Murder. Arson. Drunk Driving. This may sound like a fun weekend for your average Komissar, but it turns out that rank and file proles can get arrested and sent to gulag for this stuff.

Let me let you in on something. Getting locked up in the klink is exactly what you, dear protester, want. It makes you look oppressed, it makes your enemies look like fascists, and it makes for really great television and radio. It's just what you have to do to stay competitive and come out on the top of the news cycle in our modern protest-eat-protest world.

But murder? That's messy, plus you gotta find somebody to do it to. Arson? Gas is expensive as it is, plus fire is scary. Drunk driving would be a good one, but the liquor store won't take your college ID, and besides, you have to be 21 to buy any booze.

What if I told you that there's a way you can get into gulag, for free, with no effort? Yes, step right up and sign right up for the Extinction Rebellion protest-to-gulag pipeline service. No longer do you have to think of what to do, who to do it to, how to do it, and what to do it with, just follow our easy patented step-by-step instructions and let us take care of the rest! You'll get thrown behind bars faster than you can cue up a Bee Gees record.

Get pity! Get respect! Get sympathy! Get jailed! Get the recognition and treatment that you know you deserve! What are you waiting for, komrade? Enlist in the People's Gulag Pipeline today! You were going to be sent there anyway...

I didn't watch tonight's Democratic Debate because of some urgent Party business I had to attend to with Ivan the Stakhanovets at Tractor Barn #2. The plan was to play a drinking game while watching the debate, but we started practicing a bit too early and I passed out before it began.

The last thing I remember seeing on TV was a gigantic flying saucer hovering over the stage, so I missed the part where the candidates descended from it onto the stage, or were beamed up to it afterwards, as well as everything in between.

So I was hoping my comrades here could fill me in about what happened.

1. It never happened, honest to God.


2. Alright, it happened, but it wasn’t me.


3. It kinda was me, but it wasn’t illegal.


4. IIlegal or not, everybody does it.


5. I won’t do it again, honest to God.

This list has been shortened for brevity. In real life, each of these statements ends with "Stop spreading conspiracy theories, you racist nut."

As of this writing, Hunter Biden is resigning from the board of the Chinese company, Barack Obama is in hiding to avoid unnerving questions, and Joe Biden himself is calling for Trump's impeachment and uses big words about patriotism, democracy, and the Constitution.

This should be your first clue, because when you hear Democrats talk about patriotism, you can bet they've stolen something and are about to be exposed.

In the words of President Reagan, "When you decide who to vote for in 2020, ask yourself - is Joe Biden's family better off than they were four years ago?"

On this "Indigenous People Day" (formerly known as "Columbus Day"), we celebrate our post-Columbian Wokeness:

Being Woke to the fact that "indigenousness" means "innateness, inherentness or naturalness," the Indigenous People of Wokedom are demanding that all discoverees are entitled to recover honors stolen by their so-called discoverers.

For example, the "IPOFOPAWAPBUs" [fn1] demand that by virtue of their having first discovered they were living in FOPAWAPBU [fn1] and thus also having been first to recognize Christopher Columbus as not being a member of the IPOFOPAWAPBU, they are entitled recover the title of "Discoverers" so that "Indigeneous People's Day" now recognizes that they discovered Columbus, rather than vice-versa.

And the Indigenous People of Wokedom also hereby declare that to fully eradicate Un-Wokeness, all Nobel Prizes (or similar forms of special recognitions for discoveries) previously stolen by so-called "discoverers" shall be reversed.

For example: All known bacteria shall recover the Prize stolen from them by their so-called discoverer, Louis Pasteur; Stone-Age Humans and Homo Habilis recover the anthropology awards stolen by Louis Leakey; Neanderthals recover the anthropology award stolen by William King; Lucy recovers the anthropology award stolen by Donald Johanson; Stone-age; Dinosaurs recover recognition stolen from them by Sir Richard Owen; etc.

--------------------
[fn1]: Since "America" is "Euro-Centric" (because the name "America" was derived from the name of Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian explorer/discoveror), the properly-WOKE (i.e., non-Euro-Centric) name for the America (as in "North America, Central America and South America") is "FOPAWAPBU," which means "Fragments of Pangea Advancing Westward After Pangea Broke-Up," and "IPOFOPAWAPBU" means "Indigenous People of FOPAWAPBU," also known as "FOPAWAPBUs."

