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The Tearrorist Revolution

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"WANT IS WEALTH
POVERTY IS PROSPERITY
SQUALOR IS LUXURY"


We all know that Teabagging Tearrorists will never stand up to us and fight. They know we would crush them and make Leninade out of their sodden carcasses. If not literally, then “legally”, as we make the laws. We would drag them through courts and destroy their reputations, à la Tom DeLay, “Scooter” Libby, and Dinesh D'Souza, and jail them, à la the blamed Benghazi video producer, to take whatever remains of what we haven't taken from them yet for trumped-up hate crimes and other racist activities to subvert our Glorious 0bamanation, our shining World of This Tuesday™.

Since it is apparent that we are all drunk with the Supreme Soviet Beet Juice of Joy dispensed from Dear Imperial Majesty 0bama and all that is him, we have not been planning for what will never be but what must nevertheless be considered. I know I am bordering on denouncement here, fellow Progs, or at least a trip to Krasnodar's lair for a JiffyLobo™, but it is a wise Prog who studies the way of his enemy, and we as the Uber-Progs must be supremely knowing as well as supremely controlling. Know your enemy to defeat your enemy. Since no one else of our number (continually growing) appears willing, I must point out this potential enemy gambit.
~
What if our beloved MTE had actually been right korrekt – and we all know that she was korrekt – in ancient times when she complained that she and our First Black President™, William Jefferson Blythe “Bill” Clinton, were the innocent victims of a “vast right-wing conspiracy”? What if there were a Teabagger illuminati, headed by the likes of Mark Levin, of the hated Juice, the racist Rush Limbow, and maybe even Sean Hannity the Mick? A vast Tearrorist conspiracy that perhaps included some evil Tearrorist RethugliKKKans, like Ted Cruz and – and – well, others? What if those few loathsome so-called “independent thinker” Tearrorist Hollywood types were involved? What if perhaps even some Tearrorist bloggers joined in for grins? And what if some of them were moles secreted in our own wholly-owned and carefully vetted media organs?
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Even though our tremendously stupendously oversized glorious behemoth of a media dwarfs the yappy little churlish chihuahua unworthy of notice that nips at our heel of a Teabagger Tearrorist media (yes, size does matter) - suppose those aforementioned moles were able to use our own media organs to broadcast a message in all media formats to influence the sheeple that we control to engineer a phony rally, concerts, and march for Love, Brotherhood, and Support for DIM0, that our media lapdogs, in their stupidity (and we must acknowledge their stupidity as slobbering, drooling, mess-making (which is why we love them) useful idiots only suitable for leading on a very short choker chain) were to allow and even participate in? After all, such a rally, concerts, and marches would have all the hallmarks of one of our own carefully engineered and perfectly executed Power to the People events, like the Million Man March, the Occupy Movement, and the L.A. (I know, ancient history, we're not to mention anything further back than a week ago) and Ferguson Riots.

Our sheeple have been trained, by us, from their youths up to follow anyone with the loudest megaphone, who claims he wants to help them have it all for free. But there is the potential to use that drone-like thralldom against us. The sheeple don't care who leads them; they only care about what they can get for “free”, no matter how much it costs.

So, our media lapdogs are fooled by the moles into promoting the coming together of the largest pro-DIM0 rally ever anywhere, and everyone needs to be a part of the Biggest Party in DC in History. It could even have the patina of legitimacy – our funding groups would gladly secure the necessary permits for the space and provide food to be thrown at the police and tents and sleeping bags and toilet facilities to be destroyed and used to litter the entire city. Bands with propaganda songs devised by the “artist” moles would continually play songs with lyrics like “DIM0 wants you to have what he has, his people all around this your city do too...”

This More Than A Million ManWomanTransgenderedChild March would start as a Woodstock-esque celebration in properly authorized fashion on The Mall. More and more of Our Children from Other Countries would be bused in. Food, fun, frivolity, and music would mark the start on Friday afternoon. The festivities would continue through Sunday afternoon as the crowds continued to swell. Then the marches through DC and toward the Casa Blanca would begin Sunday afternoon.

