Dozens of local area workers were left jobless yesterday as the doors closed on their workplace after more than nine years of frisky business. Devastated staff at the "I Hate Bush T-Shirt and Vendor Wear" factory wept as the moment they were dreading finally became a reality: the firm went into bankruptcy in result of sagging orders for their goods and slim prospects for a renewed demand in the future.
"The management can say whatever they want, but I personally blame Bush," said Fred Fluger, a longtime employee, as he carried home a storage box filled with "I Hate Bush" shirts, sweaters, boxers, beach towels, and pajamas, with which the cash-stripped company had been paying its workers for the last three months.
~
"It's clearly Bush's fault because he disappeared from the news and stopped making dumb statements, leaving it to Obama to bring him up all the time" fumed Fred Fluger. "Why can't he poke his nose around in world affairs? Hell, even Carter can be counted on to make a post-presidential idiotic statement. What's up with this 'dignified retirement'? I'm sure Bush is doing this with some evil purpose, just like when he blew up the Twin Towers to become a fascist dictator for life, or destroyed New Orleans to test his weather machine. I think Bush hates us and our values. I really do. His silence is a ploy to hurt us and to diminish demand for our selfless work."
"Bush doesn't want us to continue to prosper like we did during his presidency, when everybody had jobs and could afford to spend money on 'I Hate Bush' T-shirts, and we couldn't keep up with demand, and times then were good, so good!" Mr. Fluger then began to sob and mutter incoherently to himself, as he realized how good he really had it when George Bush was in office.
Emotions ran high at the "I Hate Bush" factory which for nine years provided employment, healthcare, union benefits, and subsidized mortgages for its diverse staff, most of whom were now blaming Bush for the closure and bankruptcy.
But there also were dissenters. "Not to let Bush off the hook, but I also blame capitalist markets," said Keith Matthews, a marketing expert and multiple winner of the factory's prestigious "Malcontent of the Month" award. "Why must our lives depend on demand for our products? In a normal, centrally-planned, government-subsidized economy, we would be making 'I Hate Bush' shirts for many years until we retire, and then our children would continue our work, without any changes in design or technology, with guaranteed employment for generations to come. That's why I'm so disappointed in Obama. If he keeps letting us down, in the next election I'll vote for Nader."
The factory did try to fight back. But the idea to re-tool the T-shirt line with pro-Obama slogans was dashed by the recent elections in Virginia and New Jersey, which the management said was the final writing on the wall.
There have also been rumors of a large grant from the NEA Foundation, to keep the factory alive as a taxpayer-funded artistic community. However, the dreams of working families were brutally crushed by the right-wing media's attacks on the Foundation's progressive effort, which linked NEA grants to endorsing Obama's policies. Their baseless claims that the NEA was somehow using taxpayer dollars for leftist propaganda forced Foundation's leaders to withdraw the "I Hate Bush" subsidy.
The 51 employees, some of whom have been with the firm from the very beginning, said an emotional private farewell to each other in the Organic Foods Lunchroom at the factory.
Andrew Laing, 52, a worker with a seven-year experience, said: "It's a very dark day for all of us. Nine years of history all gone. Damn you, George Bush! Why can't you just honestly say something nasty about Obama so we can all get frothed up in a frenzy again and keep our jobs? Why must you be so sneakily silent, depriving us of our livelihood? Why must you be so evil? Damn you! Damn you to hell!"
Andrew Laing's daughter Audrey, 35, was also there, supporting her father. "I had hoped the factory would last until after Christmas," said Audrey Laing, who had no job at the company but depended upon her father's income for sustenance.
"Who wouldn't like to get an organic, fair-trade 'I Hate Bush' T-shirt as a holiday gift from their loved ones? It was so selfish to close now. We all know that Christmas is a corporate ploy to boost profits in the last quarter of the fiscal year when the bourgeois like to go shopping for stuff. Buck Fush!"
"My daughter is so smart because she went to college," the father beams proudly, but his smile quickly gives way to the usual concerned look: "That's why the greedy corporate bastards refuse to hire her. Thankfully, she collects disability for her dyslexia."
Mr. Laing agrees about Christmas, adding that "if only the factory lasted until the right-wingers regained the majority in Congress in 2010, we could replace 'I Hate Bush' with the name of some other Republican hatemonger designated for this role by the progressive community. The right-wingers would cut taxes and then the people would have more money to fight them by wearing anti-right-wing shirts. The sales would pick up and we could keep our jobs."
But even in these difficult times there still may be help. An investors group associated with Fox News is said to be interested in purchasing the factory building and using laid-off workers to support recently added news staff - an expansion caused by the network's ever increasing ratings.
Most factory workers, however, including Mr. Fluger and Mr. Laing, stated they would never work for any outfit that has the word "Fox" in its name. "I'd rather have my skin pierced with a thousand nipple rings and dive into a vat of rubbing alcohol before I would lower myself to work for those heathens," said Mr. Fluger.
The only other opportunity for the laid-off workers seems to be at a nearby tea factory, where demand for the product has taken an unexpected upturn since the election of Obama as President. "I think the tea business and all the parties associated with it are going to be a real booming concern the next couple of years," Mr. Fluger said.
___________________________
Additional reporting by Red Square
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
Comrade TheSystemIsBroken you dare question a member of the inner party? And then you proceed to lecture an inner party member on economics? Grab your shovel and get your butt to the nearest train station and report to the local Commissar in your region for beet field duty. Receive a proper re-education at the Karl Marx treatment center and then you will be able to post Party approved korrekt opinions for liberals and progs and not the tripe you just posted.
To infer that I would ever blame Obama FOR ANYTHING is a most serious accusation and since you are brand new here I will overlook your obvious ignorance as to the purpose of the Peoples Cube this time and this time only. If you continue to post thoughtcrimes such as our economics are part of a natural boom bust cycle and is not the result of capitalistic pigs exploiting the working class masses instead to enhance their greedy profits you will be purged and sent to the Gulag.
You have been warned, now get shoveling and full fill your beet quota in accordance with the five year plan Comrade.
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
"Considering the high level of intelligence around here"
Comrade, you question the collectivist mindset here?
30 yrs. hmmm ...
That means we must now blame Reagan! Let's spin one for the Gipper.
LOL, I do love the shtick and think it's appropriate that your Commie characters closely resemble stock characters from 1950s Cold War films, of course watching those films is the closest any of us come to actually dealing with or interacting with communists. Whatever Obama is..he's done nothing even remotely close to being communist. And if what he does = communist, then we've had quite a few commie Presidents. And, somehow, the country didn't fall off its axis into total despair.
I do wish, though, that more Americans would get over their Obama obsessions and actually think about the future of our economic system.
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
"Considering the high level of intelligence around here"
Comrade, you question the collectivist mindset here?
30 yrs. hmmm ...
That means we must now blame Reagan! Let's spin one for the Gipper.
No President can be assigned blame for the current moment. We can say that the Reagan Presidency began a trend in fiscal and financial governance that began us down a path, but those policies were perpetuated by Bush, Clinton and Bush the sequel regardless of which party controlled congress or the white house. Alan Greenspan said it himself, a fundamental philosophy was proved faulty. The totally unregulated market does not always act in the interest of societal stability. America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive.
Just because we allow our political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable, doesn't mean that regulation and reform can never work, it means we don't force them to work, by being full participants in democracy.
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
"Considering the high level of intelligence around here"
Comrade, you question the collectivist mindset here?
30 yrs. hmmm ...
That means we must now blame Reagan! Let's spin one for the Gipper.
No President can be assigned blame for the current moment. We can say that the Reagan Presidency began a trend in fiscal and financial governance that began us down a path, but those policies were perpetuated by Bush, Clinton and Bush the sequel regardless of which party controlled congress or the white house. Alan Greenspan said it himself, a fundamental philosophy was proved faulty. The totally unregulated market does not always act in the interest of societal stability. America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive.
Just because we allow our political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable, doesn't mean that regulation and reform can never work, it means we don't force them to work, by being full participants in democracy.
Hmmm Comrade,
Your ideology seems unusual. Please enlighten us some more.
Yes I suppose Reagan started us down that path .. after all, he created the Fed that was responsible for the "boom and bust cycles" didn't he? Or was it the great progressive Woodrow Wilson?
Or how about the progressive income tax ... the Sixteenth Amendment to the constitution. Without such a glorious redistribution of wealth our collective government could have never got so large allowing our "political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable".
And yes, that "totally unregulated market" ... "Laissez-faire" Capitalism, enlighten us please with your historical perspective on that!
Just because we allow our political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable, doesn't mean that regulation and reform can never work, it means we don't force them to work, by being full participants in democracy.
I get it. Instead of abolishing private property outright and having everything controlled by the State in the name of the Working Classes what we do is abolish private property by simply making everything subject to regulation and then we can reform all the institutions of society so as to insure social justice for all by voting on how everything in the country works! It's a real revolution!
Democracy Now!!!
I don't care what old dead white guys said about unlimited Democracy being nothing but institutionalized civil war that inevitably destroys society.
Just because we allow our political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable, doesn't mean that regulation and reform can never work, it means we don't force them to work, by being full participants in democracy.
I get it. Instead of abolishing private property outright and having everything controlled by the State in the name of the Working Classes what we do is abolish private property by simply making everything subject to regulation and then we can reform all the institutions of society so as to insure social justice for all by voting on how everything in the country works! It's a real revolution!
Democracy Now!!!
