Human rights group, Human Rights Right This Minute! (HRRTM) has condemned what it calls "inappropriate remarks bordering on racism and bigotry" that came from an English journalist Joe Snuffy as he was beheaded on a recently surfaced Al Qaeda video. The official transcript of the tape attributes to Mr. Snuffy the following statement: "Islam and Mo..." While the rest of the message was censored by Western news agencies out of respect for non-Western religions, human rights watchdogs at HRRTM claim that with the help of hired lip-reading and body-language experts they reconstructed Mr. Snuffy's statement, which appears to contain inflammatory hate speech. "Just as we had suspected all along," says spokesbeing for HRRTM Sarah Fulano.

British MP George Galloway: "Our goal as elected officials is to make sure that everybody in our nation respects everything in the whole world."

A reaction to this gruesome discovery was a series of condemnations throughout Europe.

"Joe Snuffy is an embarrassment to journalists throughout the world," stated press-release issued by a Paris-based international group Reporters Without Purview.

"We will not have peace in the world as long as Westerners feel free to insult other peoples' cultural expressions," said British Foreign Secretary Eugene McFulane in an official statement as British parliamentarians called for stricter hate speech laws.

British MPs are currently working on a new bill that will require all non-Muslim children to undergo sensitivity shock therapy. The revolutionary new treatment will have children fastened to specially wired chairs and shown pictures of ethnic representatives around the world engaged in various activities, from banking to upper extremity removals. Shocks would be administered until the subject reacts equally to all activities.

In the United States, the most notable reaction came from former Vice President Al Gore, in a speech before the Committee for Low Ocean Levels (CLOL). "Is it any wonder why people hate the United States and George Bush? When he heats up the rhetorical environment as much as the Earth climate, he builds more than CO2 levels, he builds resentment," Gore said.

When reminded that the journalist was a Brit, Gore responded, "To them, every Western head they remove is Bush's head. And who can blame them? Not me. "

This news story is based on a submission from Nelson Guirado (Funnimetric) who is also known in the Party's Inner Circle as Comrade Chad.