Comrade Laika, Space Cadet Mongrel.

I come to you, as I know that you are really the top dog here. In my many years of absence here, during my mandatory suggested vacation in the North, for retraining, I could only think of reporting back here for duty, and vodka rations. In the tropical paradise that the state paid my all expenses vacation, in the North of Siberia, I learned two things. The truth, and it was sure cold there. But truth can take many forms when you have enough Volka. And here I am hoping to drink a lot more truth.

But enough of this whining Laika. What I see in my absence is a feeling of capitalism has taken root here. Can it be such? Tell me this is not true Comrade Laika? I ask you to put the bite on those Revisionists now running the Cube, and return this site to its rightful Stalinist ways.

We must all think alike, without any deviation whatsoever. In that way, and in only that way, can we ever be free.

Your Friend, and forgotten Comrade,
Stooge of the Revolution

Comrades!

It is no coincidence that May Day would fall on a Friday this Glorious Year in The Progressive World of This Tuesday!

We deserve a three-day weekend!

For the great November Victory and the Hard Work of Protesting, Marching, Registering People to vote whose address was a park bench, for the Dallas Cowboys voting in Las Vegas, for taking glancing blows with rubber bullets and accepting Hope and Change, you deserve a three-day weekend!

Imagine that! When was the last time you had a three-day weekend? I bet you can't remember! Not to worry though, soon all the proletarians will achieve the Worker's Paradise of the Permanent Three Day Weekend. You are entitled! Enjoy!

Those who have not achieved the Permanent Three Day Weekend, you have only yourself to Blame for not Blaming Bush Enough!

We shall now take two minutes for Blame-Bush Hate. Scream it at the top of your lungs!

• Because of Bush my gas tank is not full.


• Because of Bush my mortgage has not been paid.


• Because of Bush I have had Bad Hair Days, worse than Blagojevich, who is an agent of Bush!


• Because of Bush we now control the White House, Congress, and the Senate.


• Because of Bush we should be happy, but we can't because of Bush!

Good, now take a deep breath, adjust your tinfoil, and let out a big sigh...

We were going to have Obama speak this May Day but due to the Bush Economy there is not enough Evian water to go around for all the proles who "Got Faint".

Oh crap! All I had to do was mention "The One" and Pinky fainted in the front row.... make room for Pinky, let her get some breathing space... that's good... Bruno! You have good hands? I have an extra bottle of Perrier here at the podium, I know it's not Evian but these are tough times and sacrifices have to be made somewhere... catch it and let Pinky sip on it. Good catch Bruno!

I'm sure you all understand now why Obama shouldn't give a May Day speech. It's For The Women who will Faint and Fall and Hurt The Childrenâ„¢

His Excellency did not disappoint us though, for he has sent us none other than Fearless Leader as a substitute guest speaker. Fearless Leader needs no introduction.

Fearless Leader:

Cubists! I salute you!

Because of you, Moose, Squirrel, and Arlen Specter have defected to our side. Unfortunately, the evil Palin killed and gutted Moose shortly after Moose saw the glorious light of International Socialism. Unfortunately though also, we could no longer provide suitable "Republican" cover for Arlen, so we had to make the obvious... well... ummm... let's say "obvious".

Life is much like that. Party lose Moose, Party gain hybrid Weasel/Vulture. Struggle continues.

Yes Cubists! I salute you for helping Party Achieve Power! This is true! We have power but the struggle continues!

• The struggle continues as long as there is one perverted tea bagger!


• The struggle continues as long as there is one bitter clinger!


• The struggle continues as long as there is one home schooler!


• The struggle continues as long as there is one law abiding gun owner!


• The struggle continues as long as there is one bourgeois stooge who believes in the "individual".

So you see, Party Comrades,
there is much work ahead of us.

It is now true that 2 + 2 = 5!

It is now true that printing 747 trillion dollars
will reduce the deficit!

Numbers are just that... numbers, and just like what Comrade Stalin once said "It's not who votes, but who counts the votes" numbers are what we say they are.

We are counting the numbers! If printing 747 trillion dollars will reduce the deficit, it will reduce it because we say so and will it so!

With this being said, Happy May Day!

I have to go now. I'm very busy. I have to check the photos I took of the "man-made disaster" faces of the people on the ground while I was buzzing The Statue of Liberty with Air Force One.