Disguised Tearrorist march leaders would lead the sheeple in shouting innocuous slogans such as "We are DIM0's Voice!", "We are the Ones We've Been Waiting For!", culminating in candlelight vigils where the disgusting undercover Teabagger march facilitators would unfurl and hand out the additional, non-innocuous banners mentioned in this post and The People would be encouraged by those nefarious double-crossing march leaders and facilitators (using our techniques of infiltration and subterfuge!) to "Love the Secret Service agents! Love the police! They're just like us! They need hugs! Our Children From Other Countries, hug them! Women, hug them! You who are ailing and hungry, hug them! Take pictures of you and them with your iPhones! Facebook and Instagram them to everyone you know! Give them love! They're lonely! Give them liquor! They're thirsty! Give them tokes! They need smoky joy! It's legal here! Light 'em up! No, don't light the liquor you spilled on them! I SAID DON'T USE YOUR TOKES TO LIGHT THE HIGHLY FLAMMABLE LIQUOR THAT YOU SPILLED ON THE SECRET SERVICE AGENTS AND POLICE! Let them take you in our house!"

Then the chanting would begin: “We've Come to Our House for What's Ours! Redistribute to Us! It's All Ours Now! FORWARD to Get Our Stuff! DIM0 Let Us In! We know you love us! We're here to be with you! We're here to take our house! Redistribute to us now!” (Repeated until a crescendo is reached, then...) “DIM0 don't you love us? DIM0 show you love us! DIM0 let us in! DIM0 prove you love us!" When frenzy is reached, the Tearrorist march leaders and facilitators would urge human ladders be formed to get women, Our Children From Other Countries, then everyone possible over the fences and onto the grounds, then to the Casa Blanca proper.

Why, it could spread and lead to the horror I contemplated in “Ensure this remains hidden from Tearrorists!”.

If that were to pass, our institutions would rapidly become so choked with sheeple vermin (which is all they are if they were to ever be other than our useful idiots) interfering with The People's Business of our government, media, and educational minions that our Glorious 0bamanation would grind to a halt. Indeed, our Masterminds might not be able to manage the continued decline of the US of KKK into the third world hell hole Glorious and Loving Ocean-Lowering Caring For Old People Finally Proud of Our Country racist Socialist 0bamanation World of This Tuesday™ government slaves we have become.

Now for the truly (as if there were such a thing) scary part:

Tearrorists, while stupid, deluded, racist, and regressive, are not so ignorant as to believe men do not need governance. They say men are not angels, and therefore institutions of government are required. As usual, they are wrong. We Progs are angels. Let's be honest with one another. We can do that here; we are the only ones around, Comrades. Our super-secret Web filters ensure this. We Progs are angels of death. Death of liberty. Death of choice. Death of >spit< independent thought. Death of babies unwanted, undifferentiated, lesionous, cancerous womb-based tissue masses. Even, when we so deign, physical death to infidels and other undesireables.

This is a fundamental flaw that Tearrorists have which we do not. We know what the sheeple need. We consume them for their benefit and our insatiable lust for power and control. GLaDOS echoed our raison d'être when she sang of Aperture Science (a very Proggish establishment) “We do what we must because we can.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... 6ljFaKRTrI

We are agents of evil for the greatest good. As I wrote in a previous post, our great philosopher Saul Alinsky acknowledged this when he initially dedicated his brilliant Rules for Radicals to Satan. So the Tearrorists want a functioning overarching government – but not for the korrekt reasons. They want government to protect citizens through common defense, promote welfare by preventing unfair practices between states, and provide a common currency, then pretty much leave everyone alone. But when that happens, very bad things happen. Things like the idea of the individual as a free agent who has the liberty to create, to build, to grow, to work with others to do things that redound to their benefit and to prosper without Prog control. Without benefiting the Prog population. This is unacceptable, not to mention disgusting to even contemplate, and here I must apologize for antagonizing you, my dear Comrades, with these unseemly, dangerous, and racist ideas.

