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Anthropogenic Continental Drift: An Incoherent Truth

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Ah! of course! But... the wind blows in seemingly random directions. We must find a way to control the wind before we attempt this. Perhaps... if global warming continues to make more hurricanes, we could use that wind to power the sails!

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Surely you have heard of "tacking" the sails? That allows a boat to even move against the wind, so will the continent.

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If his Obamaness is anything to go by (and of course, he is the ultimate example of perfection in all things), tacking has little effect. As can be seen, he goes where the winds of change and public opinion polls blow. It seems that setting a purposeful course is a physical impossibility. Or perhaps above our pay grades. At any rate, I think it best to simply let nature take its course and soak all the rich countries for all we can in the meantime.


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Hmmm. That's odd. Both Baldeagle79 here and student 12345 in a People's Blog post have posted messages that don't really have anything to do with the thread on which they were posted, but both link to the same website.

I sense a great distubance in the farce.

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Shh, I am too busy watching new Taras Bulba teasers, Directed by Vladimir Bortko.
Release date: 19 Feb 2009 (Russia.)

The tease is quite titillating.

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I've been expecting that movie for a while. It's based on Gogol's short novel that is a Russian/Ukrainian classic about 17th century Ukrainian Cossacks fighting off Polish occupation.

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"Has the world gotten warmer cause that would be a really convenient truth!" - Link from Monsters vs. Aliens

<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/r4kBr3xdH2w&h ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

I'm still amused by the randomly discovered fact that if you start the trailer for "Inconvenient Truth" and "Play that Funky Music White Boy" at the same time, the two coincide perfectly. Sort of like "Wizard of Oz" and Dark Side of the Moon.

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/KmCfvcfHwKA&h ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

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Okay, either the person who did the Wizard of the Dark Side of the Moon synched up wrong, or I need to get some different drugs.

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That whole thing sort of went over my head as well Comrade Brain in a Jar.BTW, in case you have not heard yet, I was forced to denounce a certain comrade whose name is not important at this moment, for suggesting you would make a good progressive brain salad.

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I'm not terribly worried. I've got a Saucer Full of Secrets I can dish out when needed, much like the mighty squid pulses out a cloud of ink to obscure itself to make a getaway.

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Comrade Collectivists! Come one, come all, to the glorious world of Shiny Things™! For even in the end, The Great Motherland sucked viciously, like the evil KKKapitalist, on the black gold of The Motherland!

Admire the wares of Socialist Serenity(TM)...

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James the 'almost ran' city councilor emailed us his video:

James the 'almost ran' city councilor wrote:Before we all get too amused by the looming continental drift crisis we need to be aware of the imminent dangers of Tidal lock.
I took the liberty of making a brief video to explain the dangers here:


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I have a question for the man in this video:

Can the rotation crisis be helped if I send my spousal unit to drive 20 miles to the east and walk home?

Actually it's a trick question. I live in New York, so 20 miles to the east would be salt water all around. But if it's required to stop global crisis, that's the sacrifice my spousal unit will have to make, won't she? We all must make sacrifices, right? I'll just have to live with it for the rest of my life, proud of the fact that I helped to save the planet.

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Some of the worlds top bureaucrats working for the UN dept. of solar system physics have determined that the movement of ex spouses is worth two miles for every mile a current spouse may travel, in terms of reversing tidal lock.

So in essence, if you can get your Ex spouse to drive 20 miles east into the sea, it is worth the points of a current spouse going forty miles.

(These results may vary from ex spouse to ex spouse and were determined by measuring the mean mass and girth of ex spouses over current ones.)

By the way, to register here I needed to borrow the Rosetta stone. The Egyptians are less amused than the last time one of us borrowed it. Maybe those archaeologists were also vision impaired I dunno.

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It asked me to type these characters into the field:
∑ ∂ œ g √ I had to hire a guy.

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Comrade near-councilor-James -

It's quite simple. When you opened The People's Cube, our state-run server injected your computer with a team of Carter nano rabbits who analyzed your system, found the video above, and determined that you were some sort of a scientist. Hence the Greek symbols. Had they determined you were an ACORN activist, your screen would have displayed food stamps of various denominations.

Comrades,
This Anthropogenic Continental Drift thing. It's true. The Democratic Science of the people can prove it.
Between 1700 and 1799, at about the time the industrial revolution was getting ready for glorious puberty, there were just 34 cataclysmic volcanic eruptions in the world... you know... the really big ones that flatten trees and capitalist resorts built to exploit nature.
Between 1800 and 1899, when the evil capitalist industrial revolution was realy getting some steam up, there were 41.
And between 1900 and 1999, when the exploiting factories of the imperialist anglo-american cabal were at their height, and as the continents drifted faster and faster apart, there were 69.
Really. I'm not making this up. I left that to the capitalists dogs at the Smithsonian. (No. Really! I'm NOT making this up.)
And since 2000, the downtrodden earth is exploding at the rate of one cataclysmic volcanic eruption a year.
This is such complete and irrefutable proof that the scientific debate about ACD is now over.
It is therefore up to our governments to do something about it. Clearly, we need a Motion Trading Scheme (MTS) that imposes a tax on everything that moves, and then redistributes that tax by paying a subsidy to anything that moves so that nothing that moves will be out of pocket, and a whole new pillar of the bureaucracy can be built to handle the complex calculations.
It's a step closer to a perfect utopia.

