Federal law requires that to claim a minority status, you must be at least 1/8 of the descriptor or 12.5%.
Mr. Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side. He is 43.75% Arabic, and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side.
His father was officially classified as "Arab African" by the Kenyan government.
If elected he'll become the First Arab-American President.
His entire campaign is based upon a lie. Because of this I say Hillary is the rightful winner of the primary.
Obama Lied, Hillary's Campaign Died.
And if that's not shocking enough, researching his roots reveal that on his father's side, he is descended from Arab slave traders.
~
Quote
They operated under an extended grant from Queen Victoria, who gave them the right to continue the slave trade in exchange for helping the British defeat the Madhi Army in southern Sudan and the Upper Nile region. Funny how circular is history; now the British again face the Madhi Army, albeit this time Shiite, not Sunni, as in nineteenth century Sudan.
But telling America's black community that while their ancestors were breaking the shackles of slavery, Mr. Obama's ancestors were placing those shackles upon their wrists would hardly play as an Oprah Winfrey best-seller.
Being the son of a poor Kenyan goat-herder plays much better than being the son of a highly placed Arab-African who operated at the top of the Kenyan government following his education at Columbia. You see, even the way he portrays his father is a lie.
Obama is a disgrace to the African- American community, he's no better than Bushitler, Cheney and Haliburton. I wouldn't be surprised if we find out he is a Rethuglican operative sent to destroy Hillary and the USSA.
After all, he did denounce the courageous Reverend Wright. Isn't that proof enough?
Time is running out for Hillary to steal the primary.
We must act now, or all will be lost.
Could this be the real Obama story?
Hillary's ancestors never enslaved anyone.
WWPD (what would Pinkie do?)
I'll tell you, she'd copy and paste, hang banners, sit on a ledge, protest, protest, protest. What the hell are we waiting for?
Maksim, I copied and pasted this everywhere. And would you believe we in the Empress's camp are accused of "taking a page out of the Republican playbook"? The Obamunists pointed out to me how the Republican playbook says that the right wing should question the Empress's claim of being the first female presidential candidate based on a similar argument.
Apparently the playbook also cites percentages, and mentions things like testicles and hooves, in addition to the many tits. The upshot is they think she's more accurately described as "the first bestial presidential candidate."
But how would the Obamunists know all this, unless they had the Republican playbook themselves?
Or can any punk download it anywhere off the Internet, same as instructions for building a dirty bomb?
This non-person who claims to be a man is a disciple of the Master of Chaos, the Evil RethugliKKKan mouthpiece, Maha-Rushie.
Our Empress needs our help and devotion now, more that ever. Only Hillary has been associated with a true Black president and this deceiver claims to be something that he's not. Where is Howard Dean? Has he been spending too much time trying to get out of his strait-jacket??
Oh the irony. Our Empress can use the truth in her favor. Who'd o' thunk it? She'd better do it soon though, or it will never be discussed. MKKKain fights like a girl and will be afraid to mention it.
What is this talk of a so called Empress? She will soon be coming out in cardboard if you get my drift. Thank Lenin I have been firmly behind Hope 'N Change all along!
The only thing that concerns me is this.... The Empress really had a lot of talent running Show Trials and Purges. I am worried that this Obama just doesn't have the experience and cold virgin's blood coarsing through his veins to do these necessary functions properly. But I am confident that he can learn.
If you liked this story then you may also like to know a few things about Obama's mama.
This has been all taken from Wikipedia, so if it were untrue or exaggerated, it would be disputed by the the Obama camp. They may actually be editing the page right now because her photo just disappeared from that page. A vanishing kommissarka, she. Luckily I still had it in the temporary internet files.
I'm all for Americans studying Russian, but when radical leftists in the 1960s studied Russian it could only mean they supported communism and thus the oppression of Soviet dissidents and gulag prisoners. Obama's parents met in a Russian class. I imagine they practiced together, trying to pronounce "KOLKHOZ" correctly. ASSHOLES.
================================
Stanley Ann Dunham
Barack Obama's mother
Stanley Ann Dunham Obana Soetoro (November 29, 1942 - November 7, 1995), known as Ann Dunham and Stanley Ann Dunham, was an American anthropologist, left-wing social activist, and the mother of Senator Barack Obama. She was born in Fort Leavenworth , Kansas , to Stanley and Madelyn Dunham. Her father (who gave his only child his name) was a furniture salesman in downtown Seattle , Washington , and her mother worked for a bank. After a year living in Seattle , her family moved to Mercer Island , Washington , in 1956 so that 13-year old Ann could attend the Mercer Island High School that had just opened. At the school she was on the debate team and graduated in 1960.
