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    		Page 1 of 1   View previous topic :: View next topic
    Warning!!! Kapitalisths Tea Bagging Parties: July 4 2009!
    By Red Rooster
    6/27/2009, 5:41 pm


    Comrades!

    This is dire, Hyr Highness Janyt Napolean has issued a warning to all secprogs for Kapitalisths Independence Day!  Why?  Because we want dependence in our statist utopia, comrades, and we want it NOW!

    Please be very cautious comrades, there will be many Rethuglican Elephants, Blue Dogs, Lion Libertarians, & Independent Indians,  loose on the streets that day... here is the map from the Department of Homeland Scrutiny:




    Here is a picture of the thoughtcriminal who may be leading some of these disidents:

      

    Be very very very careful and safe, comrades!

    Update from DHS:
    These websites are where these Kapitaliths are congregating, DO NOT LOOK AT THEM...
    http://thelcabroadside.wordpress.com/
    http://www.michellemalkin.com
    http://www.teapartyday.com/
     
    Reply with quote
    By Reiuxcat
    6/27/2009, 7:13 pm


    News From Atlanta!!!  The tea party of July 4th has been canceled!

    "It is unfortunate the event had to be canceled," said Julianne Thompson, event co-organizer. She continued, "The old Macy's building is on private property, and not owned by Simon Malls, however the mall manager asked the property owner and I to come in the office on Thursday of this week, and told us Simon does not want political events on it's property. They were also concerned about the fact we were using the term "protest." Although the event was on private property, the mall was able to assert authority on the matter due to recipricol property easement agreements."

    ANOTHER GREAT VICTORY FOR NEXT TUESDAY!!!


    CONE




    A blurb from http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=102175


    Added Lee, "With just a few days left until the Fourth of July Tea Parties begin, this is very unfortunate timing! One wonders why Simon Property Group waited until now to interfere."
    But he also connected the dots for those who really wonder:


    1. Gwinnett Place Mall shut down the Atlanta Tea Party.
    2. Simon Property Group owns Gwinnett Place Mall.
    3. Melvin Simon (a Forbes 400 billionaire) is co-chairman of Simon Property Group, Inc.
    4. Melvin Simon has provided large political contributions toBarack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Al Franken, John Edwards, the DNC andmany other Democrats and Democrat organizations.
    5. Melvin Simon was a major contributor to Barack Obama'sinaugural committee and has given at least $1 million to the William J.Clinton foundation.
    6. Melvin's wife, Bren, personally donated almost $100,000 tovarious political candidates, was a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton'spresidential bid and contributed to President Obama's inauguralcommittee.

     
    Reply with quote
    By Kommissar Vodkov
    6/27/2009, 7:35 pm


    There are no tea parties comrades. There never were.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    6/27/2009, 7:56 pm


    Excellent news comrade!  We were shaking in our collective boots.  Did you get this information from The One?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Kommissar Vodkov
    6/27/2009, 8:07 pm


    Yes comrade, via the Ministry of Truth. Anybody who mentions tea parties will be purged since they don't exist. Just watch the progressive news on July 4. You will not see anything.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    6/27/2009, 9:12 pm


    Excellent comrade!  The Kapitalisths are no match for our fortune tellers.  We can hide in our collective bunkers until the day has passed.  Pass the granola and tofu dogs please....
     
    Reply with quote
    By Opiate of the People
    6/27/2009, 9:26 pm


    [microphone off]
    Simon does not want political events on its property....  so I guess if Obama came down to give a speech, they would tell him to get lost, eh?  Nah, that's not a political event, it's a religious one.

    BTW, didn't the Supreme Court overturn a ban on the distribution of political leaflets on private mall property a few years ago?  I recall the logic was that the shopping mall had taken the place of the public square of the pre-automobile era, and thus they decided a restriction on political speech in such venues could compromise the First Amendment.  I am not a lawyer and my memory may be faulty, but I think I read about this a few years back.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Commissar_Elliott
    6/27/2009, 10:11 pm


    (off)
    So with the one canceled in Atlanta, will they find another spot to protest?

    Also, will that send a ripple effect and cancel some others?

