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Fun With Quotes: Interactive Collective Quiz
By Red Square
2/6/2008, 2:54 pm



GUESS WHICH COLLECTIVIST SAID IT...

... and find out on which side of the gulag fence you'll be tomorrow.
(Warning: some questions are more equal than others, and some answers will make you want to slap yourself upside the head with a shovel).
~
CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE QUIZ


(The quiz code required that we put it on a separate static page, but you can report your score and leave comments here).
 
Reply with quote

By mockingbird
2/6/2008, 4:11 pm


I'll have to re-read mein kampf.

That was definitely the most fun I've had today.

I may be on the wrong side of the fence tomorrow for my wrong answers, but my heart is full, with the knowledge that there are Americans who tell the truth.
 
Reply with quote

By Superkommissar Maksim
2/6/2008, 5:10 pm


I agree with mockingbird “That was definitely the most fun I've had today”.
If you don’t already fear MTE, you will after taking this quiz.
 
Reply with quote

By Pioneer Pavlik
2/6/2008, 6:28 pm


I missed 29 questions. My shovel is packed. I hope that Siberia isn't too cool this time of year; I only had room for two potatoes and a bottle of vodka in my travel bag.

-Pavlik
 
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By Beelzebob Brown
2/6/2008, 6:57 pm


<OFF>
It's fun, and educational too! I did rather badly, being from down under upside-down land here where we are supposed to hate Americans, not take an interest in their politics. However, in the "capitalism" section, I nailed Hillary's comments quite well, and all I can say is...

I thought I knew all about your MTE, but I really had no idea it was that bad.

It's ironic how Aussie politics seem to be running parallel to the US. The only conservative party had shaky leadership, leaving voters with less options. So they elected the other side who's leader appeared at best innocuous, even a little conservative, just more spin than substance. Now we've got a government who are most likely to attack investment and business to "tackle inflation", whilst going on about health care and education "revolutions", stacking the government with cronies, throwing us all at the mercy of litigation from "oppressed minorities"...and so on.

As Comrade Pup said, it doesn't matter who you vote for in November...there are no real conservatives left. I hope the situation here is not prophetic for the US. If it is, God help us all. Protect your property now. Set up trusts, do what you gotta do.

Beez
 
Reply with quote

By Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
2/6/2008, 8:17 pm


</Karakter>
Just watch what happens to wall street as the season progresses. Hillary polls well, Stock Market goes down. Hillary polls poorly, Stock Market goes up. I've been watching this for about 4 months now, and believe it's her stance on Capital Gains, among other things.

Stand by for Black Wednesday if Hillary gets elected.
<Karakter>

Why haven't we heard more about Brian P. Moore (SP USA)?

Seems like a competent fellow...

-Mikhail
 
Reply with quote

By Branish
2/6/2008, 8:42 pm


I did very poorly. I guess I need to reread the Communist Manifesto and Hillary's "It Takes a Village."


Character Off: The quiz reminds me of a favorite quote: "a communist reads Marx and Lenin. An anti-communist understands Marx and Lenin."  -Ronald Reagan
 
Reply with quote

By Iron Felix
2/6/2008, 10:29 pm


Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote
</Karakter>
Just watch what happens to wall street as the season progresses. Hillary polls well, Stock Market goes down. Hillary polls poorly, Stock Market goes up. I've been watching this for about 4 months now, and believe it's her stance on Capital Gains, among other things.

Stand by for Black Wednesday if Hillary gets elected.
<Karakter>

Why haven't we heard more about Brian P. Moore (SP USA)?

Seems like a competent fellow...

-Mikhail




Good day comrades. After taking the quiz and failing miserably, I'm certain of my fate.

I've scraped some Change in rubles and kopeks for Trans Siberian Journey, so I can bribe train guards to give me a boxcar place farther from the crapper.

If quiz any indication, buy Conrail shares early. And warm work gloves one size up.



Glovingly,

Iron Felix
 
Reply with quote

By Ivan Betinov
2/6/2008, 11:19 pm




I've just about gotten to the point of being so fed up with the national leadership of the Republican Party that I'm seriously considering either not voting or voting a write-in in the presidential race.  I'm not going to stay home; there are some things and people that I do want to vote on and for/against.  If I do write-in or abstain on the presidential slot on the ballot, it will be followed up with a letter to the GOP to explain this vote wasn't because I was disgusted with Bush (which my brother pointed out would probably be their read, that this was a protest that they hadn't gone left enough) but rather I was disgusted with them and their platform and their damn letters telling me how "Hillary Clinton wants to eat your children and we desperately need another damn contribution to elect somebody who is about as blasted liberal as she is."  Vote for OUR simpleton--he's not as bad as theirs!
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/7/2008, 12:21 am


That was a really fun (and long) quiz, but I am happy to announce that I got a "C" on it.  I hope the rest of you did, because there will be Hillary to pay if you didn't!
 
Reply with quote

By Superkommissar Maksim
2/7/2008, 12:52 am


Ivan Betinov wrote

I've just about gotten to the point of being so fed up with the national leadership of the Republican Party that I'm seriously considering either not voting or voting a write-in in the presidential race.  I'm not going to stay home; there are some things and people that I do want to vote on and for/against.  If I do write-in or abstain on the presidential slot on the ballot, it will be followed up with a letter to the GOP to explain this vote wasn't because I was disgusted with Bush (which my brother pointed out would probably be their read, that this was a protest that they hadn't gone left enough) but rather I was disgusted with them and their platform and their damn letters telling me how "Hillary Clinton wants to eat your children and we desperately need another damn contribution to elect somebody who is about as blasted liberal as she is."  Vote for OUR simpleton--he's not as bad as theirs!


Ditto
Since the fall of 06 I’ve been returning RNC donation and membership mail-outs back with NOT UNTIL I SEE SOME CONSERVATISM scrawled across it with a sharpie. I don’t really think it does much good, because I still get at lest one every month or so. But I don’t feel like an enabler. I did send Fred some money 8 months ago. Wonder what he did with it? Maybe he took his wife out for a nice meal.
 