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You know, if we could just put giant ducts on the top of the volcanoes, and angle them to point east, we might be able to stop tidal lock. This could be accomplished for the paltry sum of however many trillions it would take to bankrupt the United States once and for all. Child forced labor from the developing nations could be used to build and place the ducts or 'afterburners' we may call them and an army of UN bureaucrats can manage them from the newly confiscated resorts.
Now lets see if my avatar works.

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We must equip the volcano afterburners with catalytic converters, to neutralize the effect of releasing an equivalent of a trillion cow farts into the atmosphere with each eruption.

Pollution from volcanoes makes the Cap & Trade plan ridiculous because compared to volcano eruptions, all man-made and cow-made pollution looks like a drop in the ocean. But if we harness the volcano power we can first and foremost make polluting US factories look more like fish in the barrel.

For more useful information, see below.

Volcano Releases One Trillion Cow Farts Into Atmosphere


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Here in Trudopia, we prefer the more sensitive and wymyn-centric measurement of the Google-Queef. The fart, clearly a male-centered form of measurement has been eliminated in Trudopia, in favour of the more easily metrified queef, as ten queef (the plural of queef is queef much like sheep) is about equal to one fart, hence one volcano is approximately a million million google-queef per/hour per volcano.

Cap and trade is the perfect solution. We cap the volcanoes with rotating vents and trade the inertia to help stop tidal lock. In fact, we can continue the process to shorten the work day as per union fantasy #1 by reversing tidal-lock and speeding up the rotation of the planet. Once it has reached it's desired length at the equator, say 3 hours with a one hour lunch before sunset, we can reverse the vents and hold steady. Total cost? roughly 200% of the entire GDP of the USA till 2209.

Comrades.
You have clearly been spending too much time with the capitalist imperialists.
To suggest an action (creating turbo jets on the volcanoes) that actually results in something happening (the ending of Tidal Lock) is undemocratic and clearly against the will of the collective.
Remember... the bureaucracy wishes to create a process. They care not for outcomes.
Here, in the People's Republic of Australia, we have no such aspirations. (And no volcano either... but that isnt our fault.) We see purity in the MTS, and care little for your bourgeois efforts to once again exploit nature for your own purpose.

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The People's Wonder from Down Under wrote:
Here, in the People's Republic of Australia, we have no such aspirations. (And no volcano either... but that isnt our fault.)

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Why does the glorious collective allow our Antipodal Brothers and Sisters labor without proper volcanic support? I CALL FOR AN IMMEDIATE REDISTRIBUTION OF VULCANISM TO THE DEPRIVED AUSTRALIANS!

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Comrade Collectivists!
Admire the wares of Socialist Serenity(TM)...
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How can people worry about such long term threats when we still face the every day danger of DHMO, Male Pattern Baldness (or whatever it is that has made the Chariman and Premier Betty to disappear), and evil cat-beast infection?

Thank you for your support Comrade Betinov. You outrage is well placed. We have, for many years, been petitioning the United Nations to redress this imbalance and we are gratified by your support.

And Marshal Pupovich, here in the antipodes, we have little DHMO though we understand why it causes such concern. We are, however, surrounded by Dihydrosodium Monoxochloride, an insidious liquid extensively used by the capitalist imperialist military industrial complex as a fluid tranport medium for mobile weapons platforms. It is sometimes known by its commercial name of d-moxychlor. This insidious poison can leave a flaky residue on the skin hours after even the briefest contact, and is poisonous if ingested. It also causes extreme eye irritation and can harbour a very long list of deadly organisms, including one that is flesh eating.

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Great news! The scientific community is finally catching up with the People's Cube insights. They finally figured out a way to bundle Anthropogenic Global Warming with Anthropogenic Continental Drift!

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Climate change:
melting ice will trigger wave of natural disasters


Scientists at a London conference next week will warn of earthquakes, avalanches and volcanic eruptions as the atmosphere heats up and geology is altered. Even Britain could face being struck by tsunamis


The End Is Nigh!
<br>For details go here >>

No doubt women and minorities will be hardest hit.

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Have the conferencees addressed the anthropogenic collision of Venus and Earth in 3.5 Billion years? Think of the children!

To quote my daughter during a school lockdown because of a rare tornado in Clark Co. last year (while running around in circles, arms flailing, freaking out all the other kids:) "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIIIIEEEEE!!!!!"

(She attends a special needs class...)

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The latest spike in traffic due to this story occurred this afternoon after it was featured on Ace of Spades.

The morons at AOSHQ are calling TPC denialists

Oddly, their explanation of the cause of ACD is diametrically opposite mine. Let's all call them Denialists.

