GROTON, CT-- In a commencement speech to 218 graduating cadets at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, Dear Leader Obama made it clear that the biggest threat we face as a nation is an evil force known only as Climate Change. Details of this shapeless enemy are shady, but sources close to the administration say the president actually believes that 'consensus' is and always was a part of the 'scientific method,' ensconcing the idea as Current Truth.

Dear Leader told his captive audience: "Climate change constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security, and, make no mistake, it will impact how our military defends our country. And so we need to act — and we need to act now."

Almost immediately, his military advisers held a group-think session and came up with a very logical solution to this entire matter.

Just as The War Department sold War Bonds in the Second World War to fund the war effort, the federal government will begin an ad campaign aimed at giving American civilians an opportunity to voluntarily declare war on Climate Change with their wallets. All who refuse to participate will be taxed at a higher rate to compensate for their lack of patriotism.

Posters advertising the program can be seen below.

Hmmm, maybe there should be one of me dressed up as a used car salesman holding onto a wad of ca$h.

It takes a lot of money to pay off pay the salaries of Global Warminsk Climate Change scientists like me, you know.

P.S. By the way, your artwork is excellent most equal, Comrade Punk.

The Party has thoughtfully employed my service as Remover of Limbs to reduce the Carbon emissions at FEMA Camps. I have been gently encouraged to cut the excess resident population units in half. Ha, ha, no pun intended.

Comrades, another way to help make the world a safer place would not only buy carbon credits, but offset them. We can certainly offset our carbon debt in our daily lives by becoming more environmentally friendly.

Wearing stained earth toned recycled clothing from your local landfill will allow one to have at least 500 to 1000 carbon credits, depending on your wardrobe. Removing all those terrifying carbon belching SUV's and buying a used Chevrolet Volt or Prius to your family's two car collection will attain at least 3000 carbon credits even it it does not run. In fact placing an Obama election bumper sticker on each of your four vehicles will add an additional 10,000 carbon credits.

Converting your property into an ISIS training camp will increase your carbon credits to 30,000 carbon credits. Although there are just so many carbon credits available, once you have accumulated at least 40,000 carbon credits you will be allowed to turn on more than one light in your house or flush a toilet of your choice.

Those of us who are Democrat voters and would rather purchase carbon credits can enjoy a lavish lifestyle that only a true progressive truly deserves.

Great idea! Here's my modest contribution, reflecting on this change of policy.

[img]/images/Carbon_Credits_War_Bonds_Poster.jpg[/img]

Dr. Worddust wrote:The Party has thoughtfully employed my service as Remover of Limbs to reduce the Carbon emissions at FEMA Camps. I have been gently encouraged to cut the excess resident population units in half. Ha, ha, no pun intended.

No need for such drastic measures. Cutting off opposable thumbs should be enough, so we all become closer to the animal kingdom from whence we came. No opposable thumbs = no tools = no productive activity = no anthropogenic climate change. And if the climate changes anyway and we all die, at least we can do so with a clear conscience, knowing that it wasn't our fault.

THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL:

I hope my poster will help the Kause of Klimate.

Red Square wrote:Great idea! Here's my modest contribution, reflecting on this change of policy.

Pray pardon me, O People's Director, for a seemingly insubordinate question, but does this not suggest that people should pray to some outmoded and counterrevolutionary deity while buying carbon credits? or is it ordering the aforementioned deity to buy the carbon credits? I am very confused. (Which is the way all good subjects comrades should remain, is it not? But perhaps I have pulled the gas mask straps too tight.)

Let's not forget S&H Green Stamps: The precursor for the EBT Card.

Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:Hmmm, maybe there should be one of me dressed up as a used car salesman holding onto a wad of ca$h.

It takes a lot of money to pay off pay the salaries of Global Warminsk Climate Change scientists like me, you know.

P.S. By the way, your artwork is excellent most equal, Comrade Punk.

That sounds like a superb idea Dr. Lysenkomann. Thank you for the equally equal equality you have bestowed upon my kontribution to the state. I do what I can, but I am very limited. I do not have photoshop or anything similar, and wouldn't know how to use it if I did. All I have is Microsoft Paint, but I try to make the most of it, like a good member of the collective.
P.S. Did you ever read my comment from a few weeks ago about the dastardly Rush Limbaugh invoking your namesake? Just curious comrade. Keep up the consensual consensus.

Comrade RedDiaperette and others of the collective that may mistake the poster creatively offered by the esteemed Red Square, please understand that GOD ™ is acronym for Global Offsets Department (GOD ™ ) run under the Ministry of Plenty ™ .
It is important for all to know that our glorious leaders will never bring us from the glory of Next Tuesday ™ by speaking about a nonexistent deity and that we need to question ourselves before we question the wisdom of the Inner Party ™.

Be seeing you ™


Punk, you can use many free pieces of software by doing a search, there is software that is sold at thrift stores and I like paintshop from Old Version . com....I mean I do not suggest any i ll eg al actions.

KAMMERAT_X wrote:
Comrade RedDiaperette and others of the collective that may mistake the poster creatively offered by the esteemed Red Square, please understand that GOD ™ is acronym for Global Offsets Department (GOD ™ ) run under the Ministry of Plenty ™ .
It is important for all to know that our glorious leaders will never bring us from the glory of Next Tuesday ™ by speaking about a nonexistent deity and that [highlight=#ffff00]we need to question ourselves before we question the wisdom of the Inner Party ™.[/highlight]

This is true, this is true. I not only question myself but also denounce myself for questioning. Thank you for the korrektion.