--KOOK (Discovered by his Palindrome, "KOOK")

Groups such as the Extinction Rebellion, and Trump protesters in Minneapolis have invented a new, and terrifyingly effective form of protest.

Presenting the Diso-Bedience!

Australia



Minneapolis





Disco-Bedience, Extinction Rebellion in Melbourne, Australia






Civil Disco-Bedience, Extinction Rebellion in London





Anti-Trump Dance Protest in Minneapolis




These protests will certainly put the fear in those right-wingers, such as the self-proclaimed "Severe-Conservative," Mitt Romney, and his fellow "Severe-Conservatives" in the House, Senate, and the media.


Mitt Romney - A Severely-Conservative Governor

Comrades,

It has come to the attention of the House Politburo that certain Beet Quotas have not been followed.

Therefore the House Party Organ, in conjunction with LawFare staff, has launched an investigation to ascertain Beet Quotas required by Politburo's current governing constitution. Sub-quotas of certain pre-known comrades will be investigated in full show trial fashion to establish just how far this deviation from established beet quotas these pre-known saboteurs of beet quotas have sunk.

This current governing constitution empowered letter conveys the idea of a FULL FORCE DIRECKTIVE by the House Politiburo for Comrades in receipt of this letter of conveyance to report immediately to House Party Organ for interrogation and extermination.

Upon receipt of this letter conveying a Direcktive, convey yourself immediately to Politburo House Party Organ Committee Rooms reserved for this purpose by the undersigned.


Politburo Majority House Party Organs
Nancy Pelosi
Adam Schiff
Jerry Nadler
Elijah Cummings
LawFare Staff

PROG OFF

People often tend to confuse our operations alongside the Iraqi Kurds with those alongside the Syrian Kurds. Those are two different conflicts, different stories, and different wars.

In Iraq, the Kurds had sided with us to defeat Saddam. In Syria, it was the U.S. that sided with the Kurds to help them defeat ISIS, whom they were fighting anyway. Now ISIS has been defeated and the Kurds are back to fighting Turkey, resuming their multi-generation hostilities with our, albeit formal, NATO ally.

The pullout of 50 to 100 U.S. special operations forces out of Kurd-held northern Syria is described in the media as a biblical-scale catastrophe, and it is affecting some of the anti-Trump conservatives like Ben Shapiro. I repeat: the number is between 50 and 100, and they are being relocated to spare them the crossfire in a purely ethnic Turk/Kurd conflict. Such a creation of mountains out of molehills is very similar to what happens when Rachael Maddow puts on a padded brassiere.

Additionally, the Kurdistan Workers' Party (PKK), a Kurdish far-left militant and political organization, is getting enough help from the American and European members of Antifa, who are coming there for combat experience, which they're expecting to use back at home. The Rolling Stonewrote about this last year, and Mother Jones just now. A simple search will produce plenty of MSM stories that glorify Antifa joining the Kurdistan Workers' Party.

OANN summed it up best in this video: Kurdish militia trained Antifa fighters in Northern Syria.

I’ve known about the ongoing Kurdish communist terrorism in Turkey for years. Having little sympathy for either of the sides, I don’t mind using one or the other to gain a strategic advantage. But I wouldn’t lose any more Americans in those ethnic/sectarian conflicts that have been festering for centuries and can’t be solved just by taking sides.

Memo to Ben Shapiro: Kurds have done plenty of ethnic cleansings themselves, mass-murdering and enslaving Jews, Christians, and Yazidis. They took an active role in what’s known as Armenian genocide in Turkey, also killing thousands of Greeks and Assyrians into the bargain.

I don’t believe in anyone's collective guilt for what happened a century ago, but the fact is that little has changed in those territories and it can easily happen again.

In conclusion, I second the sentiment in the title from Robert Spencer's JihadWatch: Don’t Romanticize the Kurds.

