Last month a school in Schuylkill County, PA armed students with buckets of river rocks to help keep them safe in the event of a mass shooting. Now a school district in Erie County, PA is giving little tiny baseball bats to teachers so they can fight off mass shooters.


In response to recent school shootings, a Pennsylvania school district has decided to arm its teachers with baseball bats. However, Baseball bats are around 42 inches long and can do some damage if swung at the head. The Millcreek School District in Erie County says its 500 teachers will be armed with 16-inch bats. The superintendent says the bats were given to each teacher after an in-service training day on how to respond to school shootings. The district ordered about 600 bats at a cost of about $1,800.

They actually trained teachers how to use a souvenir bat to stop someone with a real gun that fires real bullets?

Superintendent Bill Hall said the bats are primarily “symbolic;” they are an option for teachers to use if they need to fight back during a school shooting, but the bats will be locked up in each classroom!



Not to be Outdone an Alabama school system suggests throwing Cans of Vegetables at shooters!

W. F. Burns Middle Schools principal Princella Holley suggested stockpiling “cans of food such as corn and peas in classrooms” so students could grab them and “hurl” them at school attackers as a “last resort.”

Or, if all else fails, one might spit at the shooter. Or tell him "Shame, shame, everybody knows your name." But the latter should be reserved for a truly last resort, since it might hurt his feelings.

Harsh Language was tried in the second Alien movie, but it didn't work...

The students should draw and color a picture showing alternate ways to resolve the conflict while the teacher composes a sternly worded letter to the aggressor to explain how everyone feels.


It works in international diplomacy, I've seen it work. Observe...

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What's next... poo-flinging primate security guards?!
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