Reply with quote

By rightwingmac
2/7/2008, 7:29 am


Obama is not going to be the nominee for the DNC.
McCain is going to be the RNC nominee and he couldnt beat Kucinich in a general election.

Hillary is the next president.
We are in deep voodoo.
 
Reply with quote

By mockingbird
2/7/2008, 8:20 am


Maksim Maksimovich wrote
Ivan Betinov wrote

I've just about gotten to the point of being so fed up with the national leadership of the Republican Party that I'm seriously considering either not voting or voting a write-in in the presidential race.  I'm not going to stay home; there are some things and people that I do want to vote on and for/against.  If I do write-in or abstain on the presidential slot on the ballot, it will be followed up with a letter to the GOP to explain this vote wasn't because I was disgusted with Bush (which my brother pointed out would probably be their read, that this was a protest that they hadn't gone left enough) but rather I was disgusted with them and their platform and their damn letters telling me how "Hillary Clinton wants to eat your children and we desperately need another damn contribution to elect somebody who is about as blasted liberal as she is."  Vote for OUR simpleton--he's not as bad as theirs!


Ditto
Since the fall of 06 I’ve been returning RNC donation and membership mail-outs back with NOT UNTIL I SEE SOME CONSERVATISM scrawled across it with a sharpie. I don’t really think it does much good, because I still get at lest one every month or so. But I don’t feel like an enabler. I did send Fred some money 8 months ago. Wonder what he did with it? Maybe he took his wife out for a nice meal.


I have been doing that, too-complete with notes, but no one ever responds. Do you suppose they open the envelope and toss the contents, looking only for the check? That couldn't be, could it?
I returned the last questionnaire, minus a check, with "pithy comments inside" written on the envelope. I'm still waiting to hear back.
 
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By Cechov
2/7/2008, 2:00 pm


The best Multiple-Multiple Choice quiz I've ever seen.  I hope the "Reaction" will finally see that they do not have chance against our fine-tuned struggle for the opressed and exploited masses.
We'll see to it that the poor and work-challenged must live better even if we would have to eliminate them when trying.
 
Reply with quote

By Raskolnikov
2/7/2008, 3:08 pm


I must confess I did not do so well as might be expected from a good party member. However, this was mostly due to my enjoyment of Comrade Red Square's commentary on the incorrect answers. I fear my thirst for brilliant satire has earned me a frigid trip to the north. Is there a selfless, more equal comrade who could spare me a blanket and shovel?
 
Reply with quote

By Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
2/7/2008, 3:31 pm


I've got six reserve potatoes with only a slight amount of rot I can share with you for your journey, my proletarian brother. Though you'll need to stop by your local Carl Marx Treatment Center to pick up your shovel.

The working class must unite!
-Mikhail
 
Reply with quote

By Commissar M
2/7/2008, 8:12 pm


Comrades, having just returned from another exciting tour of duty at the future home of The William J. Clinton Memorial Reeducation Center and Uranium Mine, I am pleased to report that we have ample housing facilities for all of you who fail this test. No need to go all the way to Siberia when Wyoming is so close at hand.

Remember that your efforts will reward The Greater Good™ by reducing CO2 emissions and by providing a source of labor for the so-to-emerge Utopian Socialist States of Amerika! A glorious way for Party members who haven't quite measured up to serve The People and The World!

(Note: Over 90% of greenhouse gas is water vapor. Have you seen how much steam a nuke plant cooling tower can crank out? You have? No, you haven't! The Party will not allow such contrary thoughts and observations!
Besides, it's not like we're actually going to admit to using nuclear power. We'll say it's all from wind turbines and solar panels.)
 
Reply with quote

By Comrade Ogrrre
2/7/2008, 11:08 pm


Premier Betty wrote
That was a really fun (and long) quiz, but I am happy to announce that I got a "C" on it.  I hope the rest of you did, because there will be Hillary to pay if you didn't!


Premier Betty, you are guilty of thought crimes against the collective.  As all numbers are equal, so are all "grades".  Grades such as you claimed are anathema to the Marxist Ideal of "from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs."  "Correct" and incorrect" are judgemental words that should be purged from the vocabulary of the collective.  A comrade who got more "correct" answers than "incorrect" ones may exhibit an attitude of superiority towards a comrade who did not get as many "correct" answers.  This could very easily damage the self esteem of the "lower scoring" comrade.  Everyone got a "C" grade, as that is considered "average", and that is all one needs.  Those of you who got a large number of "correct" answers will have your answers confiscated and given to those who did not.  This is for The Greater Good.
 
Reply with quote

By Comrade Hasan
2/8/2008, 12:41 am


Thank Allah, Osama hired a goat farmer as a speech writer. Now we'll get some rhetoric with substance.
 
Reply with quote

By Che Granola
2/8/2008, 3:04 am


¡Qué lástima!

These multiple guess, she leave me frustrato!

Pah! My grade, no matter. All outcome is same.

viva la evolution!
 
Reply with quote

By nightengale654321
2/8/2008, 1:34 pm


MORE!!!!
 
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By You'veBrokenBothMyHands
2/8/2008, 1:53 pm


Your little test proves nothing except that the most successful politicians have an average IQ of 119. They are simply one step ahead of Mr. and Ms. Average and that is all the advantage they need to fool 51 percent of the people. This is why most dictators last 30 years in office and the Congress of the United States has a re-election rate of 98 percent. Voters are afraid and jealous of anyone smart enough to actually fix the very nation-state that the government was formed to maintenance. The intelligent and the compassionate are routinely rejected, and the corrupt and cruel form a ruling class elite which lasts indefinitely. "Viva la Revolution" is the cry of the rapist, echoed by the raped.
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/8/2008, 2:06 pm


You'veBrokenBothMyHands wrote

Voters are afraid and jealous of anyone smart enough to actually fix the very nation-state that the government was formed to maintenance.


