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Republicans aim to deprive dead their voting rights

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Washington DC - An insider source close to our insider source has informed his anonymous source at the Washington Post that 300 confidential insiders inside the White House are the unidentified anonymous sources who overheard the president's call to issue voter ID cards to citizens who can prove they are still alive at the date of issuance.

These voting ID cards will renew on the birthdate of the still-breathing. The purpose of the voter IDs is to limit the votes of every now-Democrat non-breather to only four voting districts that have no buttons on voting machines that can count Republican votes. A voting supervisor in Chicago's South Side explained, as he pointed to faded Obama Hope & Change posters arrayed around us: "We don't think that Republicans can provide a good reason why they should breathe."

More upsetting to Democrats is the news that the son of Martin Luther King Jr. recently announced he agreed with Donald Trump's anonymous call suggesting that voter ID cards are a smart thing, since almost every nation issues them, including Mexico and South Africa. Both of these nations, governed by mostly racist brown and black people, allegedly issue voter ID cards to prevent browns and blacks from voting. Accordingly, it makes sense for the USA to issue voter ID cards to all the unidentified, anonymous insider sources at the Washington Post and New York Times. Even those unidentified anonymous people who don't exist.

Non-existence is no reason to deprive anyone of their voting rights and ID cards.

It was proposed by one anonymous and imaginary insider source at The Washington Post who spoke with us provided we agreed not to identify him, that once the still-breathing prove unwilling to exhale for disingenuous reasons such as that rigor mortis has set in, the issuance of the voter IDs will cease - at least until they start voting again. But it's only a rumor at this time, until another anonymous insider from Team Hillary confirms it or provides a non-breathing certificate. To control voting irregularities by Republicans more effectively, medical professionals at the DNC cite the latest studies the government paid for, $300 million, that inhaling expedites the exhaling process of the still breathing, and is of limited value to non-breathers.

Money well spent.

Observers had suggested that the issuance of voter ID cards is a plot to crush the political left, because everyone will miss the deadbeats, the entitled, the drug-addled and the dependent, and the deranged nobodies who make up the aggrieved of the only party worthy of breathing.

White House spokesman Sean Spicer refused to elaborate on this rumor when asked about it at today's no-longer in-effect news conference, from which the presidential spokesman was absent. In his place the Republicans erected a Greek Temple behind Spicer's podium to remind us of Who We Are.

Greeks.

The Republicans' attempt at bridging the political divide seems to have been lost on the press corps that just returned together from prayers from the other Greek Temple wearing "Vote Early and Vote Often" buttons and placards printed with "HE'S NOT MY PRESIDENT."

The first slogan was coined by Chicago resident and Saul Alinsky acolyte Al Capone, a registered Democrat and voting twice fan, who also helped the non-breathing vote early whenever the breathing failed to.

At some precincts in Illinois say our anonymous insider, the still-breathing Republicans have anonymously been discouraged from voting by Al's men who shot them dead on sight - after which they tended to vote Democrat anyway. Of their own free will. Al's novel methods for encouraging the still-breathing are renowned, for he could convert a life-long Republican breather to a faithful Democrat non-breather instantly. Or as soon as the breather stopped inhaling.

Amazingly, the Republicans haven't learned a thing over all these years.

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This of course is a typical Trump botch-up (hyperventilates, heavily).
I see no thought at all given to now-breathers who identify as non-breathers!

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:This of course is a typical Trump botch-up (hyperventilates, heavily).
I see no thought at all given to now-breathers who identify as non-breathers!
Or vice versa. Or versa vice.

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Che says Republican breathing causes Global Warming and rising sea levels - and worse: votes for Donald Trump. Which is totally unacceptable. He proposes arrest for their coordinating with Vlad, and execution ASAP as a politically-reasonable and korrekt remedy.

Che added: Make AmeriKKa Small Again!

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RedDiaperette wrote:
Genosse Dummkopf wrote:This of course is a typical Trump botch-up (hyperventilates, heavily).
I see no thought at all given to now-breathers who identify as non-breathers!
Or vice versa. Or versa vice.
Exactly. With no vice, such a transitionist person can - dead legally - vote thrice.
First, as a now-breather. Second, on transition to non-breather. Third, as self-IDed non-breather.

Even Comrade Capone couldn't conjure such a shtick!
Once sleeping with the fishes, always sleeping with the fishes.


 
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