I don't care what old dead white guys said about unlimited Democracy being nothing but institutionalized civil war that inevitably destroys society.
A backdoor approach to enslavement, truly progressive! Margaret I love you, will you marry me? Oops sorry I am already married ... but if I wasn't, umm umm umm.
I do wish, though, that more Americans would get over their Obama obsessions and actually think about the future of our economic system.
I'm not obsessed with Obama! No, I'm obsessed with Obama's money stash! Gimme them dollars, Obama! I got bills to pay!
TheSystemIsBroken wrote
No President can be assigned blame for the current moment. We can say that the Reagan Presidency began a trend in fiscal and financial governance that began us down a path, but those policies were perpetuated by Bush, Clinton and Bush the sequel regardless of which party controlled congress or the white house. Alan Greenspan said it himself, a fundamental philosophy was proved faulty. The totally unregulated market does not always act in the interest of societal stability. America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive.
I'm not here to assign blame, comrade. I'm here to find out who I have to talk to or what form I have to fill out in order to get my fair share of the pie. This economic downturn has rendered me useless in terms of providing and thinking for myself and therefore I need government assistance and dare I say government direction. Can someone please help me? Who is the White House Czar of the Obama Cash Stash?
I do wish, though, that more Americans would get over their Obama obsessions and actually think about the future of our economic system.
I'm not obsessed with Obama! No, I'm obsessed with Obama's money stash! Gimme them dollars, Obama! I got bills to pay!
TheSystemIsBroken wrote
No President can be assigned blame for the current moment. We can say that the Reagan Presidency began a trend in fiscal and financial governance that began us down a path, but those policies were perpetuated by Bush, Clinton and Bush the sequel regardless of which party controlled congress or the white house. Alan Greenspan said it himself, a fundamental philosophy was proved faulty. The totally unregulated market does not always act in the interest of societal stability. America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive.
I'm not here to assign blame, comrade. I'm here to find out who I have to talk to or what form I have to fill out in order to get my fair share of the pie. This economic downturn has rendered me useless in terms of providing and thinking for myself and therefore I need government assistance and dare I say government direction. Can someone please help me? Who is the White House Czar of the Obama Cash Stash?
It seems to me Comrade TheSystemIsBroken is in denial, and "soul searching." I would not be so quick to try him or her with a Thought Crime violation, yet.
Pssh... I'm not standing in line. I'm desperate. Maybe our new comrade TheSystemIsBroken can take a day off from his grueling educator job and drive me to the line. Better yet, maybe he can hold me while we wait for my federal goodies. Lord knows I got a bad finger and I'm going to need someone -- anyone!! -- with a wet finger able enough to go through that litany of red-tape I would have to fill out.
Can you help me, System??? We need an economic system that works for me -- literally.
Lord knows I got a bad finger and I'm going to need someone -- anyone!! -- with a wet finger able enough to go through that litany of red-tape I would have to fill out.
Can you help me, System??? We need an economic system that works for me -- literally.
Spoken like a true Progressive Chairman. I assume you followed correct protocol and injured that finger pointing blame at someone else? Hope and change is not what you should see in the mirror everyday, hope and change can only come from what others or government can give to us! We lack the wisdom to improve ourselves, we must be managed.
All of our misery is because someone else denied it to us, we must have Social Justice, and NOW!
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
Let's get real here... this is a satirical website. If you came here for serious commentary, you made a wrong turn someplace.
Bearing that in mind, it's unlikely that any or most of us expect people to credibly accept that the current economic difficulty is entirely the result of an 11 month presidency. But it is strange that the current administration, which is not supposed to be a satire as far as I can tell, expects people to credibly accept that the entire economic downtown is the fault of the prior eight year presidency.
There have been economic cycles throughout history and there probably always will be. Great Britain has been in a long term decline since the early 20th century, largely due to the type of economic policies that Mr. Obama wishes to implement for us now. The system may be broken, but probably most of us here would agree Obama's ideas will likely make things worse. He is not responsible for the entire hole, but I certainly wish he'd stop digging.
The system may be broken, but probably most of us here would agree Obama's ideas will likely make things worse. He is not responsible for the entire hole, but I certainly wish he'd stop digging.
Actually, I think it is more than likely that BO's ideas will make it much worse.
I usually don't hit TV's with my shovel, but in this case, I must make an exception.
WHACK!!!
Don't go scaring our new comrade away by telling him he's made a wrong turn, when nothing could be further from the truth. Of course he knows this is a satirical site, and rest assured he's come to the right place! Is that not obvious from his extremely amusing comments? I swear no one has made me laugh so hard in quite a long while.
That's more than can be said about the rest of you.
Now, as for you, Opiate: Straighten out your antennae and pull that broken vacuum tube out of your mouth. At least I assume--and you should hope--that's your mouth it's sticking out of. And be warned if you say anything that dumb again, you'll be keeping company with some broken down, vermin-infested sofa at the side of the road.
Where do you think we found Chairman Meow after all this time?
Spoken like a true Progressive Chairman. I assume you followed correct protocol and injured that finger pointing blame at someone else?
Protocol? Huh? Oh, you mean bowing to foreign leaders? That is what protocol means, does it not??? Huh, I'm looking at my daily White House Talking-Points and it says protocol means groveling before world leaders if you happen to be the POTUS. Hmm... I'm not the POTUS so no, I did not follow correct protocol.
Comrade Opiate wrote
Bearing that in mind, it's unlikely that any or most of us expect people to credibly accept that the current economic difficulty is entirely the result of an 11 month presidency.
Um, the recession is over, comrade. Did ya get that memo?? President Obama in all his infinite unicorn shitting glory has solved this economic crisis. The Great Thatcher-Reagan-Bush-Clinton-Bush Induced Recession of 2009 is finally over. Hell, Time magazine is running stories on how happy the commoners are now that they have to do with less:
Emphasis mine...
State Media Organ Time Magazine wrote
Happiness is a sappy word and a flimsy concept — more fleeting than contentment, several octaves lower than joy. But happiness is what pollsters test and economists track, however clumsily, so we're stuck with it as the medium for measuring our mood. Not surprisingly, that mood has bounced around over the years, with the general sense of well-being hitting its lowest points in 1973, 1982, 1992 and 2001, all recession years. So why is it that at least some aspects of the Great Recession of 2009 appear to have made people feel better?
Snip...
When the markets tanked last fall, happiness did too, and anyone who has lost his or her job, house or health care is probably still in a world of pain. But here's the funny thing: by this past summer, overall well-being was higher than it was in the summer of 2008, before the Apocalypse. In fact, the latest report finds America's cheeriness at an all-time high.
See! Everyone is happy, System! People are happy -- happy just to be happy! Happy that we live in a post-racial, post-partisan, post-post society! Failure and success are interchangeable with glorious Barack H. Obama at the wheel! Oh, and the H in Barack H. Obama stands for HAPPINESS! Tee-hee! I'm so cheerie that I have to do with less! Who cares if things improve or not? Economy? Screw the economy! We were better off before such a thing existed!
Personally I think it is most heroic to blame Bush for our current problems, and then CONTINUE PROGRAMS HE STARTED HIMSELF. Bush may have done a small bailout, but Obama bailed out, then bailed some more, and oooh then bailed out even more. Bush is wrong, except when he is right, then it took the Democrats to do it properly.
On top of that, who wins? BIG HONKING GIANT BUSINESS. That's who. Who are some of the biggest liberal supporters out there? BIG HONKING GIANT UNION INFESTED BUSINESS. Are we seeing a connection here? Big business and big government go hand in hand.
Oh, and Comrades. We don't know anybody from the former Soviet Union around here do we? Nope. Not at all....
Oh, Meow, I see that once again you've seen inside my soul. Well, you ought to considering how many of my things you've purloined, but we'll leave that for another day.
I am so happy now that President Zero has assumed leadership, and I'm happier than any of the little happy proles that State Organ Time Magazine is writing about. (I just hope that the people that they're writing about had a pass from Pinkie to quit digging beets while they were being interviewed.) Every day I get up, and my feet don't even touch the floor. Before the elevation of Barack Hubris Obama to President and Chief Mirror Gazer and Sniveler-in-Chief it was tough for me to get out of bed, but these days my feet don't even touch the ground. I know that instead of 300 horsepower in my car, I have 300 unicorns.
And I'll tell you something else. Because as a Made Progressive I have sublimated all my all to the Common Good™, I have replaced all my DVDs of licentious content with DVDs of Barack Hoity-toity Obama making speeches.
It's my fondest hope to have an iPod with Dear Leader's speeches on it, just like the one that he gave to Lilibet over in England. I'm sure that she's worn it out and has it taken to the Tower of London at night to be placed among the Crown Jewels. After all, what's Queen Victoria's bow crown compared to the wit and wisdom of the Senator of 150 days?
TheSystemIsBroken, there is no question that the awful Reagan (spit, spit) started something. Not in 1980 in his election but when the tax cuts went into effect. Reagan (spit, spit) had the temerity to double the wealth of America.
Now I'm with Meow, except when he's stealing my Lalique. I see nothing wrong with my wealth doubling, or tripling, or more. But as far as the unwashed proles? Hell no! If the proles have money they can do what they want to do! They might not work in the beet fields like they're supposed to do. What we need to do is (1) take as much of their money as possible; (2) preach to them that they're evil; (3) tell them that we're going to give them something back, although it's not much--this is the Reach-Around Ecomonics bit; (4) and then tell the world that America is evil and grovel before a bunch of fascists Arabs and European socialists.