DAILY FAIL: The most current truth from around the world

TODAY'S HEADLINES:

• North Korea publishes satellite image of California at night


• CALIFORNIA STRONG: "Five dollar a gallon gas is no big deal 'cuz there's no electricity to run the pumps anyway."


• DEPORTATIONS ARE COMING: California Governor Gavin Newsom blames electricity blackouts on Russian kulaks, vows revenge.


• CLIMATE STUDY: "There's no need for climate protests in China because China is already communist."


• NBA replaces U.S. anthem with China's, encourages players to kneel.

Ushanka tip to Margaret and Mi for the headlines, and to ThePeoplesComrade for the Daily Fail concept.

NoKo Fashion Giant Juche Couture Announces Signing New Spokesmodel - (Pyongyang, North Korea)

In a stunning move that has shaken the global fashion design world, Juche Couture has signed Communist China's Chairman-For-Life Xi Xinping as their new spokesmodel.

Roger Rabbit's evil Judge Toon and DOJ's Rod Rosenstein; same person?

I have recently discovered a Facebook feature that allows us to have "shops," where FB can process online payments and transfer them to our bank accounts. So I happily set up a shop for just one item - the red People's Cube - and started waiting. Today I discovered that Facebook has banned our product on the grounds that it might be an adult item.

I tried submitting an appeal form but Facebook responded by saying, "Your Request Couldn't be Processed."





This leaves me with no choice but to add a few more paragraphs to my original appeal and post it in our glorious Party Organ.


* * *

To: Facebook
From: The People's Cube
Re: The People's Cube as a sex toy: dos and donts

Dear Sir, or Madam, or … [insert one of the 58 genders and custom pronouns you once offered in user profile].

You have recently denied me the opportunity to sell the People's Cube in my Facebook shop on the premise that you "don't allow the sale of adult items or services (ex: sexual enhancement items, adult videos)."

Now I can see how our slogan, "Equal outcomes for all!" can be construed in sexual terms as an adult ad. Had I known of the sex appeal of my product before, I'd have probably sold a lot more of it. Do tell us about your preferred method of using a 2-1/4" Rubik's Cube as a sex toy, and I'll add this important information to the user manual, so that workers and peasants could diversify their recreational activities after a long day at the factory or in the beet field.

I admit that on occasion I myself take the People's Cube to bed, but only to use it as a visual aid to explain to my female comrades that all reproductive organs are equal - just like the red squares on the red cube. And when they hastily leave, I use this product to explain to their backs that all sizes are equal, and that they would've had exactly the same experience with any other comrade, male or female, because no gender is different from any other.

A satisfied customer once told me a story how he used our product to strike up a conversation with a Victoria's Secret model. The red cube allegedly helped him to open her eyes on equality of outcomes, convincing her that she absolutely could not refuse to go out with him any more than the next sweaty protester at a pro-choice rally.

We do give ourselves credit in the footer for being a founding member of the Society For Advancement Of Secondary Sexual Characteristics, but that is a far cry from what you might call "sexual enhancement."

And finally, dear Facebook, please take your artificial intelligence out of the gutter and explain to it that "glorious Party Organ" doesn't mean what it thinks it means.

In summary, please reinstate the People's Cube in your shop as a G-rated product and a model for progressive education reform, or share with us your views on using it as an adult item and we will amend our advertising accordingly.

Collectively yours,
Red Square,
People's Director,
Department of Adult Agitation and Propaganda

* * *

While we await Facebook's response, we encourage everyone to contribute your tips on how to use the People's Cube as an adult item: pros and cons, dos and donts, best practices, etc.

We are also interested in your ideas on how to make a PG-13 advertisement of the cube as a progressive sex toy - text, image, or video.

Jawohl!

OK, I must admit: I didn't explicitly hear the call. Nor was I present in CCCB, the Cubic Central Committee Bunker (which may or may not exist), when the call came in. Yet it so happens, that.... well, I just know all the details.

So, CCCB and our acoustical transmission device, model Dnipro-1968 (understandably, further details of the bunker - which may or may not exist - are masked with Motherland pixels):



drrinnng! drrinnng! trrransatlanntik konnnekshun!
.. (klack) Yes? Who's there?
.. (krk, khrk) Me, Frau Merkel. Ze Bundeskanzlerin.

