Image

"I'm looking forward to Purge Season. Ahhh... the smell of fear, the sweat on the foreheads, the glaring Klieg lights, the flowing tears, the begging pleas for mercy... I don't know about you, but it gives me goose bumps and a warm fuzzy feeling that my cold-blooded reptillian hypothalamus really enjoys, like a snake sunning itself on a warm, flat rock."

Hillary Clinton,
People's Commissar

Ask Hillary About Revolution

Reichfuher SS Hit H Ead
Hello, iz zee Politiburo zhere? My men are ready but ve hav not discussed taktiks vor uze against the .S.O.D. If you hav a useful plan, please post it here! Also, ve hav problems. Ze .S.O.D. hav detected our staging area and hav moved up the skeduale for when zhe prizonerz are to be transferred to Al-Quaida, so ve MUST akt fast! I require a plan by 12:00 .P.M. on zhe 16th. If not, zhen ve vill be forced to go alone. I am still waiting for korrispondence from Komerade Doktor Fuku, and we request his assistence, as the sheer cleverness and size of zhe enemy force vill most likley generate large Kasualties. Please Post Back.

Yours Sincirly,
Reichfuher SS Hit H. Ead

Humble comrade
Dear future and GREAT! leader of the Democratic Peoples Republic of the U.S.S.A, when you move into the former White House, now the Red Peoples Palace, who will be your First Lady?

Your humble comrade from the frozen tundra between your legs.

Reichfuher SS Hit H Ead
Sadly, vhe hav learned zhat zhe senator haz already been handed over to zhe terrorizts. zhow zhis iz sad, zhe .S.O.D. seem to be relaxing their probing effortz, so I need to know vhat objectivez (listed above) we are to take and vhat objectivez zhe Red Army vill take. I am pleased to announce zhat zhe Afrika Korps is now back to full strength, but vhe need to know our strategy! Please say who haz vich objectivz, then vhe vill go in and Noon Tommorow, before anozer prizoner iz skedualed to be handed ovar to zhe Terrorists. Zhe Luftwaffe is begginink karpet bombingk az heavily az vhe kan (but somehow, I doubt A hand glider and a vooden airplane vhe painted iron crosses on vill do much damage). My men are ready for zhe Komerade Khairperson Fraufuheress' vord.

Yours Warmley,
Reichfuher SS Hit H. Ead

Reichfuher SS Hit H Ead
Gott Dammit! Zhat took quite longer zhan expekted. Neverzaless, here are zhe AAR zhat vas approved by zhe partee az beingk politikally korreckt:

Nazi-Soviet Alliance # before zhe battle:
1.2 million Red Army soldierz
800,000 Afrika Korps and Whermact personnel
.S.O.D.z:
187 million soldierz
Kheiftan Abdul Lamar Al Fazama
trilions upon trilions of zhose GOTT DAMMED IEDs

Lossez:
Nazi-Soviet ALliance
50 Red Army officerz
100 Afrika Korps personnel
.S.O.D.z:
194 million soldierz
Zhat Bastard Kheiftan Fazama

Zhe senator vhas killed by zhe resistence against zhe zionistz, but zhe other POWS vere freed.

Zhe 194,000,000 death toll for zhe SODz out of only 187,000,000 people will be devastating to zhe Iraqi population, az it only numbered 26,000,000 before zhe battle, but zhat iz zhe price zhat is necessary. I kongratulate zhe Red Army Kommerades for our kombined efforts to destroy zhe SODz!

signed,
Reichfuher SS Hit H Ead

User avatar
Ms. Clinton,

Warmest greetings from local 221.. We appreciate your efforts to further the cause of the working man and his union leadership. I hope that you have recieved this months 'care package' that was sent on behalf of our democrat brothers and sisters (and all of the republican ones too. HAHA) So you truly have bi-partison support here at the local level. God I love collecting dues. Whoops, did I say God? Wait, thats ok right?? Part of the new campaign..We love God..blah blah blah. Trying to win over those family value assholes again aren't we? Well, ya gotta do what you gotta DUE ...hehe..pun intended.

Take care Hill,..gotta go crack some skulls!!

UB

Dear UB40, no...wait, that's some rock group and a limey unemployment registration form...Just UB.

I love you!
Hillary

User avatar
Dear Comradochka Hillarochka, I'm overwhelmed with Joy that you may be a Leader of Free World. Once you won we'll need to protect our revolutionary winnings and must be vigilant.
Since I'm retired may I suggest Comrades from ATF who served your husbandwife
with such loyalty. Especially Comrade who arrested that 5 year old reactionary scoundrel (Elian, was it?)and returned him to Fantasy Island of Freedom.
I could just hear him arriving back "The Plane Fidel,the plane!".

I think Comrades from NAMBLA will be best suited to provide quality care to
the children of Progressive Population, so no boy wil ever run away.

Please let me know your decree.


Lovingly Yours,
Iron Felix

Felix, you old cat! How have you been?
Have you been drinking Guinness again, because all I have to say to your plan is .........BRILLIANT!

H.

User avatar
Comrade Hillary, My Many Titted Empress, I bow to your wishes. I shall shine your hooves with my tongue until it has blisters. I shall pop the pimples on your steatopygious ass. I'll drive Richard Simmons over for some Quality Exercise Time.

But please, beloved Empress, do not say that you are homosexual. I can take anything but that.

User avatar
But please, beloved Empress, do not say that you are homosexual. I can take anything but that.

Commissar Theocritus.....One more time just to set the record "straight" (no pun intended).

If you would begin by reading the whole thread you would know that

I'm OMNI-SEXUAL. I've banged Vince Foster, I've banged Janet Reno. I've humped doorknobs, Buddy the Labrador has humped me. I do not make distinctions where preference is concerned, only a bigot and a (fill-in-the- blank)_____phobe would do that. Come the Revolution, your way of thought will all but disappear, except in the Gulag.
Just to set the record straight (no pun intended) I am Omni-sexual. Discrimination of any sort will not be tolerated in my Administration and that includes sexual preferences! This of course means greater freedom for all the masses. Nevermore will pedophiles, necrophiliacs, incestual, beastial, hetero, homo, polygamist, and onanists like yourself need to worry about being stigmatized by being lumped into a catagory. Your wants and desires are to be realized and celebrated. In this spirit of sexual healing you may stop by Maureen Dowd's apartment any late Friday night and partake in one of our group sessions. Please bring your shovel because Janet broke her broom handle and we need a substitute for it. Make sure it's sanded because I don't like splinters. Be sure to stop by the White House after I'm elected for the Christmas tree decorating. Friends tell me it's like a scene out of "Caligula".

No labels here,
Hillary


User avatar
Yes, Mine Empress, I did read the droppings from your mouth, but such is the wonder of your ability to control the orbits of the planets to suit your will that I was bewitched. But still, although I consider you the perfect embodiment of Perfect Evil, the go-to girl for the Devil himself, the Beatrice to Machiavelli, still I cannot help but wish that I did not share this one thing with you for I know that I, a lowly being not worthy to swim in your hugely pleniful and copious and well-stocked enemas, am not strong enough for that.

But do you think that the well-sanded broom handle is quite enough? Why not coat it with C4 and cayenne pepper?

But one thing creeps into what I am pleased to call my mind. Is it just possible that you are not sexual at all, or anything else at all, but merely four of five hundredweight of naked need, willing to assume any shape whatosever for the attainment of power? In that case you would make a very fine fire plug if fire plugs could tell people what to do. You have the hips for it.