    Hehe. . . Republican Jesus.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square in Chicago
    6/27/2009, 10:45 pm


    I'm driving around the Holy Land of Obama, as seen from my temp handle. I've seen some cap'n'trade protesters there earlier today. In the meantime, Comrade General Secretary called me with an idea of a graphic -

    Show how "cap and trade" translates into "cap in hand" - perhaps a picture of a beggar, a former worker, holding out his cap begging for change. The play on "change" is optional.

    It could be a cartoon for the use in Tea Parties. I may not have the time to make it in time, so if anyone wants to try it, go ahead!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    6/27/2009, 10:56 pm


    Comrade Elliott, We know many recalcitrant kapitlisths in Atlanta, we are watching it closely because those rebellious proles may just take to the street regardless.  In fact, we are afraid this news may just be... *shutter*.... FUEL FOR THE FIRE!

    Reiuxcat wrote




    A blurb from http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=102175


    Added Lee, "With just a few days left until the Fourth of July Tea Parties begin, this is very unfortunate timing! One wonders why Simon Property Group waited until now to interfere."
    But he also connected the dots for those who really wonder:


    1. Gwinnett Place Mall shut down the Atlanta Tea Party.
    2. Simon Property Group owns Gwinnett Place Mall.
    3. Melvin Simon (a Forbes 400 billionaire) is co-chairman of Simon Property Group, Inc.
    4. Melvin Simon has provided large political contributions toBarack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Al Franken, John Edwards, the DNC andmany other Democrats and Democrat organizations.
    5. Melvin Simon was a major contributor to Barack Obama'sinaugural committee and has given at least $1 million to the William J.Clinton foundation.
    6. Melvin's wife, Bren, personally donated almost $100,000 tovarious political candidates, was a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton'spresidential bid and contributed to President Obama's inaugural committee.


    Glorious connections Comrade Reiuxcat, but of course us made progs know this is all kapitaliths lies! Lies, lies I say, it must be is lies!!!!
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    6/27/2009, 11:05 pm


    Red Square in Chicago wrote
    I'm driving around the Holy Land of Obama, as seen from my temp handle. I've seen some cap'n'trade protesters there earlier today. In the meantime, Comrade General Secretary called me with an idea of a graphic -

    Show how "cap and trade" translates into "cap in hand" - perhaps a picture of a beggar, a former worker, holding out his cap begging for change. The play on "change" is optional.

    It could be a cartoon for the use in Tea Parties. I may not have the time to make it in time, so if anyone wants to try it, go ahead!


    Glorious Leader,

    We hope you are enjoying The Holy Land of Obama.  Have you seen Comrade Ayers for a secret meeting? Oh, sorry, mums the word.

    We will see what The Woompa Loompa Factory can cook up.

    Be well. Be Square. Let It Be.

    -RR
     
    Reply with quote
    By Colonel 7.62
    6/27/2009, 11:45 pm


    Comrade Red Square, I hope you are enjoying Chicagoland.  Is it true that water from their municipal water supply will heal the sick, and raise the dead?  Could you get me some for various Revolutionary tasks?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Reiuxcat
    6/28/2009, 5:46 am


    Commissar_Elliott wrote
    (off)
    So with the one canceled in Atlanta, will they find another spot to protest?

    Also, will that send a ripple effect and cancel some others?

    Hehe. . . Republican Jesus.




    July 3rd with Cobb county protest
     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade Whoopie
    6/28/2009, 6:37 am


    I see Americorps and ACORN volunteers are already practicing their art of gentle persuasion against these T (for traitor) Parties.


    Hopefully once card check and amnesty for illegals undocumented workers passes, the ranks of Union thugs members will swell just in time to "swing" the next election in favor of Obama.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Commissar_Elliott
    6/28/2009, 11:43 am


    Red Square in Chicago wrote
    I'm driving around the Holy Land of Obama, as seen from my temp handle. I've seen some cap'n'trade protesters there earlier today. In the meantime, Comrade General Secretary called me with an idea of a graphic -

    Show how "cap and trade" translates into "cap in hand" - perhaps a picture of a beggar, a former worker, holding out his cap begging for change. The play on "change" is optional.

    It could be a cartoon for the use in Tea Parties. I may not have the time to make it in time, so if anyone wants to try it, go ahead!

    Enjoy your trip through the Obamaland comrade Red Square, I hear it's quite hot this time of year.

    Here's that picture I was making, enjoy.

