Let's celebrate!

KAMALARADS!!!

The General ™ Insurance Company has cut a deal to trade Shaquille O'Neal for Tiger Woods as their company’s celebrity spokesman spokesperson, according to “anonymous sources.” ™




Woods appears to be the logical choice for The General ™ -- which specialises in providing car insurance for high-risk drivers with poor credit, moving violations, accidents or insurance lapses. First, given the Wood’s reputation as perhaps the worst driver (off of the links) -- with DUI arrest and numerous accidents -- he is a model that The General’s ™ market can easily identify with.

Second, given that Tiger Woods will likely prove veritably uninsurable after his most recent accident, he may rest comfortably in hospital, secure in the knowledge that SOMEONE will issue him proof of insurance.

Third, considering that Wood’s poor record on the freeway is beginning to overshadow his reputation on the fairway, it is anticipated that many other firms will drop celebrity endorsement contracts with the famed golfer. So, this rumored contract with The General ™ could not come at a more prescient time in Tiger’s long slide towards personal self-destruction (which will ensure a future made-for-TV bio-pic).

Also, The General is eschewing Whyte Privilege by canning the Irish O’Neal and replacing him with a mixed-race African-Asian athlete.




Please, proceed with your lives accordingly...

You heard right, Kamalarads.

Ambassadors from the Biden/Harris Administration took XiCom CoVid anal swabs for US in order to enter Xina for the Biden/Harris Administrational Business.

Xina says the anal swabs were inserted by error.

W.H.O. knows, but isn't revealing anything, as yet, as the swabs are still in research labs being processed. Await further lab developments.

Mr. Potato Head brand goes gender neutral, sort of

Hasbro announced the change as it launched a "Create Your Potato Head Family" kit, with two potato parents and a potato baby, made for "modern families."

In an open display of victory over patriarchy and white male supremacy, Hasbro is dropping the so-called "honorific" title of "Mr." from Potato Head. The other recognized 71 genders remain unaffected. Potato "theybies" or tater tots will be purely optional, as the front-hole potatoes have healthcare rights, and are not to be punished with a baby for decisions, at the same time, two "Cis-Male" Potatoes can and should now marry and raise tater tots without discrimination...Previously providing a thick bushy moustache for the "Mr." potato, moustaches will now be the gender non-specific, suitable for both grandmothers and cis-male spuds.

To their credit, Hasbro embraces and demonstrates "fat acceptance" as the [previously identified as female] "Mrs" Potato Head is big boned, has a wonderful personality and is a great dancer. Xir will no longer be paid only 78% of what "Mr." Potato Head earned for the same jobs, finally shattering the glass ceiling and achieving pay equity.

Regrettably, Hasbro has yet to acknowledge "Potato's" white privileging, and is still responsible for marginalizing sweet potatoes and other yams of color. Mattel's Barbie and Ken figures are under review, although Ken has been demonstrating LGBTQ tendencies for years

" Presidents are only elected to take attention away from the people who are actually in power."

Ford Prefect, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Yes Comrades, Jen Psaki is Layne, the virtual reality character from the movie, The River's Edge. The similarities are startling...and eerie.

Here is a CIZ!!!Cribnotes® summary of The River's Edge to reeducate comrades' memories. Okay, roll'em, CIZ!!!



Now, review each of the videos below for PROOF POSITIVE that fictional character, Layne is now, White House Press Secretary, Jen Psaki in side by side comparison of character lines and facial recognition software compatibility.





Sort of like virtual reality repeating itself, in history.

The Collective will celebrate at the usual spot.

Lately, there has been some talk of certain comrades taking undermining shovels and going home, because what??? there is nothing left to undermine??

This makes no reasonable and/or logical sense to the mythological horned rodent.

Red Square set the standard of Wokaholic Satire and expects the same from minions.

Post Wokaholic Satire like a Russian would.

Most Equal Komrads,

I found my Obamaphone while I was shivering in my dark "dacha". Miraculously it had a bit of charge left. After logging onto The People's Cube I checked my local "NextDoor" page because that's where the local news of the Party can be found. I was greatly heartened by the following post from a local Party Spokesperson:

"This is a post from one of your local agencies
Local Agency
City of Independence
Public Information Officer Meghan Lewis • 3 days ago

City of Independence Utilities joins regional request for energy conservation efforts. The City of Independence Utilities joins regional peers in the Southwest Power Pool requesting its customers take steps to decrease energy usage as the region faces a potential energy shortage caused by high usage due to the extreme cold over the last week.