Her family moved to Hawaii and Ann attended the University of Hawaii at Manoa, where she studied anthropology. When Ann Dunham arrived in Hawaii , she was a full fledged radical leftist and practitioner of "critical theory" She also began to engage in miscegenation (inter-racial rela ionships) as part of her attack on society. Susan Blake, one of her friends has stated she never dated "the crew-cut white boys," She had a world view, even as a young girl. It was embracing the different, rather than that ethnocentric thing of shunning the different. That was where her mind took her. In Hawaii she met Barack Obama, Sr. from Kenya in her Russian language class. Barack Obama, Jr. was born August 4, 1961.
Barack Obama, Sr. left Ann and their son in 1963 to attend Harvard in Boston . Press reports claim Ann Dunham and Barack Obama Sr. were divorced around this time; however, no evidence has yet been presented to show they were ever married. The senior Obama obtained a masters degree in economics at Harvard and returned to Kenya in 1965 where he obtained a position in the Kenyan government. He was killed in an automobile accident in 1982.
Two years later, when her son was five, Dunham married Lolo Soetoro, an Indonesian oil manager and practicing Muslim whom she meet at the university. In 1967 they moved to Jakarta , Indonesia . While in Indonesia Ann got a job at the American embassy teaching English.
Barack's half-sister, Maya Soetoro was born in Indonesia . Ann, Obama and his sister Maya moved back to Hawaii . Ann Dunham soon returned toIndonesia with Maya but divorced Soetoro in the late 1970s.
Dunham traveled around the world, pursuing a career in rural development that took her to Ghana , India , Thailand , Indonesia , Nepal and Bangladesh . In 1986 Ann Dunham worked on a developmental project in Pakistan . Later that year Ann and her daughter traveled the Silk Road in China . In 1992 she earned a Ph.D. in anthropology from the University of Hawaii . Her dissertation, "Peasant blacksmithing in Indonesia : Surviving and Thriving Against All Odds," was 1067 pages long. She worked for the Ford Foundation and promoted Microlending.
During Obama's campaign for the 2008 presidential election he portrayed his mother as a conservative girl from Kansas ; however in reality she was a radical leftist and cutural Marxist. She lived in the Seattle area; spending her teenage years in Seattle 's coffee shops with other young radical leftist. Obam a claims his mother's family were conserevative Methodists or Baptists from Kansas However his mother's parents were members of aleft-wing Unitarian church near Seattle. The church located in Bellevue , Washington was knicknamed "the little red church," because of it's communist leanings.
The school Ann attended, Mercer Island High School , was a hotbed of pro-Marxist radical teachers. John Stenhouse, board member, told the House Un-American Activities Subcommittee that he had been a member of the Communist Party USA and this school has a number of Marxists on it's staff. Two teachers at this school, Val Foubert and Jim Wichterman, both Frankfurt School style Marxists, taught a critical theory curriculum to students which include d; rejection of societal norms, attacks on Christianity, the traditional family, and assigned readings by Karl Marx. The hallway between Foubert's and Wichterman classrooms was sometimes called "anarchy ally."
Dunham has been described by her friends as "a fellow traveler..." meaning a communist sympathizer.
In an interview, Barack Obama referred to his mother as "the dominant figure in my formative years... The values she taught me continue to be my touchstone when it comes to how I go about the world of politics."
Before she died Ann Dunham wanted to adopt a mixed-race Korean baby fathered by a Black American stationed in South Korea . Ann Dunham died in Hawaii in 1995 of ovarian cancer and uterine cancer.
What in Lenin's???? Oh I see, a clever trap you set there Chairman! For a moment there I thought I was going to have to renounce you in the strongest terms. But clearly you have set a "honey trap" to catch wayward comrades.
This needs to be on CNN, NBC, CBS, and ABC. What the hell is wrong with them!!!!!!!! With Obama they have a Democrat whose political indoctrination and philosophy are in sync with theirs?
Oh! That's right! Meow has seen to it that the Democratic Party's P.R. Dept. (CNN, NBC, CBS, and ABC) got paid. What's next, Meow? David Plouffe has a seizure?
Listen up, Comrade greeneyes!!! This is The People's Cube (aka The Party™)!!! We can make up any "truth" we want and we can make the Democrat's P.R. Dept. (ABC, NBC, CBS, and CNN) disseminate it!!! Are you trying to get yourself assigned to more "shovel time"? That can be arranged at your nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center™!
