Police: Woman committed battery with dildo

A St. Petersburg woman, Annette Kielhurn, 57, was charged with domestic battery after she shoved a dildo in her live-in girlfriend's face in front of an officer, law enforcement says. Officers arrived at their home because Kielhurn's girlfriend called them to stand by while she moved out her belongings, police said. Arguing over the ownership of a dress, Kielhurn shoved the dildo in her girlfriend's face and grabbed her arm, leading to Kielhurn's arrest.

We blame the dildo - a penis-shaped symbol of male oppression and misogyny. Domestic battery with a dildo is only an appropriate representation of systemic injustice and gender inequality in backward America, a nation populated by conformists unable to challenge their assigned gender roles and complacently satisfying their romantic, sexual, and emotional needs based solely on what society expects of them.

If anything, this "battery" by a female "wife-beater" was an act of conceptual art that should be re-enacted in theaters, galleries, and school plays nationwide, to better educate the population about the current truth of gender relations.

Some might say that due to this incident, all dildos, as well as any items that resemble dildos or can be used in place of them, must now be registered with a new government regulating body that may be coupled with an existing regulating body, such as ATF, now expanded to ATFD - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Dildos. However, we can easily envision a few loopholes which dildos can easily slip through and fall out.

That is, of course, if this is not a typo and instead of "battery with a dildo" it was merely a "dildo with a battery," which would make this news the bottom story of the day.

Ushanka tip to Rob Schellinger

Comrades this appears to be, for the oppressive males, an unknown holiday weeks of masosexual aggression. As it is reported that a under satisfied more equal than male PARTY member was meeting their personal needs while driving and crashed in to another vehicle.
I will denounce myself and gender again if Comrade OksanaTheTerrible will meet behind Peoples' Hayloft 73# with additional beet vodka.

Be seeing you ™

Doesn't this count as rape? I mean, by wielding a phallic symbol of oppression, she temporarily aligned herself with forces that can only be described as a man's, and since our enlightened progressive selves know that a woman cannot commit an act of rape, she must have somehow used it as some sort of proxy. Besides, shoving your counterfeit floppy disk in front of someone else's face without their consent is pretty much in some way somewhat almost enough to nearly constitute rape, right? After all, Lena Dunham managed to get raped without anyone so much as touching her, who knows what forms of proxy-rape have yet to be identified?

Has anyone seen Comrade Putout recently?

Captain Craptek made me blow Pepsi out my nose when he wrote:Has anyone seen Comrade Putout recently?

This merits prosecution and punishment to the fullest extent of the penal code.

KAMMERAT_X wrote:
Comrades this appears to be, for the oppressive males, an unknown holiday weeks of masosexual aggression. As it is reported that a under satisfied more equal than male PARTY member was meeting their personal needs while driving and crashed in to another vehicle.
I will denounce myself and gender again if Comrade OksanaTheTerrible will meet behind Peoples' Hayloft 73# with additional beet vodka.
I
Be seeing you ™

Dearest Comrade KammeratI can meet you behind Peoples Hayloft 73 as soon as you sign this binding (pun intended) contract and pick a safe word. Now it's been awhile due to this divorce, but it's like riding a bike..yes? And despite me rocking your world and ruining you for other women, you have to promise not to stalk me. Unless you have money, then we can work something out.

OksanaTheTerrible wrote: ... but it's like riding a bike ... yes?

Eh? You need a license for the equipment, you have to wear a hat that makes you look like the village idiot, there's a chain that makes your pants filthy, and when you get to work people say "You need a shower"?

Captain Craptek wrote:Has anyone seen Comrade Putout recently?

Be patient, Comrade Crap. Of all Comrades, you should know she is just honing her tools for the kill. I know, this post is her "thing" because she likes to make fun of and use sexual metaphors to make her point. She is spot on in this endeavor!

Then again, she might just find this beneath her. (Although I doubt it because she is bold enough to expose these bastards.)

Go, Comrade Putout! (If you care to)

Love,
Pammie

The cheeky [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] wrote:Has anyone seen Comrade Putout recently?

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I was surfing... ask El Presidente... he saw me!

Was that quick enough Pammie?!
.

Comrade Putout wrote:

The cheeky [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] wrote:Has anyone seen Comrade Putout recently?

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I was surfing... ask El Presidente... he saw me!

Was that quick enough Pammie?!
.

i-was-surfing.jpg

Holy Craptek, Comrade Putout! You take my breath away! Zooooom! Muy rapido responso! (?)

With all your fancy-assed Photoshop skills, I'm sure you will impressum! ; • )

Next we will see assault dildos comrades...

Was the device in question an active or passive dildo? If the former, would this be a case of battery powered battery?

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I was looking through my
..
of Cube™ images when I saw...
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In Oregon they don't need batteries.

Mystery over sex toys dangled from power lines in Portland, Oregon

They're right there connected to the charger all the time.

"A spokesman for Portland General Electric said he did not believe the" ... koff koff ... "rubber products" ... harrumph! ... "posed a fire hazard."

Inspired by what he read about the white trash lesbos, dear leader decided he would make a whole new US army platoon of lesbians armed with long dildos that shoot small rockets at the enemy. He has the group gathered now under the auspices of Margie (big slice) Dykewad who is a Captain in our army of freaks. Most of the girls...er...men....are female but three are transgendered. This group of vicious fighters will attack the enemy on Harleys and do their best fighting at their time of the month. Only dear leader could come up with such ingenuity by making fighting units that are successful yet PC. This group will be advised to take no prisoners. Captain Dykewad said her girls,...um...men cannot wait to go into action...as long as the enemy is politically correct. Good luck with that. My guess is the whole lot will be captured one day and they will be forced to play for the other team and have to actually have children. Then again...even the arabs may not be able to stomach those looks. Perhaps they will be given to the camels.

Excellent post, Comrade SovietKayak!

In support of your post I post this:

You can find this at Amazon under Health and Well-being:

https://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Hello-Kitty-Vibrator-Masturbator/dp/B000JO034A

I hope this helps in our eternal quest for diversity (where every individual is exactly the same as the other individual) Peace!

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Pammie has let the kitty out of the bag!
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Sandra says "Rechargeable batteries are the way to go, they really hit the spot!"

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
Sandra says "Rechargeable batteries are the way to go, they really hit the spot!"

"Oh Yeah, I almost forgot," says Sandra, "and they're good for the InViroMunt™ too!"

Comrade Putout, I do hope this Solar thing comes with an unlimited warranty. I mean, it should, because it is connected to the Sun. However, there is the matter of AGW. So, I'm not sure this will last. Oh well! Carbon Credits will take care of everything! No worries! (Giggle!)

I suspect the actual battery charge is what does the deed. That way, noone is accountable. It's the batteries fault! Clever.