"I'm looking forward to Purge Season. Ahhh... the smell of fear, the sweat on the foreheads, the glaring Klieg lights, the flowing tears, the begging pleas for mercy... I don't know about you, but it gives me goose bumps and a warm fuzzy feeling that my cold-blooded reptillian hypothalamus really enjoys, like a snake sunning itself on a warm, flat rock."

Hillary Clinton,
People's Commissar

Ask Hillary About Revolution

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Prior discounts in place!?!? PRIOR DISCOUNTS IN PLACE!?! Are you mad, Mikhail??

I'm sorry to disagree with you Chairman, but I believe that the volume of arms purchased will offset any "discounts" we have previously set. (And Dr. Amin is on our Platinum Account, as well)

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:If anything these weapons...errr...errhhhmmm.... these "liberating machines of People's justice"....

I prefer "The Revolutionary's Tool", myself.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:....need to be shipped to the Middle East to fend of the American Empire.

Fear not, Chairman, We have plenty of Avtomat Kalashnikova to go around - why even the children can have them! And as for the Middle East, Terrorists also want to use simple and reliable arms, so they are shipped there by the train load daily.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Eat well before you come.

Believe me, I will.

Thank you and Long Live The Party.
-Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

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General Kalashnikov, please do not say the revolutionary tool where Our Many Titted Empress might hear it. She has been on my ass to develop such a thing.

And General I was perhaps overly cautious; I'm sure I shall prepare something toothsome for your palette...Dr. Amin? Stop that...General, Dr. Amin sets and excellent table and you will...what!?...enjoy it, especially the wines. Yes, the wines. The very best wines.

So I can be the perfect sommelier, what is your blood type?

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:...especially the wines. Yes, the wines. The very best wines.

So I can be the perfect sommelier, what is your blood type?

I'm afraid all I drink is vodka. And just to be clear, I'll be bringing my 'Lead Salad Shooter' along, just in case.


Besides, His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, Victorious Cross recipient, Distinguished Service Order (DSO) Award Winner, Military Cross (MC) award for gallantry recipient, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire (CBE) and I go way back (and he hasn't eaten me yet), in fact, back in '72 we had quite the professional relationship.

I remember well when so many corpses were thrown into the Nile that workers at one location had to continuously fish them out to stop the intake ducts at a nearby dam from becoming clogged. Good times...

And that time that the Good Doctor forced white residents of Kampala to carry him on a throne then kneel before him and recite an oath of loyalty - genius, pure genius.

Well, I digress. And I must get back to my duties.
Best regards,
-General Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

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Idi is so yesterday news.

I was talking to Bobby Mugabe the other day and he said Uganda is not half the socialist paradise Zimbabwe is.
Besides, when was the last time he hung out with Mahmoud?
Hugo? Fidel? Kim?
He needs to get out more and smell the corpses....I mean roses.
I need a real socialist, not just a cannibal wannabe Mugabe.

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Empress, a cannibal is merely an embryonic socialist. With time he will earn what Kruschev said: "When you skin them you have to leave enough so that it will grow back." Idi can have his little fun, you know--what are a few hundred proles between friends? But when a cannibal grows up, be becomes a socialist. You can only kill someone once, you know, but you can tax him 24/7.

Working on 24/8, Empress, I'm working.

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Afternoon your Socialistness,

Say Hill, I listened to a really good song today. Its an oldie, by Iron Maiden (any relation?) Remember Number of the Beast? This is the song that fortold of your future as President. Its all here in black and white. Had Manson been out of prison to groove to this track, he would definately become a HillRaiser. I think this little diddy would make a fantastic campaign tune. Here are the lyrics. Download it if doesn't ring a bell, then get back to me cuz I want to know if I should put it on my website along with your picture.

Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the
beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short...
Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the
beast for it is a human number, its number is Six hundred and
sixty six."