Now with that in mind, suppose that during the ensuing confusion and dislocation the Tearrorist illuminati activated their evil Teabagger pols to be aware of what they were doing so they would be able to enact an emergency convention of the States immediately and bypass transition shock - and US!

An organized Teabagger resistance force could use this event at the States level to declare a “national Constitutional emergency”. No such event is even covered in their >spit< Constitution, and they could therefore say that, since the Executive, Judiciary, and Legislative federal branches were incommunicado, a session of the states to elect new federal officers to reconstitute the government immediately was required, and they could ensure the Tearrorists were able to appoint and elect their own to those offices, while the vermin formerly known as our sheeple kept us from doing the business to the people Being About The People's Business.

Oh My Gaia, they could then re-instate their Constitutional government that we so korrektly hate and even convene State conventions for proposing amendments (as Mark Levin, of the evil Juice, actually published a book about! How did we let that happen? How did we let him live?) to ensure we could never come to power again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Calm down… Calm down. Relax. Study your navel, meditate on your mantra, and contemplate The Prophet.

Not to worry, dear Comrades. Since 2012, The Fix we've implemented to the voting process has been in, and we are assured that no Tearrorist will ever be elected to a significant political office as long as we are in control. In other words, forever. Because we never give up. We never give ground. We never surrender. We will continue, forever and always, to fight. And to win.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... fdcIwHKd_s

Besides, when is DIM0 ever in the Casa Blanca? He is always safe on a golf course or in Martha's Vineyard or on a fundraising junket or in another land to spread his Greatness in front of faux Greek columns or something somewhere with triple-layered impenetrable security, so such a thing could never happen. DIM0 can manage the decline of the US of KKK and bring about The Great 0bamanation from anywhere. He not only has A Pen And A Phone™, he has people. And We are everywhere.

All that matters is Victory. Tearrorists are too stupid and racist to learn that.

Plus, the Tearrorists are racist cowed cowards, as I already pointed out.

Look around you! We have won! This land is our land. There is no stopping the 0bamanation!

Unless…

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Don't worry Comrade TTR, Dear Leader made a campaign to create songs for many occasions.

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Comrade H&L, I must thank you for most equally bringing me joy. How did you know that is my favorite ditty?

Everybody sing along!

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:Comrade H&L, I must thank you for most equally bringing me joy. How did you know that is my favorite ditty?

Comrade, I excuse you this time. Dear Leader always knows.

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Comrade Loupe, let us not forget that "a pile of [poop] has a thousand eyes*" DIM0 does indeed see all!

*Stephen King, cleaned up for Cube consumption. We are family friendly.

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:Comrade Loupe, let us not forget that "a pile of [poop] has a thousand eyes*" DIM0 does indeed see all!

*Stephen King, cleaned up for Cube consumption. We are family friendly.

Comrade Commissar,

If I were invited to the Casa Blanca to advise Dear Imperial Majesty 0bama (DIMO) - APBUH, - a whimsical notion at best - I would recommend He use His mighty pen to declare all State and private lands one glorious National Monument from sea to shining sea - thus forever ending the threat of a Teabagger inflamed sheeple drive for a convention of the States! Case closed.

Your reference to “Still Alive” led me to Jonathan Coulton, then Portal, and finally back to my old Steam account - which I will now reactivate. Solving the Teabagger uprising (see above) has awakened my lust for conquest. I look forward to pitting my “Squirrel-Sense™” powers against the formidable GlaDOS.

If you have other seemingly intractable problems requiring quick solution don't hesitate to write.

Sincerely,

Captain “The Fixer” Craptek
(all problems solved - low rates - no waiting)

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That video clip scared my poor, recently neutered, cat, Pretzel. He ran and hid and won't come out now. I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but I'm sure re-education is in his future.