     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    6/29/2009, 8:58 pm



     
    Reply with quote
    By Leninka
    6/29/2009, 11:34 pm


    Comrade Red Rooster,

    My graphics are like a kindergartner's next to yours.  You are way more equal in the Graphics Department.


     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Rooster
    6/30/2009, 12:04 am


    "Nothing In Art Is Best, Only Different."




     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade Joe
    6/30/2009, 9:46 am


    If we know where the kkkapitalist pig thoughtcriminals are gathering, why aren't we sending out our revolutionary goon squads to Purge them?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Laika the Space Dog
    6/30/2009, 10:10 am


    First Dr. Palimpsest escapes from the KMTC and now Vodkov?
    I'm guessing Meow is digging a tunnel under the walls of the KMTC.

    Vodkov!
    Are you cured? Did the re-programming work?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Colonel 7.62
    6/30/2009, 5:48 pm


    Comrade Joe wrote
    If we know where the kkkapitalist pig thoughtcriminals are gathering, why aren't we sending out our revolutionary goon squads to Purge them?


    Eh, I live in Olympia Collective, Olympia Collective is the seat of state government, and the RethugliKKKans are strangely enough gathering at Olympia Collective for their tea party.  I don't  even have to commute to dispatch a Revolutionary Ass Whoopin' and Name Takin' Squad.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Kommissar Vodkov
    6/30/2009, 7:08 pm


    Laika the Space Dog wrote
    First Dr. Palimpsest escapes from the KMTC and now Vodkov?
    I'm guessing Meow is digging a tunnel under the walls of the KMTC.

    Vodkov!

    Are you cured? Did the re-programming work?


    Comrade Space Dog - thank you for asking. Yes I have been cured, more than cured in fact. I have absolutely no recollection of Hillary now. The nice young men in their clean white coats even showed me a recording where I was picking some scabs off Hillary's thighs and trimming her hoofs and I didn't even recognize myself. I doubt I ever knew her, in fact I'm sure I never met her. Anybody who says otherwise will be purged. I have new friends now you see. Friends who appreciate my skills and lust for blood politically correct views. I was brought before Chairman Obama himself and He touched my forehead and I could see! Yes I have a new place now; right next to Him. Instead of picking scabs off that traitor Hillary I will pick flies off our Messiah. We can't have a Messiah covered in flies can we?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    6/30/2009, 9:41 pm


    Kommissar Vodkov wrote
    Instead of picking scabs off that traitor Hillary I will pick flies off our Messiah. We can't have a Messiah covered in flies can we?

    And why would flies converge on our Messiah? You are not implying that our Messiah is full of shit, are you? And I do hope your answer will not be "you can't fool a fly." Because the last right-wing terrorist who gave that answer has been sentenced to indefinite detention at a corrective labor facility. Something tells me you are not completely cured, Vodkov, and that you are still criminally insane. I suggest spending a few more years if not decades at the KMTC.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Kommissar Vodkov
    7/1/2009, 6:26 am


    Comrade Square - perhaps I made a mistake there. My handlers told me not to tell anybody about my role with the Messiah but I'm certain nobody here will tell anybody. We are after all a part of the upper-collective aren't we? Perhaps Pinkie will tell her reactionary friends but I hope not. But why is it a secret that our Messiah and his Politburo wish to remain free of flies? I wouldn't want flies crawling all over my pristine body. Wouldn't it be more damaging not to have someone assigned to catch the little bastards? I mean, you can't fool a fly, you have to snuff them, no questions asked.

    There's one thing that bothers me though. Last night I fell into my old routine. I broke up a bottle of my People's vodka and got myself a nice, fat cigar. I was about to start enjoying these simple pleasures when I experienced a strange feeling; a combination of abject horror and nausea. Yes, my master's psycho troops had conditioned me to dislike vodka and cigars - fear them actually! They told me fat cigars were incorrect since they are a symbol of capitalist oppression. And vodka is too vulgar for modern progressivism - I should smoke a monster spliff instead. I hate weed, I really fucking hate it! Who would ban vodka and cigars? No true communist would ban vodka! These people are impostors! Hillary, I'm sorry for having abandoned you! I'm sorry I pushed you like that. I hope your elbow is going to be fine.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Red Square
    7/1/2009, 2:49 pm


    Your post reveals a tormented soul, Vodkov. You're asking too many questions. You shouldn't be asking any. It's not your job to think. Repent and the Party will be merciful.