TheSystemIsBroken, there is no question that the awful Reagan (spit, spit) started something. Not in 1980 in his election but when the tax cuts went into effect. Reagan (spit, spit) had the temerity to double the wealth of America.
Commissar Theocritus,
Spoken very well comrade, that damn Raygun ... look at what he did to us. He totally screwed up the unemployment, interest rates, and inflation/stagflation that our glorius former leader Jimmy Carter left us.
And what a fool was he to think he could dismantle that so called "Evil Empire" by a comprehensive energy policy causing the lowering the price of crude oil, the "Evil Empire's" economic life blood. Damn him for removing our collectives "windfall profit tax" causing lower gas prices. And what nerve, thinking that creating a imaginary Star Wars weapons program that could lead that so called "Evil Empire" into an arms race that the "Evil Empire" could not keep up with due to inefficiency in their economic system.
And what damn idiots we were for giving him 2 landslide elections. Clearly only the those few blue states really knew the truth. What were all those red states thinking???
1980
1984
Now see what you did Commissar Theocritus, I'm missing half of his his O'liness apology speech to China now on TV, otherwise I would stay and comment more.
Castrate, we should remember that Mr. Mondale won Minnesota by 3114 votes, and there are more precincts than that in Minnesota. But that was of course because the Bu$hitler and a Daley stole the election.
I cannot tell you how ashamed I am to be from Texas, which always, and here I'm wiping a tear from my eye, votes for the Rethuglicans for President. I climb on the roof of the Rancho de Rio Grande and call out, using my PA system, "Citizens! You are oppressed! You are nothing! You need me to lead you to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™!"
And the people look at me and say, "Fuck off, you stupid wanker. We have lives. What do you think we are? Democrats? We'll live our own lives. If you want to tell people what to do, get a poodle. Fuck off."
Then, blinded by tears, I find my way down from my roof and crawl into bed, and run my fingers through OPM and moan, "Oh, why don't these people need me? If they don't need me, how can I steal from them?" And finally I fall asleep, sucking my thumb, dreaming that Rahm Emanuel will avenge me.
The question is, how progressive is it to be a poodle fucker? We know Comrade Polanski gets a pass for enjoying anal sex with drugged 13 year olds, and we know that reactionary gun owners sometimes refer to their evil AR-15's as "poodle shooters" so by extension, poodles must be something precious and thus to be cared for. Which leads to the fucking part. And since poodle fucking shows an open mind, an interest in diversity, and tolerance for the unique life choices of an individual, I would think it is quite progressive. Just like supporting Polanksi shows support and tolerance for his unique life choices.
Have you bent your tinfoil hats!!! Not one report of this new prole, SystemIsChoking, on the unicorn skywriting bulletin board, who does a rooster have to peck around here to get some people's notification? Huh, comrades, HUH!!!! I didn't see one unicorn fart over my palacial residence to mark the entrance of the one and holy SystemIsChoking.
Speaking of farts, remember comrades... Keep the F-words to minimum UNLESS your saying...
Now, comrade SystemIs????????, er Broken. Please enlighten us, oh master of the ages... you are so wise...
SystemIB's Current Truth wrote
...it's appropriate that your Commie characters closely resemble stock characters from 1950s Cold War films, of course watching those films is the closest any of us come to actually dealing with or interacting with communists.
Interesting comrade, are you saying that the dozen or more professed Marxist professors I was indoctrinated by in the USSA were not communists? Well, comrade, I think you should take that up with them, as they told me otherwise! HAIL OBAMA!!!
It is this harking to the 1950's that I hear across progdom, on many websites.... Hmmm... must be that the the call of The Wild.... neh! The call of The Current Truth is the subversion of claims of socialism or communism with character attack's that compare the subject to some Backwards 1950's Red Witch Hunter™.
WHY DID I NOT GET THE MEMO!?! AGAIN!!
O.k comrades, this is inexcusable and exasperating; here we have an insignificant prole spreading Current Truth™ and I, a Commissar of good standing, am not informed!?!
How will we ever reach the Progresssive World of Next Tuesday™ if the Current Truth™ is not properly dispersed!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Now, comrade prole SystemIs?????, er Broken, get on your damn train and shut the hell up, your Local Kommissar is waiting to wipe off your gastreous your mouth....
I cannot tell you how ashamed I am to be from Texas, which always, and here I'm wiping a tear from my eye, votes for the Rethuglicans for President. I climb on the roof of the Rancho de Rio Grande and call out, using my PA system, "Citizens! You are oppressed! You are nothing! You need me to lead you to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™!"
Commissar Theocritus,
I'm sure that there are numerous support groups you can find there in Texass Comrade ... oh wait, no State sponsored support programs for the victims of Kapitalist society and the oppressed?
WTF?
Oh yeah, it's because they don't collect personal and corporate income tax there. How can the collective survive? Govt. provides prosperity Comrade, not Capitalism. Just look to NY, Detroit, and NJ for proof of that.
But there is hope, Minnesota is more progressive friendly I believe, perhaps you could relocate there? Seems they were way ahead of the curve on the Evils of Raygun KKKonservatism. And how about that Stuart Smalley? Seems he "get's it" too.
Have you bent your tinfoil hats!!! Not one report of this new prole, SystemIsChoking, on the unicorn skywriting bulletin board, who does a rooster have to peck around here to get some people's notification? Huh, comrades, HUH!!!! I didn't see one unicorn fart over my palacial residence to mark the entrance of the one and holy SystemIsChoking.
WHY DID I NOT GET THE MEMO!?! AGAIN!!
O.k comrades, this is inexcusable and exasperating; here we have an insignificant prole spreading Current Truth™ and I, a Commissar of good standing, am not informed!?!
How will we ever reach the Progresssive World of Next Tuesday™ if the Current Truth™ is not properly dispersed!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Comrade,
Perhaps you have been too busy laying the Hens lately ... An alert went out through the appropriate channel, I created the alert.
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
The sooner we realize that Bush and the republican party in general are simply the second head of a political monster the better off we are.
I agree with the above sentiment. Bush and his congress spent like drunken sailors at a strip club. They were nothing more than retro democrats of the 80's by their actions. Did he fight the war on terror, yeah and that is nothing to sneeze at but beyond that he's just as responsible as dems for driving this country off the cliff.
Just think, if it wasn't for a political base uprising we would have had another David Souter or two on the Supreme Court. The limp wristed attempt to reform social security was laughable.
As far as congress goes the Republicans had ample oppurtunity to intervene in the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac crisis and aside from some token efforts in the legislature they never made a stink.
The Bush clan road the coattails of Ronald Reagan to power and yet were nothing like him. Neither are most republicans. I'm ready for a third party.
I saw Glen Beck with a studio full of black conservatives who understood freedom and prudence better than any Republican in Congress now. Let's kick the RINOs out along with the Demothieves.
And yes, I much admire Bush's handling of 9/11. Can you imagine Lord Zero doing that? To quote Hillbuzz.com, which loves our Many Titted Empress, but who is still subject to reality,
Quote
Well, we told you before how much the current president, Dr. Utopia, made us realize just how wrong we were about Bush. We shudder to think what Dr. Utopia would have done post-9/11. He would have not gone there with a bullhorn and struck that right tone. More likely than not, he would have been his usual fey, apologetic self and waxed professorially about how evil America is and how justified Muslims are for attacking us, with a sidebar on how good the attacks were because they would humble us.
But as far as the Republican spending? Hell, yes, they did, with both fists. The only consolation is that they were pikers compared to this group of pirates and brigands.
I do believe that we have found a troll progressive who is pure in their Obamunist ideology! Let's assign him to the DNC as their "Obamaczar of Socialist Virtues".
Otis, let's have some fun. I've been so sad since Gollum went away. Maybe TheSystemIsBroken can cheer me up. Unlike Sister, I don't mind getting troll goo on my stiletto. Well, I use a blunderbuss, but you get the idea.
I'm glad I came late. I have enjoyed reading everyone's musings. Makes things real cozy here in the gulag. What can I say after all that!
Let's see.
TheSystemIsBroken wrote
LOL, I do love the shtick and think it's appropriate that your Commie characters closely resemble stock characters from 1950s Cold War films, of course watching those films is the closest any of us come to actually dealing with or interacting with communists. Whatever Obama is..he's done nothing even remotely close to being communist. And if what he does = communist, then we've had quite a few commie Presidents. And, somehow, the country didn't fall off its axis into total despair.
I do wish, though, that more Americans would get over their Obama obsessions and actually think about the future of our economic system.
We made progressive here at the Cube are no more obsessed with Obama than those who filled the stadium in Denver the night he accepted the nomination for the Democratic party, now are we? Me, obsessed? No more than the Obama Girl, or Oprah, or the more than one dozen school teachers who have led their classrooms in songs of endearment towards their Dear Leader. We aren't obsessed. We worship the ground he walks on.
The Propaganda directorate congratulates Commodore Snoogie Woogums with his first editorial featured in the Current Truth section.
Our visual agitation workers toiled selflessly to accomplish the illustrations ahead of schedule. The management didn't even have to bust a single kneecap (but just in case their blood relatives were all handcuffed to the radiators in the office, to increase morale and responsible work ethic). As we like to say, you can't make a good omelet without breaking the cook's fingers.
Don't go scaring our new comrade away by telling him he's made a wrong turn, when nothing could be further from the truth. Of course he knows this is a satirical site, and rest assured he's come to the right place! Is that not obvious from his extremely amusing comments? I swear no one has made me laugh so hard in quite a long while.