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Comrade KKK (not that there's anything racist about that), perhaps poor Pretzel's properly Proggish pretzel logic has been confounded as he contemplates his emasculated condition, and he is facing frustration as he realizes how similar his condition is to the Tearrorists whom we neuter daily with great gloating glee and fervor as the racists they are. Ferguson, MO is coming to a town near them real soon now! Ereich Holdemup Eric Holder will see to that.

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Captain Craptek said: wrote:If I were invited to the Casa Blanca to advise Dear Imperial Majesty 0bama (DIMO) - APBUH, - a whimsical notion at best - I would recommend He use His mighty pen to declare all State and private lands one glorious National Monument from sea to shining sea - thus forever ending the threat of a Teabagger inflamed sheeple drive for a convention of the States! Case closed.

Your reference to “Still Alive” led me to Jonathan Coulton, then Portal, and finally back to my old Steam account - which I will now reactivate. Solving the Teabagger uprising (see above) has awakened my lust for conquest. I look forward to pitting my “Squirrel-Sense™” powers against the formidable GlaDOS.

If you have other seemingly intractable problems requiring quick solution don't hesitate to write.

Sincerely,

Captain “The Fixer” Craptek
(all problems solved - low rates - no waiting)

Dear Captain of Craptek (here at the Cube, Comrade, you may admit you had a large hand in the design of Windows 8), have you not been informed that indeed all land from sea to gloriously lowering sea in the former US of KKK has been ordained by DIM0 (APBUH, indeed) to be that glorious National Monument you have spoken of – have you tried building anything lately? (For your own well being, Comrade, I advise you that the korrekt answer is “No”, as we would not sully Gaia by building a physical structure as we unite to build, and have built, the ephemeral and all-enslaving World of This Tuesday™ For The People!™)

Your reference to Jonathan Coulton – in particular his chemically (not to say GLaDOSly) induced “I Feel Fantastic” – caused me to reminisce on its similarity of style and pacing (although Jon's is more frenetic) to Weird Al's “Trapped in the Drive Through”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... mGVYki-oyQ , a similarly quite Proggishly Progressive nihilistically overlong (I'm all about that) meaningless masterpiece, as Comrade H&L and I prefer. Although Weird Al may not be so Anonymous as Comrade Jon.

– Oh, sorry, got off on a slight tangent to a curve there (sort of like what DIM0 (APBUH) throws on a baseball field). What I meant to write was, Please keep the Cube informed on your Progress through the Proggish Aperture Science Testing Facilities/Enrichment Spheres with our dear GLaDOS (trained by Uncle Joe (not only Biden) and Uncle George S.). But I must warn you, you will have to test as a mere human Chell. Not to worry, though. She's quite Proggish and therefore not a Teabagging racist. Even though you will be denied your natural squirrel reflexes and jumping ability (she's whitish), you will be provided some cool Long Fall Boots from the State Supply Store!

I look forward to your continuing services, Comrade, which no doubt will continue to have the same Proggishly proper palliative potential as your brilliant Windows 8 has in the wonderful world of M$.

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:
Captain Craptek said: wrote:If I were invited to the Casa Blanca to advise Dear Imperial Majesty 0bama (DIMO) - APBUH, - a whimsical notion at best - I would recommend He use His mighty pen to declare all State and private lands one glorious National Monument from sea to shining sea - thus forever ending the threat of a Teabagger inflamed sheeple drive for a convention of the States! Case closed.

Your reference to “Still Alive” led me to Jonathan Coulton, then Portal, and finally back to my old Steam account - which I will now reactivate. Solving the Teabagger uprising (see above) has awakened my lust for conquest. I look forward to pitting my “Squirrel-Sense™” powers against the formidable GlaDOS.

If you have other seemingly intractable problems requiring quick solution don't hesitate to write.