User avatar

I think you should check out the neew BO vid.

User avatar
rwbgbtusa wrote:
I think you should check out the neew BO vid.
How disrespectful. There's going to be hell to pay.
Osama Obama has just jeopardized his chances of being selected VP.

User avatar
Our Glorious Leader has been closeted with Bill Gates and the head of Merck, whose stock has been tanking not because of the Vioxx problem, but because he's paying attention to the diktat that Our Many Titted Empress will issue on the first day of her unlimited term as President for Life.

Macroshaft and Merck will develop a neural implant which will broadcast messages of peace and unity into the brains of every comrade in these United States. People with IQs above normal will have periodic spasms of electricity, causing electro-convulsive therapy, insuring that they cannot plot to overthrow the People's Order.

(Pace "Harrison Bergeron" by Kurt Vonnegut's <i>Welcome to the Monkey House</i>, and the United States Handicapper General is Diana Moon Glampers. Who gets a gun and shoots the rebel Harrison Bergeron. I read this in high school in the early 70s and laughed at it, thinking it utterly impossible. This was before quotas and preferences. Now it's not that foolish, and is the primary reason compelling me to utterly resist the attempt by some to place gays on the goo-goo list to join in the victimology parade. "Harrison Bergeron" is utterly chilling reading. It <i>can</i> happen here. It is happening here. Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

User avatar
Your Majesty HRC!

I have found a solution to at least one of your emotional and electoral problems.

We can neutralize Bill's cheating with the new Cheat Offsetting program. It works just like the Carbon Offsetting program - by funding someone else to be faithful and NOT cheat. This will neutralize the pain and unhappy emotions in your family as well as the potential voters, leaving everyone involved (including Bill) with a clear conscience.

https://cheatneutral.com

Image
The Throne is yours, my Red Queen of Diamonds!

User avatar
Red Square. I like your idea of being cheating-neutral. Let us be mean-neutral. We could finance the operations of entire convents and monasteries, dedicated to not being mean, therefore allowing our Empress to do what she wants to and be mean-neutral.

User avatar
I am not mean!

I am fair!

Where's Craig? Has anybody seen Craig?
If anybody sees Craig, tell him to summarily shoot the bastard who called me mean!

Oh, and shoot that Obama video producer and director too.

Where do people get these crazy ideas that I'm mean?
My purges are always fair. I was even lienient with Nancy.

I'm Hillary, I'm nice, and gosh darn it, people like me!

User avatar
My empress, I adore the ground that your hooves tread on. But you must confess that you, being a woman of such force and character, an UberFrau, have so intimidated us lesser mortals that although there have been 27024 views of your glorious bull, there have been only 94 comments, and I dare greatly to increase the comments by 1.064% with this one.

Only a pittance, beloved Asmodeus.

Craig is incapable of answering your summons, as I thought you might remember. Do you not recall that you directed me to give him a vacation that he would never forget? The constituent atoms of his being are now fertilizing the corn fields which I shall use to feed the pigs which I shall use to make sausage to feed to Osama bin Laden--are you still holding him in your pentagram?

But if you change your mind, which you, as Empress of the World, have every right to do, and we shall change our thinking in accordance to Your Divine Wishes, let me know and I'll dig up the corn field and mold it into another Craig. It ought to be about the same size.

User avatar
Hillary wrote:I am not mean!
Of course not, my dear.

Time to shut down the opposition. Osama Obama had his chance and he blew it.

I suggest you implement my rule #3.
RULE 3: "Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the enemy." Look for ways to increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty.

You've always been especially creative at Rule #3. This should be lots of fun.

As always,
Saul

User avatar
Dear Saul,

I understand your rule about going outside the expertise of the enemy, but if deceit and treachery are the stock-in-trade of the Democratic party, the only way to go outside their expertise is to say the truth.

I suspect that if Our Empress were to say, with all forthrightness, that 2 and 2 are 4, there would a flurry of calculators to check her, and when people found she was right, massive coronary failure.

But then the best liars have always commingled truth with lies--C. S. Lewis's <i>Screwtape Letters</i> show that.

Perhaps Our Empress could get a poodle and be nice to it. It would have to be trained, of course, not to run from her--perhaps cutting its tendons would work, and lest it bite, pull its teeth. Cutting out the larynx would prevent barking.

User avatar
Perhaps Our Empress could get a poodle and be nice to it.

Of course I should be able to pull the poodle up by it's ears like LBJ or should I conduct a poll on that idea first?

HRC

User avatar
Mine Empress, I bow again to your wisdom. I had not thought beyond the idea of a dog, but of course what <i>kind</i> of dog needs a focus group. Beagles have been used.

Poodle? That is the dog of little old ladies. It would fetch the blue-rinse set as long as it were seen to be loved. Recall that Bill was accused of not caring about pets--witness him abandoning Socks to his secretary and there are questions, on the rabid right, if Buddy met his end as did Vince Foster and all the others. Also the poodle's coat might tangle with the hair on your lovely thighs, and cause it pain, meaning it would bark and upset the blue-rinse set.

Daschund? A friendly breed, but the small ones are energetic and some on the rabid right might think it resembles the Hildo 7.0 that someone forgot to turn off.

Chihuahua? Perhaps that's the best. The toy ones are so light that their paws would leave the least pawprints walking across your glorious thighs, and being short-haired, or no-haired, there is no risk of their entanglement in your hair.

By no means get a cat. You may own a dog but a cat has staff. And drugged to keep it immoble its tail would quit twitching. Also the cat would run from what it could only interpret as the smell of a very ripe fish.

With all my respect,
Humble Commissar Theocritus.

User avatar
Empress,

I have a question.

You have to battle traitors like Obama Rama, and you have to do battle every day with the people's enemy the Republi-Nazis, and you have to keep a close eye your Comrade husband to make sure that he is keeping his pants zipped up (for a change!), HOW do you manage to juggle all of this?

--
Standing In Awe of Your Excellency,
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Dear Zampolit,

The answer to that is one word: ruthlessness.
But if you do see Ruth, give her my address.

Hillary '08

User avatar
Zampolit Blokhayev, Our Glorious Leader can juggle three balls between each set of udders, keeping up to 12 in the air at a time. That's why it took so long to find the billing records.

User avatar
Tsk, Tsk.....
How could you, Dr. Commissar Theocritus?
After I promoted you to "head" the CDC?
(Re: See People's Blog)


Hillary "08

User avatar
Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:HOW do you manage to juggle all of this?
Dear Comrade Zampolit,

This is very easy for Comrade Hillary, Comrade Zampolit. You see, she will apply my rule #10
Saul Alinsky wrote:You do what you can with what you have and clothe it in moral garments.
My Rules for Radicals taught Comrade Hillary that she must give a moral appearance (as opposed to behaving morally): "All effective action requires the passport of morality."

At the same time, she will employ my power rules, in this case, Comrade Hillary will employ Power Rule #8
Saul Alinsky wrote:Keep the pressure on with different tactics and actions, and utilize all events of the period for your purpose.

Now, Comrade Zampolit Blokhayev, isn't this glorius - Comrade Hillary and I are paving the way to Communism! Heh! heh! heh! I can hardly wait - The destiny of all mankind.