Independence customers are asked to take these measures through Wednesday, when temperatures are expected to warm up throughout the region and energy demands decrease.

Please see the following steps customers can take to help reduce their electrical usage:
• Turn thermostats a little cooler (65-68 degrees). Avoid the use of electric space heaters.
• Close blinds and shades to reduce the amount of heat lost through windows.
• Change or clean filters on furnaces.
• Turn off unnecessary lights and appliances in your home.
• When possible, use large appliances (clothes washers, dryers and dishwashers) between 10 p.m. and 5 a.m.
• Reduce air leaks that let cold air in by sealing around doors and windows with weatherstripping or caulk and inserting foam gaskets on electrical switches and outlets.
• Businesses should reduce the use of electric lighting and electricity-consuming equipment as much as possible.
• Large consumers of electricity should consider shutting down or reducing non-essential processes.

Customers should know there is the potential for rolling blackouts throughout the Southwest Power Pool if demands continue at the current level and weather continues to negatively impact wind generation. Customers will be updated throughout this situation as quickly as possible.
Posted to Subscribers of City of Independence
Comment13 Comments
Share"

I highlighted the part that lifted my spirits so. I am happy to report that several reactionary Climate Deniers and opponents to The People's Green New Deal have self identified. I'm sure they will experience some "rolling blackouts" of their own soon.

Shivering in the Dark of the New Green Current Truth ™ ,

Red Salmon

STAY WARM AND GREEN THIS WINTER !

The Party's Solution for the Collective Need...................... We've got you covered.

Dear Comrades!

If you think the events of the January 6th "insurrection" at the U.S. Capitol - where angry protesters entered a government building and were shot at, with the FBI later identifying and arresting the participants - if you think such events will never be faithfully described in an award-winning movie, you are mistaken.

Such a fact-based movie had been made and released to critical acclaim last year, before the above events even occurred. It is titled "Dear Comrades!" and I watched it last night online. And so can you - on Hulu or any other streaming services. Unfortunately, you'll have to watch it in Russian with English subtitles - because all the films that are being made in English by the left-leaning American studios have long ago stopped being consequential, realistic, meaningful, moving, or unforgettable.


Alright, I admit that any similarities between this film and what happened at the U.S. Capitol are purely coincidental.

It was the KGB, not the FBI that arrested people based on the photos of the crowd. It was the caring Communist officials, not the caring Democrat officials, who were scrambling to escape through the back door. It was the Soviet Politburo members, not the members of the U.S. Congress who summoned thousands of armed troops to protect them from the people. It was the KGB snipers, not Nancy Pelosi's bodyguards who were shooting at the crowd. It was the local Soviet authorities, not the Washington Mayor that declared a draconian curfew. And it was the Soviet and not the American media that embargoed all the truth about the events.

After all, "Dear Comrades!" is about the Soviet state's response to a spontaneous strike of factory workers in a Russian city in 1962. The people were shot at, the survivors were arrested by the KGB, and the rest of the city inhabitants had to sign non-disclosure papers stating that none of the above had ever happened. The blood-stained square was promptly covered with new asphalt and in the evening the authorities organized a massive celebration with happy music and dancing on top of the freshly disguised blood puddles. This has never happened in America, of course. Not yet.

The main character, a female Party apparatchik Lydmila, has her doubts in private, but publicly she believes that the repressions and atrocities must continue, because otherwise it would mean that all the previous repressions and atrocities had been in vain, and such a thing would be too terrible to imagine. As a result, like many other Communists, she has a tortured, disfigured mind, trapped within the narrow dogmatic constraints like a fly between two window panes. Her hypocritical faith in the system is tested when her own freethinking daughter goes missing.

Any similarity between this character and today's virtue-signaling enforcers of the cancel culture who live in constant fear of being canceled themselves, is also purely coincidental.

Please watch "Dear Comrades!" and tell us about any other purely coincidental similarities you may discover.

Real Life has become too much like what we've been parodying.

Everything we've made fun of here, the Xiden administration Dear Leader is doing.

It just isn't funny any more.

Comrades for Student Directed Studies (C:SDS) reject Geoffrey Chaucer and his saucy Canterbury Tales be served at on the educational menu at University of Leicester located in, what used to be, England.