Now that is power!

Today's Sermon: Cap and Trade.

As we all know, Carbon is Evil. Especially the carbon dioxide being exhaled by RethugliKKKans this very second and it needs to stop.
Unfortunately, not enough gulags have been built yet to labor them to death so they can go see their false "Judeo-Christian God".
In the meantime we must reduce carbon emissions, eliminate carbon footprints, and cap, cap, cap and when we're done capping, cap some more.

"Cap and Trade" is the most Holy of Holy Rituals here in the Reformed Church of Climatology (aka "The Goremons")
Worship the Weather Stone and sing the praise of Cap and Trade!
Since the gulags aren't ready, we must build wind turbines!
Yes, wind turbines!

EMBEDDED VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE

A warning from the Church!

Under penalty of ex-communication YOU ARE NOT to inform these extremely useful idiots that:

A) To make steel, you must mine coal
B) Coal must then be fired into coke
C) Coke is used to heat the blast furnaces
D) Iron ore must be mined
E) All of the mined resources must be transported via diesel burning locomatives to the steel mills
F) The iron ore must be melted in furnaces with other mined alloys to make steel
G) There is a lot of smelly, toxic by-products more dangerous than CO2 in the steelmaking process.
H) Cap and Trade means shooting America's steelmaking capability in both kneecaps, crippling even further our own ability to produce steel. The steel that will build these turbines will come from China, Brazil, South Korea, etc...who will not be subject to "Cap and Trade" or completely ignore it if they sign this worthless scrap of paper.

Go In Peace and Serve Al Gore.

4th Official May Day Signal to Strong Obamunists, Hillary Operatives,
and Fifth Column McCain Supporters:

Comrades! Such Progress Our Progressive Progressivism the World Has Never Seen!

May Day!

The Festivus of Communism!
Enjoy your ONE AND ONLY HOLIDAY!
Senator Kennedy, you may toss out the first drunk!
Whoops, looks like it's the Senator himself.
OK, let the Tanks Roll!

Who would have believed that after our victorious November Revolution of 2006 we would be in the position we are today, less than two years later?High gasoline prices, rice rationing, food prices soaring, the failure of the capitalist credit system (loud applause) and record foreclosures on so-called "private property". All our hard work is paying off.... ummm.... bearing fruit.... hmmm.... nooooo.... Well, let's just say all our hard work is making The Partyâ„¢ stronger than ever before.What could be better?
Change?
Hope?

NO!

The Complete Victory in November that has been assured by our Troika of Triumph, The Candidates Three!McHillama!Never before have we had such success in making sure America gets what it deserves in the struggle for International Socialism. Sure, there was Wilson, FDR, and Carter in the last century, but this is a new millennium and ....and ...and... I'm getting so giddy with glee, I think I'm going to faint!

Barack, can you toss me that bottle of Evian under your podium?.....glug, glug, pshhhht, gasp, gag, gag, cough.... Whoa!...No, Senator Obama, that was Teddy's Evian... er... a... bottle of "water" he keeps for emergencies just like this. There must have been a mixup.No matter what, power is ours for the taking and take we will.

Not Yes We Can.YES WE WILL! Massive applause.( leans over and whispers to Red and Meow ..."gimme another sip of Teddy's water, it's friggin' freezin' cold up here on this granite mausoleum. Who had the stupid idea to do this every year? Stalin? Hell, he always had two litres of Hy-Test in him, no wonder he didn't give a flying Yak's ass )( Red Square stops clapping, applause stops )Yes We Will Comrades! Yes We Will!

Yes We Will (fill in the gender, species, transgender, or favorite appliance) the Barricades is Denver!
Yes We Will Recreate not only '68! but '05! & '17 too!
Yes We Will Riot if a Black Man or White Woman isn't Nominated!
Yes We Will Distribute Revolutionary Justice and Re-Distribute Goods!( much applause, mob howls and drools )This year's theme is an essay contest open to every 12-year-old Young Pioneer who isn't "home schooled" and that goes without saying.The essay theme is "What May Day Means to the Collective, Not Just Me, Because That Would Be Reactionary and Selfish."

Since there are no winners, a random essay will be chosen and that child will get a free "Laika the Space Dog" T-shirt because everything should be for free.

It's still a contest though, the only score we'll keep will be the ones who get a shovel and a one way ticket to the gulag for failing to submit an essay.You may submit your essays below on this thread.