All the best, Comrade,
Saul

User avatar
And let me posit another rule. It doesn't matter if you call it communism, environmentalism, fascism, fundamentalism of any sort--the only thing is finding something to use to terrify people--make it up if you have to. Queers are particuarly good at scaring people, and that's what I propose.

Propose yourself as the solution. Get friends to help you. Kill them for ideological imperfections. Rule.

Ah. That pleases me so much that I can't stand up. Damn. I just knocked over my desk sitting.

User avatar
Yes, Comrad Commissar Theocritus! Done! I will add your rule to become Rule #12!

And it compliments my Power Rule #8!
Saul Alinsky wrote:Keep the pressure on with different tactics and actions, and utilize all events of the period for your purpose.
Thank you, Comrade Commissar! Together, we will raise my former pupil (Comrade Hillay) toward global domination! Yes! Yes, Comrade! You see, Comrade, president (I can't wait to address her as Comrade First Secretary), well, her title will change as she assumes control of the upcoming North American Union.

You see, Comrade Commissar, the stage is being set - with North American Union, she gets 3 countries for 1. Ah, Comrade, I love this New World Order! Heh! heh! heh!. It warms my heart to see my former pupil rising to the top and beyond.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus' advice to our dear leader*, he wrote: Propose yourself as the solution. Get friends to help you. Kill them for ideological imperfections. Rule.
Yes, indeed, Comrade Commissar! This will be such joy to watch, as my former pupil destroys her enemies with just a mere word or two.

It's POWER, Comrade Hillary - Power Power Power Yes! Seize it, control it. Use it! I love it! Destroy your opponents, Comrade! Ruin their lives! What joy!

See what you have done, Comrade Commisar! You almost caused me to lose control of my elation!

Thank you, Comrade Commissar!!! Thank you!

All the best, Comrades,
Saul

* I hope the Dear Leader, Kim Jung Il doesn't mind an occasional reference to Comrade Hillary as "our dear leader." I only wish he could be here to add his eloquent endorsement to Comrade Hillary's rapid rise to POWER and DOMINATION!

User avatar
Comrade Alinsky, Kim Jung Il has left the serious pursuit of pleasure to become lost in its trappings. When his father caused, with a wiggle of his pinkie and the death of a million, the building of the Hanoi subway, He decreed that all subway trains have an empty last car in case he wanted to ride in it.

Such an astute pupil of my idol Stalin. He contented him with the Moscow subway station, with its art built on the backs of people dying in bad conditions--what? I hear you ask? I quite agree. And he had of course the empty center lanes in important Moscow highways in case he wanted to zip along in his Zhiguli or his Gli. (Although I'm told that he really had a Cadillac frame under it.)

And, dear Comrade Alinsky, have you considered the joys of endless five-year plans? I have found in my researches that troublesome people are actually better if left breathing, although I'm the first to want to keep in practice with my sidearms. I've found it very useful indeed to have all the useful idiots, er, people still struggling to attain ideological perfection, who want to stick in an oar, er, contribute to the dissemination of the ordures of the Direktorat usefully engaged in the process of determining the best way to impose my will, that is, to help implement our plans.

I have found that they are very happy if given a large building with subservient lackeys--I choose mine from gay bars where the back-biting and heirarchy is such that most time is spent with that, although the men's room does look nice and the floor is clean.

A good restaurant serving healthy food. It matters not if it is, and to save costs will be flown in from China from the same company that sold staples to the dog-food maker in Canada. But illness will not be minded for there will be a holistic healer on the hotel's staff, and there will be prizes for the bravest Commissioner du jour, who will be wheeled on to thunderous applause at his bravery, while all the members in the audience feel their bellies,hoping for a hernia, or try to conjure up a sniffle, jealous of the golden wheel-chair by Porsche.

Every commissioner will be awarded a yappy poodle trained to attack other people, and to fawn at its master's feet. This is to cut down on the supply of kulaks used up, for they do useful work. When a poodle is stomped to death for being insufficiently servile, the chef in the restaurant serving healthy food, who is an animal-husbandary scientist fired from Purina for drunkenness, will grind up the poodles in the three-phase disposals available from the Grainger catalog, and make organic tacos.

These people will, in their struggle to find perfection in expressing policy, never come to any agreement, become bogged down utterly over the shape of the matchbooks--for lighting fires of sawdust logs, of course--and let us get on with the use and enjoyment of power.

The other useful idiots will envy these people and we will have a program based on the lines of the German holiday scheme that there will be useful idiot sabbaticals to the Howard Zinn Ideological Convention, for that is what we shall call it.

Then, when all power is secured, every useful idiot will be given a grand prize to a jamboree at the Howard Zinn Ideological Convention and one of the hydrogen bombs which we only pretended to destroy at Pantex in Amarillo will really be destroyed and in a microsecond.

You bring the beer, and I'll get the coals going.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:A good restaurant serving healthy food.

I hope it is a Smoke Free(tm) restaurant. We do want to show the proles that we care(tm). Why? Because as committed Socialists(tm) we have the "Morality Market" cornered when come to "caring(tm)".

We harass and persecute smokers, who are inferior beings, because we have a duty to use our superior education and upbringing to "care(tm)" for those who are inferior ... er ... I mean ... less fortunate than us.

Socialists are morally superior to counter-revolutionary non-people .

--
Yours in Socialist Atrocities,
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

User avatar
Indeed we socialists are morally superior to all other people. And that is so self-evident that as long as it is self-evident that is all that is required.

I find smoking rehensible because I <b>care</b>. ...Lupe, where's that Churchill from Habana that Fidel sent me? How's the old bugger doing? Has Raul killed him yet? No? Good. I want to go to that party with Sally Quinn and Ben Bradlee on May Day, if he's still breathing.

Gospodin Blokhayev, all that is required of observing Socialists is <i>pietas</i> and not <i>logos</i>. In other words, lip service and a blue dress to go with it. Well, the dress does nothing for me, not being interested in anyone who would wear one, but then I'm an equal-opportunity socialist moralizer.

But the point is not really the improvement of health--our Many Titted Empress understands that. The point is being as bossy as possible, er, sharing the fruits of our drunken dreams, er, selfless lucubration, ratiocination, and philosophical thought.

...Goddamn it, Lupe, would you tell that goddamned Steve Forbes to quit calling me? He ain't gonna get back those Faberge eggs. They look so good in Jim and Tammy Faye's air-conditioned doghouse.

User avatar
GUY'S WE NEED TO CLEAN THIS UP.....COMRADE HILLARY NEEDS A FALL GUY.
VOLUTEERS ???? ANYONE ????

(CNSNews.com) - Attorneys for Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) are trying to keep her out of a lawsuit that may ultimately force her to testify under oath about an alleged violation of campaign finance laws.


Washington lawyers David Kendall and Carolyn Utrecht and Los Angeles attorney Jan B. Norman -- all representing the apparent frontrunner for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination -- filed legal briefs Friday in the California Court of Appeals focusing heavily on the criminal background of plaintiff Peter Paul, the Hollywood businessman who is suing both Bill and Hillary Clinton and others.

Paul alleges that fraudulent actions by the Clintons and others cost him his multi-million dollar Internet venture. Paul claims to have been the largest contributor to Sen. Clinton's U.S. Senate campaign, spending $1.9 million to hold a 2000 fundraising gala attended by Hollywood celebrities including Whoopi Goldberg, John Travolta and Brad Pitt.