    But since you asked, the latest scientific studies show that hallucinogenic drugs are much better than vodka in weeding out thoughtcriminals (pun intended).

    You see, Stalin used to hold drinking parties, at which getting drunk was mandatory. Special people watched those who avoided drinking (a sign they had something to hide) and those who got drunk and lost control over their tongues saying politically incorrect things, like insinuating that the Great Leader had flies swarming around him.

    But today, when the Party, the press, and all the progs are so unprecedentedly unanimous in their faith in the Obama, vodka wouldn't do the trick because even with loosened tongues, they would still praise the Messiah, compare tingles up their legs, and even have tingle races to see whose tingle reaches the destination faster.

    You just can't purge anyone anymore! But purges are necessary for the Party discipline and maintaining the morale. That's where hallucinogenic drugs come in. Even if you have no thoughtcrimes, the drugs will make you see things that are not there, like the flies converging on the Messiah. That's where they get you. It's like a lottery - and you, Vodkov, are the unlucky winner. You've been "weeded" out.

    Do I feel empathetic? You bet! But as a conscientious Party member, I have already prepared a statement that I heard you say "Obama can fool all the flies some of the time, Obama can even fool some of the flies all of the time, but Obama cannot fool all of the flies all the time."

    Furthermore, I have photoshoppedgraphic evidence that you prepared a dirty bomb to blow up inside the HQ under the pretext of attracting all the flies in a square mile area and destroying them with a single blow. I also have witnesses claiming you admitted to stealing this idea from George W. Bush, who used exactly the same tactics on al-Qaeda in Iraq.


    EXHIBIT A: Dirty bomb engineered by criminally insane Commissar Vodkov.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Commissarka Pinkie
    7/1/2009, 7:55 pm


    Vodkov, you poor pitiful wretch.  How can you "pick flies" off anyone or anything?  And why would you even want to?  Isn't that what a swatter is for? (Note the resemblance, however flimsy, to a shovel.  That's not a coincidence.)

    You know, I might be willing to put in a good word for you with Red Square--by giving him some cockamamie convoluted baloney about how you're not really picking bluebottle houseflies off Obama, but that you've actually been charged with the great honor of unzipping The One's fly for him whenever--well, whenever.  And maybe you have to use a special pick for that purpose, since you couldn't possibly allow your hands to get so close to--well, whatever.

    Yes, I might be willing . . . except you've tried to denounce me way too many times.

    Your only recourse now is to get on your knees and in your squeakiest voice, scream, "Help meeee!!!"
     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade Joe
    7/1/2009, 11:26 pm


    Comrade Red Square, I know that flies would never converge on the Obamessiah, but moths would. They're attracted to light and would immediately flock to bask in the glow of his Oliness.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Colonel 7.62
    7/2/2009, 12:12 am


    Perhaps the simple solution is that Vodkov himself is not criminally insane, but rather one of his Inner Comrades is?  I'm sure given enough time the KMTC can identify which Inner Comrade is the crazy one and purge it, while leaving the pitiful, errr useful shell of Vodkov behind.  Didn't Pupovich say he is skilled in finding or even making NEW Inner Comrades?
     
    Reply with quote
    By Kommissar Vodkov
    7/2/2009, 1:37 pm


    Commissarka Pinkie wrote
    Vodkov, you poor pitiful wretch. How can you "pick flies" off anyone or anything?


    A regular prole wouldn't be able to do it. You know, flies are really quick bastards. They even say they perceive time faster than us. But that's not the point. The point is that Kommissar Vodkov is not a pathetic prole who can't even dodge GPU bullets. No, I can easily catch flies like that dude in "Karate Kid" except I don't need any stupid chopsticks.

    In other news: Through my superhuman will and abilities I have been able to break the conditioning Obama's Trotskyite mind-control goons subjected me to. I have been tossing down vodka and smoking cigars all day. I'm back to my old self, thank Stalin!

    Now, where were we? Yes, I'm pretty sure the MTE will come begging for my help soon. I'll tell her to shove it. Bitch. My services are now reserved for the highest bidder. Submit your offers. No job is too dirty.
     
    Reply with quote
    By Comrade_Tovarich
    7/3/2009, 9:00 am


    Comrades,

    Flies are fast, but never fast enough for The One.