Sincerely,

Captain “The Fixer” Craptek
(all problems solved - low rates - no waiting)

Dear Captain of Craptek (here at the Cube, Comrade, you may admit you had a large hand in the design of Windows 8), [highlight=#FFFF99]have you not been informed that indeed all land from sea to gloriously lowering sea in the former US of KKK has been ordained by DIM0 (APBUH, indeed) to be that glorious National Monument you have spoken of [/highlight]– have you tried building anything lately? (For your own well being, Comrade, I advise you that the korrekt answer is “No”, as we would not sully Gaia by building a physical structure as we unite to build, and have built, the ephemeral and all-enslaving World of This Tuesday™ For The People!™)

Your reference to Jonathan Coulton – in particular his chemically (not to say GLaDOSly) induced “I Feel Fantastic” – caused me to reminisce on its similarity of style and pacing (although Jon's is more frenetic) to Weird Al's “Trapped in the Drive Through”, a similarly quite Proggishly Progressive nihilistically overlong (I'm all about that) meaningless masterpiece, as Comrade H&L and I prefer. Although Weird Al may not be so Anonymous as Comrade Jon.

– Oh, sorry, got off on a slightly tangential curve there (sort of like what DIM0 (APBUH) throws on a baseball field). What I meant to write was, Please keep the Cube informed on your Progress through the Proggish Aperture Science Testing Facilities/Enrichment Spheres with our dear GLaDOS (trained by Uncle Joe (not only Biden) and Uncle George S.). But I must warn you, you will have to test as a mere human Chell. Not to worry, though. She's quite Proggish and therefore not a Teabagging racist. Even though you will be denied your natural squirrel reflexes and jumping ability (she's whitish), you will be provided some cool Long Fall Boots from the State Supply Store!

I look forward to your continuing services, Comrade, which no doubt will continue to have the same Proggishly proper palliative potential as your brilliant Windows 8 has in the wonderful world of M$.

Commissar R,

Regarding Win 8 - I admit nothing - although I did toy with the early code on my PDP-8 some years ago. Paul and Bill needed a paw with their MS_DOS toy and I had a few free minutes to spare.

As for my DIMO advice - I never stated I hadn't already been invited to the Casa Blanca. As you yourself have noted, "...indeed all land from sea to gloriously lowering sea in the former US of KKK has been ordained by DIM0 (APBUH, indeed) to be that glorious National Monument you have spoken of..." A small "nudge" was all it took for Him to see the advantage of making the first move. Really.

Then, there's Chell, the Aperture Science Testing Facilities, and GLaDOS. I will deal with them and Portal this weekend while I solve the Birch/Swinnerton-Dyer conjecture for a friend.

Thanks for your continued interest in my services.

Sincerely,

Captain "Archimedes" Craptek
(no problem too small - volume discounts)

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Captain also known as Archimedes, please allow me to clarify. Earlier I wrote about your big hands. I meant your big paws! It was not a racist slight. Actually, as do Cats in my Prog Continuum, Squirrels have hands. How else can they brandish their big nuts about so handily?

Regarding your experiences with Bill and Paul in that time frame, I was led to believe you were working more closely with Steve and Steve, and that you were at PARC when their team stole your idea for a GUI. Not to worry, though, since You Didn't Build That™.

Now why, pray do tell, would you or your friend (you have a friend?) be interested in what two old racist white guys did with some silly mathematical conjecture? Everyone knows that we Progs invented all Science, and all Science starts today (remember, there is no past, only PROGRESS to the Glorious Future!). However, since it is possible to generate a tangent to an elliptic curve, so DIM0 (APBUH), while not interested in such things (so they are not impotent important), may still be involved due to his tangential throwing capacity (since all things (except racist things) must relate to Him (APBUH)).

As to your other weekend activity, I would daresay GLaDOS has met her match in the power you will impart to Chell.

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Commissar Redumdimski wrote:Captain also known as Archimedes, please allow me to clarify. Earlier I wrote about your big hands. I meant your big paws! It was not a racist slight. Actually, as do Cats in my Prog Continuum, Squirrels have hands. How else can they brandish their big nuts about so handily?

Regarding your experiences with Bill and Paul in that time frame, I was led to believe you were working more closely with Steve and Steve, and that you were at PARC when their team stole your idea for a GUI. Not to worry, though, since You Didn't Build That™.