If you liked this story then you may also like to know a few things about Obama's mama.
This has been all taken from Wikipedia, so if it were untrue or exaggerated, it would be disputed by the the Obama camp. They may actually be editing the page right now because her photo just disappeared from that page. A vanishing kommissarka, she. Luckily I still had it in the temporary internet files.
I'm all for Americans studying Russian, but when radical leftists in the 1960s studied Russian it could only mean they supported communism and thus the oppression of Soviet dissidents and gulag prisoners. Obama's parents met in a Russian class. I imagine they practiced together, trying to pronounce "KOLKHOZ" correctly. ASSHOLES.
================================
Stanley Ann Dunham
Barack Obama's mother
Stanley Ann Dunham Obana Soetoro (November 29, 1942 - November 7, 1995), known as Ann Dunham and Stanley Ann Dunham, was an American anthropologist, left-wing social activist, and the mother of Senator Barack Obama. She was born in Fort Leavenworth , Kansas , to Stanley and Madelyn Dunham. Her father (who gave his only child his name) was a furniture salesman in downtown Seattle , Washington , and her mother worked for a bank. After a year living in Seattle , her family moved to Mercer Island , Washington , in 1956 so that 13-year old Ann could attend the Mercer Island High School that had just opened. At the school she was on the debate team and graduated in 1960.
Her family moved to Hawaii and Ann attended the University of Hawaii at Manoa, where she studied anthropology. When Ann Dunham arrived in Hawaii , she was a full fledged radical leftist and practitioner of "critical theory" She also began to engage in miscegenation (inter-racial rela ionships) as part of her attack on society. Susan Blake, one of her friends has stated she never dated "the crew-cut white boys," She had a world view, even as a young girl. It was embracing the different, rather than that ethnocentric thing of shunning the different. That was where her mind took her. In Hawaii she met Barack Obama, Sr. from Kenya in her Russian language class. Barack Obama, Jr. was born August 4, 1961.
Barack Obama, Sr. left Ann and their son in 1963 to attend Harvard in Boston . Press reports claim Ann Dunham and Barack Obama Sr. were divorced around this time; however, no evidence has yet been presented to show they were ever married. The senior Obama obtained a masters degree in economics at Harvard and returned to Kenya in 1965 where he obtained a position in the Kenyan government. He was killed in an automobile accident in 1982.
Two years later, when her son was five, Dunham married Lolo Soetoro, an Indonesian oil manager and practicing Muslim whom she meet at the university. In 1967 they moved to Jakarta , Indonesia . While in Indonesia Ann got a job at the American embassy teaching English.
Barack's half-sister, Maya Soetoro was born in Indonesia . Ann, Obama and his sister Maya moved back to Hawaii . Ann Dunham soon returned toIndonesia with Maya but divorced Soetoro in the late 1970s.
Dunham traveled around the world, pursuing a career in rural development that took her to Ghana , India , Thailand , Indonesia , Nepal and Bangladesh . In 1986 Ann Dunham worked on a developmental project in Pakistan . Later that year Ann and her daughter traveled the Silk Road in China . In 1992 she earned a Ph.D. in anthropology from the University of Hawaii . Her dissertation, "Peasant blacksmithing in Indonesia : Surviving and Thriving Against All Odds," was 1067 pages long. She worked for the Ford Foundation and promoted Microlending.
During Obama's campaign for the 2008 presidential election he portrayed his mother as a conservative girl from Kansas ; however in reality she was a radical leftist and cutural Marxist. She lived in the Seattle area; spending her teenage years in Seattle 's coffee shops with other young radical leftist. Obam a claims his mother's family were conserevative Methodists or Baptists from Kansas However his mother's parents were members of aleft-wing Unitarian church near Seattle. The church located in Bellevue , Washington was knicknamed "the little red church," because of it's communist leanings.
The school Ann attended, Mercer Island High School , was a hotbed of pro-Marxist radical teachers. John Stenhouse, board member, told the House Un-American Activities Subcommittee that he had been a member of the Communist Party USA and this school has a number of Marxists on it's staff. Two teachers at this school, Val Foubert and Jim Wichterman, both Frankfurt School style Marxists, taught a critical theory curriculum to students which include d; rejection of societal norms, attacks on Christianity, the traditional family, and assigned readings by Karl Marx. The hallway between Foubert's and Wichterman classrooms was sometimes called "anarchy ally."
Dunham has been described by her friends as "a fellow traveler..." meaning a communist sympathizer.
In an interview, Barack Obama referred to his mother as "the dominant figure in my formative years... The values she taught me continue to be my touchstone when it comes to how I go about the world of politics."