In return, Paul claims, then-President Bill Clinton promised to promote the firm. However, the president allegedly reneged on the commitment after his wife was elected in November of that year and used his influence to discourage others from investing in the firm.

In an effort to stay out of the suit, Sen. Clinton used a California statute intended to protect a political candidate's First Amendment rights from frivolous lawsuits. A California Superior Court judge dismissed her from the lawsuit on those grounds last fall, but Paul appealed in January, contending the California statute does not protect Sen. Clinton from alleged illegal activity.

The Friday brief was a response to the appeal.

"Plaintiff's alleged 'donations'...were extremely unusual," the Clinton team's response said. "Unlike typical campaign contributions, these donations supposedly had strings attached; [the] plaintiffs claim that he financed the tribute in exchange for one year of former President Clinton's services after he left public office in January 2001."

Oral arguments will likely be made to the three-judge panel this summer on whether to release Sen. Clinton from the lawsuit, with a decision expected soon after. But the entire case could go on for much longer.

The motion goes on to describe how Paul's venture (Stan Lee Media, which he entered with comic book mogul Stan Lee) "imploded," and "in the midst of the company's financial collapse, [the] plaintiff fled the United States for Brazil."

"Not surprisingly," the brief said, "no working relationship between the plaintiff and the president ever materialized." It then details how Paul was indicted for and pleaded guilty to manipulating the company's stock price. He had two previous felony convictions, pleading guilty to fraud in the 1970s and to a drug charge in the 1980s.

Paul's past is irrelevant at this stage in the case, said his attorney, D. Colette Wilson of the United States Justice Foundation in Ramona, Calif.

The argument before the court in determining if Sen. Clinton is protected by the anti-lawsuit statutes is based on the seriousness of the charges, she said. Paul's credibility is a matter that is subject for discussion in the course of a civil trial.

"They're saying, 'Do not believe anything Peter said because he is a felon,'" Wilson told Cybercast News Service Monday.

She said the allegations he is making are more than viable, adding that part of his contention was already backed up by results of his 2001 complaint to the Federal Elections Commission.

After investigating the matter, the FEC ruled that Sen. Clinton's 2000 campaign committee underreported cash it received at the fundraising event Paul sponsored and slapped the campaign committee with a $35,000 fine. The Clinton campaign committee also amended financial reports to show Paul's share of the production costs were understated by $721,000. The legal limit for an individual to contribute was $2,000 at the time.

The fallout from the Paul's Hollywood fundraising event also led to the federal indictment of David Rosen, Sen. Clinton's finance director, who was acquitted on charges of lying to the FEC.

The three attorneys who filed the brief could not be reached for comment Friday or Monday.

In a written declaration for the court filed on April 7, 2006, Sen. Clinton said, "I have no recollection whatsoever of discussing any arrangement with him whereby he would support my campaign for the United States Senate in exchange for anything from me or then-President Clinton. I do not believe I would make such a statement because I believe I would remember such a discussion if it had occurred."

Wilson called it a classic "non-denial denial."

"She really doesn't want to go on the stand," Wilson said, adding the senator's delay tactics could drag the case right into the 2008 election cycle. "The timing could end up particularly disastrous for Hillary."

SMERSH HEAD of KGB sec. 9

User avatar
How do you want to proceed, Comrade Smersh?

1. Eliminate this "Enemy of the People(tm)"?

2. Uncover more evidence disparaging to to this "Enemy of the People(tm)"?

3. Send this "Enemy of the People(tm)" to a re-edukation facility (i.e. The Jane Fonda Center for the Treatment of Anti-Socialist Behavior)?

4. Or perhaps our fellow travelers at the Internal Revenue Service would interested in this "Enemy of the People(tm)"?

I'm partial to Option #1. I sure some of the young Socialists that I mentor would enjoy such a learning experience. :D

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

User avatar
You have great ideas
Would you like a job???

I prefer the way we dealt with Vince F.

SMERSH HEAD of KGB section.9.

User avatar
A job? Sure!

I like the way Vince F. was dealt with. Yet, I am worried that if that method is used again unwanted attention could be put on Dear Leader Hillary and The Party(tm). Speaking of which, we can get the word about this frivolous lawsuit squashed by our useful idiots ... er ... fellow travelers at ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and PBS. The only concern their are those class enemies at Fox News. I can recruit some of our brothers and sisters in Syria, Iran, Gaza, and Iraq to deliver a "little" present to each of their major news offices. One of my young proteges is from that part of the world. I'm sure she can assist us in this regard.

Now, for the problem at hand. Being the "Hollywood" type, Mr. Paul most likely has few "unusual peccadilloes". This "Enemy of the People(tm)" must be observed for several weeks in order to determine any routine patterns and what, if any, "unusual peccadilloes" he has. Since we are talking about Hollyweird, he probably has a gerbil fetish. If true, our comrades at P.E.T.A. will come in handy!

Another protege, is a young lady from The People's Socialist Republic of San Francisco. Though from the land of Comrade Pelosivich, she is quite dedicated to Her Excellency, Empress HRC. She will do nicely for this task.

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

User avatar
Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:A job? Sure!

I like the way Vince F. was dealt with. Yet, I am worried that if that method is used again unwanted attention could be put on Dear Leader Hillary and The Party(tm). Speaking of which, we can get the word about this frivolous lawsuit squashed by our useful idiots ... er ... fellow travelers at ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and PBS. The only concern their are those class enemies at Fox News. I can recruit some of our brothers and sisters in Syria, Iran, Gaza, and Iraq to deliver a "little" present to each of their major news offices. One of my young proteges is from that part of the world. I'm sure she can assist us in this regard.

Now, for the problem at hand. Being the "Hollywood" type, Mr. Paul most likely has few "unusual peccadilloes". This "Enemy of the People(tm)" must be observed for several weeks in order to determine any routine patterns and what, if any, "unusual peccadilloes" he has. Since we are talking about Hollyweird, he probably has a gerbil fetish. If true, our comrades at P.E.T.A. will come in handy!

Another protege, is a young lady from The People's Socialist Republic of San Francisco. Though from the land of Comrade Pelosivich, she is quite dedicated to Her Excellency, Empress HRC. She will do nicely for this task.

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

Thought can be a corrosive element.
In my decades of service i have learned to Never trust an Arab.
They are uselful idiots ,We all know this but you can't count on them ,for most of them can't count.
P.E.T.A, is fine.
The party is aware of your suggestions.
Keep a low profile and never do anything on your own. Talk to KGB first.
Thank you ,you most valued ass-set to Hillary 2008.

SMERSH HEAD of KGB section 9

User avatar
Gospodin, a gerbil fetish is so, like, over. There has been a leak of the Cube's secret papers and the best Beverly Hills plumbers have been working double shifts to clean sewer lines of flushed gerbils, sometimes in disreputable states, but sometimes merely flushed. And on occasion they've found Lupe, too. They're all expendable you know; mere vote fodder for us. In fact everyone not in the Cube is quite expendable. And they think that We Care ™. Oh Murgatroyd; I wet 'em.

The reasons that gerbils are no longer used is that there is a leak here at the Cube. Some of the natives at Meow's Bangladeshi sweat-shop, who are paid 25c a day, have recently been deployed from making pet-food additives to the Hildo 7.1.

