and free that.

My basic right is to have anything I wish on a silver platter as Laika suggested, however, I also have a right for an apology from the government for denying my basic rights for all these many years. Yes, I was reparations for this denial of services all these years.

I also have a basic right to eat my boiled crawfish while feeling pity for my comrades who are not enjoying such a feast tonight.

Which reminds me.... I have a basic human right to feel good about any thing I choose to do. No matter how selfish, how extreme, how "perverted" in the eyes of backward moralists, I have a right to feel good about myself.

As a result of the endless anguish I've suffered under the Bush Administration, I have the basic right to lifelong cash reparations (with regular increases to keep up with inflation); and official victim status that will entitle me to special extras like free housing, unlimited free admission to all amusement parks in Orlando, FL (with no blackout dates), free condoms, free abortions for when the condoms break (at anytime during the pregnancy), free shopping sprees at all malls, and a BMW convertible in Putinka Pink.

Also, I want Barbie's Dream Gulag complete with a Kommissar Ken, and a pony.

What Pinke? No Brad Pitt?

I just want peace on earth for all living creatures... and a big pile of money, the fastest internet connection possible for my needs and a copy of every videogame ever made.

Premier Betty wrote:I just want peace on earth for all living creatures... and a big pile of money, the fastest internet connection possible for my needs and a copy of every videogame ever made.

As is appropriate, the glorious game produced by our southern comrades features a red cube.... in 2 D as opposed to that capitalist 3D.

Already the Germans have created something even better.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/AmFPURsKKh8&h ... ram><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Painstation

Commissar Pupovich wrote:As is appropriate, the glorious game produced by our southern comrades features a red cube.... in 2 D as opposed to that capitalist 3D.

hmmm, I have always preferred DDD's over DD's, but maybe that's just me...

http://www.hlcomic.com/index.php?date=2006-09-21

Oh Dear Lenin! >sob> I have discovered yet another group in need of our help, A group you never think about, but thank Marx there are some out there who do! Another victim of Bush!

<embed src="https://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/115478 ... cement.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="https://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"> </embed><br><font><a href=" the Fat - A Public Service Announcement</a> - <a href="https://www.metacafe.com/">Celebrity bloopers here</a></font>

Second only to the Tits for Tots foundation.

There is just so much need out there! Need that just didn't exist before Bush!

Komissar Blogunov wrote:...Even my spell checker in Word (well, not the Word, but Microsoft Word) wants to call her Osama.

Are you talking about this Word?

LOL. Mikhail - did you just make this inner-cities-schools-approved edition of MS WORD or did you find it elsewhere?

Red Square wrote:LOL. Mikhail - did you just make this inner-cities-schools-approved edition of MS WORD or did you find it elsewhere?

Alas, that is not my work. I wish I could remember where found it, but I cannot. It's been floating around the web for years, and I grabbed it about 10 months ago.

Komissar Blogunov wrote:I think that version even comes with sermon templates available on the "Insert" ribbon.

It does. And also an Ebonics option in the language options.

-Mikhail

Now this comrades, is a basic human right! We must enlist this comrade! Imagine what he can do with the cat cannon!

That's awesome. I still prefer airsoft though.
<br>And the Kitten Cannon can never be outdone.

The Kitten Cannon is an old favorite of mine! If only we had more control over the "munition" while in flight.

I agree. So many times I have it prematurely eaten or stabbed, or skid to a halt. Stupid cat.

Do you prefer the explosions or the trampolines? The explosions are certainly more satisfying, but the trampolines maintain the speed better.

I like the explosions, because you get the satisfying sound, effect, and it makes it go flying faster and faster.

I like it when you hit a few aerial bombs in a row. There is a vast world of cat cannon doctrine still to be uncovered! But we will keep studying!

There should be a sequel.