I would sure vote for someone who's smart and would fix all the problems.  And that's why our Many Titted Empress shall be getting everyone's votes, like it or not.  (It's for the common good!)
 
Reply with quote

By (President) Nancy
2/8/2008, 3:08 pm


You'veBrokenBothMyHands wrote
"Viva la Revolution" is the cry of the rapist, echoed by the raped.



It isn't rape if it is consensual and last time I checked half of the country (the better blue half, mind you) has given it's consent to let us do as we please. So get in line, buddy boy, and take a number! HOPE, CHANGE, COMMON GOOD, COMMON GROUND AND CHILDREN - ALWAYS FOR THE CHILDREN - IS ON THE WAY! THE PROGRESSIVE WORLD OF NEXT TUESDAY WILL INDEED COME NEXT TUESDAY! So work a little harder and sacrifice more, Comrades, or else it will never come!
 
Reply with quote

By Red Square
2/8/2008, 4:50 pm


Our traffic is way up because Jonah Goldberg just posted a link to it on his Liberal Fascism blog.

Jonah Goldberg wrote
Collectivist Quiz  

Test your totalitarian knowledge.

02/08 04:04 PM



 
Reply with quote

By Red Square
2/8/2008, 5:00 pm


HOT AIR just linked it too.

Take the Collectivist Quote Quiz

I'm getting an occasional denial of service because of too many visitors. I wish they wouldn't all link at once but wait their turn. Just kidding.
 
Reply with quote

By Comandante Cero
2/8/2008, 5:47 pm


I scored a perfect 100%. That is possible only because of the education the glorious state has given me.

¡El pueblo unido, NUNCA sera vencido!

¡Hasta el proximo examen Compañeros!
 
Reply with quote

By Superkommissar Maksim
2/8/2008, 6:00 pm


Every since I heard of Jonah Goldberg's book a few weeks ago, I’ve been wondering if he had a connection to the Cube. The subject matter, the cover, although he credits George Carlin saying this "when fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts” for the inspiration. Still I wonder is he lurking or posting? If so what is his username?

 
Reply with quote

By Red Square
2/8/2008, 6:09 pm


I think he's got too many things on his plate to be posting here, but this isn't the first time he's linking, so he may be lurking occasionally.

After I installed a new anti-spam system I allowed non-registered users to make comments, and here we see it happening. We had a lot of fun with it in the old days when the Cube was young and the spam wasn't automated.

Glad you have discovered our smiley faces.


 
Reply with quote

By Dr. W. S. Palimpsest
2/8/2008, 8:38 pm


I only got 34 answers correct.  I can't wait for my re-education.  

I'll drive myself to the local Karl Marx Treatment Center in my own pimped-out Black Maria -- it's got "hammer-and-sickle" rims, comrades!  

Whose your Professor?  That's what I thought.

Cheers,

Dr. P
 
Reply with quote

By Saul Alinsky
2/8/2008, 10:07 pm


Red Square wrote



Comrade Red Square,
Are you trying to offend me by omitting my picture from this?

hell to pay, comrade.  tsk, tsk.
 
Reply with quote

By Commissar M
2/9/2008, 12:06 am


Saul Alinsky wrote

Comrade Red Square,
Are you trying to offend me by omitting my picture from this?

hell to pay, comrade. tsk, tsk.


Ah, Comrade Alinsky! Good to see you have recovered from your death.

As you can see, Comrade Red Square has added photos of several of your ideological scions. You should be proud as it now seems very likely that, within the year, someone who embraces all that you have taught will be leading this foul joke of a country in to a new era of enlightened, progressive being. So sit back and enjoy the fruits of your life's work.

In other words, to use the language of the day as you did in Rules For Radicals, don't harsh The Party's mellow, dude. The Party doesn't dig that and you know that when The Party don't dig it, you WILL.
 
Reply with quote

By Ivan Yerkinoff
2/9/2008, 4:17 am


Spasebo, Komrade!

Amerika will fall! Komrade Lenin will rise again!
 
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By Red Bubba
2/9/2008, 8:42 am


I am so proud that we have come this far. For years we have been teaching the children at the publik school of our collective that color and gender do not matter - and now the youngsters are all teary-eyed™ because they can vote for a woman.
 
Reply with quote

By Badly Nauseated
2/9/2008, 9:03 am


This has to be the absolute dumbest website I've ever seen in my life.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic.
 
Reply with quote

By Kommissar Vodkov
2/9/2008, 9:13 am


Badly Nauseated wrote
This has to be the absolute dumbest website I've ever seen in my life.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic.


Quite right comrade.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic = liberal

You have come to the right place! Welcome!
 
Reply with quote

By Ivan Betinov
2/9/2008, 10:33 am


Quote

This has to be the absolute dumbest website I've ever seen in my life.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic.


Slide on over to impeachforpeace.org.  You might change your opinion of "absolute dumbest."  Or maybe not.
 
Reply with quote

By Volodija
2/9/2008, 1:04 pm


Privet.  I score low on test and so not worthy I am of state good liking.  I will work hard show gratification for life and care from state I am having.  Glorious it is my future to be include in state plans for be united and free from capitalist it is  menace to worker.
 
Reply with quote

By Red Square
2/9/2008, 1:28 pm


Kommissar Vodkov wrote
Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic = liberal
You have come to the right place! Welcome!

Nyet, comrade. The current truth dictates that we abandon the word "liberal" for "progressive." The correct way to frame it would be

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic = progressive

A hyphenated free radical is optional:

[...]-Yeswecan
[...]-Truthteller
[...]-Democrat
[...]-Socialist
[...]-Santa Claus
 
Reply with quote

By Commissar M
2/9/2008, 7:21 pm


Badly Nauseated wrote
This has to be the absolute dumbest website I've ever seen in my life.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic.