Entire rooms are being built for the Hildo 7.1, and the ghost of Versace has been channeled by David Geffen to built a 7,000 square foot mansion cantilevered over Topanga Canyon. It is an ampitheater, with a latex-covered bed at the bottom for the bottom, who will be serviced by the Hildo 7.1 wielded by four 6' 6" 350' body-builders with their own designer brand of steroids, coreographed by Janet Reno.

But I repeat. I have, honest to god real personal I-didn't-want-to-believe-it-either factual data from someone who read the goddamned files that Vince Foster killed himself. No doubt he woke up and realized, "I slept with THAT?" I promise. Really. Truly. Yes. Indeed. Utterly beyond question.

User avatar
smersh wrote:Thought can be a corrosive element.
In my decades of service i have learned to Never trust an Arab.
They are uselful idiots ,We all know this but you can't count on them ,for most of them can't count.
P.E.T.A, is fine.
The party is aware of your suggestions.
Keep a low profile and never do anything on your own. Talk to KGB first.
Thank you ,you most valued ass-set to Hillary 2008.

But Party approved thought is a nurturing element, as I have learned.

Only trust an Arab female that has been brainwashed by way of Party approved means. This young lady has spent many days using a Party approved Hildo 7.1beta device and riding on a Symbian while being forced to watch hours and hours of "Lassie" reruns. This has achieved the desired Pavlovian effect. Besides, she is more trustworthy than Lupe. Since there is a 100% certainty that Lupe would fuck up such a mission.

I have other ideas to discuss with the KGB. Contact me on the secret channel.

--

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote: Gospodin, a gerbil fetish is so, like, over.

If you have relevant intelligence already collected on Mr. Peter Paul's sexual peccadilloes, please inform Comrade Smersh, immediately.

--

User avatar
The gerbil was so over when the cell phones started buzzing about the Hildo 7.1. But--and I'll let you in on a secret--we're doing the H4 7.2! It's the Hilton Head Hildo Hydra 7.2. It's powered by the Mac OS so it doesn't crash, although there are those who think that the Blue Screen of Death gives that certain earth-shaking frisson. It doesn't last long but it's deeply moving. The only problem is that the celebrants have to keep answering "Accept" all the time when they already are quite willing to accept.

This will be inaugurated of course at Renaissance Weekend, and arrangements have been made for all the sand which is dirtied beyond repair to be carted to Hudspeth County, Texas, 25 miles south of Sierra Blanca, where they will be stored in a salt dome. This is the only known structure which will contain the mutant bacteria the size of a lobster.

User avatar
It is easier to fuck a rampaging rino than to fucking listen to you.
Reprograming in order here. Monday morning 7 am Lubianka.
On behalf of the Great SMERSH IVAN the Terrible.handyman section 9

User avatar
Then I suggest that you do not listen to me. It's very easy to ignore the posts of someone you find tedious. There is a heading with the name of the poster. Skip to the next one.

Guess whose posts taught me this valuable skill?

But the image of congress with a rampaging rhino does amuse me. Just how is that done? KY Warming Gel?

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Then I suggest that you do not listen to me. It's very easy to ignore the posts of someone you find tedious. There is a heading with the name of the poster. Skip to the next one.

Guess whose posts taught me this valuable skill?

But the image of congress with a rampaging rhino does amuse me. Just how is that done? KY Warming Gel?

It is done in your imagination. My little Fudge Packer / Chocolate knight.
I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANY COMRADES. Alive or dead.

User avatar
smersh wrote:It is done in your imagination.
It is quite beyond the bounds of my imagination. And my imagination is very fertile indeed, which sometimes causes distress.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:But the image of congress with a rampaging rhino does amuse me. Just how is that done? KY Warming Gel?
There's been a change. Ever since the Great October Socialist Elections the only gel prescribed to our congresspersons is the Global Warming Gel. They use it on their heads as hairstyling product to stiffen hair into a particular fashion, as alternative filling for Dr. Scholl's® Massaging Gel Heel Cushions, and on the anuses of rampaging RINOS (Republicans in name only) who on the most part are cuddly domesticated animals.

REPORTER: Hey, R.I.N.O. Congressman, sir! I just saw you being anally violated by your environmentally conscious Democrat colleague. Will you now go on a rampage?"

R.I.N.O. CONGRESSMAN: Hell no! <gives a wink, shows a tube of Global Warming Gel>

REPORTER: Oh, I see! You must be gellin'!

R.I.N.O. CONGRESSMAN: I am, that's why I'm not yellin' even though there is considerable redness and swellin'!

ANNOUNCER: Dr. Scholl's® Global Warming Gel - apply directly where it hurts!

User avatar
Ah, Red, you see how much they enjoy it. I happen to have some DVDs of men engaging in activities which only a good imagination could describe as sex. Performance art is more like it, and it involves the disappearance of one man's entire arm up to the elbow. I fail to see the stimulation of it, but do see in it a powerful metaphor.

Has anyone seen Shari Lewis lately?

Perhaps the theme song for the 2006 elections ought to have been Gounod's "The Marionette's Funeral March." There was a certain Hitchcockian ambience about it. What was the episode, "The Specialty of the House"? The one in which Robert Moreley, the gourmet, constantly asked the proprietoress of a restaurant, Stavro?, a dyke, if the speciality was on? No, sir, it never was. But once he was permitted to go into the kitchen to see the chef, who came at him with a cleaver. And then the specialité de maison was on again.

What, exactly, is the composition of Dr. Scholl's® Global Warming Gel? There is a rumor that it is made of a fungus found under the roots of trees of old-growth forests.

User avatar
Red Square wrote:
Commissar Theocritus wrote:But the image of congress with a rampaging rhino does amuse me. Just how is that done? KY Warming Gel?
There's been a change. Ever since the Great October Socialist Elections the only gel prescribed to our congresspersons is the Global Warming Gel. They use it on their heads as hairstyling product to stiffen hair into a particular fashion, as alternative filling for Dr. Scholl's® Massaging Gel Heel Cushions, and on the anuses of rampaging RINOS (Republicans in name only) who on the most part are cuddly domesticated animals.

REPORTER: Hey, R.I.N.O. Congressman, sir! I just saw you being anally violated by your environmentally conscious Democrat colleague. Will you now go on a rampage?"

R.I.N.O. CONGRESSMAN: Hell no! <gives a wink, shows a tube of Global Warming Gel>

REPORTER: Oh, I see! You must be gellin'!

R.I.N.O. CONGRESSMAN: I am, that's why I'm not yellin' even though there is considerable redness and swellin'!

ANNOUNCER: Dr. Scholl's® Global Warming Gel - apply directly where it hurts!

YES INDEED GLOBAL WARMING GEL. FORMERLY KNOW AS THE PEOPLES GEL WAS INDEED MADE AS A PROGRESSIVE CONCEPT PRODUCT FOR MULTIPLE PROPAGANDA USE THIS DECADE IT LOOKS LIKE THE GREEN GLOBAL WARMING DEFENSE GEL. THIS IS NOW OFFICIAL.

SMERSH HEAD of KGB section 9

User avatar
PS At least RED SQUARE knows what a RINO is.

User avatar
C.R.I.N.O.

Counter-Revolutionary In Name Only.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus

I have an idea (brilliant as usual) You... My little pencil necked red washer. You will be the perfect pick for a, long standing open position at the KGB. You are hereby chosen,,,,!
The Honor of Comrade Hillary's Personal Hygiene detail.
Congrats. lol

SMERSH HEAD of KGB section 9.