Yes, I knew that he knew, but he made it a point to appear ignorant of that fact so I decided to poke some fun at him by pointing it out. Yes, I know the "30 years of misery" spiel is crypto-prog-speak for "It's all Reagan's fault" but I wanted to find out if he was just an earnest concerned fellow who watches too much CNN or an Obamabot working his way up to something. Give me credit for a little intelligence and subtlety; unlike a person who shall remain nameless, I actually have had jobs that didn't involve community organizing.
Kommrades, glorious workers at the Hate Bush Garment Center should be granted increased beet & vodka alotments to keep them going until anti Palin and Capitalist propaganda master Beck can be properly demonized and targeted by Obama's prole supporters!
Has no one there read Kommrade Alinsky's works!
Systemisbroken's anti central commitee ideas sound like possible couter revolutionary attacks on progressive agenda of our glorious Leader! Even peasants in People's Republic of China are giving Obama his proper place alongside Mao!
The totally unregulated market does not always act in the interest of societal stability. America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive.
Just because we allow our political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable, doesn't mean that regulation and reform can never work, it means we don't force them to work, by being full participants in democracy.
Molchat', Comrades! Sssshhhh! Silence! Do not deprive us of our 'useful idiot'! He has fully internalized our propaganda, that "booms" and "busts" are the ineluctable destructive consequence of totally unfettered free-wheeling free-market capitalism without restrictions to prevent the fatcats from screwing the little guy, and that the so-called 'free market' produces only evil and 'societally unstable' outcomes, and is not simply the sum total of the activities of free men! Speaking purely as a comrade, you are fools! You may destroy all the Propaganda Ministry's hard work!
This will absolutely destroy our hard work, and its very mention is forbidden by order of the Plenum! If you speak of this, you will be summarily hauled to Lubyanka Prison, to confess to your sabotage and wrecking before your scrupulously fair trial and summary execution! You have been warned, in the most comradely fashion possible!
What an honor! Thank you for allowing my humble report on the 'Hate Bush factory' closure to be enhanced by your secondary investigative reporting!
I would normally offer a more than equal comrade such as yourself an extra beet from my meager state rations but in this case would you settle for some tea?
Thank you Red Square........... You truly are what America really means a true progressive revolutionary.
The Bush clan road the coattails of Ronald Reagan to power and yet were nothing like him. Neither are most republicans. I'm ready for a third party.
I'm with you on this. America needs a party dedicated to the values that made this country great in the first place. We need smaller gov't and more freedom. The Conservative Party, maybe? I dunno.
Liberals I know are completely and utterly unable to understand that by disagreeing with most of Obama's administration's agenda, I am not agreeing with every single thing Bush's administration did. They can't comprehend that being anti-Obama doesn't necessarily make one 100% pro-Bush. I think many people have come to see politics as a sports event, with policy-making and congressional elections as regular season and the presidential election as the Superbowl.
It ain't about what's best for the country, IT'S ABOUT MY TEAM F---IN' WINNING!!!
TBy TheSystemIsBroken
11/15/2009, 9:00 am
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
What?! The running dog Capitalists are STILL blaming The Great Leader after all this time!!
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
Ruh-Roh.
There's a Gulag in Eastern Siberia waiting for you.
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
Ruh-Roh.
There's a Gulag in Eastern Siberia waiting for you.
[prog off] I don't think anyone here truly believes that Obama *started* our current financial woes. I think Congress had a LOT to do with it, including some lazy, complacent Republicans. However, Mr. O - and Congress still - ain't helping things much.
Notice how the title of this very thread uses the word "Still". Coincidence? I think not.
Yes, some lazy, complacent Repubs.......RINO hunting could become a serious hobby for me........Between the extinction (next few election cycles) of the RINO, and the depopulation (Next few election cycles) of Dems in Red States....I think the future is rocky and full of HOPE and CHANGE 2......
"it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles?"
Comrades, It's not odd that American Socialists (Marxists) won't take possession of the inevitable economic stagnations that occur under Socialist government, including the declines in median income and individual debt. Coercive government confiscation of property from the laboring middle class (leading them to debt) followed by self-serving feathering of their own Marxist nest, then followed by Socialist "redistribution" of the remainder to the non-productive, non-disabled proletariat class is the road to serfdom for both the middle class and the proletariat class; but not of course for the ruling Marxist class.
Socialist (Marxist) economics always lead to economic stagnation and debt because human creativity is suppressed both in the laboring middle class, who eventually become demoralized and exhausted, and in the non-productive proletariat class, who will not labor because there is no need to labor. Marxists then, as our guest now demonstrates, point an accusing finger at free enterprise. This would be like a fox, with his mouth full of eggs, pointing his paw at the hen; blaming her for an economic downturn in egg inventories.
BTW, the creative economic boom results from free enterprise; the economic bust mostly comes from Socialism.
Don’t just take it from me; listen to the insider who made this his life’s work.
“It had long been realized that the only secure basis for oligarchy is collectivism. Wealth and privilege are most easily defended when they are possessed jointly. The so-called "abolition of private property"... meant in effect the concentration of property in far fewer hands than before... In the years following the Revolution it (The Socialist Inner Party) was able to step into this commanding position almost un-opposed because the whole process was represented as an act of collectivization… It had always been assumed that if the Capitalist Class were expropriated Socialism must follow; and unquestionably the Capitalists had been expropriated. Factories, mines, land, houses, transport, everything had been taken away from them; and since these things were no longer private property it followed that they must be public property. Ingsoc (Socialist Principles of Oceania), which grew out of the earlier Socialist movement and inherited its phraseology, has in fact carried out the main item in the Socialist program with the result; foreseen and intended beforehand, that economic inequality has been made permanent… Ignorance is Strength.” George Orwell, 1984
"Whatever Obama is..he's done nothing even remotely close to being communist."
Comrades, Communism is simply the full expression of Socialism; it is the collectivization of property concentrated in the State (a group of individuals). Communists always tell us the same lies; that property-owning individuals are "greedy" for their property earned by labor, when in truth Communist government is greedy for property in which they invested no labor; property earmarked first for themselves with the scraps tossed out for a non-laboring proletariat class - in return for votes. Obama is a Marxist (same as Communist); and he is surrounded by like-minded Marxists in the Democratic Party (with a few RINOs in tow). Thomas Jefferson would be impressed by this clever new tyranny; he must have thought he'd seen it all.
"America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive."
Socialism is a way of ensuring that the down periods are more destructive and permanent because, as mentioned earlier, Socialism suppresses human creativity and labor.
AbecedariusRex: "Intelligence is not needed in the Party, only blind, persistent obedience. That and the unflappable will to Hope for Change."
Very true, Comrade. The Inner Party Priests of Power (Marxists,Socialists,Communists,Statists,Tyrants,etc.), in their infinite compassion have provided the necessary human stupidity through the Department of Education (Newspeak for Ministry of Ignorance and Stupidity). The marketing and entertainment industry has thrown in their support as well. The arch Thought Criminal, Orwell, has made all of this perfectly clear.
“The worldview of the Party imposed its self most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm because it left no residue behind; just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird...What opinions the masses hold or do not hold is looked on as a matter of indifference. They can be granted intellectual liberty because they have no intellect.” George Orwell, 1984
Let Stupidity, Ignorance and Social Justice roll down from the Inner Party like a mighty river.
Castrate, we should remember that Mr. Mondale won Minnesota by 3114 votes, and there are more precincts than that in Minnesota. But that was of course because the Bu$hitler and a Daley stole the election.
Comrade, you are so right on this. This just shows we that we must aggressively adopt a 4 point Plan for Proper Elections.
1) Shoot Abolish the Electoral College. Where do these states get off controlling the will of the Proletariat?
2) End Life Status Discrimination for voters and voter registration. Why do we continue to hold onto the antiquated Capitalist dogma that the dead have no right to vote, to register to vote or change their voting address after death?
3) Ban the secret ballot. How can our poll watchers properly inform voters of their mistaken votes if the ballots are secret? Keeping the secret ballot is merely an invitation to continuing the institutionalized ignorance of the American system; as Comrade Stern of SEIU puts it, the 225 year mistake. No, we need witnesses, to make sure that people's votes count, and that the voters do not make a unfortunate mistake.
4) Select impartial vote counters. We cannot use paid vote counters - they are only counting the votes for personal profit, which PROVES they have bought into the abusive capitalist system. Instead use compensated volunteers from great organizations like ACORN and SEIU.
We must do these things. For the children of the Proletariat!
AbecedariusRex: "Intelligence is not needed in the Party, only blind, persistent obedience. That and the unflappable will to Hope for Change."
Comrade, those of us with some residual intelligence are caught between a rock and a hard place. Not having the blessing of State-sponsored ignorance and stupidity from our youth, we must find another way to acknowledge the infallibility of arbitrary Inner Party dictates and laws, otherwise known in Party Newspeak as “Living Constitution.” Do not fear, Comrade; our Inner Party Priests of Power have not neglected our plight – they are compassionate beyond comprehension or description. Our Great Leaders have provided us with two options: The insanity of Party Doublethink or the protective stupidity of Party Crimestop. You are actually free to use either one, or both in combination. Thank the Holy Party for their infallibility and compassion directed toward the less equal classes of equality. The arch Thought Criminal, Orwell, has made all of this perfectly clear.