HAPPY MAY DAY!
Laika

November 3, 2007 (RFE/RL) -- Fifty years ago today, a stray dog called Laika became the first earthling to reach outer space.


The flight was a crowning triumph for the Soviet Union in the emerging space race with the United States. Just a month earlier, Moscow had successfully lifted Sputnik I, the world's first satellite, into orbit.

'Victory For Mankind'

Oleg Mukhin, the vice president of the Russian Federation of Astronautics, says November 3, 1957, was a victorious day for the USSR. "It was a victory for the whole country and a global achievement," he says. "It symbolized mankind's science, it was a victory for mankind. Of course, we are proud that our country took these first, great steps into the cosmos."

But amid the cheering, one man was grieving for the ill-fated dog. Oleg Gazenko, the director of the Institute of Biomedical Problems, was responsible for training Laika. He knew the Sputnik II aircraft that would take the dog to space did not have the technology necessary to return her safely to Earth.

"Newspapers, radio, and television were ecstatic," Gazenko says. "But I must admit that my heart was very heavy. Firstly, I understood that the animal would not be able to come back to Earth. Secondly, I knew that the temperature in the rocket's cabin gradually rose during the first hours. I guessed that the dog was dead."

Soviet scientists originally planned for Laika to spend seven days in orbit before being euthanized. But due to a malfunction in the thermal-control system, Laika died of stress and heat exhaustion within hours of the launch.

Five months and 2,570 orbits later, in April 1958, her capsule burned up upon reentry into the Earth's atmosphere.

Ahead of the Sputnik II mission, several dogs had been flown to the stratosphere on a rocket and parachuted back to Earth. But for the first space flight, Gazenko picked Laika from a pool of three canines selected for the experiment. He describes Laika as a friendly, endearing dog.

Gazenko says Laika's six-month training was intense. "She had to be trained to sit still in a small cubicle, to eat gel-like food dispensed by a small machine, to get used to the stress and irritating aspects of space flight," Gazenko says. "We accustomed her to the sound of rocket engines and spun her in a centrifuge."

The mutt was also trained to wear a spacesuit dotted with sensors to monitor her heartbeat, blood pressure, and breathing.

Despite Laika's ordeal, the mission was deemed a success. By proving that a mammal could survive liftoff and weightlessness, Laika paved the way for manned flights to outer space.

In April 1961, the world's first cosmonaut, the Soviet Union's Yury Gagarin, blasted into space.

State Secret Revealed

The circumstances surrounding Laika's death remained a state secret for 45 years. To soothe outraged animal lovers around the globe, Soviet officials insisted the four-legged cosmonaut had died peacefully after a week in space, by eating a specially planned toxic substance that mission organizers said would allow for a painless euthanasia.

The truth was revealed only in 2002 by Dmitry Malachenkov, a scientist who had worked on the Sputnik II mission.

To this day, the 88-year-old Gazenko says he is regularly gripped by remorse over Laika's death. But perishing in space, he says, was Laika's fate.

"Unfortunately, the mission was necessary," he says. "Before Laika's flight, we were able study the effects of weightlessness for just a few minutes. Laika's flight showed that the path to space was open for the Earth's living beings."

Link: http://www.rferl.org/featuresarticle/20 ... 7fb2b.html

Annual Transmission to Toiling Masses on occasion of May 1st International Workers' Solidarity Day

Delivered by Laika the Space Dog, Member of Politburo, Friend of Progressive People

Workers, peasants, and the unwashed toiling intelligentsia!

< prolonged applause >

Congratulations on surviving another glorious year of Revolution! This year we witnessed the collapse of the Republican Capitalist voting system! For the first time since 1994 no voting irregularities were reported in the mainstream media. The record turnout of dead voters, whom we like to call "necro-proxies of progress" has given the Democratic Socialists an absolute mandate to do whatever they damn well please in both The House of Representatives and The Senate. The absolutist rule of the Democratic majority shall bury the silly idea of a "republic" once and for all. Oh yes! We will bury you!

< Slams podium with shoe >

Let George Bush veto the appropriations bill, then we'll impeach him! The Mime (PBUH) will lead the way with Gloria Swanson and Alva Goldbook, three of our staunchest supporters! You're in trouble now Bushitler! Brains are on our side!