I left alone my mind was blank
I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind

What did I see can I believe that what I saw
that night was real and not just fantasy

Just what I saw in my old dreams were they
reflections of my warped mind staring back at me

'Cos in my dream it's always there the evil face that twists my mind
and brings me to despair

The night was black was no use holding back
'Cos I just had to see was someone watching me
In the mist dark figures move and twist
Was this all for real or some kind of hell
666 the number of the beast
Hell and fire was spawned to be released

Torches blazed and sacred chants were praised
As they start to cry hands held to the sky
In the night the fires burning bright
The ritual has begun Satan's work is done
666 the number of the beast
Sacrifice is going on tonight

This can't go on I must inform the law
Can this still be real or just some crazy dream
But I feel drawn towards the evil chanting hordes
They seem to mesmerise me ... can't avoid their eyes
666 the number of the beast
666 the one for you and me

I'm coming back I will return
And I'll possess your body and I'll make you burn
I have the fire I have the force
I have the power to make my evil take it's course

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Union Boss, Our Many Titted Empress will of course be much appreciative of your attempt to add to her luster. And she has instructed me, in her enchanting way of having the earth crack at Rancho del Rio Grande to expose tongues of flame, that she is now in the Infernal Regions having a throw-down with Lucifer. It seems that Lucifer had, in an attempt to cut down on policing, introduced into hell a system of rewards and punishments.

Which Our Many Titted Empress would have none of. If actions have consequences, she raged, "What's all my work come to then it's not <i>entirely fucking arbitrary</i>?"

With this she broke the rest of Meow's Hummels and all my Lalique.

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Comrade Clinton - Your Personal Physician asked that I forward this to you post-haste. Good news indeed, Comrade. - P

23 Sept

Comrade Clinton,

Greetings, and please accept my apologies for disclosing sensitive medical information on such a public forum, but the substance of this communication will be of great interest to you and my attempts to secure a means of communication with you of a more private nature have failed. What's more, all information, "private" or otherwise belongs to the People. Actually, the Party, but I digress.

As I'm sure you are aware, the technology needed for the test is unavailable to us, so we must employ the ingenuity of capitalists for the same. The results are in from the lab in Groton, CT, USA.

I'm pleased to report, Comrade Hillary, that the lump in your scrotum has come back benign. A great day for the revolution, I'm sure you'd agree.

In Lenin,

Dr. Koloff

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Dear HiLIARly,

What ever happened to that "vast right wing conspiracy"?


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Publius, it's still there and it's the reason that her ass is so fat. It makes the sun come up 15 minutes early when she wants to sleep, and it was only the VRWC that kept her from making even more in cattle trades.

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Citizen Theocritus,

I had previously thought that Mrs. Clintons fat ass caused the earth to wobble on its axis. Thank you for correcting me on this astronomical mistake. Would HiLIARly then be to source of the expression, "crack of dawn"?


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I would rather think the Crack of Doom.

I have noticed that when Mrs. Clinton flies from coast to coast she disturbs the moon in its orbits and hence the tides. Once I saw her on a stage, which was also holding Michael Moore and for the event was made of rebar-reinforced concrete, and she dropped a sandwich.

Which went into orbit around her ass, and Michael Moore was moving the fastest he ever did trying to snap at it to eat it.

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Michael Moore, now there's an ass... er.......blackhole!

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He is now producing tin-foil hats that look like baseball caps.

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Citizen Theocritus,

I had heard that Michael Moore was seriously injured bending over to accomodate the Liberal wing of the DeMAOcratic party? Another rumor going around is that he he was "rear ended" in San Francisco? In any event, it appears his next mockumentary, "Capitilism is for Goobers", will be delayed!


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Publius, it's not the actual rear-ending that makes Comrade Moore so dear to my heart. He could be receptive of nuclear weapons for all I care. It's his figurative stance of being the biggest and meanest sadomasochistic top on earth.

That's why I love him. #400 of man, and all lies. Gotta love that in a comrade.