“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them...with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth… Those who have the best knowledge of what is happening are also those who are furthest from seeing the world as it is; in general the greater the understanding the greater the delusion; the more intelligent the less sane… If human equality is to be forever averted; if the "high," as we have called them, are to keep their places permanently; then the prevailing mental condition must be controlled insanity." George Orwell, 1984
“Crimestop…includes the power of not grasping analogies; of failing to perceive logical errors, of misunderstanding the simplest arguments if they are inimical to Ingsop (Socialist Program of the Inner Party); and of being bored or rebelled by any train of thought which is capable of leading in a heretical direction. Crimestop in short means protective stupidity.” George Orwell, 1984
Let Party insanity (Doublethink), engineered Stupidity and Ignorance (Crimestop), and Social Justice (Injustice) roll down from the Inner Party like a mighty river.
Comrades,
I forgot to mention; our Founding Fathers provided us with a third option which comes from outside the Inner Party, and which supersedes it.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.” Thomas Jefferson
“This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it.” Abraham Lincoln
“We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution, but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.” Abraham Lincoln
Thank you Pasternak, and praise the Holy "One," Holy Inner Party and the Holy State; you are my comrade in crimestop. I almost stumbled into another thought crime in regards to Incolnlay, Ightray and Eftlay.
Here's a subversive thought crime video which lays it all out in plain language - no Newspeak, Doublethink or Crimestop here, so keep it close to your vest - you don't want room 101 do you?
Considering the high level of intelligence around here, it's odd that you want people to credibly accept that the current economic downturn is the result of an 11 month Presidency and not, say, 30 years of declines in American median income, 30 years of expanding individual deb. 30 years of boom and bust cycles? Nope. It's Obama.
"Considering the high level of intelligence around here"
Comrade, you question the collectivist mindset here?
30 yrs. hmmm ...
That means we must now blame Reagan! Let's spin one for the Gipper.
No President can be assigned blame for the current moment. We can say that the Reagan Presidency began a trend in fiscal and financial governance that began us down a path, but those policies were perpetuated by Bush, Clinton and Bush the sequel regardless of which party controlled congress or the white house. Alan Greenspan said it himself, a fundamental philosophy was proved faulty. The totally unregulated market does not always act in the interest of societal stability. America's boom and bust cycle may be inevitable, but there are ways of ensuring the down periods are less destructive.
Just because we allow our political class to remain corrupt and unaccountable, doesn't mean that regulation and reform can never work, it means we don't force them to work, by being full participants in democracy.
hai, thesystemisbrokesan causes suspicion.
the insightfulness into the economic problems of the uncontrolled market leads me to believe this 'individual' may be making a power play for position in the party™. of course the market does not act in the interest of itself. it is an evil being and must be controlled, this market beast. the market always takes advantage of innocent citizens and robs them of their property. this is common knowledge, and that is why i have wielded the katana of equality with such force, to keep profits at bay and the citizens in a world of equalness.
this systemisbrokensan knows that the party™ is in a slight turmoil and that the chosen 'O' one has recently bowed down before me and acknowledged me as the rightful ruler for the future of the party™.
hai, i will take under advisement with several committees on proper party behaviour the actions of this 'individual' and should have a course of action decided on sometime after thanksgiving.
but for the moment, the thoughts on socialistic thoughts will be taken at face value.
keep your shovel warm systemisbrokensan, you will not be able to fool the 'intelectuals' here and the re-education center is not far away.
Kulak! What is that gibberish that you're spouting? My eyes! My eyes! Whenever anyone waves a bit of that tattered old document, the U. S. Constitution, at me, my heart flutters and I have a distinctive ventricle arrhythmia. And my head hurts.
Spouting the most evil document on earth, the U.S. Constitution, is a ThoughtCrime of the first order. More people have been kept from the blessings of socialism and communism by that document than any other, and therefore it's worse than the Necronomicon.
Just why are you trying to undermine the purposes of the Collective? Has it not done everything for you to the point that you don't even have to think?
I know that I never think. It hurts my head. Whenever I start to have transgressive thoughts I ask Bruno to do a Barbra medley. That sure as hell takes my mind off thinking.
Kulak! What is that gibberish that you're spouting? My eyes! My eyes! Whenever anyone waves a bit of that tattered old document, the U. S. Constitution, at me, my heart flutters and I have a distinctive ventricle arrhythmia. And my head hurts.
Spouting the most evil document on earth, the U.S. Constitution, is a ThoughtCrime of the first order. More people have been kept from the blessings of socialism and communism by that document than any other, and therefore it's worse than the Necronomicon.
Just why are you trying to undermine the purposes of the Collective? Has it not done everything for you to the point that you don't even have to think?
I know that I never think. It hurts my head. Whenever I start to have transgressive thoughts I ask Bruno to do a Barbra medley. That sure as hell takes my mind off thinking.
It's the pain, I think.
Comrade Commissar, let not your head be troubled anymore.
Be assured that the US Constitution which had been in obsolescence for some time and has been almost entirely deprecated, is now discontinued and in the clearance bin as obsolete.
Perhaps I should pick up a few of these. I have in-laws who constantly complain about the toilet paper queues.
Commissar Theocritus,
I just don't know what got into me; State-forbid, a brief flash of sanity and intelligence perhaps. The scales have now re-appeared before my eyes; thank the Inner Party and the Holy State. I'm returning to the fold of Manifesto-clinging Newspeaking/Doublethinking insanity; back in the land of Oceanic Federal gun-clingers and Crimestopping stupidity.
Thank you Commissar for re-directing me away from the sacredness of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. I'm in your debt and at your mercy.
Dr. Nyet, this is most gratifying to see the Constitution in a clearance sale. But if you can, pick up some for me. I have a birdcage. I am, after all, a Made Progressive.
Kulak, as you rise in the Party, you will find that as long as you adhere to the tenets of totalitarianism, you need have no worries. You will never be required to make any decision other than, "What Would Lenin Do?" You need to make no judgments, and you need not risk anything.
All you need do is act according to the established totalitarian tenets, and you will have the perfect freedom that you, and I so crave.
You will have no worries about personal responsibility. You will have no worries about life. You will have no worries except whether or not you followed doctrine right.
And away with all that pesky, "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." For we all know that we obtain happiness when we have purged ourselves of our individual desires and responsibilities and become one with the herd.
Commissar Theocritus,
Yes, and the arch thought criminal, Orwell, has laid this out in plain language - not in Party Newspeak. The fate of the individual and his/her God-given rights to life, liberty and private property - pursuit of happiness has been decided by the Inner Party Priests of Power. Don't let this get out to the masses.
"We are not content with negative obedience... We do not destroy the heretic...we convert him; we capture his inner mind... We shall crush you down to the point from which there is no coming back... Never again will you be capable of ordinary human feeling; everything will be dead inside you... You will be hollow. We shall squeeze you empty and then we shall fill you with ourselves." George Orwell, 1984
"The individual is only a cell...power is collective. The individual has power only in so far that he ceases to be an individual... If he can make complete utter submission; if he can escape from his identity; if he can merge himself in the Party so that he is the Party, then he is all powerful and immortal... Can you not understand that the death of the individual is not death; the Party is immortal... You're imagining that there is something called "human nature" which will be outraged by what we do, and will turn against us; but we create human nature." George Orwell, 1984
"One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship... The object of power is power... We are the Priests of Power." George Orwell, 1984
Notice how the Socialist Principles of Ingsoc correspond so well with the principles of our original Dear Leader.
“Society does not consist of individuals but expresses the sum of interrelations, the relations within which these individuals stand.” Karl Marx
“You must, therefore, confess that by "individual" you mean no other person than the bourgeois, than the middle-class owner of property. This person must, indeed, be swept out of the way, and made impossible.” Karl Marx
Kulak, this is why I'm all for identity politics. We tell women, gays, blacks, &c. that they are powerless as individuals and must submit to someone--NOW, HRC, Jesse Jackson, who will save them. Then they surrender that power. The leaders of the identity groups get power of course over the members, and they are more alike in their wants than their various members. They cut deals with each other, and throw the members to the wolves as needed by. Sort of like four global nations warring.
But most of all, people must be told that they've victims. This is the first step toward voluntary slavery.
Commissar Theocritus,
Once individuals are extinguished and are replaced by manageable groups or classes; our Inner Party Priests of Power can then pit one class against the other, always taking sides with the "victim" class; i.e.: the designated proletariat class or classes. This is known as "Marxist Class Struggle," a process which is now openly occurring for the first time in the United States of America.
The goal of our Inner Party during Marxist Class Struggle is demoralization and exhaustion of the productive middle class with their vanguard of entrepreneurs. This naturally occurs during the process of "Social Justice" where their hard earned property is first siphoned off to the non-productive Party Priests of Power, with the scraps then tossed off to the aggrieved non-productive proletariat classes - in return for votes.
What the proletariat classes don't realize, blinded by their greed for middle class property; is that once the middle class is extinguished, the economic prop will be knocked out from under them as well. All will become proletarians; homogenized in equal serfdom, and loomed over by the not-to-be-equalized Inner Party equalizers - the Priests of Power.
Marxist Class Struggle is the necessary but temporary collectivization phase on our path to Power. The key is middle class individual property rights (pursuit of happiness); once their property is in the hands of the Inner Party, the individual's rights to liberty and life are ours as well. The goal of the Inner Party is to destroy the American Declaration of Independence in reverse order: first property, then liberty, and then if necessary ... well, I suppose you know the rest. BTY, don't share this subversive information outside the Inner Party; this would become dynamite in the hands of the middle class (proto-proletarians), and might lead to great confusion or hostility among our current proletariat classes.