Our Islamic Comrades struggling against American Imperialism are relocating to paradise in record numbers, upgrading their housing conditions and engaging in responsible polygamous relationships with a guaranteed quota of 72 standard-issue upper-class virgins. The Zionist entity lost a war to Hezbollah, the social welfare organization second in compassion only to the UN. Flat Fatima and Green Helmut send their warmest fatwas to Reuters and other news media covering Israel's overreaction. Remember - only cowards don't hide behind the backs of older women and face the enemy!

Today will mark the second anniversary of "Get Out of School Free Day" for Hispanic trans-legal immigrants going to public schools. All indigenous people must join today's protest against the paved roads, power lines, TVs, radios, telephones, computers, indoor plumbing, irrigation, industries, schools, and hospitals. We demand equal redistribution of E. coli in all ethnic food! In other news, the Salvation Army was sued in Boston by the EEOC for firing two Spanish-speaking employees who were given a year to learn some basic English. How "La Raza" is that?

Next the EEOC must sue the US Army - until we have two separate Armies, one English speakers and one for Spanish speakers. Separate but Equal! This will make for a better unified command in a time of crisis and make giving orders easier. If it's good for The Salvation Army, it's good for the United States Army! Happy Protesting!

Now let us sing a Hymn:

(Click here for the musical accompaniment)

Hugo Filled the Boats With Oil
Algoreluia
Hugo Filled the Boats With Oil
Algoreluia
Hugo Filled the Boats With Oil
It's for Free You Shall Not Toil
Algoreluia

Joe brought the Boats to Shore
Algoreluia
Joe brought the Boats to Shore
Algoreluia
Joe brought the Boats to Shore
Free Oil for the Poor
Algoreluia

Most rewarding of all - a new religion besides Islam and Scientology that Socialism can give a wink and a nod to - The Reformed Church of Climatology (a.k.a. The Goremons). Praise be The Weather Stone! If it's hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, snowing, of foggy minded - that means Global Warming is near. Algore Akhbar! (PBUH) We need a qualified CPA to help us fill out the IRS 301 (3) C forms so we can launder money, acquire real estate, attract celebrities and try to look legitimate. Send resumes to Rev. L. Space Dogged c/o The People's Cube.

A-Neuter

We will now have the collection for the collective. Just press Pay Pal on the left hand side bar and you'll receive a Carbon Indulgence marked down in the Book of Goremon for all eternity.

In the Name of Marx. Lenin, and Stalin's Ghost
May Algore fleece thee and scare thee
May his Inconvenience frighten thee
Surrender and Impeachment brings thee Peace

A-Neuter

Gather round Young Pioneers and Little Jihadis and let Aunt Laika tell you a poem."

Now in the decadent West, they have a myth about Santa Claus and Reindeer that can fly. We all know that is not true and even if it was true, Santa Claus would be an enemy of the state because he keeps elves as slaves and beats the Reindeer with whips. The ACLU and PETA would have sued him and his fat, jolly butt would be in the slammer.

Now in the progressive Islamic Republics, especially Iran, there is The Prophet and Bourak. Bourak is half man and half flying horse and the Prophet flies on his back to the farthest mosque (Jerusalem), heaven and hell, and the houses of misery and happiness. This is done on the night as what is known on the infidel calendar as August 22, and true believers call this the Miraj.

This year, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has promised not only to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth, but also to "Light up the night sky over Jerusalem" during Miraj on August 22. Mike Wallace said in his "60 Minutes" interview that Mahmoud is a very intelligent and nice man, so everything Mahmoud said is true unlike that goofy Santa Claus myth.

Once this is done, the 12th Imam, who has been living in seclusion since the 11th Century will return, bringing about the final Apocalypse. Isn't that nice?Now you can see, children, that while Israel's claim to its territory is based on myth and fairy tales of the Old Testament, Islam's claim to the same territory is based on strict historical facts and scientific analysis.So, now let me tell you about Miraj. You might think it was stolen from another poem, but this is the real one, the other one was stolen.

'Twas the Night Before Miraj

'Twas the night before Miraj, when all through dhimmiland
Not a camel was stirring, nor flea in the sand.
The infidels were hung by the over-pass with care,
In hopes that Twelver soon would be there.

The children were bomb-wired all snug in their beds,
While visions of martyrdom danced in their heads.
And mamma in her burqa, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long summer's nap.