Before she died Ann Dunham wanted to adopt a mixed-race Korean baby fathered by a Black American stationed in South Korea . Ann Dunham died in Hawaii in 1995 of ovarian cancer and uterine cancer.
The Ann Dunham page at Wiki has been drastically edited since Red Square posted the info.
Many edits by several people can be seen here.
I'm only surprised that it took them so long.
Although the info is still out there
HERE> and HERE>
Unsubstantiated claims on blogs pass for facts here?
We are The Party™. And The Party™ determines what is fact and what is not fact, Comrade TNO. Report to the nearest Karl Marx Treatment Center™ and they will "help" you understand.
Many of us, such as myself, Comrade Betinov, Comrade Red Square, and many others, are members of The Party's™ Politburo™ (a.k.a. the Inner Circle™). And we tell the others what is fact and what is not fact since we are "more equal" than the others. For example.... If we say Barry is an Arab, then Barry is an Arab. If we say Barry was once a prison bitch, then Barry was once a prison bitch.
That's how it works here, Comrade TNO.
--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
Commissar, 1st Chief Directorate for The Party Approved Margarita™ Research and Operations
Grand Inquistor of the Reformed Church of Latter Day Climatology (a.k.a. The Goremons)
Yes Commissar.... not only do we tell what is fact and what is not.... they will also see the current truth as we do! How many fingers an I holding up TNO? Wrong! 2+2=5 Comrade! You will see.... you will see....
Yes Commissar.... not only do we tell what is fact and what is not.... they will also see the current truth as we do! How many fingers an I holding up TNO? Wrong! 2+2=5 Comrade! You will see.... you will see....
I think what you mean is that two plus two makes five.
We must act quickly! For at the time of the writing, it is the first day of the DNCC (Democratic National Communist Convention for the unwashed) and the nomination is in two days! If we are to protest, we must fly fast and far!
Federal law requires that to claim a minority status, you must be at least 1/8 of the descriptor or 12.5%.
Mr. Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side. He is 43.75% Arabic, and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side.
His father was officially classified as "Arab African" by the Kenyan government.
If elected he'll become the First Arab-American President.
His entire campaign is based upon a lie. Because of this I say Hillary is the rightful winner of the primary.
Obama Lied, Hillary's Campaign Died.
And if that's not shocking enough, researching his roots reveal that on his father's side, he is descended from Arab slave traders.
~
Quote
They operated under an extended grant from Queen Victoria, who gave them the right to continue the slave trade in exchange for helping the British defeat the Madhi Army in southern Sudan and the Upper Nile region. Funny how circular is history; now the British again face the Madhi Army, albeit this time Shiite, not Sunni, as in nineteenth century Sudan.
But telling America's black community that while their ancestors were breaking the shackles of slavery, Mr. Obama's ancestors were placing those shackles upon their wrists would hardly play as an Oprah Winfrey best-seller.
Being the son of a poor Kenyan goat-herder plays much better than being the son of a highly placed Arab-African who operated at the top of the Kenyan government following his education at Columbia. You see, even the way he portrays his father is a lie.
Obama is a disgrace to the African- American community, he's no better than Bushitler, Cheney and Haliburton. I wouldn't be surprised if we find out he is a Rethuglican operative sent to destroy Hillary and the USSA.
After all, he did denounce the courageous Reverend Wright. Isn't that proof enough?
Time is running out for Hillary to steal the primary.
We must act now, or all will be lost.
Could this be the real Obama story?
Hillary's ancestors never enslaved anyone.
WWPD (what would Pinkie do?)
I'll tell you, she'd copy and paste, hang banners, sit on a ledge, protest, protest, protest. What the hell are we waiting for?
Same shit everyday. Nothing is right in this world and you fuckers know it! Why dont you guys talk about how we stole land from the Indians and the Mexicans.
Comrades, is it just me, or does she bear a striking resemblance to John Kerry?
(Puts hand to mouth) *GASP* This was John Kerry before his sex change!
Barack Obama is Kerry's Love Child!
Communists for Kerry has won the battle, after all. Good work, Comrades!
??? wrote
Same shit everyday. Nothing is right in thisworld and you fuckers know it! Why dont you guys talk about how westole land from the Indians and the Mexicans.
Of course nothing is right! All that exists is on the left! We are happy you see things this way!
And we did not steal the land from the Natives and their mixed-marriage cousins south of our current border...they saw the greatness of The Big Otm (sound of the steel drum, the zither, the balafon, the barking moonbat, and everyone MUST bow down!) looming on the horizon, and gladly donated the land for the Glorious Revolution!