Well, it looks like we're doing a great job then! LOL

P.S. Shouldn't you have mentioned something about "nazi" or "fascist"? A True Enlightened Progressive would never miss an opportunity to use those terms.

Now, back to the class struggle with you Comrade!
 
Reply with quote

By Kommissar Vodkov
2/9/2008, 7:25 pm


Commissar M wrote

P.S. Shouldn't you have mentioned something about "nazi" or "fascist"? A True Enlightened Progressive would never miss an opportunity to use those terms.


Good point. He also forgot the routine "ignorant" and "get a life" arguments! Maybe this person is not a true Progressive!
 
Reply with quote

By Commissar M
2/9/2008, 7:50 pm


Kommissar Vodkov wrote
Good point. He also forgot the routine "ignorant" and "get a life" arguments! Maybe this person is not a true Progressive!


A True Progressive would understand that if I am ignorant, the State must provide me with intelligence. If I need to "get a life", the State must provide me with a life. If a True Progressive has these item while I am deficient, it is the Progressive's responsibility to level The Playing Field™ and work through the State to equalize that deficit. It is not MY responsibility to pull myself up to the level of those who have more than me, it is their responsibility to provide some of what they have until we are equal.

Remember trollish Comrades, "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs." This is truly The Audacity of Hope™. To berate those who have less than you is the mark of a hateful, bourgeois reactionary (unless The Party says it's OK).
 
Reply with quote

By Marx-Nix
2/9/2008, 11:28 pm


I will spend whatever time it take in reeducation camp to improve knowledge and worthyness of state grading curve....Please forgive......

Yours in comradeship
Marx-Nix
 
Reply with quote

By Chairman M. S. Punchenko
2/10/2008, 12:18 am


Volodija wrote
Privet.  I score low on test and so not worthy I am of state good liking.  I will work hard show gratification for life and care from state I am having.  Glorious it is my future to be include in state plans for be united and free from capitalist it is  menace to worker.


You are always worthy! Do NOT let a silly test ruin your self-esteem and cause you to feel obligated to serve the white Christian heterosexual male and his oppressive profit-turning system! You are unique, Comrade Volodija, and a member of the oppressed working class that is forced to toil and sweat under the yoke of the oppressor - which is white, Christian, heterosexual and a male, mind you.

But fear not, Comrade! The Party is here to help you and all we ask is that you live in government housing, dine on government cheese and vote when we tell you to vote - oh, and vote for the candidate(s) that we tell you to vote for which is very important. Then and only then will you free yourself from the shackles of personal responsibility and live a fuller and more productive lifestyle under the loving watch of a free and democratic totalitarian regime that has your best interest at heart.
 
Reply with quote

By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/10/2008, 1:32 am


<clap><clap><clap> Excellent work as always comrade Red Sqaure.  Where are the medals from the 99 cent store when you need them?

I tried to keep score at first; but after the first set of problems, I realized that all the answers were equal.  None were right and none were wrong.  So I selected each and every one.


Don't you comrades understand?  That is part of the test, seeing that all answers are equal and none better than the other.
 
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By just a worker
2/10/2008, 9:13 am


How can any answer be wrong . for they are all correct thoughts . To praise and give  credit  to anyone  is surely against the PARTY.  Comrades ! has  this test been falsely given to entrap those amonst you who habor thought in opposition the the PARTY ?  Get  a shovel  is correct  , you have choosen to be above your fellow comrades by thinking you know the right answer.
 
Reply with quote

By Iron Felix
2/10/2008, 12:20 pm


Badly Nauseated wrote
This has to be the absolute dumbest website I've ever seen in my life.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic.


Dear Comrade. It seems you are an expert in Progressive Website ratings.
If you would indulge the Politburo and steer your fellow revolutionaries to an example of website you'll consider Fair and Balanced.

Mind you, the Party is watching. We need more constructive criticism on these pages.
We'd be very grateful if you could encourage your close comrades to chime in here.
Often please.

Don't we Comrades?!

Those that don't agree, proceed to boxcar #7668977890-98-0 for a trip to website building seminar.

Bring warm gloves.

Glovingly,

Iron Felix
 
Reply with quote

By Commissarka Pinkie
2/10/2008, 2:26 pm


Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote
You are unique, Comrade Volodija, and a member of the oppressed working class that is forced to toil and sweat under the yoke of the oppressor - which is white, Christian, heterosexual and a male, mind you.


I always ask my oppressor to remove his yoke first, so it doesn't keep banging against the headboard and waking up the neighbors.
 
Reply with quote

By Red Square
2/10/2008, 3:37 pm


ROTFLMAO, Pinkie! That must make some deafening noise! So this is what contributes to the deaf rate in women. The yoke!


 
Reply with quote

By General Secretary
2/10/2008, 3:51 pm


Red Square wrote
Our traffic is way up because Jonah Goldberg just posted a link to it on his Liberal Fascism blog.

Jonah Goldberg wrote
Collectivist Quiz  

Test your totalitarian knowledge.

02/08 04:04 PM




A poor guy got tossed from the icecream store for reading Jonah's book. Does he not know the party line?

"SOMETIMES FASCISM MUST BE INSTITUTED IN THE NAME OF ANTI-FASCISM"
 
Reply with quote

By Guardian of Pravda
2/10/2008, 7:09 pm


rightwingmac wrote
Obama is not going to be the nominee for the DNC.
McCain is going to be the RNC nominee and he couldnt beat Kucinich in a general election.

Hillary is the next president.
We are in deep voodoo.

Pravda. Obama may not be the Candidate. McCain will be. (for the DNC)
  
It's all in the subterfuge as taught by Glorious Leader of former KGB also former NKVD (I'm running out of letters here) now known as SVR who said it is all in the Caucuses. Take the Caucus and you take the party. To do this you must be what you are not. Comradeski McCain has succeeded. There will be mass celebrations in the Aparatchick when this is over. Bourgeois capitalist are excluded in party Celebration. Be a good Cossack and bring your own Wodka. (Er Vodka)
Power to the Troddendown.
 