Chaucer Sauce is banal and lifeless, stuck in the fixed condition of humanity. C:SDS members reject this rigid, educational confinement, because being human is not the only choice facing the Next Tuesday Generation.

C:SDS members demand a B.S. Degree Program that supports a future not confined by past prefixed realities.

One C:SDS member explained:

Quote:

Chaucer Sauce makes the beast with two backs in this C:SDS member's head just trying to comprehend the whole Tale Telling Competition. That whole mental mindf'k'd internalized, is a lot of weight to backpack to class everyday.

Another C:SDS member added:

Quote:

Comrades for Self Directed Studies is about being independent. I'm a C:SDS member in pursuit of a B.S. in Rapthology. Letting Chaucer Sauce rhythm and lyrical flow ---- into my educational reality keeps me from forming my own reality. Besides, all C:SDS members know no dead WHITE guy ever had rhythm...or rhyme, neither...that they didn't steal from Africa, first.

Chaucer Sauce is the past. C:SDS members are au currant in today's rap about the possible human condition. Leicester University should be offering: Beyonce Videos: A Study of Lyrical Flow. And this class should be live-streamed to our incarcerated C:SDS members studying abroad. An', hey, Kamalarads are heelin' up your bail money as we speak. Don't worry about gettin' A$AP'd.

Comrades for Student Directed Studies rejects the position that being human is the only choice out there. Finding those other choices is the goal of every member of C:SDS.

C:SDS is funded through AOC's Apolo'merikkka Plan® which was Executed Orderly passed into Law. It is a SpacedForce focused on tearing down the walls of reason and logic that keep us confined by reality. The Aplo'merikkka Plan® dismisses ALL C:SDS members student loan debt in AOC's Student-Directed Study for Free Program. Even in Leicester, England.

He's making a list,
He's checking it twice,
He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice
Fact Cheka is coming to town!

Comrades! Fact Cheka wear is here!

KAMALARADS!!!

Great News! Since our Useful Idiots Fellow Travelers at Simon & Schuster have purged the book deal of the RRRAAAAACSIT RethugliKKKan Insurrectionist and Alleged Senator Josh Hawley, they have granted capacity to issue a new Woke Working Title from PETA intended to address lingering Speciesism found in the great Collectivist “How To” klassic from George Orwell.

As you know, PETA has recently urged people to stop using animal names such as “Pig” or “Chicken” to describe human persons.

In light of this, the Party has authorised the revision of select books that have not already been slated for the bundesbonfeuer “permanent kancellation” to reflect the desired animal friendly changes rekwested by PETA.



This new tome -- to be titled VEGETABLE FARM -- is due to be released in time for Premier-Designate Kamalarad Harris to be sworn in as Biden’s planned replacement in accordance with the provisions of Amendment XXV.

Whereas Orwell’s 1984 was intended as a blueprint for the organization of the Perfect State, the manual formerly known as Animal Farm provides a guiding vision for how lowly and self-sacrificing Inner Party Servants should handle their daily affairs while steering the ship of State once the mutiny is complete.

Many of the more Woke Inner Party Members were afraid to even lay eyes upon the older classic for fear of being called SSSSSSSPPPIIIEESIST!!! Now they may proceed without fear from Kancel Kulture Karens. It should also open this kritical genre to the Vegan audience.

And since we are no longer concerned with such RRRRRAAACIST Whyte Privileged notions as Private Property and Intellectual Property Rights, the Party has appropriated the “khristian” “Veggie Tales” characters and redistributed them to PETA for a planned screen adaptation of this new, Party-Approved Klassic. The film is due to be released in time for the Festivus Season (just before the Airing of the Grievances).

前锋！！！

My Dear Comrades,

For so many months we have heard the calls of 'Black Lives Matter', 'All Lives Matter' and 'Blue Lives Matter' etc etc. I have, after studying extensively the works of our prophets Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot, found that in actuality 'No Lives Matter'.

You may think this rash, but why would we stop revolutionary progress over some insignificant life? Isn't the Party and Progress to the Glorious World of Next Tuesday more important?

Anyone who wouldn't eliminate anyone or anything, even their own friends and relatives on orders of the Party, blocking the inevitable march of Progress will be handled appropriately.

Let me be perfectly clear, any Party members shirking their responsibilities vis a vis the Party declaration will be dealt with in the most harshest measures. Any deviation from the Party line will be seen and handled with Comrades, if you get my drift! (Hat tip Comrade Beria)

As Always, You Humble Liquidator!

Dimitri!