User avatar
Ah yes. I'd forgotten RINO. I had assumed that they're merely moles for us. Sorry; fooled by the Brit spelling of an acronym. That's what I get for my SR-71 flights over to frolic in the crown jewels. Lilibet is really nervous about us, you know; she's getting some brownie points with the Cause. She never got over Cromwell, you see.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah yes. I'd forgotten RINO. I had assumed that they're merely moles for us. Sorry; fooled by the Brit spelling of an acronym. That's what I get for my SR-71 flights over to frolic in the crown jewels. Lilibet is really nervous about us, you know; she's getting some brownie points with the Cause. She never got over Cromwell, you see.
WELL MY FRIEND .GOOD LUCK. GET YOUR SHOTS FIRST.

User avatar
Oh, I don't think that I need shots. The only problem was Dodi Fayed--did you see that ape without a shirt? I don't mind a hirsute man but he'd have to buy a two tickets to the zoo--one in and one to get out. But he died in Paris, and his old man, who bought Harrods, is still very upset about it. Or the fact that Her Majesty's Government won't give him a passport even though he stole, er, earned billions in Egyptian construction. And that Dodi, the producer of <i>Chariots of Fire</i> was sued by every landlord he had. And that that monster was shagging Diana, which tells you a lot about her, doesn't it? Goes on and on about those innocent landmines and consorts with an ape.

(Did you know that man has the largest penis of any primate? I don't know from personal experience but as I never tire of pointing out, Gennifer Flowers said that Bill was hung like a Vienna sausage.)

Now that Dodi's dead, and the Dodi-shagger is dead, all I have to worry about is Charles' ears. Now when he goes to EuroDisney, children scream, "Mama! I wanna ride Dumbo!"

My dear and divine Empress Hillary, you are the smartest PERSON (note: I didn't say woman, because like you, I don't believe in labels, like those right-wing, idiotic, Bush-loving, environment- destroying, racist, sexist, homophobic, Jew-loving, Muslim-fearing, Nazi assholes), who has ever lived.

I have the unfortunate luck of having Rethugnacons as neighbors. They are always telling me "Get a job" and "take a bath, you smelly hippie". Aside from my feelings being hurt (and we all know that the constitution guarantees that my feelings are NEVER allowed to be hurt), I get a little frustrated trying to explain to them that they're greedy, bloated Nazi-pigs for wanting to keep money that they "earned". How do I tell them that keeping money the that they "earn" is greedy, but having the government take it and redistribute it, isn't. How do I convince them that my EXPECTING the government to take thier money is not greed?

Since you are the smartest person who ever has and ever shall live, perhaps some talking points or advice on how to "convince them of the error of thier ways"?

User avatar
Dear Red_Don.

You need not convince them of anything that the gulag can't cure come January 2009.
At that time you'll have a job as a camp guard and you can spit in these reactionary Repukelicans faces as you escort them to the shower stalls which at that time you can remind them of the bath & smelly hippie comment.

H08

Comrade hillary...
If you are elected to Dear Leader, will you return the silverware to the Whitehouse or take it with you to the kremlin?

User avatar
Air Motor, the White House silverware and all of the gold in Fort Knox will eventually be joined with the Tower jewels, Garrads, Tiffany's, the Louvre and St. Peter's, all in a new construction in the Mall in Washington DC.

We shall tear down the phallic Washington monument and replace it with a replica of Nero's Golden Palace, which Vespasian tore down. We shall rehab the Smithsonian to include scenes of the victorious People's Revolution showing how the People have triumphed over the Kulaks who oppressed them, led by the leaders of the Glorious Revolution, Our Many Titted Empress, first among equals.

The Library of Congress contains entirely too many books--books are bad for you--but education is good for you. I think that we need to make it a re-education center for people who have not yet seen the wisdom in our peaceful march into the future.

Hold the faith, Air Motor. The age of perfect equality shall arrive. But bear in mind that some are more equal than others, and your presence here, in the Inner Sanctum, is good insurance that you shall be more equal than your next-door neighbor whose car you covet--and may just get yet.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Air Motor, the White House silverware and all of the gold in Fort Knox will eventually be joined with the Tower jewels, Garrads, Tiffany's, the Louvre and St. Peter's, all in a new construction in the Mall in Washington DC.

We shall tear down the phallic Washington monument and replace it with a replica of Nero's Golden Palace, which Vespasian tore down. We shall rehab the Smithsonian to include scenes of the victorious People's Revolution showing how the People have triumphed over the Kulaks who oppressed them, led by the leaders of the Glorious Revolution, Our Many Titted Empress, first among equals.

The Library of Congress contains entirely too many books--books are bad for you--but education is good for you. I think that we need to make it a re-education center for people who have not yet seen the wisdom in our peaceful march into the future.

Hold the faith, Air Motor. The age of perfect equality shall arrive. But bear in mind that some are more equal than others, and your presence here, in the Inner Sanctum, is good insurance that you shall be more equal than your next-door neighbor whose car you covet--and may just get yet.

Dear Commissar... you will never know how heartwarming it is for me, a simple pawn, to receive the wonderful words of wisdom and guidance from a person of stature and nobility such as yourself. For many years I had nothing, but now with the guidance of our party I have my own pine tree, and I receive my daily bowl of borsh (spelling?). Please forgive me, I promissed our Dear Leader I would no longer present a misspelled word. Please don't report me. Your loyal servant...
AirMotor

User avatar
AirMotor, now that you are in the Inner Sanctum, All Will Be Revealed. There are two types of good Communists but all strive toward perfect freedom. So many people find it confusing to do all that thinking--it makes their heads hurt. And it's so much to be responsible for yourself, isn't it? After all, ethical choices--I just sigh with pity over people who think they have to make them.

So I always advise these people to surrender to the Party. You don't have to have the responsibility of your own existence. Someone will let you not live while you're living. You don't have to bear the burden of actually being, for it's a heavy load, dear comrade, a heavy load. And it's amazing how many intellectuals feel that way after a while. All that thinking, all that worrying, and all that sense of not being able to make things right, the way they should be.

And it doesn't matter if they don't have a good plan, for the plan is what is important. The plan is good if it's strong. That's all. Darwin is right, you know. Come to the Plan. The Plan will take care of you. You never leave the embrace of the Plan.

And here, AirMotor, in the Cube, we are the plan. We know that these people want such security and the freedom from freedom. We know that choices are hard. We decide things for people. And because we work so hard, it is only mete that we get rewards for what we do.

Bear in mind that dignity is essentially a solitary pursuit. A mob has no dignity. A dignified man stands apart. There shall be no dignity for no one can rise above any other. We must all live for others. We must think what others will want and give it to themselves, and then we will have no dignity. And if we give something that people don't deserve to them, then they will not have the dignity of earning it. This will make them very angry.

And you and I, in the inner sanctum, will further undermine and destroy the dignity of all by taking things from one person and giving to another, quite arbitrarily, and we shall tell the person who is robbed that he cannot begrudge that or he is an evil RepubliKKKan, and we will tell the person that doesn't deserve it that he will get more, which means that he will become entirely dependent on us. He will become childish and demanding and not bother to try because we will tell him that he cannot succeed without us, that the deck is stacked against him by whoever we designate at the moment to be the oppressor. When we are the oppressor, pointing the finger.