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By Ivan Betinov
2/10/2008, 7:17 pm


G.o.P. ...say "nuclear vessels."  C'mon.  It'll be a hoot.
 
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By Ivan Betinov
2/10/2008, 7:25 pm



 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/10/2008, 7:26 pm


I took test. Bah. Test was no test. All answers were as I wished them to be. I correct all answers which were not. Thus I have perfect score and am equal with all others that have perfect score, which is all others, or else.
As we are all equal under the Red Sun we cannot have any who are not equal.
All Power to the Troddendown.
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/10/2008, 7:43 pm


Badly Nauseated wrote
This has to be the absolute dumbest website I've ever seen in my life.

Smug, self-satisfied, simplistic, slippery, pathetic.


Comrade Nauseated should immediately report to the Collective Party Health Clinic for Free Health advisory. Please bring your last testament and will with you and leave all to the party.
Power to the troddendown.
Which under great collective system is all smug, self satisfied, simplistic, slippery , pathetic voters for wonderfull comradeski's Hill of Clinton and Barracks of O Bama.
 
Reply with quote

By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/10/2008, 7:58 pm


just a worker wrote
How can any answer be wrong . for they are all correct thoughts . To praise and give  credit  to anyone  is surely against the PARTY.  Comrades ! has  this test been falsely given to entrap those amonst you who habor thought in opposition the the PARTY ?  Get  a shovel  is correct  , you have choosen to be above your fellow comrades by thinking you know the right answer.


<ahem>  Comrade, all answers given in the test are both correct and wrong answers.  This is basic party doctrine.  I am not claiming to know anything more than my comrades.  100 is the same as 0, therfore, all answers are right and all answers are wrong, everyone knows this.  The point that we are trying to drive here is that nothing is better than anything else, thus, if you wish to say that all answers are right, that implies that right is better than wrong.

It looks like someone needs a few more weeks in the re-edukation camp.

Oh, and next time that you get the urge to try and deport your dear own Comrade Red the Progressive Fox, please take a look at what my badge says.  What is that word?  Come on, stop shaking at the knees and tell me ------- Commissar, that is right/wrong comrade, good/bad.  I will cut you some slack this time, be warned.
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/10/2008, 10:08 pm


Quote

Comrade, all answers given in the test are both correct and wrong answers.  This is basic party doctrine.  I am not claiming to know anything more than my comrades.  100 is the same as 0, therfore, all answers are right and all answers are wrong, everyone knows this.  The point that we are trying to drive here is that nothing is better than anything else, thus, if you wish to say that all answers are right, that implies that right is better than wrong

This is wonderfull talking in cirlces, Komrad is member of Red Cube Propaganda machine Da?
A promotion is in order. Possibly award of Red Cube order of Propaganda Administration 1st Class w/ ribbon.
Confusion to the masses. (Equally)
Power to the troddendown. [Also equally]
 
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By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/11/2008, 12:23 am


Hummmm, interesting idea comrade GP.  Too bad there is not anybody to nomiate me to become more equal amongst the equal, as well as to get one of those pretty ribbons.
 
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By Premier Betty
2/11/2008, 12:50 am


Ribbons are easy to get.  Just run over a few thought criminals in your Hummer and you should get a few for service to the party.  That's how I got mine!
 
Reply with quote

By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/11/2008, 1:19 am


Yes, but do you get a promotion to the Propaganda Department?
 
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By Premier Betty
2/11/2008, 1:23 am


I am premier.  I need no more promotions.
 
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By Marshal Pupovich
2/11/2008, 11:10 am


I scored an A plus! We do grade on a curve da? But at the most wise Progressive Fox, I also selected each and every correct answer so as not to embarrass the less equal comrades. Actually, I got just about every Hillary quote first off, but then Red and I had talked about doing this before. But Red, no wonder we serve here, that was brilliantly done! You put a lot of *gasp* work, into that. The only improvement I could see that could be made would to have included some Obama comments. But then again, I am yet to hear him say anything outside of his Hope and Change.
 
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By Marshal Pupovich
2/11/2008, 11:11 am


Premier Betty wrote
I am premier.  I need no more promotions.


True enough...  I have been waiting with nervous twitters to see what the Chairman would say about the promotion given Commissar Theocritus and I by Nancy.
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/11/2008, 6:51 pm


RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
Hummmm, interesting idea comrade GP.  Too bad there is not anybody to nomiate me to become more equal amongst the equal, as well as to get one of those pretty ribbons.

In Party one does not wait for the nomination those who would progress nominate themselfs after all only one name is allowed on ballot eh? Ribbon would of course be red with varying shades allowed.

Quote

I am premier.  I need no more promotions.


Spoken like a true Autocrat and leader of party. Great things are destined for you before you are usurped by more autocratic lurker in the trodendown.

Quote

The only improvement I could see that could be made would to have included some Obama comments. But then again, I am yet to hear him say anything outside of his Hope and Change.


Si se puede! (Podemos Si)
Yes we can. Hope and Change. However that hope and change must come with all being hopefull and changing equally. This could make American Idol even more crowded than it is with all the troddendown hoping and changing backstage. Is possible Gulag may nee to be enlarged for gathering.

Power to the troddendown, and Ducks.
 
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By Marshal Pupovich
2/11/2008, 7:03 pm


Kommissar Red Fox, as Honorary Vice Chairman, I suppose I could nominate you to a C class Commissar. Then again, give me some time to adjust to my chair, and I suppose I could do something about your plight.
 
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By Kommissar Vodkov
2/11/2008, 8:16 pm


Promotions are worthless comrades. The one who can dig up the most dirt on Party members is the Premier. The one with the second most dirt is his most trusted ally etc etc. I'm digging up a lot of dirt comrades. You should see my file on Pinkie!
 
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By Commissarka Pinkie
2/11/2008, 9:29 pm


Oh, do share, Vodkov.  You don't scare me with that big bottle of yours.  And just who assigned you to keep files on Party members?  