“The theory of the Communists may be summed up in the single sentence: Abolition of private property... In one word, you reproach us with intending to do away with your property. Precisely so; that is just what we intend.” Karl Marx
“The proletariat will use its political supremacy to wrest, by degree, all capital from the bourgeoisie (middle class), to centralize all instruments of production in the hands of the state… Of course, in the beginning, this cannot be effected except by means of despotic inroads on the rights of property.” Karl Marx
Kulak - you are new to the site, so you may be forgiven for not knowing this, but there's no need to link to an outside source down under when we have our own Communist Manifesto right here, in the People's Tools section.
Thank you Red; all these years I've been doing it the hard way, with HTML. But then I do get to name the link.
Kulak, I have noticed that the Democratic party is now as you say quite Marxist. The upper class and the lower classes are allied against the middle class. And the lower class will never know what hit them.
Commissar Theocritus,
It feels sometimes as though I'm witnessing a slow motion train wreck; but I'm on the train, along with my family; unable to convince others that a happy ending is not in the cards; wishing to be a paranoid fool, wanting not to see what is really there; but realizing I'm mostly surrounded by blind fools who can’t see what is really there. I find myself hoping to wake from this nightmare of change; wanting to be removed from some distant planet of the apes, and back to my previous world of intelligent sanity. If only I could become a blind fool; If only I had the blessings of ignorance and stupidity; then I could feel sane, at least for a while, like a stupid ostrich with his head buried in sand as the lion approaches.
Intelligence is a burden because if one rejects Doublethink intelligent insanity, one is left with the naked truth which leads a man to become an enemy of truth or its defender; to cowardice or courage; to submission or rebellion; to join the Marxist State or become an enemy of the State; to become evil or remain good.
My father, God rest his courageous soul, struggled for life and liberty during World War II in one of its most brutal battles. He chose to face death directly and bear the necessary burden, surviving the chaos by dumb luck or Divine grace. My father's courage, and that of our founding fathers calls out to me; my soul is locked and loaded.
Kulak, please believe me that there is no Clinton in me when I say that I do feel your pain. I really and truly do. I keep thinking of the Rand phrase: "gored and empty skulls." Something like that.
There is supposed to be a good deal of ruin in a nation, and so there is, but what to do when everyone adopts a fin de sičcle attitude? We are supposed to be in hard times now, but really, we aren't, in comparison with 99.99% of humanity in the history of the world. And the tocsin of the governing class, which includes the plutocrats, is, "Don't worry. Be happy. We'll take care of you." And there is no reason to elaborate on that.
But still there is one very interesting thing. Charles Krauthammer is by far the most intelligent person on television. Here's his article on the realignment myth of 2008.
The whole article is worth reading--I've done so twice. But here are two cogent paragraphs
Quote
Exactly a year later comes the empirical validation of that skepticism. Virginia -- presumed harbinger of the new realignment, having gone Democratic in '08 for the first time in 44 years -- went red again. With a vengeance. Barack Obama had carried it by six points. The Republican gubernatorial candidate won by 17 -- a 23-point swing. New Jersey went from plus-15 Democratic in 2008 to minus-four in 2009. A 19-point swing.
What happened? The vaunted Obama realignment vanished. In 2009 in Virginia, the black vote was down by 20 percent; the under-30 vote by 50 percent. And as for independents, the ultimate prize of any realignment, they bolted. In both Virginia and New Jersey they'd gone narrowly for Obama in '08. This year they went Republican by a staggering 33 points in Virginia and by an equally shocking 30 points in New Jersey.
Also is you look at Rasmussen since 7/1/2009 Barry O's has been negative in strongly disapprove v strongly approve. Also for the first time in a very long time the generic ballot favors Republicans.
The tea partiers are having some effect. No matter that the lapdog, and hence legacy, media are ignoring them. This can only hasten the welcome demise of the Courics and Gibsons and Williamses.
I am not entirely sanguine of course but one of the first things that I learned during moments of extreme pain, either physical or emotional or mental, was to acknowledge it, and surrender to it.
Obama isn't socialist enough. There, I said it. Virginia could have been won if Obama would have sent in the ATF to prevent the Teabaggers™ from disrupting the electoral process.
There were numerous accounts across the Commonwealth that unwashed masses of middle-aged white males and their brain dead baby-birthing kitchen slave women folk -- or "Teabaggers", as they're collectively known by State News -- were seen standing in line and therefore scaring away minorities and young people from voting.
Removing the Teabaggers from collective sight -- along with anything and everything Palin -- will ensure future electoral success. I would stake your rations cards on it, comrades!
Chairman, I'm so glad you brought up Sarah Palin--well, actually I'm not because just the very thought of her makes me want to scream and break things--on the other hand, yeah, I'm glad, because it gives me an excuse to scream and break things. Anyway, my point is that perhaps the "I Hate Bush T-Shirt and Vendor Wear" factory could resurrect themselves by making "I Hate Palin" items instead.
Think about it, there's a vast market for this. Everyone hates her. Everyone I know hates her. Everyone who's cool hates her. The few people who do like her (not that I know of any) can't even explain why they like her, which should tell you just how desperately pathetic they are. They're just a bunch handful of slobbering, slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging troglodytes* who are being hypnotized by the lights reflecting off her glasses.
On the other hand, I don't know why the government can't give the factory a bailout. Seems to me it should be too big and too important to fail.
*I looked this up in the dictionary (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate, Tenth Edition) to double-check the spelling, and found this under Definition 2: "a person resembling a troglodyte (as in reclusive habits or outmoded or reactionary attitudes)"
How can anyone of stature blame Bush. . . we all know it was Cheney, was the puppet master! "Impeach Cheney Now!" (btw, I do have t-shirt for sale!)
oops, he's gone now, right? . . .
As for Palin, she is an enemy of the state! I have yet to find a Marxist comment in any of her her railings. How stupid is that!!
The government should first pay off the debt of The New York Times and The Los Angeles Times. And pump money into the Washington Post. This is so that WaPo can fire Krauthammer, who makes more sense than anyone else writing is a dangerous troglodyte. And worse, he's fallen from grace! He wrote speeches for Michael Dukaka, and now look at what he's doing!
The government should make the corporation income tax even more progressive. Especially on media organizations. The WSJ makes money. The NYT does not. Is that fair? Faux Noise makes money. CNN is gasping. Is that fair?
No. There should be a pool of all of the profits made by all media organizations, and the government gets 70% for administering this pool. Then divide up the money by the number of progressive viewers/readers.
32% of Faux Noise's viewers are Progressives. 52% of CNN's are. Which means that obviously CNN deserves more money.
Some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that in the good old days, when courage, honor, devotion, duty, and loyalty meant something, it was comparatively easy to draw an accurate portrait of Nancy's ideological alignment. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation. Nancy has no discernible talents. The only things she has obviously mastered are biological functions.
Well, I suppose Nancy is also good at convincing people that children should belong to the state, but my point is that I myself cannot compromise with Nancy; she is without principles. The American people cannot reason with her.
Nancy's theories leave me with several unanswered questions: Is she a professional simpleton or merely a well-meaning amateur? And is her lack of intelligence genetic or the result of too much time spent with the worst class of crapulous politicians there are?
Nancy should claim that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them. Overpopulation crisis solved! Or better yet, that America can solve it's debt crisis by printing money and spending two trillion dollars on health care for fifteen million people all the while cutting the nations debt. The absurdities speak for themselves.
I'm worried because one of the bewildering paradoxes of our time is the extent to which she along with Harry Reid are willing to impose apocalyptic new restrictions on society just to satisfy some sort of nutty drive for power. She herself would not be affected by such actions. The only winners in Nancy's game are ambulance services and funeral homes.
Oh, there will be other winners too--the bureaucratic class. If most of America is on the dole then the bureaucrats win, and win, and win. They get to determine who gets what, and they will always increase their staff, because they do not have a realistic bottom line. If my business takes a nose dive, I have to lay off people. Does the government? No. I have customers that I can't piss off. Can you fire the government? No.
One of the laid off " I Hate Bush T-Shirt Factory" workers has been picked up by the nearby tea factory. Seems they felt a little sorry for Edna Snobgrass and gave her a job!
ReverendKscribe: "I'm worried because one of the bewildering paradoxes of our time is the extent to which she along with Harry Reid are willing to impose apocalyptic new restrictions on society just to satisfy some sort of nutty drive for power."
Bingo - Drive for Power.
"The former Soviet dissident Vladimir Bukovksy, who has warned that the European Union is on its way to becoming another Soviet Union, thinks that while the West won the Cold War in a military sense, we lost it in the context of ideas: “Communism might have been dead, but the communists remained in power in most of the former Warsaw bloc countries, while their Western collaborators came to power all over the world (in Europe in particular). This is nothing short of a miracle: the defeat of the Nazis in 1945 quite logically brought a shift to the Left in world politics, while a defeat of communism in 1991 brought again a shift to the Left, this time quite illogically.” Bukovksy is right: We never had a thorough de-Marxification process after the Cold War, similar to the de-Nazification after WW2, and we are now paying the price for this. Many Marxist ideas have been allowed to endure and mutate, such as the notion that culture is unimportant or that it is OK to stage massive social experiments on hundreds of millions of people."
"Marxist ideals of forced equality can only be enforced by a government with totalitarian powers, and will thus inevitably lead to a totalitarian society. There is no “enlightened Marxism,” and the idea that there is has ruined more lives than probably and other ideology in modern history. Marxism is an organized crime against humanity."