<character off>
That is why I am utterly opposed to the extension of special victim status for sexual orientation; I proved those theorems, translated that Latin, wrote those compilers, utterly regardless of the fact that I happen to be gay. The bitterest thing I can imagine would be for someone to suggest that my degree in math from Rice was given to me. I worked for it.
<character on>

So, Comrade AirMotor, all party members are created equal but some are more equal than others. And do not think that everyone shares your ideas of freedom for all do not. Always say freedom. Never mean it. Except for you, and what you can get away with. For since ethics are twisted to suit, and plans change at will, and truth is what we say it is, and what is possible is right, you are not bound by honor, ethics, honestly, loyalty, kindness, or anything but your own self-interest.

Welcome.

User avatar
AirMotor wrote:Comrade hillary...
If you are elected to Dear Leader, will you return the silverware to the Whitehouse or take it with you to the kremlin?
AirMotor, what kind of name is that?
The silverware will be at the Hillary's Inauguration dinner that I will be hosting. You should attend - I have invited The Dear Leader to make the speech to honor Hillary.

<img width=500 src=https://www.country-data.com/frd/cs/uganda/ug01_05a.jpg>

You people should honor my friend, Kim Jung IL, on this website.

User avatar
Dr. Idi, will you make a toast to Jim Jung Il, or will you make toast out of him? And you never did tell me what your favorite sauce was for missionaries. Do Presbyterians take a sweeter one than Catholics, considering that they are more dour?

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Do Presbyterians take a sweeter one than Catholics, considering that they are more dour?

I thought they were more sour?

Oh... wait! That's the Southern Baptists. They're the ones that are more sour.

My bad!

--

User avatar
Personally I favor for Southern Baptists Texas barbecue sauce--which has a goodly concentration of sugar. Dr. Amin is now writing a section in his cookbook for marrow dumplings, for which I'm currently in negotiation for the acquisition of the Romanoff marrow spoons.

User avatar
Commissar Theocritus wrote:Dr. Idi,

ImageYou will address me properly! The only way to is us my proper title! "Your Excellency President for Life, Field Marshall Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC [‘Victorious Cross'], DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular, and Professor of Geography."


ImageBecause I am compassionate, Commisar Theocritus, I will allow you to use my short title "Your Excellency President for Life, Field Marshall Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada."

will you make a toast to Jim Jung Il...
Image Hillary will do the toast to honor the Dear Leader.
And you never did tell me what your favorite sauce was for missionaries.
ImageFava bean sauce!
Image Now, do you think, Commisar Theocritus, you could ask some intelligent questions?
Image Hillary may call me Big Daddy!

User avatar
Fava bean sauce? How is dear Dr. Lecter? I haven't seen him since I employed him to make a change purse.

User avatar
You know what, Commissar Theocritus? I admire you. You're not just another commie puppet of this website - you speak your mind and I like that! I want you to be my guest for dinner. We have much to discuss, such as Hillary's future. There will be a place for you when I take control of this website.
Image

User avatar
Dr. Amin, I do appreciate it. I will be glad to sit at your side. But if you want someone to sit on your inside, you might let me help you with the guest list. I have personally been fattening up Michael Moore and I think he wouldn't even need too much basting.

I'd suggest spit roasting but I fear that the fat, rendered off by the heat, would cause a conflagration that could not be put out. Have you solved that problem?

Or did you have it? I've noticed that the only fat Africans are leaders of fellow states.

User avatar
My Dearest Comrade Commissar Theocritus wrote:Dr. Amin, I do appreciate it. I will be glad to sit at your side. But if you want someone to sit on your inside, you might let me help you with the guest list. I have personally been fattening up Michael Moore and I think he wouldn't even need too much basting.

Theo,

Please do not forget to invite Comrade Senator Ted Kennedy! He is always a "lively" dinner party guest. Plus he has been marinating for 60 years!!! Can you imagine what that liver of his would be like? Why, it would flambe' itself!

--
Blokhayev

User avatar
Dear Zampolit, I would of course be delighted to have Senator Chappaquiddick. I cannot think how I overlooked him. Our first course shall be fois gras--and his liver will be just about right for it. If we time it right, we can use his esophogeal exsanguination to please Dr. Amin, who loves nothing better than a truly bloody blood Mary--and the booze is already in it.

I can taste it now. Paper-thin slices of fatty liver, sauteed ever so tenderly in 84% butterfat Danish butter, with so little milk solids that it doesn't even need clarifying. Now Dr. Amin and I are in disagreement: I personally think that the addition of a sprig of thyme makes all the difference but he is a true purist, that Dr. Amin. Nothing but the liver and the butter. And at times I've known him even to forego the butter.

But once I was honored to be present at a feast given by Dr. Amin for Our Many Titted Empress, and on the guest list was Mr. Reno.

They didn't even bother with cooking the liver. Mr. Reno used her powerful jaw to disembowel the peasant who'd been forcefed a gallon of Everclear a day for a year, and then our MTE threw Mr. Reno on his back.

Who was happy to oblige, thinking that the Hildo Hydra 7.1 was on offer, but when her hooves were in the air, Dr. Idi and Our MTE merely impaled the liver on her hooves and they did a dance in honor of the Goddess Gaia around the liver, to the tune of "The Internationale" and ate raw chunks off it.

That was, by the way, the time that Ira Magaziner got his inspiration for Hillarycare.

User avatar
My dear Commissar Theocritus,
you must know, by now, that I value our friendship. I want you to come to work for me as the head chef! Your cooking skills will not go un-noticed. Why, we may even have a "Hells Kitchen" type cooking competition to honor your arrival!
Image

User avatar
Dear Comrade Amin Dada:

I believe these quotes belong to you. If this is truly so, you rightfully deserve a special "Ask Idi Amin" thread on this site.

IDI AMIN QUOTES:

I want your heart. I want to eat your children.

I ate them before they ate me.

I have also eaten human meat. It is very salty. Even more salty then
leopard meat.

I myself consider myself the most powerful figure in the world.

I am the hero of Africa.

If we knew the meaning to everything that is happening to us, then there would be no meaning.

In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

Sometimes people mistake the way I talk for what I am thinking.

You cannot run faster than a bullet.

We Ugandans hope that the great United States of America does not
continue to use its enormous resources, especially its military might,
to destroy human life on earth.

=============================
Some of your most memorable speeches include one after a luncheon hosted by the Queen in London in his honor:

"Mr Queen, Sir, Horrible Ministers, invented guests, ladies under
gentlemen. I thank the Queen very plenty for what he has done to me. I
tell you, I have eaten so much that I am now fed up with malicious
meal.

Before I continue, I would kindly ask you to open the windows so that
the climate may get in plenty. But before I go back I must invert Mr
Queen to my country and I can assure you, Mr Queen that when you
come, I shall revenge to you. You will eat a full cow and I will work very
difficult to make sure that you will come back with a very full stomach.

For now I am sorry that I have just made a short call on you. The next
time I will make a long one possible for a full moon. Thank you for
letting me undress you in front of all the disgusting people."

(Do you notice how Idi refers to Mr. Queen as we here refer to Mr. Reno and some of us to the Many-Titted Emperor?)


User avatar
Red Square wrote:Dear Comrade Amin Dada:

You will address me properly! I am not a comrade!!! The only way to is use my proper title! "Your Excellency President for Life, Field Marshall Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC [‘Victorious Cross'], DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular, and Professor of Geography."