You know scissors, rock, paper?  Well, around here, we have shovel, bottle, and--oh, I don't know--paper?  

Anyway, shovel smashes bottle every time.
 
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By (President) Nancy
2/11/2008, 10:58 pm


Sit down and shut up, Vodkov, before I put you on landscaping duty - yes, landscaping duty as in waxing the hair off my, well, you know what I'm getting at.

Guardian of Pravda - I like your style and find you strangely attractive. Keep up the good work and maybe one day you will have two cups of grass and snow to feed your starving village.
 
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By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/12/2008, 12:43 am


Commissar Pupovich wrote
Kommissar Red Fox, as Honorary Vice Chairman, I suppose I could nominate you to a C class Commissar. Then again, give me some time to adjust to my chair, and I suppose I could do something about your plight.


[rolls eyes]  I should have taken GP's advice and just nomiated myself.  If I wait on the proper channels, I will be dead of old age.  

Don't forget "Vice Chairman", the future is still coming; the Chairman will still die, and it will be Bush's fault.  Great Stalin's Ghost has foretold.
 
Reply with quote

By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/12/2008, 1:44 am


Collectivist Quotes?  Are you saying that you admire these people?!

All answers are equal and the same!?

When I meet Red the Progressive Fox, I thought he was a nut job.  There is a whole planet with you people?!

- Investor Fox

 
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By Premier Brezhnev
2/12/2008, 2:22 am


"Leonid Brezhnev  - Correct. You win a Union-sponsored guided bus tour to the birthplace of Leonid Brezhnev."

Well, I will be in for a few days, so the Union Soviet can visit.
 
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By Marshal Pupovich
2/12/2008, 7:36 am


RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
[Don't forget "Vice Chairman", the future is still coming; the Chairman will still die, and it will be Bush's fault.  Great Stalin's Ghost has foretold.


What sort of slander is this? The Chairman will live forever! As long as their is money to be contributed, Hummels to be collected, careers to be ruined, the Chairman will go on, and I will be right behind him!
 
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By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/12/2008, 1:25 pm


Investor Fox wrote

Collectivist Quotes?  Are you saying that you admire these people?!

All answers are equal and the same!?

When I meet Red the Progressive Fox, I thought he was a nut job.  There is a whole planet with you people?!

- Investor Fox





Wha!  How did you get here?!!  How did you get into my account!!  I thought that I had left you behind!!  Gone for good!!  I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE HERE AND RUNNING MY GOOD NAME!!



Commissar Pupovich wrote
RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
[Don't forget "Vice Chairman", the future is still coming; the Chairman will still die, and it will be Bush's fault.  Great Stalin's Ghost has foretold.


What sort of slander is this? The Chairman will live forever! As long as their is money to be contributed, Hummels to be collected, careers to be ruined, the Chairman will go on, and I will be right behind him!


[rolls eyes again]  Alright, let us cut to the chase, what do I have to do to get my promotion?  Who do you want "missing" or how much money do you want?

Maybe I could get the Chairman some whores (eco-friendly of course).
 
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By Algore, the Creator
2/12/2008, 6:43 pm


Great quiz!  I should have invented it!  (Well, maybe I did but forgot.)
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/12/2008, 8:19 pm


Algore, the Creator wrote
Great quiz!  I should have invented it!  (Well, maybe I did but forgot.)

Is wonderfull Comrade Gore is only one in party to know everything about everything by simple act of glorous fabrication of Pravda for purposes of making Izvestia.
Remember. Is no Pravda in Izvestia and no Izvestia in Pravda.
(Can be translated for only two Kopecks or $1.385 in Americanski.)
Power to the troddendown and the same ducks.
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/12/2008, 8:23 pm


RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
Commissar Pupovich wrote
Kommissar Red Fox, as Honorary Vice Chairman, I suppose I could nominate you to a C class Commissar. Then again, give me some time to adjust to my chair, and I suppose I could do something about your plight.


[rolls eyes]  I should have taken GP's advice and just nomiated myself.  If I wait on the proper channels, I will be dead of old age.  

Don't forget "Vice Chairman", the future is still coming; the Chairman will still die, and it will be Bush's fault.  Great Stalin's Ghost has foretold.

Can still be nominated for position with only small contribution of 30 Roubles (Rubles) or three Americanski Stamps.
Is wondering what great and glorious vices you will be chairing and do you have a list?
Power to the troddendown and Ducks.
 
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
2/12/2008, 8:32 pm


RedtheProgressiveFox wrote

[rolls eyes again]  Alright, let us cut to the chase, what do I have to do to get my promotion?  Who do you want "missing" or how much money do you want?

Maybe I could get the Chairman some whores (eco-friendly of course).


Comrade! Would I even be thinking of money? Why, any contributions I receive would be immediately passed on to the Chairman.....after washing it thoroughly of course. The Chairman is most particular about his contributions you know? I am merely still trying to adjust to my office, see how the chair fits, make sure all the proper forms are available, etc. I am sure I can arrange a promotion for you soon. Even Nancy agreed that we need more officials to make our Party even more efficient. What sort of position would you be interested in?
 
Reply with quote

By Guardian of Pravda
2/12/2008, 9:29 pm


Quote

What sort of position would you be interested in?

Carefull Comrade. Is loaded question Da?
Power to the troddendown and wandering Geese.
 
Reply with quote

By Investor Fox
2/13/2008, 12:18 am


RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
Investor Fox wrote

Collectivist Quotes?  Are you saying that you admire these people?!

All answers are equal and the same!?

When I meet Red the Progressive Fox, I thought he was a nut job.  There is a whole planet with you people?!

- Investor Fox





Wha!  How did you get here?!!  How did you get into my account!!  I thought that I had left you behind!!  Gone for good!!  I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE HERE AND RUNNING MY GOOD NAME!!


Relax Foxy, I got my own account.  Watching you people should be an interesting science experiment.
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/13/2008, 12:59 am


Investor Fox wrote

Watching you people should be an interesting science experiment.


