"We keep voting Democrat, but we're still poor..."

"I voted for Change, so how come things are still the same?"

"I can't have my cake and eat it too?"

"There's no such thing as a free lunch?"

"For the past thirty years we’ve been told that we have less than ten years to save the planet..."

"Unions gave us two-day weekends... Perhaps, if enough people join unions, we can get the other five days off."

"Free markets means everything is free!"

"Voting ‘D’ = free stuff. Voting ‘R’ = bummer, I'll have to work."

"Work is what parents do"

"How do I sign a check on the front?"

"Someday I'll live in my own basement!"

"My body is my business, but so is what other people earn."

"Why has no politician ever run on men's issues or promised to improve the lives of males?"

"I read in Cosmo that Republicans want to ban sex. It's totally true."

"Social security? Isn’t that the guy who polices keg parties?"

"The National Socialist Party had nothing to do with socialism, right?"

"We will be safer if we disarm, right?"

"Immigration is like that velvet rope outside nightclubs: when really fun people arrive, you just open it right up!"

"Taxes are like when a really popular club raises prices and you have to start going to another club that has homeless people standing outside."

"Why read the Constitution when you can watch the Daily Show?"

"Why does Hollywood always glamorize drug addicts, criminals, progressives, and mentally challenged people? What do we all have in common?"

Freedom or free stuff. You can’t have both.