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Everybody Reading This Article Has Just Won Something

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They say that if somebody is doing something for a while, they're doing it right. Therefore, all who give participation trophies are doing it right. This prompted me to investigate why. No need to call upon The People to investigate, I did it all by myself. And what I discovered will shock everyone, so keep reading.

From that State-Approved study, I have discovered why people give out these things that encourage one to be as shallow as possible feel very important doing bare minimum activity: everyone needs a nanny State, hence why we have the OnStar Button, the Nanny Button, and most recently, The People's Life Alert. It is therefore very important that I get on with it, and bring up the main point: we here at the Cube have developed our own participation trophy*, and best of all, EVERYONE READING THIS HAS WON THAT PEOPLE'S PARTICIPATION TROPHY!!!!

That's right, everyone who is reading this has won The People's participation trophy*, and has not realised that they did. That's why I'm here to tell you that all of you have won it.

That's right, you shocked labouring proles that work tirelessly to bring about The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™, YOU win a participation trophy, YOU win a participation trophy, YOU win a participation trophy, and EVERYONE ELSE who wants one wins a participation trophy!!!!

And everyone can cheer, because beyond a shadow of doubt, this is the participation trophies of participation trophies. This is the most ultimate participation trophy to exist in the history of existence. There is simply no other participation trophy, or anything at all, like it, nowhere near as close as this one because chances are, they're far more significant than a participation trophy.




*One must quietly admit that is is more filling winning a participation trophy for being on here; after all, The Cube in and of itself is known to fill you up very much...

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I have just noticed that my neighbor's participation trophy is 1/16" taller than mine. And it has more sprinkles on it as well. That is Not Fair.™ This kulak must be eliminated and his goods (including the trophy) redistributed to the Heroes of the Kollektive who have reported him.

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I denounce The People's Anthony Sullivan as being a literary BIGOT! This Participation Trophy is only available to those that can READ and have the Internet - not equal and not fair!

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I must note that the People's Participation trophy does not specify the participation of the LGBTMNOPORS participants..

More Equality NOW!!!

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In defense of Comrade Anime, I would urge our literate subscribers (who may have had the misfortune to learn phonics before the experts took over) to notice this all important quote...
The People's Anthony Sullivan wrote:YOU win a participation trophy, YOU win a participation trophy, YOU win a participation trophy, and EVERYONE ELSE who wants one wins a participation trophy!!!!
You see? Everybody gets one just for wanting one. If you're LGBTQЖЙЁЯ, you get one just for existing! Each trophy is uniquely crafted to suit your individual personality, so your trophy is identical to the one suited for any other comrade's individual personality.
I think I deserve two trophies for this post.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
In defense of Comrade Sullivan, I would urge our literate subscribers (who may have had the misfortune to learn phonics before the experts took over) to notice this all important quote...
The People's Anthony Sullivan wrote:YOU win a participation trophy, YOU win a participation trophy, YOU win a participation trophy, and EVERYONE ELSE who wants one wins a participation trophy!!!!
You see? Everybody gets one just for wanting one. If you're LGBTQЖЙЁЯ, you get one just for existing! Each trophy is uniquely crafted to suit your individual personality, so your trophy is identical to the one suited for any other comrade's individual personality.
I think I deserve two trophies for this post.

Exactly!! You see? No bigotry here. Everyone gets one!!!!

(Also, nobody ever will know of your second one that you earned, no matter how State-approved the second one is).

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Comrade Tony... a prototype of a participation trophy I have in mind:
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Can't I just get an increase in my beet vodka ration?

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Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:Can't I just get an increase in my beet vodka ration?
So you are saying you wish to have more than others in the kollektive? Tsk. This will have to be investigated. (Unless, of course, you are willing to share with the investigators.)

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RedDiaperette wrote:So you are saying you wish to have more than others in the kollektive? Tsk. This will have to be investigated. (Unless, of course, you are willing to share with the investigators.)

Because my desire need for vodka is greater than most, I am only asking—quite humbly, I might add—that my rations be equal to my desire need. As it is, I feel that my desires needs are not being fully recognized, a situation which can hardly be alleviated with a lousy glorious participation trophy.

P.S.: The "investigators" are welcome to sample my private horde strategic vodka reserve

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Chrissy - everyone gets a trophy...
(...you don't have to kiss anybody's ass unless you want to!)
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