Commissar Theocritus,
The unwashed masses seem to be waking up from their stupor delivered by our opiates of Newspeak lies, "education" and entertainment; damn, damn, damn. I thought we had them convinced our Inner Party Priests of Power were the real revolutionaries; they seem to be figuring out that Thomas Jefferson was the real thing, and that we are the counter-revolutionaries. Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t.
You don't suppose the masses of cogs in our State Mechanism have impailing spears of their own, or in any other way are able to bear arms against us do you? Why in the hell hasn't our Inner Party done away with that State-damned Second Amendment? And, BTW, why haven't they done away with that State-damned First Amendment? Our arbitrary law, i.e.: "Living Constitution," is simply taking too long to have the desired effect. Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t.
Kulak, I am presently having copies of the Constitution printed on latex, to be stretched by anyone who wants to. And after people are used to the rubber Constitution, I shall have it printed on tissue paper, which will be impregnated with phosphorous. All it takes will be the touch of a match.
Commissar Theocritus,
Will it be possible to have a few Constitutions printed on latex condoms? These would make nice Happy Holliday presents for our Inner Party members, including Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid; but now that I think about it, Reid might not be able to stretch the condom Constitution far enough to suit our purposes, i.e.: the creation of arbitrary Inner Party Law.
But there is hope, Minnesota is more progressive friendly I believe, perhaps you could relocate there? Seems they were way ahead of the curve on the Evils of Raygun KKKonservatism. And how about that Stuart Smalley? Seems he "get's it" too.
Speaking as a member of the soon-to-be fully integrated, everyone equal, (although some are more equal than others, wink-wink, nudge-nudge) light and heavy rail-riding masses of the Glorious Peoples Republic of Minnesota, I would have to discourage relocation to the GPRoM. It is simply not safe here yet for the the enlightened ones such as yourselves. As I type this message of warning to you all, I have been made aware that there are barbarians among the proles who cling to their guns and religion, even though it is in direct opposition to the wishes of Beloved Leader.
I have begun a covert operation to disarm them by purchasing their weapons and ammo, and storing it in a undisclosed location known only to myself. This will be a long dangerous mission, and until I feel that my stash is large enough, I have disarmed enough thought criminals to assure the safety of the party elite, I would beg you to remain where it is safe.
“Based on strikingly irrational beliefs and emotions, modern liberals relentlessly undermine the most important principles on which our freedoms were founded,” says Dr. Lyle Rossiter, author of the new book, “The Liberal Mind: The Psychological Causes of Political Madness.” “Like spoiled, angry children, they rebel against the normal responsibilities of adulthood and demand that a parental government meet their needs from cradle to grave.”
-Lyle H. Rossiter, Jr., M.D.
I can safely say that Harry has nothing but contempt for you and I, and we know it. He wants to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. If we take Harry's platitudes to their logical conclusion, we see that eventually, Harry will impose ideology, control thought, and punish virtually any behavior he disapproves of.
What kind of loser wants to acquire public acceptance of Harry's misinformed cock-and-bullstories? A loser like Harry. When it comes to his programs of economic Gleichschaltung, I surely avouch that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to extend the compass of democracy to antisocial misfits.
If you wonder why I take the stance that I do, it's because Harry's thralls must be exposed and neutralized wherever they lurk. That said, let me continue. Harry turns his back on those who have been the most loyal to him, the voters of Nevada. Yet those voters who have been betrayed, will yet look forward gleefully to another term of this political anti-Christ!
Harry Reid, bad for Nevada, bad for America.
Quote
"Congressmen who willfully take action during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."
-J.Michael Waller
"I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody"
Students, remember that there are no wrong answers. No peaking but I left a hint for you who do not know at the bottom of this post.
Lenin
Harry Reid
Nancy Pelosi
Barack Obama
Rush Limbaugh
Alec Baldwin
Forest Gump
Quote
I THINK AMERICANS HAVE BEEN SCAMMED WHEN I READ...
"In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." -Barack Obama --on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people
Yes Komrade, you will soon see the glorious destruction rebuilding of Amerika as you knew it know it by an Kenyan Amerikan citizen who cares not cares and hates loves us as his very own red headed step child children!
Lower Raise your head up in shame pride as the dictator GREAT ONE places a crown of thorns economic prosperity upon our head! Short live Long live the rule of freedom and democracy Barack Obama!
The next time someone says that children should get in cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them, look that person right in the eye and reply, "The more pressing news is that Boxer's lamentations on climate change have served as a powerful weapon with which the worst kinds of demonic democrap's I've ever seen, can construct gas chambers, incinerators, gulags, and concentration camps and declare they are saving you from yourself!"
I believe, that Boxer is like beer. She would indeed be the nauseating bit at the bottom that only the homeless like to drink. Her salacious actions are intended to rot out the minds of all freedom-loving, free-thinking people. Once that's accomplished, Boxer can replace such people with compliant, Boxer-controlled, and, above all, obedient robots who would never think to oust her and her callous adulators from the senate!
Quote
"Congressmen (Senators) who willfully take action during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."
-J.Michael Waller
I have begun a covert operation to disarm them by purchasing their weapons and ammo, and storing it in a undisclosed location known only to myself. This will be a long dangerous mission, and until I feel that my stash is large enough, I have disarmed enough thought criminals to assure the safety of the party elite, I would beg you to remain where it is safe.
I applaud your daring mission, as it is also my own. Now is the time to support our comrade Eric Holder in his strategy to begin the disarming process of US citizens I mean help Mexico, of course. An assault weapons ban, although ineffective and detrimental in the 90s disgracefully allowed to expire under the Bu$hitler regime, must be reinstated in order to advance the Glorious World of Next TuesdayTM. Keep in mind that "assault weapon" is not to be confused with "assault rifle," a strictly defined military term for guns that are already not available to civilians.
"Assault weapon" refers to semi-automatic only AR15s, AK47s, and such and is a term invented and coined by concerned politicians in order to guard against hysteria, irrational classification of misunderstood things, and right wing scare tactics. They are also Mexican Public Enemy No. 1 (not the narcotics). By making a law, we will ensure that law-abiding citizens give up their guns to us and that law-disregarding citizens keep their guns and continue to do what they already do, leaving us with the Mexican crisis intact which we can use to strip more rights increase our Caring Power Ability. Or, since honestly we really could give a sh*t about Mexico, we can forget them and invent another crisis.
what gov. does behind their backs does NOT disclose my loyalties by being a citizen of the world.... i give to drunks on the street as well for their next beer...it's what they have decided for themselves what they want to do with it! Who am i to judge?
i'd rather have a beer on main street with a smiling drunken cree than meet a Tiger with a 1Wood lost in BUSHVILLE!
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand
Deniers drop tons of foot powder on Washington to emulate snow blizzard during hottest Global Warming winter on recordRadical anti- American leader blames US for Global Warming
O's first year in office: 2 million jobs saved, 76 major natural disasters prevented
O's SOTU changes meaning of "cultivate" to "cultiveight": build up a perception that the current woes are the result of the previous eight years
Dead-Americans claim voter fraud in Massachusetts: cemeteries denied access to polling places, Senator Kennedy demands recount
Defeated in Mass elections, Obama warns against getting a ride from anyone in Kennedy's seat
Mayor Nagin sends 200 school buses to Haiti; Gov. Blanco appointed to oversee construction of Superdome
Closer inspection of Kennedy Seat revealed it's an old car seat with water damage
Unusually cold winter causes liberals to keep hands in OWN pockets
Obama's DHS: Detroit attack 'wardrobe malfunction'
Air Force deploys eavesdropping spy plane codenamed 'Jewish mother'
Seven more women claim to have had lip exchanges with St. Nick underneath mistletoe
Mrs. Claus found standing over bleeding hubby next to wrecked sleigh,
holding nutcracker
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Time editors still undecided who to select as 'Barack of the Year' in 2009
Obama revolutionizes war: 'leaving' is the new 'victory'
ACORN to change name to CHESTNUT; meaning of new acronym still being debated
Obama's new autobiography tentatively titled Going Rouge
Antartica's Ross Island Detainment Center (RID-C) receives first batch of climate-change skeptics
Obama saves big on high cost of turkey for the troops by delaying Afghan surge until after Thanksgiving
Retailers begin annual cash- in on Christian holiday they refuse to mention by name
Christmas & Healthcare Reform season classic: It's a Wonderful Death!
NY Times, Newsweek offer editorial inoculations to concerned readers of Sarah Palin's book
Going Rogue: FEMA braces for massive outbreaks of Palin Derangement Syndrome
Following Fort Hood tragedy, Obama declares all military bases gun-free zones
Pelosi: we won.
Philies: so did we
Study: Global Warming linked to consumption of beans and beef patties
Pro-Obama gamers discover 'cheat codes' in U.S. Constitution
Police trained in using end of life counselingtechniques to negotiate suicide threats
Obama commits more troops to War on Fox News, still awaiting Afghan troop surge
Pass Rush: NFL okays Fidel Castro's bid to buy Miami Dolphins
Study: the road to hell paved with Nobel Peace Prizes
Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Wishing all our readers a Happy April First!
Roman Polanski named new School Safety Czar in wake of Jennings scandal
Charles Manson: 'Leave Polanski alone, hasn't he suffered enough?'