When out on the dirt there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the tent to see what was the matter.
Away with my AK I flew like a rip,
Tore open the gunny and threw in a clip.

With my finger on the trigger, I almost let loose a round
When a flying Bourak then landed on the ground.
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the Twelver himself, and the Prophet, right here!

With Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, so wily and slick,
I knew in a moment it wasn't a Jew trick.
More rapid than katushas his rockets they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, hijacked a plane!

"Now Hamas! now, Hezbollah! now, Ba'athist and Sunni!
On, Shia! On, PLO! we're all freaking loony!
To the Zionist state! to the Wailing Wall!
Now kill the Jews, kill the Jews, kill the Jews all!"

As palm leaves that before the wild sand storm fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to Aqsa Mosque the coursers they flew,
With a Bourak full of nukes, and the Twelfth Imam too!
And then, in a moment, I heard on the mosque's roof
The prancing and pawing of each giant hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the minaret The Prophet came with a bound.

He was dressed all in rags, from his head to his shoes,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes from Jews.
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a jihadi, just back from Iraq!

His eyes-how they burned! his grimace how scary!
He laughed like a Stooge, the one they call Larry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a gate,
And the beard of his chin was as oily as Kuwait.

The stump of a Jew he held tight in his teeth,
And the blood it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a mean face and was more than smelly,
And Al Jazeera showed his image on everyone's telly!

He had flies like a dump, a right nasty old elf,
And I wept when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know all the Jews were all dead
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And nuked all of Israel, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the minaret he rose!

He sprang to his Bourak, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a nuclear missile.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he flew out of sight,
"Happy Miraj to all, and to all a good-night!"

To the Workers, Peasants, Unwashed Toiling Intelligentsia, and the Party Privileged: You may now put on your tinfoil hats to receive the transmission.

In honor of Dan Rather, Komrade Kenneth will assist Dan in sending the signal. The frequency is now set. Dan, you may throw the switch and begin transmission:

Today Comrades, millions of socialists are taking to the streets of Amerika to advance the cause of the Welfare State! All borders shall be removed! The Mexicomintern Council has been working very hard with La Raza these past few months, blending fascism and socialism to come up a unique brand of progressive thought which is bound to destroy the Evil Gringo Bush and his capitalist knaves. Assimilation? No! Domination? Yes! Free stuff (hospital care) for everybody! We'll march today and get drunk on Friday, Cinco de Mayo! Even the Mexicans have kicked French Ass!

Another glorious year has passed in the triumphant march of Progressive Socialism! Many Great Leaps Forward have been made. United Google and China stand stronger than ever! Strange, hurtful words like democracy, freedom, human rights, and political prisoners have been purged and cleansed from the Internet in China with the courage and ingenuity of the engineers at Google. Bravo! The progressive world applauds Google for your stand against such outlandish ideas. It's a shame we had a little misunderstanding with you here at People's Cube, but we forgive you. The Order of Lenin has been sent C.O.D. to Comrade Brin. (Sorry about that Sergei, the Cube is a little short on cash; proletarians haven't been buying enough revolutionary t-shirts, and with the cost of vodka and caviar going up, sacrifices have to be made.)

Tip your tin hats in a salute to the French! Appeasement does work if you riot with zeal and determination! Kudos to the Eurabian Muslims and socialist students who taught the weak socialist French government that all of the planet's ills can only be cured with Strong Communism! This year will see a return of the Communard and there will be no interference this time from Das Neuterland. A century of failure proves nothing!

While on the subject of appeasement, critical negotiations are in progress between the Democratic Party and Islamofascism. Hillary will announce that once sworn in as President of the United States in 2009, on the 70th Anniversary of the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact, she will sign a Non-Aggression Pact with the Islamofascist World represented by Osama bin-Laden. Bells will ring and Moonbats will sing! Dean and Ahmadinejad will join. For now, ignore any hawkish talk by Hillary, she knows what she is doing...she had two great mentors, Adolph Hitler (PBUH) and Comrade Stalin (PBUH).

What more can we say about Hugo Chavez that hasn't been said already? Kind, caring, brilliant - you just name it! Che Guevara must be smiling down from Communist Heaven... oh wait, make that Communist Godless Heaven... you know what I mean. Fidel has been lonely for so long since Daniel Ortega was voted out, so now he has somebody to play dictator with in Latin America and isn't that grande?