Now why, pray do tell, would you or your friend (you have a friend?) be interested in what two old racist white guys did with some silly mathematical conjecture? Everyone knows that we Progs invented all Science, and all Science starts today (remember, there is no past, only PROGRESS to the Glorious Future!). However, since it is possible to generate a tangent to an elliptic curve, so DIM0 (APBUH), while not interested in such things (so they are not impotent important), may still be involved due to his tangential throwing capacity (since all things (except racist things) must relate to Him (APBUH)).

As to your other weekend activity, I would daresay GLaDOS has met her match in the power you will impart to Chell.

Comrade Commissar,

I will attempt to answer your many interesting comments and questions:

My "hands" are made for walking. And that's just what they do. My special toes can walk up trees or calculate for you. I ask you comrade, can you hang from a limb with nuts in your mouth? Most doubtful.

True, Steve was the world's leading advocate of skeuomorphic representation and sorely tempted to steal my image engine - so, I let him park in my space at PARC while he made a Xerox copy for Bill to later steal.

Ah! The "Conjecture" conjecture. The legend alleges Swinnerton-Dyer and Birch one day sailed off in a wooden shoe. There was much hubbub and additional conjecture in the forest surrounding their mysterious trip - though I did not participate. Gossip is not my forte. But that is only a legend. As we know, there is extensive numerical evidence for the truth of the conjecture, though nothing has been proved for curves with rank greater than 1. As soon as I figure out what that means I'll notify the press.

And, yes...my friend looks forward to our evenings together - even as I work to solve various mysteries of time and space she busies herself, e.g., playing with my slide rule, extending and retracting my metric caliper, etc. As a gesture of appreciation I tolerate her. In fact, I may tolerate her again this very weekend forcing a postponement of my date with GlaDOS.

BTW: I must complement you on your mastery of nesting multiple independent clauses. I've occasionally considered writing an entire novel in the form of a single sentence. No, not in that tedious 50's stream of consciousness scribble. Certainly not. Understanding my novel would require a reader to remember the precise order of thousands of independent clauses nested within, and ending in, a single dependent clause. My most novel novel would reveal its ultimate meaning only upon closing the final parenthesis. Truly, a climax - if you know what I mean. <wink...wink>

Sincerely,

Captain "Faulkner" Craptek
(no problem too large - gift toaster with first order) -

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Captain C. Archimedes Faulkner (the Rezident clever Cubist scientist/writer) said: wrote:Comrade Commissar,

I will attempt to answer your many interesting comments and questions:

My "hands" are made for walking. And that's just what they do…
One of these days these “hands” are gonna walk all over you (although that's not what we're using to walk on and crush the necks of the dirty KKKapitalists who Didn't Build That™. For that joyous daily celebration in the 0bamanation we use boots, whether Nancy- or Jack- style. With big spiky stiletto heels).

CCAF said: wrote:My special toes can walk up trees or calculate for you.
Why didn't Nancy Sinatra, fine socialist socialite songstress she was, come up with such original lyrics? Oh, that's right; she didn't write that...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... byAZQ45uww

CCAF said: wrote:I ask you comrade, can you hang from a limb with nuts in your mouth? Most doubtful.
In fact, that's what I've been Occupying myself with the past day or so, which is why it took me so long to reply. I don't type well when I'm hanging upside-down with nuts in my mouth. I'd show you, but you might get squirrely about it.

CCAF said: wrote:True, Steve was the world's leading advocate of skeuomorphic representation and sorely tempted to steal my image engine - so, I let him park in my space at PARC while he made a Xerox copy for Bill to later steal.
“Good artists copy; great artists steal” – was that the occasion which prompted Steve, years later, to adopt and switch roles in Picaso's maxim?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW0DUg6 ... r_embedded
Steve sounds just like Hairy and Nanski waxing about poets and artists – but then he faltered and said something about “scientists”. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he meant climate scientists. Or Scientology.