Wow! There SHE is, ze world-leader in Klimatism!
Day in, day out making EUSSR multi-diverse and open, while keeping our Planet unkatastrophed!

Comrades!

Since Comrade Yang brought up the 'most equal' idea of universal basic income (UBI), it has become obvious that Yang was being stingy with the equality.

Comrade Joe (Biden) has obviously upped the ante with his new UBI idea, 'Be Like Hunter', where he will give $50,000 a month to all 'good' comrades in an effort to destroy the massive income equality between stingy Yang and the 'most equal'Comrade Joe!

It's obvious that everyone should be getting $50k a month from an exploitative capitalist (polluting too) criminal enterprise. I suggest all those who believe in 'most equal' results support Comrade Joe and his progressive stance in the "Inevitable March to the Glorious World of Next Tuesday!"

As Always, in great Socialist Peoplehood!
Your Humble Liquidator!
Still doing more for the environment than Pol Pot,
Dimitri Kissov

By "People's Will," I mean one of the revolutionary ancestors of the Bolshevik Party. People's Will was formed ostensibly out of compassion for the conditions of workers and peasants during the reign of Tsar Alexander II. Alexander is remembered for his role as the Great Liberator, the tsar who ended the practice of serfdom in Russia.

One would have thought that the People's Will would have rejoiced to see Alexander using his royal authority to bring an end to the practice of serfdom and make a way for improving the living standards and opportunities of Russia's peasants. What they saw instead was a threat to the existence of their party. If Alexander was really going to lift the peasantry out of serfdom, there was little reason for the existence of a revolutionary organization based essentially on the same idea.

Because the existence of the party became paramount, and Alexander's reforms threatened them with obsolescence, the People's Will succeeded in assassinating Alexander in 1881.

A similar dynamic occurred with the successor to the People's Will, the infamous Bolshevik Party.

Before seizing power in 1917, the Bolsheviks had urged soldiers and sailors to disobey the orders of their officers. They promised reforms to improve the conditions of workers and peasants, and they promised rule by the soviets, the workers' councils. After seizing power, the Bolshevik leadership realized how tenuous was their hold on power, and immediately took steps to solidify their grip. Again, the existence of the party quickly surpassed the importance of reform and the driving concern was holding onto power. Now soldiers in the new Red Army were informed that disobedience to orders would mean the firing squad.

Lenin was later compelled to introduce his "New" Economic Policy (which one of his friends snarkily called the "Old" Economic Policy) to save an economy ravaged by war, revolution, and famine. It allowed a degree of private ownership and profit. In other words, Lenin had to reintroduce something like capitalism. Lenin realistically knew that workers' councils could not operate factories, but people with managerial experience could. So the idea of a ruling proletariat was quickly abandoned and specialists who knew how to run large and complex operations were put in their place. For a time, bourgeois factory managers were reinstated by the Party that stood for the dictatorship of the Proletariat.

Of course, they also resorted to terror through the Extraordinary, understood to mean temporary, Commission, the CheKa. That there was nothing temporary about the CheKa is well known as it morphed into the NKVD and later the KGB. Under Stalin, terror would mean the arbitrary murdering of innocent civilians, former friends, and government officials to numbers that can only be estimated today.

Today's Democrats have been promoting themselves as the party of minorities, the marginalized, and others who identify as oppressed in some way. One would think they would have rejoiced at a Trump presidency. Trump did not take minorities for granted as Democrats do, nor did he ignore them as Republicans do. Trump proactively met with minority business leaders and clergy to hear from them first hand. He enacted policies that have driven minority unemployment to record lows. He has done more for minorities in two years than the Democrats have done for the same people groups in decades.

But, like the People's Will of the 19th Century, the existence of the party comes first, and Trump is a serious threat to the relevance of the Democrat Party. Out of an irrational blend of rage and fear they have strained for a reason - any reason - to remove Trump from office. They have attempted to create a baseless narrative of Russian election meddling, they have attempted to invoke the XXV Amendment arguing that Trump is mentally unfit for office, and now there's an attempt to impeach Trump on charges so flimsy that they resemble the articles of impeachment against Andrew Johnson.