Because Ace of Spades came up with a newer version of truth

The continents, and the tectonic plates they are attached to, shift about and grind into each other, causing mountains to be rucked up into the sky and volcanoes to erupt, and earthquakes, and other geologic shit of this nature.
What you may not know is that this process, while unstoppable, can be slowed down tremendously. We can save lives this way, and more importantly, beachfront property. But we haven't been doing it.
Our inaction in saving lives- and some really sweet bungalows- is tragic. Tragic.
How can we slow down this destructive process?
One word, friends: friction.
How do we enhance the natural friction that keeps these gigantic continents from slippy-sliding all over the place, crushing everyone that you love and burying their wicked beetchin' summer rental cottages in hot lava?
We need to extract the dangerous lubricants that are hiding deep in the Earth.
Right now, under the ground, possibly thousands of feet under your very...uh, feet...are vast deposits of a black, menacingly slippery substance that scientists refer to as 'oil' [TX pron: awl].
We gotta get that shat out of there, stat! Our recalcitrance in this regard is frustrating and downright dangerous. The time to act is now.
No matter the cost, humans must find a way- with specialized pipes and pumps, perhaps- to reduce these vast deposits of 'oil' that imperil us all.
Who knows? We may even find a use for it.
Our Scientists are currently investigating how anthracite deposits may also be accelerating Anthropogenic Continental Drift.
Don't worry, enough grant money and they'll come up with something. Because that's how science is done, old boy.

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I'm afraid it is they who are the denialists, clearly attempting to refute the established, I repeat, ESTABLISHED facts. These are incontrovertible truths here...they have been thoroughly vetted and approved by politicians, bureaucrats and Hollywood actors. There is no debate to be had.

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You would think with what is going on in Japan even the corporate media shills would not be able to ignore ACD any longer.

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I am going to bump this article back up to the top of the queueeueueu (dammit, how do you stop spelling that word?) not because I wrote the original post, but because the replies wandered off into an inspired realm of lunacy.

Did Pinkie ever find a suitable man in a red hat?

Did Australia ever get a volcano of its very own?

And what about the Polar Bears?

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I don't know about the Australian volcano, Betinov, but I can assure you I'm still waiting for that man in the red hat to find me.

And while you were reading this post, a hundred more Polar Bears drowned because of melting ice caps.

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Does the lava from an Australian volcano spew in the opposite direction than that of a volcano in the northern hemisphere?

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Interesting question, Betinov. Apparently, volcanic plumes are subject to the Coriolis Effect as explained in this article:

https://www.cosmosmagazine.com/news/264 ... -tornadoes

But you want to know about lava. Alas, all I could find was the snip below (under the heading "Draining Bathtubs/Toilets"), but hey! It's Wikipedia! What more reliable source could I need? BTW, I love entries from idiots desperately seeking immediate help from the masses to pass an exam.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk%3ACo ... /Archive_5


The Coriolis effect DO HAVE a clear influence on rotation of flushing bathtubs, toilets and mud volcanoes (and magmatic volcanoes as well). However, velocity of fluid, just as the article says, needs to be taken into account. This means that if mud is very fluid, the spiral line clockwise (Northern Hemisphere, of course) almost dissapears. A recent volcano in the Eastern region of Congo, in Africa (Nyamuragira Volcano, north of Lake Kivu), shows also de Coriolis effect, since the lava flow was not very fast (in this case), as it is possible to see in satellite images from Google Earth. This volcano has two diferent lava flows: the southern flow shows deviation towards left (we should remember it is in the Southern Hemisphere) being a proof of the Coriolis effect. However, the northern flow looks like not being affected by the Coriolis effect, maybe because of topography: most of this flow is by the eastern wall of the Rift Valley, which avoids deviation towards the left, at least, in part of it. --Fev 00:06, 3 August 2006 (UTC). Seen from the top, a mud volcano has a similar shape than the Iceland low pressure system showed in the article's first image. However, the movement of mud is clockwise (from top to the bottom around), since it is, actually, similar to a high pressure system. Just this fact is the proof that the Coriolis effect determines deviation of a straight line due to Earth's rotation: deviation is the same either in high pressure systems than in low pressure systems (towards the right in the Northern Hemisphere and to the left in the Southern Hemisphere. --Fev 01:08, 3 August 2006 (UTC). --Fev 03:08, 3 August 2006 (UTC)

Would you know anyone in the Southern Hemisphere who owns a lava lamp?

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Hah! Proof that there are indeed no stupid questions...only stupid people.

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Does Australia have a "The rain in Spain swirls clockwise down the drain" thingie?

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Since Red Square offered a link to this article, I thought I'd bump it back up to the top of the list with a fresh comment here. It has absolutely nothing to do with my yet unannounced plans to seek the Democratic Presidential nomination.

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When I saw this map I had to post it.

Pangea_Today.jpg

And also this one on the Cat Earth Theory.

Cat_Earth_Theory.jpg

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This proves that Comrade Mi's post about marsupial abuse by cats in Australia is actually a global conspiracy, as I suspected.

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Red Square wrote:... Cat Earth Theory ...
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:This proves that Comrade Mi's post about marsupial abuse by cats in Australia...
... which both, in tandem, kinda add Kangaroo (Macropus) and Cat (Cattus) to the Zodiac (Zōdiacus).


 
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