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ISIS, homophobia, and geography

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Italians are ridiculing an Isis supporter for planning an attack on the 'leaning tower of pizza'

Spokesperson of the JV arm of the Religion of Peace has released the homophobic strategies to rid the world of gayness by throwing its participants off of a tower in ROME that does not exist.

Architectural details have not been released, but shoppers at souks worldwide are reporting a shortage of halal pepperoni.

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Just another poor, oppressed viktim of high horse Christians and unemployment.

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Oh, I am looking forward so much to a tower of pizza so high that it leans. I want anchovies.

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote: Spokesperson of the JV arm of the Religion of Peace has released the homophobic strategies to rid the world of gayness by throwing its participants off of [highlight=#ffff00]a tower in ROME that does not exist[/highlight].

Perhaps they meant the Tower of Pizza in Rome, Georgia. Let's face it, geography was never one of their strong suits. Let us not ridicule these victims. Remember, they are terrorists because they lack jobs, which only come to those with a good liberal edukation, provided by the loving care of The Party™. I am almost certain this is it because the sign says they serve heroes hot as well as cold.

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The tower of pizza must be leaning because it was built on greasy pizza boxes.

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Their desire to throw gays off tall buildings is only caused by economic inequality. Apparently, the gays are economically better off, so the jihadis are moved by class conscience. Wanting to kill the rich and redistribute their wealth is Party-approved policy of class struggle.

As the Dear Leader once said, "Anal beads run a world in need." Oh wait... It may have been "White folks' greed runs a world in need." Same thing. Once everything is equally redistributed and the world is no longer in need, there will be no tall buildings left anyway.

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I suspect foul play in that tweet by Abu Abdullah Aritani. "We will use your leaning tower of pizza to throw off homosexual” sounds too much like a sentence fragment. Maybe this brave and peaceful Freedom Fighter™ was ambushed by high horse Christians and Evil Unemployment as he texted while riding his goat.

After much analysis and navel-gazing, I believe he really tried to say "We will use your leaning tower of pizza to throw off homosexual party. Bring booze and batteries, PBUH, LOL, TTFN!”

I've never been to Homophobia, but I hear that it's very ... ah, it's an independent ... the people are ... it's another one of those God-forsaken 1200 mile across sand dunes.

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At this point, I guess I'm konfused. Komrade Glorious Leader and the party justifiably attack evil opponents to the narrative and agenda regarding privileged classes of party voters. For example, the opponents are accused of being homophobes, hate kriminals, and "waging war on women." Okay, I understand that part. They are evil and must be made an example of so they no longer impede our glorious progress towards the world of Next Tuesday™ with facts, logic, and common sense.

But, on the other hand, Komrade Glorious Leader and other high party officials clearly support the poor, oppressed, unemployed "random folks" who want to kill gays, kill Jews, kill "high horse" Christians, and treat their women worse than we treat our cattle. That's apparently okay, and we must be tolerant, compassionate, and understanding of them.

Can someone from reeducation kamp please explain what I am missing here? I fear that my thinking is not korrekt and I may have to check in to a psychiatric klinik for a tuneup. Help me, komrades, please!

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It appears Dear Leader (PBUH) supports the Sovereign Nation of Homo, and is shown hosting the Official Delegation and rendering State Honors As they present their National Anthem...

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Comrades, I think some of us are failing to appreciate all of the thought consideration that was put into placed on all this. As director of Cartographic Catastrophes and Conglomerate Placement (CCCP) it is my duty pleasure commitment to explain the seeming mistake by these middle-eastern job-seekers.

As many of you must have learned in your Commune Core textbooks, the Leaning Tower of Pizza was once straight, but by strange, unseen forces most likely due to the variation somewhere in the sedimentary crust, the tower has become somewhat crooked, described by the locals as 'very flexible'. Furthermore, the shift has caused most of the toppings to change their orientation, in such that when the metamorphic pizzas changed, the pepperonis and other toppings which formed switched from their so-called 'heterogranular' structure to one which has also been described as 'totally gay'.

So as you can see, there is a perfectly legitimate geological pizza-making explanation for why our unemployed job-seekers wish to throw homosexuals off of the tower; it is based off their idea that by getting rid of the blasphemers, that they can also get rid of the pepperoni bacon sausage meat lovers extreme limited time only pizza's and only consume the Dear Lady Approved Spinach Swirl Weight Observers Pie™.

Of course, in this case, my handy useful Progressive Tolerance Flowchart™ fails to decide who wins in this case, so I'm going to let The Party decide while I go get some pizza.

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The good news for The Party™ is that there's a whole new protected class of victims to be exploited helped. My only qualm with embracing this newfound source of conflict harmony is that I kontinue to be plagued by inkorrekt thoughts which suggest that once we finally reach the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™, there may ensue certain power struggles among today's partners for viktory. Is this a valid koncern komrades? Or should I seek guidance from a more authoritative voice at the next union meeting? I know that it is frowned upon by The Party™ for members of the proletariat to engage in forward thinking of this nature, however I place some of the blame on the game of chess which taught me to engage in such fore-thought. Perhaps a meeting should be called to discuss the negative effect this age-old board-game can have on the minds of impressionable young party members.


 
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