Dr. Leonid Fuku is an official delegate of the USSA
Bureau of Healthcare Reform, and future commander
of the United Health Care System of the Americas.

"Clearly, the future is with United Global Front for
Healthcare, administered through a centralized
offshore office. It will solve all medical issues
for all the world's citizens. I, Health Kommissar
Leonid Fuku, am willing to address all things medical.
Ask your questions, but clearly state your Party
standing and location, or answers will not be

~ Doctor Fuku[/floatleft-nb]

Healthcare and Guns for All!

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After much vodka I had a stunning revelation! After hearing Progs demand free healthcare as a basic right I realized that this line of thought could be applied to other rights as well.Outmoded and oppressive thinking tells us that government protects rights so that all who choose to exercise them may in fact freely exercise them. Modern progressive thought tells us that government must GIVE to the people the end result of the exercise of rights.

For instance, old thought tells us that healthcare should be made affordable enough for all to enjoy it who wish; but modern thought tells us we should all be compelled to purchase healthcare, and receive other people's money to pay for it if we cannot afford it.In turn, I wish to apply modern thought to other rights. Formerly we have been told that there is a right to keep and bear arms, but the inequalities and inequities in the the current system can make keeping and bearing arms downright difficult. I expect that as soon as we are all compelled to purchase health insurance, we shall all be compelled to purchase a minimal class and type of firearm, or have the government provide them for us. Truly a noble situation!

Once we have compulsory health insurance and gun ownership, I am hoping that the government will step in and force us to exercise other rights, such as compelling everyone to publish a newsletter or blog, attend a church or religious activity of choice, and require participation in weekly protests. The line of thought is clear, and modern methods demand compulsory exercise of rights. Praise Obama!

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Comrade Ted Kennedy is rolling in his grave as we speak, but he can use the exercise.

But I believe it to be a worthy and excellent idea! Except in the hands of angry peasants...

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My Comrade

Your post just proves that the Peoples Republic of Zimbabwe has indeed been ahead of its times for decades. Our motto has always been: No Child Left Behind! Every Child Should Own a Gun!

All Hail Comrade Kalashnikov!


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Comrade Obamugabe! It is a pleasure to see your shining face again! Truly you run a progressive nation! Even the little children fight for you. Such are the joys of the socialist system

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Welcome back Obamugabe. I've been following your meeting with Pres. Aquavelvajad of Iran. I hear he bought some of your uranium ore in exchange for oil. Wow! Talk about energy trading credits. You guys are on the cutting edge of the Green Revolution. Maybe Zimbobbie needs a nuclear enrichment program like Iran. Then you wouldn't need to buy oil, you could just take it from Nigeria.

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Comrade Whoopie

The next step in our "No Child Left Behind" program is our "No Dictator Left Behind" program.

Since Comrade Obama is actively working to de-nuclearize the USSA, we have decided that in order to maintain the Global Balance of Power every Dictator (like the glorious ME) will have nukes.



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Yeah dude heald care, guns, an' spread de weald fo' all--BUT--only fo' all dose cats approved by de party. Slap mah fro! De vast majo'ity, not us mino'ities, gots'ta turn in deir guns t'local Man, BATFE political officer. Ah be baaad... Only den when dangerous element uh enemies is disarmed kin we 'espect true progress. sho 'nuff!


Da Peeps' Rapper
Comrade C2G босяк

And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.

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"Healthcare and Guns for All" sounds like a compromise solution achieved in a bipartisan manner by Democrats and Republicans in order to finally pass the Healthcare bill.

In fact, it only now occurred to me that this could become a classic People's Cube editorial if only we can rewrite it approximately along the following lines.

This is only a quick draft. Feel free to expand/improve/contribute.

AP: In the wake of Universal Government-Subsidized Healthcare bill there has emerged a less-known follow-up legislation: Universal Government-Subsidized Gun Ownership bill - which appears to be the condition upon which Congressional Republicans allowed the Healthcare bill to pass.

"Now that the definition of a right has changed to 'something mandated and subsidized by the government,' it is time we honor our old constitutional right to bear arms in the same way we honor the more recent right to healthcare, which is not even in the constitution," says U.S. Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell.

"After insisting that inequities in the current system compel us to subsidize mandatory health insurance, Congressional Democrats had no philosophical arguments left against our proposal to distribute free guns among those communities and individuals for whom income inequality makes keeping and bearing arms downright difficult," McConnell stated.

According to the new legislation, all those required to purchase health insurance, will also be compelled to purchase a minimal class and type of firearm, or have the government provide them to low-income families.

Now that these two basic rights have been guaranteed by the US government, some speculate that it is only a matter of time before the US government begin to enforce a compulsory exercise of all other rights, especially those provided in the Constitution.

The Universal single Payer Free Speech legislation, for instance, will make sure that everyone above the age of 12 in this country publishes a newsletter or blog using government-provided facilities and an army of unionized free-speech consultants, who will also function as censors. This will be paid for by the universal "freespeak" tax - unless the "freespeaker" has no money, in which case, in the spirit of fairness, the government will pay for the computer, cable internet, or cover the publishing expenses and even provide a free typist when the "freespeaker" is functionally illiterate.

In the same manner, it is expected that the government will equally mandate and pay for attending a church, mosque, or any other religious activity, as well as mandatory weekly participation in protest rallies, marches, and demonstrations of choice, in which every preachers and/or firebrand street agitator will be a well-trained, licensed, and unionized government employee, making sure that your level of adrenalin doesn't exceed healthy FDA quotas.

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Nothing the gov. provides ever comes without strings attached. So the subsidized gun ownership would only apply to people who are registered Democrats. All guns must long guns, no handguns. Caliber will be limited to .22 rimfire or .410 shotgun, single shot. Optical sights are forbidden. All other firearms are banned. And members of the Tea Party and Republicans are specifically banned from owning a gun.

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Perhaps we can end the story with a twist - your right to bear arms becomes eventually translated into a universal draft and People's Militia in the mold proposed by Obama - an alternative to the Armed Forces. This idea was prompted by Obamugabe's picture of children with rifles. We can use it in the story.

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Comrade Square

A most equal editorial.

Again you demonstrate just why you are the Boss.



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The Leftwing unorganized militias (Crips, Bloods, Anarchists, New Black Panthers, ELF, ALF, Latin Kings, La Raza, et al) could be issued uniforms and formed into the Obama Defense Forces (ODF). We could also solve prison overcrowding and augment the ODF numbers by releasing prisoners into the custody of the ODF.

defend Obama.jpg

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Red Square wrote:Perhaps we can end the story with a twist - your right to bear arms becomes eventually translated into a universal draft and People's Militia in the mold proposed by Obama - an alternative to the Armed Forces. This idea was prompted by Obamugabe's picture of children with rifles. We can use it in the story.

I humbly propose that this is what the founding fathers actually meant, This is the correct definition I believe.


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{off}Hrmmm let me tinker with that some, I'll post any revisions I come up with. Still, this is my Thursday(and you guys thought I only messed with the calendar on The Cube!), may not be able to get to it for a couple of days. Even so, as it sits it is pretty Obama damned epic Red.