Hooray for Hollywood! Hooray for Hollywood! Wow, what a year! Brokeback Mountain, Syriana, V for Vendetta, the list just goes on and on... The Culture War is as good as won. Thank you Hollywood and all of your celebrities who always answer the call of progress! You are Legion for you are many!

Cindy Sheehan? That name speaks volumes for itself and for itself and for itself and for itself and for itself. Casey did not die in vain, for without his death the world would never have known about Cindy. What's that Cindy? He did die in vain? Well I certainly f#%ked that one up, didn't I? I apologize. You can sit down now Cindy. Sit! I said sit down and be quiet. Can you do that for May Day? Just once? Will somebody from the Red Guards gag her? Just until I finish my May Day Communiqué and then you can let her off her chain. Thanks.

Refreshments will now be served at the Google hospitality suite, you can't miss it, it is right next to the NAMBLA children's day care pavilion we've set up for today's celebration if you brought your kids, especially little boys.

This year's food theme is "Viva Illegal Aliens!" Gobs of tacos and refried beans will be served with threats of a Mexican takeover in California, New Mexico, Arizona, Texas and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan... so watch out "Yoopers"! Compliments of La Raza - they've been cooking up their wonderful takeover schemes for weeks. Once more, 160 years of history proves nothing. Only tofu tacos will be served: meat is murder and we don't want to offend our vegan terrorist sponsors ELF and ALF.

We've got loads of Budweiser thanks to the Rev. Jesse Jackson and plenty of the hard stuff compliments of Teddy Kennedy. For those of you who don't drink alcohol, there's purple Kool-Aid and Bush flavored Haterade (the only flavor). Bill Clinton brought the "kind bud" so ask him to roll you one, just don't inhale. Have I missed anybody? If so, post a comment in the Cube.

It's been another great year, keep up the good work, and enjoy your one and only holiday!

The Hero Space Dog of Socialism,
Laika

UnderDog and I took a long deserved holiday... boating in the Black Sea, skiing in the Urals, photographing the people's struggle in France (it has been mis-labeled as "riots" by the vast right wing media conspiracy).

It was mid December when Udie and I made it back to the USSA. At this time Udie popped the question... would I marry him? I told him I had to think it over. After all I was 'married" to the international socialist cause since 1957 and I was unsure about such western bourgoisie traditions, besides, Hillary has promised to abolish marriage when she comes into power. Oh, poor Laika's head was spinning.

The diamond-studded collar he gave me was so, so, so... stunning, beautiful, and decadent! How could I ever wear it around party members? Love and Socialism is a hard choice comrades, unless you Love only Socialism. Now I know exactly how comrade Ninotchka felt.

Udie just wagged his tail and said he'd give me some time to think about it. He then said he was going down to the newstand in our hotel to get some cigars and a magazine while I mixed cocktails. UnderDog is so humble and loveable that I don't know how I deserve him. I am so lucky. How could I let him down after what that Polly Purebred bitch did to him. All that was quickly pushed aside when Udie came back from the newstand.

"Laika, come quick" Udie barked.
"Yes, dahlink vat is it?"
"Stop with the silly Russian accent, this is serious."
"Carter has escaped the Gulag" he continued " and is doing interviews in magazines, look at this latest issue of GQ. I think it's code."
"Damn" I said " It's a shame Comrade Betty didn't get a chance to use his Mark VII on that fiend."
"Too late now, this article goes on in detail about the Central African Republic episode and mentions a psychic.Could it be that..."
"He's after the Frequency!" I didn't even let Udie finish.
"Does it mention Mona Mondieu?"



Magic, Magic Mona

"No it doesn't Laika, why do you ask?"
"Mona is the only other person to correctly guess the Frequency other than Dan Rather, only it wasn't guessing. She was the top CIA psychic and astrologer until Mark Felt blew her cover similar to that Plame/Wilson thing going on in the NY Times during"The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" incident. Mona found the plane we shot down, the CIA recovered the kryptonite and Felt was given orders to terminate her lest she fell into our hands."
"Wasn't Mona played by Stockard Channing in the movie?"
"Mona is believed to actually be Stockard Channing."
"Wow, so after Felt blew her cover, she went into hiding and..."
"That is why you hardly ever see a Stockard Channing movie anymore since 1979." I finished.
"Okay, Laika, but isn't "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" slated for a politically correct Hollywood remake this year? Party's orders?"