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Dear Comrade Party Leader Hillary,

Now that you are less busy with own campaign, I would like to ask a question of you. I know it is a technikal question, but I hesitate to ask Comrade IT guy, Algore, as I do not want to be responsible for increase in his carbon feet by answering question. I only ask you now, because I am emboldened by Comrade Speaker Nancy's brilliant victory this week in causing the economic ruin of the world-wide capitalist markets AND getting the neo-cons to accept blame for it and failure to fix.

In my Manual of Arms for my Mosin rifle, Nastavlenie po Strelkovomu Delu; Vintovka obr. 1891/30 g. i Karabiny obr. 1938 g. i 1944 g., The Ministry of Defense of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics mandates that I check the sighting of my rifle at 100 m target but set the sights for 300 m and aim 17 cm below impact point--my question is how will this effect my availability for selection to firing squad duties?

My apologies for interrupting you with this trivial matter, I would normally ask Comrade Kalashnikov since he still works at the Izhevsk armory, but I fear that His Excellency Putin has Mikail on covert operations in Poland scouting out recent imperialist missile sights.

On a more personal note for you, I am sorry to hear about Bill.


Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

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Pul! Pul! WTF? You mean <i>you're</i> getting firing-squad duties? I've begged that bitch for firing-squad duties and she'd just lie back in my courtyard and laugh and laugh and say, "Theo, dear. Dear Theo. Rub my trotters. They itch so. And then I'll consider giving you firing-squad duties."

If you, Pul, get firing-squad duties before I do, I'll turn the Hildo Hydra Turbo 7.1 on you and only Katie Couric has withstood that one. Even Sheila Jackson Lee blenched and ran in terror.

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My Dearest Comrade Commissar Theo,

Relax, I am only concerned about maintaining my availability to stand on the correct side of the firing line.

Like you, I whole heartedly believe in the equality of our fair social political system, with the proper amount of butt-kissing. I am sure that you are still on the top of our Comrade Party Leader Hillary's list for firing squad when purge season starts.

And again, I mean no disrespect of you, or your amazing Hildo Hydra Turbo 7.1. So in glorious fraternity I am keeping my sights on you, Comrade.

Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

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Pul wrote:So in glorious fraternity I am keeping my sights on you, Comrade.

You learn fast. And how quickly they grow up.

Once I had a mother...

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Citizen HiLIARly,

Are you offended that Vice Presidential Candidate Palin rejected your "pants suit" revolution. Also, I am not sexually attracted to you (much like your husband), am I a closeted Republican?


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Publius, do not worry that you are not sexually attracted to Our Many Titted Empress. That is why there is the Hildo Hydra Turbo 7.1. Our Empress has her own coterie of people who are attracted to her: Molly Yard, Jill Ireland, and the entire 1995 output of John Deere.

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Why would a man wear a pants suit? Unless he has man-boobies like Michael Moore. 60EEE I think.

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Publius Valerius wrote:Citizen HiLIARly,

Are you offended that Vice Presidential Candidate Palin rejected your "pants suit" revolution. Also, I am not sexually attracted to you (much like your husband), am I a closeted Republican?


Comrade Valerius:

Our most magnificent MTE paid $6,000 US dollars each for those "pantsuits" and she didn't give them to charity either.

BTW, if you don't care for pantsuits (they suck!), the People's Store has other items that will show your support (you do support her, right comrade?) (A bonus is that cute cap she's wearing)
Image just dreamin' (not really, I'm shoveling in penance for....never mind)

Che' Gourmet

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Tell me. Do our Many Titted Empress' panties have a cup?

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Not if they're brass--and they are. No guts, just nerve and brass balls.

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Honorable MTE,

As you have this year given our Comrades in Russia the most glorious Hillary Clinton Overcharge button as Secretary of State, does this mean that the USSA is now Undercharge™?

Hail Obama!

Red Rooster
Cockled Cock of The Revoloooshin

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We are with you 100% MTE, well... make that 50%... arrhmmm... until we figure out who gets more OPM in the 2012 primaries, we are organizing the party to vote Hillary Clinton 2012!!!

Вперёд, к победе коммунизма!