Obama loses Olympic bid, will try for Special Olympics next
Carter: if the IOC doesn't give the Olympics to Chicago, they're racists
Saudis: the word 'assassina- tion' will never be the same
Al Qaeda: 'We shove bombs up our butts'
Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
Study: 90% of G20 protestors driven to Pittsburgh by mom
Ahmadinejad: Iran needs enriched uranium to purchase large IKEA sofa
Obama: If we don't bomb Iran now, we'll never pass healthcare reform
Taliban hires DC lobbyist in effort to get Obama's attention
Missile defense: Czechs angry at Obama for being canceled
Media study: Caucasian toddlers are more likely to cut eye-holes into "blankies"
Democrat strategist: 9 out of 10 white infants prefer cross burning over mother's milk
Mahmoud’s Liquidation Warehouse: 50% off Israel - this weekend only - it won’t last long
Obama: Black kids still forced to beat people up at back
of bus
Charlie Gibson: Neil Armstrong went where?
Obamacare, it’s finger-licking good!
Ben and Jerry release 'Hate Monger Bigot' flavor to celebrate those who support traditional marriage
'Shiver me Timbers!': Somalia unveils People's Institute for Redistribution, Adventurism & Thalassic Extortion (PIRATE)
Energy Czar: to save energy, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
Other 49 states impose carbon tax on California due to wildfire smoke
Following Scotland's lead, US Justice Dept releases Charles Manson, citing battle with chronic hemorrhoids
Obama to media: Please respect our girls' privacy, especially Mr. Letterman
Teachable moment: Obama to hold 'beer summit' between offended Post Office and UPS
Taliban sends protesters to Afghan town hall meetings in attempt to get Obama administration to withdraw Gotham villains working for the Common Good™
White House recalibrates description of town hall protesters from 'terrorists' to 'man-made Nazi fascist pigs'
Experts: when buying Astroturf, remember to look for the Union LabelNational-socialist health care?
Drudge insulates self from White House anger by naming his site MoveOn.Drudge
ABC greenlights epic 12-part miniseries based on Beer Summit
Moveon.org petitions Dems to leave Bush/Cheney alone and 'move on to pressing issues facing the nation'
Palin: Critics ipso facto are quitters
Honduran ex-president Zelaya holds press- conference, presents birth certificate for examination
Cambridge: fighting racial bias, Obama picks black scholar Henry Louis Gates as Door Jigging Czar
Obama: white cop acted like inexperienced rookie, but being one I may be biased
On the international front: Obama brings back Cold War, switches sides
Signs of recovery: WH study finds number of searches for 'economic depression' on Google lower than it could have been under FDR
Obama inherited broken teleprompter from George W Bush
Zelaya: we support the democratically-elected President of the USA, even though he has strongly opposed American policies
Eco group 'Earth First' protests burying non- biodegradeable body of Michael Jackson under the ground
Study: Media orgasm over Michael Jackson's death oddly appropriate
SPONSORED BY:
Secretary of the Interior vows to turn Neverland Ranch into 'King of Pop' National Monument
Riots in Iran: Obama invokes Starfleet Prime Directive - non-interference with social development of native planet even at the cost of own life
Obama hurts a fly, forgets to read Miranda rights
ACLU: fly murder by slapping unconstitutional
Obama mistakes Inspector General for a private CEO, orders him to resign
DHS simplifies procedures, cuts learning curve, renames all terrorism 'right-wing'
Earth may collide with Venus in 3.5 billion years. We must act NOW!!!
CBS study: statutory rape jokes not as hilarious as previously thought
White House tree commits suicide over economic policy
Obama: 'I inherited this tree from George W. Bush'
Obama to economy: 'make like a tree and collapse'
In Cairo, Obama promotes shovel-ready projects for Muslim communities
Obama's comment linking Islam to algebra sets off anti-Islam riots in US inner-city schools
Keith Olbermann rises to #1 on Larry Craig's 'Top ten liberals I'd like to sodomize' list
Ahmadinejad hands out potatoes to corner Irish-Iranian vote
Lady Justice undergoes extreme makeover on TV, becomes sexier, more empathetic, less blind visit our new Che Heart store
Obama: "We must work to rid the world of nuclear weapons and of Israel too while we're at it"
Obama to impose a cap on temperatures for patients in government-subsidized hospitals
Brady Campaign to Prevent Cereal Violence applauds gov't crackdown on cheerios, calls for registration of cereal bowls
Obama's rich supporters chagrined to find he's a class worrior and not the cynical hypocrite they'd counted on
Congress nationalizes DeBeers, changes marketing slogan to 'government programs are forever'
Sen. Specter: 'we could be energy-independent by now if Republicans invested in eternal engine research'
Kentucky Derby winner admits to having no specific strategy: I just kept repeating 'hope' and 'change' and I won... wow!
Never waste a good crisis: Obama uses swine flu epidemic to put a mask on Joe Biden
Study: exposure to pork- barrel projects heightens risk of catching swine flu
Islamic scholars green-light use of government pork by Muslim groups: 'not haram'
DHS Napolitano's preferred man-made disaster color warnings: chocolate, vanilla, strawberryDow Jones rally prompted by record sales of tea bags on April 15
WH: Obama's handshake with Saudi King looked like a bow as King Abdullah's arms are twice as long as human arms but atrophy prevents useDHS tip on spotting a right- wing extremist: watch out for the one carrying a paycheck
Opposed to teabagging, Pelosi accepts motion to expel Congressperson Barney Frank
Spring cleaning tip: don't forget to change your scientific consensus from winter setting "climate change" to summer setting "global warming"
Obama uses old Bush-era teleprompter for Baghdad speech
Segway and GM launch a 2-wheeled contraceptive
Obama's stern reaction to North Korea missile launch: "I'm tellin'!"Lenin laughs ass off over crisis in capitalism Scientists: Lenin statue expelled no harmful gases, only dialectical materialism Obama gives Queen a shovel click here NBC: We are all Special Olympians now, especially Olbermann
Obama's teleprompter caught moonlighting as AmEx spokesperson: 'Don’t leave home without it'
click here for the story Alabama gunman was trying to 'be more like Europeans' After shootings, EU threatens potential mass murderes with increased paperwork and red tape Oil prices rising; most viable solution is blame Limbaugh Obama to bring Cuba in from the cold; political prisoners to remain outside Healthcare crisis: Planned Parenthood forced to offer 2 abortions for the price of 1; 50% off if you refer a friend Hillary presents Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov with the People's Cube CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY Obama's Reaganesque address: "I've just declared peace on the Soviet Union. The bonging will start in five minutes" Satellite launched to confirm global warming: finds none, crashes in Antarctica in protest Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror Obama to slash deficit after increase; firefighters to quench house after setting fire to it
Treasury Dept buys Monopoly board game for policy advice Democrats pay back their constituents, save faltering squeegee businesses from collapsing
Muslim group offended by pork hidden in stimulus package, threatens revenge Obama appoints guilt czar to oversee fair distribution of guilt among all Americans Size matters: stimulus package so big it won't even fit on Drudge No help from Obama to storm-ravaged Kentucky; officials consider renaming state to New Orleans in effort to get attention Politico: volcano trouble in Alaska a result of Palin's policies MoveOn adopts Bush's cowboy diplomacy: 'You're either with Obama or Rush' Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.' More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20 Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK. Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers Somali pirates hijack international space station Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!" Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers" CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide
Seven Obama cousins found living in voting boothUS choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check! Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word
FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan' Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you' Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail' Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crashDead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN Biden calls taxes patriotic Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter" Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine" Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so." Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it. Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day
How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb? Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint
Word of the day: HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to HusseinObama: we have always been at peace with Hillary ClintonGrand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans? CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problemHillary supporters organize against Obama Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists
Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew' NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans' Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off
Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator
North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children! Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare Stop and smell the Sharpies Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes" Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person" Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next' London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!' Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General Brokeback Mountain loses climber NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on MarsLas Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally High school Meth teacher starts new class Holy Mitt! Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000% Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive "How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes "Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline. Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish' NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news" US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit. LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home Reid: The war on fire is lost Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far. Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed? San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!" Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland" Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!" Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground" Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"
Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes. George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't killDemocrats select 2008 presidential slogan: "Death to America" Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense "Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's deathNew Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists Al Gore to recall the Internet Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos
Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos" Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship
Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it? US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in IraqUS Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for? Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza! Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem" Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain" Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists" French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists' Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro- mote Global Warming Jelly New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!" Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again? Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission Is it time for Pinochet yet? Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
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"It's clearly Bush's fault because he disappeared from the news and stopped making dumb statements, leaving it to Obama to bring him up all the time" fumed Fred Fluger. "Why can't he poke his nose around in world affairs? Hell, even Carter can be counted on to make a post-presidential idiotic statement. What's up with this 'dignified retirement'? I'm sure Bush is doing this with some evil purpose, just like when he blew up the Twin Towers to become a fascist dictator for life, or destroyed New Orleans to test his weather machine. I think Bush hates us and our values. I really do. His silence is a ploy to hurt us and to diminish demand for our selfless work."
Emotions ran high at the "I Hate Bush" factory which for nine years provided employment, healthcare, union benefits, and subsidized mortgages for its diverse staff, most of whom were now blaming Bush for the closure and bankruptcy. 
Andrew Laing's daughter Audrey, 35, was also there, supporting her father. "I had hoped the factory would last until after Christmas," said Audrey Laing, who had no job at the company but depended upon her father's income for sustenance.
Radical anti- American leader blames US for Global Warming
Experts: assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain
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Al-Qaeda founder discovers DNC playbook, attacks own side in war an terror
Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win
New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face
MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