"Precisely Udie, that's why we need to get to Mona before the Moonbatman to protect the Frequency."
"You call Warren Beatty, Laika. I'll pack our bags. We better get to Hollywood."
"I'll call Kenneth too!"

To be continued.....

• Will Laika and UnderDog save the Frequency and International Socialism?


• Will Laika and UnderDog finally tie the knot?


• Will Dan Rather be re-programmed and re-activated?


• Will Comrade Betty get to use his Mark VII on the despised Moonbatman AKA James Earl Carter?


• Will Warren Beatty go down on Cindy Sheehan?

Be here next week, same Moonbat Time, same Moonbat Channel!

Underdog and I first heard the knock at the door sometime after midnight August 3rd. After being separated from Polly Purebred, Udie was in need of some comfort and being in delicato, I called down the hall to my trustful manservant, Kommander Kenneth to answer the door.

"Laika, get down here, it's Chief Warrant Officer Smersh!" yelled a startled Ken, up the steps towards my bedroom.

"Give me a minute while I dress" I replied.

It had been a while since we had seen Smersh. Since the purge of K. he had been wandering aimlessly looking for a new bureaucratic position until Hillary took pity upon him and made him her C.W.O.

"What have you got for me Smersh?" as he handed me a large manila envelope marked TOP SECRET.

"Direct Orders from Hillary herself" was Smersh's reply. "I have no idea of its contents."

"Well, let's find out." I said as I opened the large envelope.
I nearly fainted, but as you know, Space Dogs never faint.

It read:

To: Laika and Kommander Kenneth

On September 20, 2005 Kommander Kenneth is to turn on the frequency and Laika is to activate the tinhats on all the Barking Moonbats in Lunar Orbit, signaling for them to proceed to Earth and to land in Washington D.C. on September 24th. When in Washington D.C. you will order the Moonbats to surround the White House. At 1400 hrs sharp Cindy Sheehan will lead the Moonbats in singing Kumbaya behind the South Portico distracting the Marine Guards while you lead the rest of the contingent in storming the Northern Main Entrance (Don't worry, I had a key made in 2000 while looting the china, it'll be easy) At 1430 hrs I shall stand on the South Portico balcony and declare myself President to the adoring crowds basking in my glory!

We expect little opposition since most capitalist bourgeoisie are resting on Saturday because of being overworked and overtaxed. Our spies have detected that some radical fringe group called "Protest Warrior" and their miniscule minions will be there to "protect" the White House. We will simply overwhelm them with our superior proletarian numbers.

I am counting on you two, Laika and Kenneth!

The time is now. We cannot wait for 2008!

Witness by my hand,
Hillary Rodham Clinton
August 3rd 2005

Stunned, we all stood there looking at each other for about a minute.

"Well let's not just stand here, let's get moving! We have a month's time to work with and get these logistics figured out. I'll get working on the calculated burn time for the Moonbats to pull them out of orbit, site the gimbal, correct the perigee and apogee, and get the angle of degrees for the descent upon Washington D.C. so the Moonbats won't fry on re-entry."

"Kenneth, you need to round up Hollywood, call Streisand, Sheen, Beatty, Asner, Garofalo, et al.... Order lots of Port-a-Potties, Busses, Banners. Smersh, tell Hillary we got the orders and could you notify the Cube...we'll need lots of slogans!"

"Let's go, this is a Coup D'Etat for Hillary!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

Comrades and Members of the Politburo!

I am pleased to report that the Republican show trial of David Rosen over Comrade Hillary's fund-raising fraud has ended in total silence, suppression and acquittal.

After Kommander Kenneth and I jammed the media outlets emitting from the future socialist state of Marxifornia we proceeded to make contact with KGB General David Kendall. Once contact was made, Kendall led us to the secret Laurel Canyon hideout of Warren Beatty (not to be confused with Comrade Betty). There, in his underground laboratory, we were able to use his highly effective mind control wave machine and got not only the judge & prosecutor to roll over and play dead, but also the entire jury.

The judge and prosecutor were easy, I must say, since both are party lackeys and resistence was minimal. The jury on the other hand was quite a challenge! Six hours we struggled comrades! I cannot tell you how many cathode ray tubes were blown up in Warren's lab. At one point we used one of Cher's used crotch tongs to keep the whole thing from falling apart.