Nothing is right in this world and you fuckers know it!
Nothing?
My nephew and his wife are expecting their first child this Spring; both of my parents are alive to see the birth of their first great-grandchild. That seems pretty right to me.
One of my students is having a hard time finding the cash to pay for her teacher certification exams; she's a good kid, so I'm going to foot the bill on the condition that she find one of her students in the future and pay the help forward. That seems pretty right.
We have elected a Black man to the presidency. I disagree tremendously with his agenda, and I hope that we do not see some of his more radical plans come to fruition, but it seems pretty right to me that a man who a single generation ago could have been easily denied the right to vote in many states now occupies the White House.
Quote
Why dont you guys talk about how we stole land from the Indians and the Mexicans.
Why should we? That's as pointless as me bitching at the British for what they did to my Scots or Irish Ancestors, or the Spaniards for what they did to my Dutch Ancestors, or the Holy Roman Empire for hammering the crap out of my Mecklinberg-Schwerin Ancestors during the Thirty Years' War. And let's not even talk about what the Ottoman Turks did to my Levantine Ancestors. But why should I wallow in synthetic victimhood for something that did not happen to me, or wallow in synthetic guilt for something that I did not do?
And why, given your byline, did you not put a question mark at the end of your question?
Nothing is right in this world and you fuckers know it!
Nothing?
My nephew and his wife are expecting their first child this Spring; both of my parents are alive to see the birth of their first great-grandchild. That seems pretty right to me.
One of my students is having a hard time finding the cash to pay for her teacher certification exams; she's a good kid, so I'm going to foot the bill on the condition that she find one of her students in the future and pay the help forward. That seems pretty right.
We have elected a Black man to the presidency. I disagree tremendously with his agenda, and I hope that we do not see some of his more radical plans come to fruition, but it seems pretty right to me that a man who a single generation ago could have been easily denied the right to vote in many states now occupies the White House.
Quote
Why dont you guys talk about how we stole land from the Indians and the Mexicans.
Why should we? That's as pointless as me bitching at the British for what they did to my Scots or Irish Ancestors, or the Spaniards for what they did to my Dutch Ancestors, or the Holy Roman Empire for hammering the crap out of my Mecklinberg-Schwerin Ancestors during the Thirty Years' War. And let's not even talk about what the Ottoman Turks did to my Levantine Ancestors. But why should I wallow in synthetic victimhood for something that did not happen to me, or wallow in synthetic guilt for something that I did not do?
And why, given your byline, did you not put a question mark at the end of your question?
(off)
Also, consider we had to fight for the land. Consider the English-folk (at least) had to keep punching holes into the land in order to even esstablish the colonies. Consider the American Indians had a lot of opprotunites to oust us. Now, they were hit by war and disease pretty hard, but the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Consider the following too
"The (American) Indians found out the hard way what happens when you don't control illegal immigration."
Same shit everyday. Nothing is right in this world and you fuckers know it! Why dont you guys talk about how we stole land from the Indians and the Mexicans.
Very good, Comrade. You have cried your Party-required boo-hoo's for today and are now entitled to drink your Kool-Aid and feel wonderful about yourself.
{microphone off}
If you don't fucking like it, don't fucking read it. For now, it's still a free fucking country so we can write what we want.
Same shit everyday. Nothing is right in this world and you fuckers know it! Why dont you guys talk about how we stole land from the Indians and the Mexicans.
First of all, it's not "Indians" but "Native Americans" or "Indigenous Peoples", you racist.
Second of all, the Mexicans are largely Spanish Colonists so they stole the land from the Native Population also.
But, you are right, all of us who are not Native Americans are here illegally. We should all return to our place of origin, Europe, Africa or Asia. It was your idea, you lead the way back.
Hmmmm.... but I can only wonder, who did these so called First Americans run off or kill when they came? I do find it amusing the way some moonbats include Mexicans as if they were indigenous here, ignoring the conquests of the Spanish. But who it to say what other peoples were here? What of the grey skinned aliens that we know came here to earth long ago? Who ran them off?
I thought the Aliens morphed into hippies in the Collective of Olympia? I see strange pale skin creatures all the time here, loitering on the sidewalk, smoking cloves, and other strange smelling (and illegal) substances, looking in graveyards for mushrooms, and handing out poorly worded samizdat that either are speaking of the evils of capitalism, or directions to the nearest head shop; it is hard to tell which.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans
of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent,
by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant
pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other -
until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's
official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
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Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
