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Peace be upon you, Comrades. Under the tutelage of "Al Bri'en" our visiting Qu'ranic scholar and Room 101 sewer rat keeper, I have won the victory over my Islamophobic Self and submitted to Allah. And now as part of my personal da'wah, I give you this song. Words in quotes are Surahs from the blessed Qur'an which we recite in our daily prayers. Go in the safety of Allah



Hey there, all you Messihiin*
Drive away your Islamophobes
And while you're out there in half empty pews
Just raise up your ass and bow down there
Cause call to prayer ain't no suggestion, man
It's how you're spared ALLAH's WRATH
(Wrath of God, yeah)

Blessed "Fatihah" is coming from the muezzin
We got believers bowing down by the score
We're just submitting to a god
Who made mankind from "A Clot"
Are you jahil*, let's pray "Ikhlas" once more

We're tearing down your future
By bringing up our past
Al Diin will be with us
It ain't never gonna die .. never gonna die

Call to prayer ain't noise pollution
Prophet's words ain't gonna die
Call to prayer ain't noise pollution
Prophet's call it will survive

I see you tempting on the dance room floor
You look so whorish showing off your head
When I asked you if you want to taste the Blazing Fire
You said, "I guess I'll pray 'Al Falaq' instead

I'm talking to you, Kuffar
Forget about the West
Al Mahdi will come to us
We ain't ever gonna die

Call to prayer ain't noise pollution
Prophet words ain't gonna die
Call to prayer makes skull contusions
Allah's faithful will survive

Call to prayer ain't boys locution
Dhimmi west is gonna die
Call to prayer's the real solution
Allah wills what Allah will

Call to prayer ain't mass delusion
Faithful hordes are gonna thrive
Call to prayer, it ain't Confucian
Muslim faith, it will survive

*(Messihiin -- Christians ...... jahil -- ignorant)

You preach a very powerful message IMAM Lennie..

It's very similar to what made us all proles to begin with..

Convert or die.

Woah, we're kneeling there
Woah, livin' on a prayer

Always a thrill to be given even a nano-instant of attention from Первый Тоьарищь(the First Comrade) 'Tis a thrill of such magnitude that it is no greater or lesser than any other feeling that I have experienced in the 30 years I've been enslaved in our Glorious Harmony.

And to equally esteemed Comrade Groucho: I am certainly not an Imam yet; I am naught but a mere buck jundi in "Al Jaish Mohammed" -- a mullah's adjutant at best ..... And I do recognize your song; it was written by Juwan Bin Jovi, was it not .. or was it John Bon Sufi? All I know is that Al Bri'en used to play it during my Islamic Electroconversion Therapy

But enough of these non-musical monkeyshines. I hear the call for another song. Perhaps by tomorrow

After an absolutely electrifying counseling session with Al Bri'en, where I was finally persuaded to concede that "Islam is a religion of peace", I have decided to attempt a "kinder, gentler, more peaceful" da'wah ... using the words of the sultan* of Muslim pacifists himself, Bab Al Marli



Wallah! Islammin'
Wanna Islam it wid you
Islammin' .. And I hope you be Islammin', too

Aint no pews, aint no priest
We just form up in the streets
Have to wait till we're thru
Cos' ever' day we hear adhan
And we grind down our turbans
Islammin' till adhan is thru

Islammin' .. They thought Islam was a thing of the past
Islammin' .. And I hope ummah is gonna last

No Army can stop us now
It's to diversity you bow
Your leaders have been bought and sold
You wont defend your past
Let your daughters be harassed
Your lives with racial guilt are controlled

Islammin' (Islammin', Islammin', Islammin')
Islammin' in the name of Allah
Islammin' (Islammin', Islammin', Islammin')
Islammin' right straight from Mo

Yeah, Holy Cube KA'ABA
Holy Cube KA'ABA
Jah circleth Cube KA'ABA
At center of Creation

Islammin' (Hajja-wa) Hajja Wahhab
Islammin' (Hajj-wa)
See, I wanna salaam it wi' you

Islam's about The Fire
And we're dodging Allah's ire
Must keep him mollified
Hell fire, it does exist
If you want to avoid the list
Come Islam by my side

He's damnin' (damnin', damnin', damnin')
He's gonna damn it on you
He's damnin' he's damnin', he's damnin', he's damnin'
He's damnin', he's damnin', he's damnin', he's damnin'
And I hope he wont be damnin' you

We're salaamin', salaamin' (salaamin')
We're salaamin', salaamin' (salaamin')
I wanna, I wanna salaam it wid you
I wanna, I wanna salaam upon you now

*(Three extra barrakas for anyone who knows why I put an asterisk after sultan)

A thousand indulgences I beg of you comrades. This invaded my brain as I was composing "Islammin", and I fear that if I do not purge it in this post, this ear-worm will burrow deep into my brain and consume it like a flesh-eating bacteria



BINT! ........... BINT!


Now at Minah there is violence
An-an-nisah* throwing stones at Shaytan
No place to let my ass hang out
Gonna have to maintain Ihram

Wallah, we gonna hajj down to (The Meccan Avenue)
Then don our whack attire
We gonna hajj down to (The Meccan Avenue)
The gals can wear abayas

Working so hard like a pilgrim
Can't afford a camel to kill
Deep in my arch I am swelling
Still must run 'tween those hills

Wallah, we gotta run down to (The Meccan Avenue)
Our throats are getting drier
We gotta run down to (The Meccan Avenue)
It makes us all perspire

Oh, Mo ... Oh, Mo .... Oh, Mo .... Oh, Mo

We gotta walk down to (A Meccan rendezvoux)
It's how we dodge the Fire
We gotta walk down to (A Meccan rendezvoux)
Restraining Allah's ire

Who is to blame for congestion
Millions block the way to the Cube
Reeling from circ ambulation
Guess I'll do the rest on the Tube

Good God, we gonna throng down to (The Meccan avenue)
And then we touch the Kaaba
Oh no,we gonna throng down to (The Meccan Avenue)
But then we see the mob-ah

Out in the hills
Out in the hills
Out at the mountain
In the Prophet's side of town

We gonna give praise to (The Meccan anti-Jew)
THAT's the Prophet we admire
We gonna give praise to (The Meccan anti-Jew)
It's what Hadeeth requires

*(an nisah -- women)