At this juncture I ordered a flying squadron comprised of Melissa Etheridge, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston to infiltrate the courtroom and spike the water supply with Ecstasy and they did this with alacrity.

The results were needless to say, astounding. Between the mind control waves and the pyschotropic drugs that were administered, nirvana was achieved and acquittal was declared. After rolling over and playing dead, all awoke and began to cry, with David Rosen himself leading the way. The blubberfest continued until there wasn't a dry eye left in the courtroom. At that point everybody in an act of spontaneity commenced a group hug and began singing in perfect tune "Kumbaya" and the "Internationale". This hardened battle weary Space Dog almost cried, but as you all know, Space Dogs do not cry.

Comrade Her Highness Hillary I am told is very pleased. We have been under a mission communication blackout with Party Central since May 13th for fear of being detected so I have not confirmed this yet. So tell me comrades, what's the reaction from the Kremlin?

Your Humble Party Servant (since 1957),
Laika the Space Dog

Story by Anatoly Zak
November 3, 1999
Lifted in the spirit of collectivism off a bourgeois site, Space.com

On November 3, 1957, the U.S.S.R. stunned the world with a space sensation -- the launch of Sputnik 2 with a live dog on-board. But many details of what happened to the mission have only recently been revealed.

The Space Age had started less than a month before, with the launch of the first Soviet satellite on October 4, 1957. Sputnik 1, a 40-pound sphere, carried a simple transmitter and was considered very heavy compared to the U.S. spacecraft under development at the time.

Enter Sputnik 2. The Soviet press boasted about the 250-pound object equipped with a cabin, providing all the necessary life support for a dog named Laika. Well, almost. The Soviets admitted soon after the launch that the spacecraft would not return, meaning that the animal was doomed from the start. Years after Sputnik 2 burned up in the atmosphere, conflicting scenarios of Laika's death were circulating in the West.

Recently, several Russian sources revealed that Laika survived in orbit for four days and then died when the cabin overheated. The design of the cabin was derived from the nose sections of experimental ballistic missiles that carried dogs into the upper atmosphere in short and relatively slow-speed flights, ending in a parachute landing.

Annual Transmission to Toiling Masses
on occasion of May 1st International Workers' Solidarity Day
Delivered by Laika the Space Dog, Member of Politburo, Friend of Progressive People


Comrades!
Party Members!
Workers and Peasants!

Congratulations on surviving another year in our glorious struggle for the Revolution! Today is our one and only holiday. You are all required to attend mandatory spontaneous demonstrations here in the Nova Motherland.

Comrade Kennedy has assured us that all vodka rations will be quadrupled for the joyous masses at each rally.





(For those in the Politburo, the party has secured some excellent single batch oak barrel aged bourgeoisie bourbon. Present your politburo card at any distribution point and you will be directed to the secured location).

Wear your brightest red scarfs, shirts, pants, hats, condoms, etc...

If you don't have a red shirt, see the dry goods section and order one (for a few rubles you can become a fashion plate of the proletarians).

If you don't have a red condom, ask Comrade Your Highness Hillary. She's been stocking up in future anticipation of White House Christmas trees.

If not, come naked, especially female comrades because I understand Comrade Flat Gareth is still looking for very desirable revolutionaries and Comrades Kennedy and Bill Clinton will be giving staff interviews.




Slogans are required.

This year's theme is "Save our Socialist Security"

You are required to chant "It's not our money, it's the government's" and "Only bourgeois capitalists can't live off of less than 2% annual return on your lifetime investment in Socialist Security when you retire."

Other approved party slogans include "Let the Demokratic Party decide what to do with that money, I'm too stupid to handle it myself." and "What, me worry? I'll be dead before I see a dime."

OK Comrades, you've been given your marching orders. Enjoy your one and only holiday!

Laika, Parade Marshall

To Comrade Space Cadet Laika,
You must be High, and really out of this world. How far out are you? One can only admire your dogged loyality to communism that is throwing you away. Perhaps a statue, for you glorious service to the Motherland. I am sure the Central Committee would find the funds to put up a modest statue next to Lenin's. On the statue, perhaps these words could be added; here lays Laika, Spaced out Dog, Hero of the Revolution!