CCAF said: wrote:Ah! The "Conjecture" conjecture. The legend alleges Swinnerton-Dyer and Birch one day sailed off in a wooden shoe.
This was shortly after they stopped up the dyke with their collective middle finger.

CCAF said: wrote:There was much hubbub and additional conjecture in the forest surrounding their mysterious trip - though I did not participate. Gossip is not my forte. But that is only a legend.
There was much more than hubbub and additional conjecture. There was trouble in the forest then:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... eTGg3W1YHU
I particularly approve of the solution for keeping the trees most equal.

CCAF said: wrote:As we know, there is extensive numerical evidence for the truth of the conjecture, though nothing has been proved for curves with rank greater than 1. As soon as I figure out what that means I'll notify the press.
Good Captain, the meaning is clear:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ2mGC_ ... detailpage
Please ensure you notify our media lapdogs immediately. But also ensure their press kit talking points note that the meaning revolves around DIM0, “The 1”.

CCAF said: wrote:And, yes...my friend looks forward to our evenings together - even as I work to solve various mysteries of time and space
We have Colonel 7.62 for that, Comrade. Please do not intrude in his time-space continuum, unless you are prepared to plant the boots Nancy walks with on his throat. That is, if he doesn't send you into another continuum before you are able. (Have you wondered why I was away from Cubespace for so long? Although to me it was but a moment.)

CCAF said: wrote:she busies herself, e.g., playing with my slide rule, extending and retracting my metric caliper, etc.
Your friend and my wife enjoy the same sort of playthings. She likes to knock mine about, somewhat like a cat. She's not always efficient, but she gets the job done. It is amusing, this feminine enjoyment of technical tools.

CCAF said: wrote:As a gesture of appreciation I tolerate her. In fact, I may tolerate her again this very weekend
Experiencing the preceding video together will enhance the application of your mind to curvaceous conjecture enjoyment with your friend, I have no doubt.


CCAF said: wrote:forcing a postponement of my date with GlaDOS.
GLaDOS has informed me she would be most displeased were this to happen, Comrade Captain. She has employed her considerable talent to prepare several Enrichment Spheres specifically for you. And you know what happens when her ire is up. Especially if she doesn't have a particular squirrel to toy with.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zcqc8Xp ... detailpage
WARNING: App/OS nastiness here!

There is truth to the adage of the woman scorned. These things you value are in double peril, good Captain. I would suggest for the sake of your nuts (if you care to have any left) and slide rule (lest it be disposed of) that you divide your time-and-space most equally between your friend and GLaDOS this weekend. And do not let one become aware of the other. (I certainly won't tell.)

CCAF said: wrote:BTW: I must complement you on your mastery of nesting multiple independent clauses.
Perhaps it's the blood still rushing to my head, but my normal nesting instinct has been strangely lacking during this session. Although as a human (at least, I've played one on TV (Sorry. Couldn't help myself! (I'm not sorry!))) I lack your natural talent in that regard, I find parenthetic wordplay to be titillating (not to say salacious). But for me this once, it's primitively exhilarating to be almost unnested!

CCAF said: wrote:I've occasionally considered writing an entire novel in the form of a single sentence. No, not in that tedious 50's stream of consciousness scribble. Certainly not.
Oh, thank DIM0! We don't need another “Soft Machine”. Although that work was seminal to our profane consummate discharge of the Glorious World of This Tuesday™.

CCAF said: wrote:Understanding my novel would require a reader to remember the precise order of thousands of independent clauses nested within, and ending in, a single dependent clause. My most novel novel would reveal its ultimate meaning only upon closing the final parenthesis. Truly, a climax - if you know what I mean. <wink...wink>
I believe we are rising up to that, Comrade. Now please excuse me while I get back to my nuts while hanging upside-down. It is a most stimulating position!

CCAF said: wrote:Sincerely,

Captain "Faulkner" Craptek
(no problem too large - gift toaster with first order) –
I'm still waiting for my gift toaster, Comrade.


 
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