You see us as nothing but a science experiment?  What is wrong with you?  And yet... I am torn between 2 of our foundations of socialism.  On one hand there is the urge to believe all science has to say no matter what and let it be the determining fact in an argument, no matter how well it can be disproves with counter science, or facts, and on the other, is my public mask of believing that all people are unique and must be treated like an individual and given individual government welfare checks for existing.

I am already beginning to dislike you.  Stop making me choose between my false ideals!!!
 
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By Investor Fox
2/13/2008, 1:30 am


Whoa!  Careful "Premeir", you are showing basic signs of intellegent thought.  Interesting...... {takes notes}.
 
Reply with quote

By RedtheProgressiveFox
2/13/2008, 1:44 am


Sweet Merciful Stalin!  Do not listen to this kapitalist whore Betty!  Shut off your mind now before he causes you to commit any more thought-crimes!

You leave him alone Investor Fox!  Or I swear I will send the secret police after you!  

I am sorry Betty.  I wish I could have never made contact with him.  See what happens when one wonders from the protection of the Cube?


Guardian of Pravda wrote
Quote

What sort of position would you be interested in?

Carefull Comrade. Is loaded question Da?
Power to the troddendown and wandering Geese.


Thank you GP.  I did have in mind what I wanted for my promotion, but now that I think of it, this is very likely a trap (By the way, have you ever thought of entering into the wildlife or robotic departments?  You are doing a wonderful job of getting on my good side).  

Come on Vice-Chairman Pup, where are the tape recorders?  Where are the secret agents that wish to take me in?
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/13/2008, 2:07 am


Still a filthy kkkapitalist pig Investor Fox wrote

Careful "Premeir", you are showing basic signs of intellegent thought.


No!  NO!!!  It can't be!

<covers_ears>

LA LA LA... I'm not listening to you!  LA LA LAAA!!!

<begins_drinking_Brain_Opener_straight_from_the_bottle>
 
Reply with quote

By Guardian of Pravda
2/13/2008, 6:03 pm


Is good to have science experiment. Is good to have science. Both should exist together with results of same heavily favoring desires of Party. (Even if they don't)
Best experiment is current undertaking of Democrat party with Loser declaring winner and Winner declaring better winner. Results in Texas test tube should prove valuable for DNA testing on remaining members of Democrat Party. Is possible Chromosomes have mutated favorably toward Glorious Red Party Standards.

Quote

<begins_drinking_Brain_Opener_straight_from>


Is best drunk on the rocks Comrade. (Shaken not stirred)

Power to the Troddendown and Beagles.
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/13/2008, 9:32 pm


Yay!  Power to the Trodden down Beagles!  Yay, beagles!  Everyone loves beagles.


 
Reply with quote

By Marshal Pupovich
2/13/2008, 9:38 pm


RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
[Come on Vice-Chairman Pup, where are the tape recorders?  Where are the secret agents that wish to take me in?


I am stunned! Stunned am I that you would think such a thing. Just when I was thinking we must promote you if for no other reason that you can move to another symbol so we are not confused by this counterfeit, counterevolutionary Fox!
 
Reply with quote

By Guardian of Pravda
2/13/2008, 9:45 pm



Da. And the Head Beagle took Madison Square Garden by Storm. I think the Beagle drew more fans, constituents and admirers than any of the Political types.
There may be a lesson to be learned from this regarding Politicians and Dogs.
Vote Dogs they never let you down.
Glory to the Premier Beagle.
Power to the troddendown and Beagles named Uno.
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/13/2008, 9:50 pm


Commissar Pupovich wrote
RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
[Come on Vice-Chairman Pup, where are the tape recorders?  Where are the secret agents that wish to take me in?


I am stunned! Stunned am I that you would think such a thing. Just when I was thinking we must promote you if for no other reason that you can move to another symbol so we are not confused by this counterfeit, counterevolutionary Fox!

In glorious progressive nonculture is one allowed to be stunned? Is it similar to being Tase'd.
Power to the troddendown and Taser equipped peace Officers.
 
Reply with quote

By Comrade TankoGrad
2/13/2008, 10:21 pm


"Don't Taze Him Bro"......

Oh, wait... who are we tazing?  I can be convinced (with some hard currency) to approve avidly of tazing.

Or else we set the Party Phasers to "Nuclear Ash".
 
Reply with quote

By Investor Fox
2/13/2008, 10:39 pm


Comrade TankoGrad wrote


Or else we set the Party Phasers to "Nuclear Ash".


Phasers???  We have some energy weapons, but nothing along the line of phasers!  Such technology would be wonderful for the US military in my world.  

My dear man, name your price!  I am curious both as an investor and a scientist!  

[Gets out checkbook]

Come, come, now, don't be modest.  I can afford to buy it, no matter what the price.

No?  Maybe you would then be interested profit sharing?
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/13/2008, 10:55 pm


No!  Don't do it!  *twitch*

Yes!  Think of the money!  We will be even bigger millionaires!  *twitch*

No, never!  They are our phasers, no one else’s!  We will not sell out!  *twitch*

Mooonnnneeyyy... drooooolll....  *twitch*

TankoGrad, an idea!  Sell him the "weapons” (you know, the month old vegan meatloaf from our MTE's election victory celebration last month) and then we may collect the profits.  If he asks, say that the vapor and smell is what "phases" people and the nuclear ash mentioned is only a by-product that went into the meatloaf.
 
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By Investor Fox
2/13/2008, 11:11 pm


J0! I can hear you.
 
Reply with quote

By Premier Betty
2/13/2008, 11:16 pm


NO!1!! Stop reading my mind!  That's private!  Just because the party want to read other people's minds doesn't mean that the evil kkkorperations can do the same!  I will not divulge party secrets!  Never, never, NEVER!!
 
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By vladglad
2/14/2008, 10:39 am


Red Square wrote

GUESS WHICH COLLECTIVIST SAID IT...