It's trendy among the left to conjure up Hitler, make absurd comparisons to Trump, and then to wail history-is-repeating-itself-I'm-so-frightened-for-my-country, etc. Yet history is repeating itself.

By their tacit approval of violence and exhibitions of the assassination of the president, the call for gun confiscation, the embracing of openly socialist economic policies, and the refusal to admit the humanity of unborn children, the Democrats are looking more and more like the successors to the Bolsheviks, and for many of the same reasons.

I just came across this AWFUL thoughtkrime video with Piers Morgan being RACIST!



What should we do with him? I propose doing that thing they do in Africa where the fill a tire with gasoline, put it round a guy's neck, and set it on fire.

[OFF]

In honor of Piers Morgan and his demonstrated English sensibility, a sensibility which I share despite being American, I'm having a large plate of fish and chips for supper tonight.

Also, it's fun watching the script-reading drone get shut down and stopped in his tracks over and over again by everybody else present.

Since saying Super"man" these days is sexist and the prerogative of the Nazis, isn't it time to change the name to "Super-person" or dare I say it, "Super-comrade"? The same goes for Bat-person, Spider-Q, Aqua-male, and Hell-young-adult.

Now, since saying Super"man" these days is so sexist that only a Nazi would do it, isn't it time to start saying "Super-person" or even "Super-comrade"? The same goes for Bat-being, Spider-personage, Aqua-individual, and Hell-child.

And if they were to have a match - Super-person vs Bat-person vs Comrade America - they'd be all equal winners. They'd hold hands together and go about beating up the bourgeois class, the top 1%, and the members of the Trump administration. Those would be the real losers. Ha, ha.

For now meet Comrade America. Someone Tweeted it to our birdfeeder this afternoon.

‘Miss Whiskers will be fine’: Beto O'Rourke jokes about threatening to kill a kitten

Beto O'Rourke made fun of urgent, sky-is-falling, end-of-quarter fundraising pitches from his fellow 2020 Democrats by joking about threatening the life of a kitten.

"I am starting to run out of ways to show how important this deadline is," the former Texas congressman wrote in an email to supporters on Saturday with the subject line "Miss Whiskers." "Maybe I could do a Facebook live stream with a kitten in hand and say, 'You know, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to this kitten now would we… Send your $5 now and Miss Whiskers will be fine.'

"To be clear, we’re not planning on harming any kittens," O'Rourke clarified. "But we do need your help."

O'Rourke bought up the same joke hypothetical at the Texas Tribune's TribFest in Austin on Saturday, referencing fundraising pitches from his presidential primary rivals New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker and former Housing Secretary Julián Castro. Booker has warned that he will drop out of the race if he does not meet his $1.7 million goal, and Castro said that he could drop out if he does not meet the qualification standards for the November Democratic presidential primary debate.

"Saying, 'Hey, if you do not give me $1.7 million, I'm leaving the race.' Or, 'If I don't qualify for this next debate stage, I'm gone.'

You know, it's kind of raising the ante, or the bar, for how we compete for these dollars," O'Rourke said. "I could maybe do a Facebook live stream with a kitten and say, you know, 'Now, we don't want anything to happen to the kitten.'"




https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news ... sing-email

Annapolis, Maryland — The U.S. Naval Academy, upon being alerted of the racist rope and knot found in an area of construction on the 56th anniversary of the March on Washington led by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., when he gave his historic “I Have a Dream” speech. has issued the following statement.

The U.S. Naval Academy takes all allegations of race hate very seriously and is working quickly and diligently to usher in a New America Navy. No longer will the U.S. Naval Academy continue in the racist past of sailing using ropes and knots. Rope will no longer be used to hoist anything, nor will Naval Academy Cadets be taught the various sailing knots used since the beginning of man's quest to sail upon the seas. Rope is racist. Knots are racist.

We at the U.S. Naval Academy will unmoor ourselves from sailing's racist past as we train Naval Cadets for service in The New America Navy.

Simple, accurate, and persuasive. Guaranteed to appeal to the intellect and the passion of any SJW. Make this go viral, comrades, and keep the base informed and energized!