    I would like to see the mosquito named the national insect in honor of budget busting policies of centuries past, culminating in those to be lightworked by Comrade 0bama and paid for by taking from each of us, painlessly like a mosquito, a small amount of CEUs. Small is, of course, relative. There might be some itching later as well, which will result in caloric burning in its relief, thereby contributing to national slimming; moreover, as a protected species, those with greater surface area might be encouraged by mosquitoes to reduce it.

    In some parts of Africa, along the shores of Lake Victoria I believe, people actually catch, kill, and grind mosquitoes into a nourishing protein-rich paste. It is clearly an under-appreciated insect.

    The mosquito has brought us West Nile Virus: that's diversity! When the Goracle speaks truth to power, even coal-fired and Bush-backed, he sometimes tells us how the humble mosquito will soon bring malaria back, even to parts of Canada: resurrection of a species eradicated by man (and DDT)!

    The One might kill a fly, but He would never hurt His Kind.
     
    Reply with quote
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    The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand


    Write down this number and report to your Kommissar at the nearest railroad station.
    Don't forget warm clothes and a shovel!
     
     
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    Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh
    Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside
    Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend

    Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube

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    Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes"
    Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest
    Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
    Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it

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    Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice
    Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing

    Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge
    Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans
    Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge
    No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention
    Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies
    MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush'
    Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'
    More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers
    Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama
    Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20
    Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America
    You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy
    Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.
    Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers
    Somali pirates hijack international space station
    Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"
    Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"

    CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide




    Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth
    US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria
    US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force
    Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber
    Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!
    Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word


    FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud
    Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'
    Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them
    World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'
    Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'
    Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash
    Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN
    Biden calls taxes patriotic
    Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter
    Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected
    KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

    Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"
    Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"
    Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby
    Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart
    Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked
    Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan
    Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals
    International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes
    Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement
    February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."
    Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag
    US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph
    Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score
    Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years
    NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq
    Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia
    Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached
    Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge
    Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.
    Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day


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    How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint

    Word of the day:
    HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein
    Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton
    Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt
    Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?
    Lou the Looter In Iowa
    CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company
    Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem
    Hillary supporters organize against Obama
    Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

    Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student
    Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest
    Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures
    Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake
    Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'
    NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station



    Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'
    Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination
    Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media
    Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead
    Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up
    New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar
    As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved
    Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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    Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket
    Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it
    International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma
    Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
    North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria
    Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!
    Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

    Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich
    Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise
    Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich
    Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

    Stop and smell the Sharpies
    Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy
    Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month
    NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes
    Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"

    Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment
    Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"
    Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself
    New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey
    KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'
    London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard
    Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg
    USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp
    Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity
    Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote
    Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'
    Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint
    John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement
    To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam
    NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama
    NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp
    Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General
    Brokeback Mountain loses climber
    NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars
    Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers
    Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib
    Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak
    Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

    Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

    Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

    Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change
    Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
    Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush
    Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
    Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course
    Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally
    High school Meth teacher starts new class
    Holy Mitt!
    Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%
    Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick
    Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive
    "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway
    Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate
    Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes
    "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad
    New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.
    Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'
    NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others
    Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough
    Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress
    Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"
    US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November
    Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.
    LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead
    USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller
    Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia
    MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home
    Reid: The war on fire is lost
    Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire
    Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California
    NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires
    Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.
    Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore
    Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?
    San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault
    Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark
    End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France
    Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"
    Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"
    Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

    Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics
    Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

    CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"
    Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
    Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart
    Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming
    To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama
    Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.
    George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam
    Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers
    John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care
    Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill
    Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
    "Death to America"
    Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense
    "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues
    Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death
    New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
    Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

    Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry
    China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists
    Al Gore to recall the Internet


    Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month
    First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle
    Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead
    William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package
    Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis
    Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program
    Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
    Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability
    London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings
    Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"
    Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"
    Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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    Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric
    Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?
    US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq
    US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?
    Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"
    MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
    Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page
    As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"
    Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant
    Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory
    Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"
    Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey
    Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"
    French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results
    Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture
    Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely
    Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time
    Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids
    ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'
    Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops
    Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling
    Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision
    Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves
    Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases
    Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
    mote Global Warming Jelly
    New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system
    Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket
    Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"
    Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up
    Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards
    Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries
    Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?
    Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues
    Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial
    House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED
    Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission
    North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright
    Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission
    Is it time for Pinochet yet?
    see CITGO think HUGO CHAVEZ

    Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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