... and find out on which side of the gulag fence you'll be tomorrow.
(Warning: some questions are more equal than others, and some answers will make you want to slap yourself upside the head with a shovel).
~
CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE QUIZ


(The quiz code required that we put it on a separate static page, but you can report your score and leave comments here).



I am now more terrified of Comrade Clinton!
 
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By Premier Betty
2/14/2008, 1:44 pm


All the more reason to vote for her just to save your own hide.  It's what we do....
 
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By Guardian of Pravda
2/15/2008, 10:15 am


Glorious winner by proclamation (Her Own) has some few problems but with help of apparatchik and fear instilled by invoking name of former comrade Vince Foster all will be well.
Thus Glorious winner of Party will continue to be Glorious Winner even though losing.
Power to the Troddendown and Former (Dead) Presidents.
 
Reply with quote

By Red Bubba
2/15/2008, 11:26 am


Comrades, far be it from me to be disloyal to Empress H, but I have this friend who told me, "Where I live used statues of Her Royal Thighness are already popping up at yard sales. The handwriting is on the yurt, The mythical horse, Barack, is the future of socialism." Of course my loyalty is to the Cause and not to any particular person, or non-person. I need the guidance of the elite: The fat lady sings when?
 
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By Marshal Pupovich
2/15/2008, 11:32 am


Comrade Guardian, you raise a good point that some may not be considering adequately. For instance, the Empress was recently asked whether there would be "no new business or personal scandal involving Bill Clinton" which might erupt if she were in the White House and give fodder to Republicans.

The Empress replied "You know, I can assure this reader that that is not going to happen," she said. "You know, none of us can predict the future, no matter who we are and what we are running for, but I am very confident that that will not happen."

Now someone less equal than others might wonder how could the Empress, who has already suffered the shame of her man going astray or being involved  in other business that the imperialist fascists could use against them, could be so confident it will not happen again. I think you know the answer to this question. So those who embrace BHO should keep this in mind. I am totally committed to Hope and Change.
 
Reply with quote

By Red Square
2/15/2008, 11:48 am


Red Bubba wrote
The mythical horse, Barack, is the future of socialism.

Are you suggesting that the meaning behind HOPE and CHANGE is the coming of the 12th Imam?

This reminds me of this older Cube story - 'Twas the Night Before Miraj

Laika wrote
Now in the progressive Islamic Republics, especially Iran, there is The Prophet and Bourak. Bourak is half man and half flying horse and the Prophet flies on his back to the farthest mosque (Jerusalem), heaven and hell, and the houses of misery and happiness. This is done on the night as what is known on the infidel calendar as August 22, and true believers call this the Miraj.

This year, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has promised not only to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth, but also to "Light up the night sky over Jerusalem" during Miraj on August 22. Mike Wallace said in his "60 Minutes" interview that Mahmoud is a very intelligent and nice man, so everything Mahmoud said is true unlike that goofy Santa Claus myth. Once this is done, the 12th Imam, who has been living in seclusion since the 11th Century will return, bringing about the final Apocalypse. Isn't that nice?


So the accention of Barack Hussein O. will bring us the Miraj (HOPE). The night sky over Jerusalem will light up and the Prophet will ride on his back into Washington, DC (CHANGE).

Now we must think how to weave this into our narrative of the worldwide socialist revolution.
 
Reply with quote

By Guardian of Pravda
2/15/2008, 12:39 pm


Ah Good. As Barracks of Obama ascends then too so will the Glorious Red Sun with him. Soon all will be covered in the warming mantle of Hope and Change as their plans for the future change into no Hope of having one. Thus can the equality sought by all loyal party members be shared with those who once had Hope but have now Changed their philosophy to understand there is no Hope.

Remember that Progressive thought requires you buy the Ideals of the Party w/o thought of their consequence.

Speaking of buying you can buy wonderfull marming mantle for only two Kopecks now at wonderfull and discounted priced, down from normal 3 Kopeks (Must be coin no cash) on TV offer and get two for free as party will throw two more mantles for price of one. (Difference will be made up in Tax increase for collective good)

Power to the troddendown and the Super Delegates who will follow Party line or else.
\
 
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The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand



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Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!

Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden

Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'

DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry

Dow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents use

DHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"

Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a
2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"
Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism

Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism
Obama gives Queen a shovel




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NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'

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Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans'
After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape
Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh
Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside
Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend

Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube


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Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes"
Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest
Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it


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Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice
Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing


Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge
Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'

More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20

Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America

You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.


Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
Somali pirates hijack international space station

Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"
Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"


CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide





Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth



US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force

Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!

Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word


FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'

Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'

Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
Biden calls taxes patriotic
Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter

Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes

Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement
February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached




Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day


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How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?

Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint


Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
Lou the Looter In Iowa
CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
Hillary supporters organize against Obama

Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station




Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination

Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead

Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator



North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!

Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich

Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

Stop and smell the Sharpies

Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy

Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"


Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey
KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg
USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'
Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint
John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement
To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama

NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp
Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
Brokeback Mountain loses climber
NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars

Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers
Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib
Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak
Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change

Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win

Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
High school Meth teacher starts new class

Holy Mitt!
Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%
Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick
Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive
"How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes
"Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad
New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others

Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough
Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress
Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"
US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November
Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home

Reid: The war on fire is lost
Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.
Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore
Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?

San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault
Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France
Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"
Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"

Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics
Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"

Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming


To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama
Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.
George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
"Death to America"

Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
"Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face

Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists
Al Gore to recall the Internet


Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month
First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle
Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead

William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package

Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos


Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability

London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings
Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"

Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"
Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric
Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?
US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq
US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?
Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!

Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page
As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"

Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant

Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"
Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey
Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"
French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results
Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture

Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely

Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time

Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids
ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'
Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops
Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling
Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision
Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases

Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
mote Global Warming Jelly

New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system

Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket
Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"
Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up
Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries
Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues
Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial

House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission

North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright
Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission

Is it time for Pinochet yet?

see CITGO think HUGO CHAVEZ

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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