I believe these quotes belong to you. If this is truly so, you rightfully deserve a special "Ask Idi Amin" thread on this site.
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
There will be such a thread as soon as I take control of this website. I will give you a deadline to send me the admin password. There will be a big banquet to honor the passing of the password, you will sit at my table!
I expect Hillary to carry a copy of my famous quotes to guide her to victory.

Image I present this button to Hillary to wear at all times!!!

User avatar
Uh, Dr. Amin, I was lost in my thoughts, oh hell, in my basement trying something that Bruno insisted on, and missed your invitation to be your personal chef, which I accept with pleasure.

I have an idea. Since you have so decimated the population of Uganda, then we will need a new source of meat. I suggest that we harvest the Gorelags, which will be full of Useful Idiots™. Since they are fed on tofu and other indigestible things their cholesterol ought to be good for your heart--had you one which worked for I hate to break the news to you, dear Dr. Idi, but you are, er, in point of fact, rather, er, dead.

Which doesn't mean that I won't enjoy a good fry-up of useful idiots.

May I bring my AllClad and Sabatier?

User avatar
ImageMy Dear Commissar Theocritus,
Commissar Theocritus wrote:...and missed your invitation to be your personal chef, which I accept with pleasure.
Excellent, my friend, excellent!!

I have an idea. Since you have so decimated the population of Uganda, then we will need a new source of meat. I suggest that we harvest the Gorelags, which will be full of Useful Idiots™.
ImageYes, yes, of course. As my personal chef, I'm sure you will have many excellent ideas.

you are, er, in point of fact, rather, er, dead.
ImageHa! ha! ha! My dear Commissar Theocritus. I will let you in on some rather good news! That was my "body double!" Ha! ha! As soon as Hillary is sworn in as president, she will grant me political asylum, amnesty, and a place on her cabnet! You see, Commissar Theocritus, Hillary has selected me as her Minister of Defence! Ha! ha! ha! Rather good for a non-communist, don't you agree, Commissar Theocritus?

May I bring my AllClad and Sabatier?
Image Yes, yes, yes, of course! You will be appointed Hillary's head chef, after you cook for me for a while! You will be most rewarded!!!
Image

User avatar
Better watch him, Theocritus. He might being trying to eat you! Last time I had dinner with Dr. Amin (no, I'm not addressing you by rank and title) the fat SOB stuck a fork in my arm while giggling. Luckily for me I popped an aspirin in his drink earlier and told him it was tainted... sure enough he started freaking out and ran to the bathroom to throw up. It was then I made my escape... after I stole whatever cash he had laying around and a few jade figurines of some value.... oh, and the mink coat he bought for his wife... oh, and the crystal, I took the crystal as well.

User avatar
Meow, your sticky fingers will be your undoing. I'm still beating Bruno for not watching that Hummel that H8 broke that you bawled over like <i>you'd</i> been the one who stole it originally. Oh, you stole it but I stole it first. I have pride of theft, you know.

But I know what you mean about Idi. In truth I'm fattening him up to solve the Global Warming problem. You and I know all that hysteria about Global Warming™ is just so much humbug. Utter bullshit for the dupes at the NYT and CBS, and my lord how NPR eats that stuff up--when they get together and talk about it you're convinced it's not their chins they're pulling.

When I put another #300 on him, I'm going to set him on fire, which really will increase the temperature of the world, and that will let me frighten people and get more of their lovely money. And by the time that I have it, he'll have burned out. That'll take about a year, I figure--have you seen him lately?

User avatar
His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, Victorious Cross recipient, Distinguished Service Order (DSO) Award Winner, Military Cross (MC) award for gallantry recipient, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire (CBE) wrote:...As soon as Hillary is sworn in as president, she will grant me political asylum, amnesty, and a place on her cabnet! You see, Commissar Theocritus, Hillary has selected me as her Minister of Defence! Ha! ha! ha! Rather good for a non-communist, don't you agree....

His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, Victorious Cross recipient, Distinguished Service Order (DSO) Award Winner, Military Cross (MC) award for gallantry recipient, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire (CBE), I am delighted to know that one of my best customers is still among us!

Image
May I just extend my hand in solidarity to one of the finest soldiers I have had the honor of sharing the same planet with. Please do not hesitate to contact one of our sales representatives if you have any materiel requirements. I'm confident the Party™ will re-open your contract with all prior discounts in place.

I trust that when you become Minister of Defense, the size of the army will be increased, and much of the country's budget may be diverted from civilian to military spending. Military tribunals will be placed above the civil courts, soldiers appointed to top government posts, parliament dissolved and civilian Cabinet ministers informed that they will be subject to military discipline (also known as "Against the Wall") much as it was in your beloved Uganda. I still think that your people need you.

However, I believe that the children of Amerika need you also, and will serve you well, for the disadvantaged black youth here are easily manipulated, intensely loyal, fearless and, most important, in endless supply.

Image Image
Best regards, and hoping to do business again soon,
-General Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

User avatar
General Kalasnikov, Dr. Idi has you on the guest list for his next feed.

Eat well before you come. I'll be doing the cooking.

Eat well before you come.

User avatar
Prior discounts in place!?!? PRIOR DISCOUNTS IN PLACE!?! Are you mad, Mikhail?? If anything these weapons...errr...errhhhmmm.... these "liberating machines of People's justice" need to be shipped to the Middle East to fend of the American Empire. We have a winning chance in the ME! We are one Hollywood movie within victory! SOCIALISM IS UPON US! THE PROGRESSIVE WORLD OF NEXT TUESDAY WILL INDEED HAPPEN NEXT TUESDAY (so dig faster, proles! Put some muscle into it already!).

User avatar
Meow, he's setting up a camp for harvesting body parts. Don't you remember when we formed that JV? Or were you polishing your Hummels. Well you won't do that any more.

User avatar
I was polishing my Hummels... my... my... my Hummels!! BWAAAAHAAAAHAAAA! MY HUMMELS!! <wiping tears> I'm OK... I'm fine... I'm sure I can replace some of them... I'm sure I might find some on E-Bay. OK, stay strong, Meow. Stay strong. They are just collectibles. Nothing special. Not like the East German Politburo gave you a few of them or anything...... BWAAAAHHAAAAAHAAAAAAA! SHE BROKE THE ONE GIVEN TO ME BY WALTER ULBRICHT! WALTER ULBRICHT, THEOCRITUS! Oh my Stalin.... deep breaths, Meow. Deep breaths... remember what your therapist told you. Yes, before you slept with her and sent the video to her parents... and before she filed a restraining order against you... and before you took a nine-iron to her BMW and sold her cat to that lovely little Chinese restaurant that smells like sweaty socks... phew, OK, I'm better now.

User avatar
Thank you, General Mikhail T. Kalashnikov, for your compliments.

Today I learned that Hillary will enforce her health care plan for the masses! Such good news; It's gratifying - I prefer healthy, er, ahem, I'm delighted that Hillary will keep her subjects healthy.

Body parts? That's for Hillary's Chinese comrades! Ha! ha! ha! Funny, eh? The victim wakes up in a bath-tub filled with ice, kidneys gone, and he gets a cell phone to call 911! Commissar Theocritus, perhaps you will be so kind as to cook some kidney pie at Hillary's inauguration?

All the best!
Image


 
POST REPLY