I recently heard a song from Frank Zappa's 1978 album, "Joes' Garage" and it not only brought back memories, but it gave me a fiendishly perverse idea.

Due to his abysmal performance as the ostensible 46th President of the USSA, criminal disgraced former President Joe Biden is unlikely to get financial donors for the building of his hoped-for Biden Presidential Library. No one is willing to pour good money after a sure loser. He can't even expect some leftover stalwart to start a GoFund Me page on his behalf.

With such a shitty legacy, what's a failure of a puppet President to do? Simple. Repurpose existing space, advertise, hang signs and maybe even cut an album:


That's right. Joe can turn his infamous garage into a Presidential Library overnight with few expenses and lots of ticket revenue from Chinese "Librarians" all sorts of curiosity seekers, tourists and travelers needing a restroom others.  Just look at the set-up:

The garage and private residence surrounding it:


The grand vista view at the threshold of the library:


The attractions:





And parents, bring your kids for a chance to win prizes with "Treasure Hunter," held during every tour. Let your kids roam around the library searching for treasure. Any kid who finds a little plastic bag of white "Mystery Powder" can turn it in at the gift shop and redeem a miniature replica of Hunter's Laptop (or a free hair sniffing.) 

 




  

Great news for the Joe's Garage and Presidential Library: a logo and letterhead has already been created, which eliminates an expenditure.

It dates all the way back to October, 2021, when supporters were still willing to shovel bribes donations into what is now an indefinitely delayed project.


Simple? Yes, in fact...
 
 

 

Will there be a diorama to explain what Joe knew and when he used to know it? Dioramas are so interesting. Plus, they are instructive without being pedantic. Dioramas, that’s something Joe’s Garage and Presidential Library should use as educational shovel.

Well, he does have a talent agency now, right? Contact his agent.

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

2/27/2025, 12:55 pm

Well, he does have a talent agency now, right? Contact his agent.

Contact his new agent.  His old one cut him loose.

 

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Colonel,

Fishy ambivalence.  Joe's Garage is one of my favorite albums.  It dares to ask the important question.  Also, I do believe that The Central Scrutinizer™ would make an awesome name for any new arrivals to The Cube™.  I've already made the suggestion to someone.

As far as the Presidential Library goes, this may just give Delaware tourism a shot in the arm.  Heaven knows Slaughter Beach isn't cutting it. 

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote: ↑

2/27/2025, 3:32 pm

Joe's Garage is one of my favorite albums.

On that album, "Crew Slut" is my favorite song.
 

Red Salmon wrote: ↑

2/27/2025, 3:32 pm

The Central Scrutinizer™

 This is the Central Scrutinizer
 
It is my responsibility to enforce all the laws
That haven't been passed yet
It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you
To the potential consequences
Of various ordinary everyday activities
You might be performing which could eventually lead to
The death penalty - 
or affect your parents' credit rating
 
Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you
Who do wrong things
And many of them were driven to these crimes
By a horrible force called "music"
 
Our studies have shown that this horrible force
Is so dangerous to society at large
That laws are being drawn up at this very moment
To stop it - forever!
 
Cruel and inhuman punishments
Are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs
So they won't conflict with the Constitution
Which, itself, is being modified
In order to accommodate the future
 
I bring you now a special presentation
To show what can happen to you
If you choose a career in music
 
The White Zone is for loading and unloading only
If you have to load or unload, go to the White Zone
You'll love it it's a way of life
 
Hi, it's me, I'm back, this is the Central Scruuuuuutinizer
 
The White Zone is for loading and unloading only
If you gotta load or if you gotta unload
You go to the White Zone, 
you'll love it, it's a way of life
That's right! You'll love it, it's a way of life, that's right
You'll love it, a way of life, right, love it
 
This is the Central Scrutinizer

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Colonel,

I have memories of the Joe’s Garage album playing in the background during drunken celebrations of survival to risk our lives another day.  Always a long way from home.  I think feel I wore out more than one copy on vinyl and owned/destroyed several CDs.  Cassette tapes in third world briefcases.  No matter which format, it always appeared at post mission “debriefs”.  Desperate times.  It’s a way of life…

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote: ↑

2/27/2025, 3:32 pm

I do believe that The Central Scrutinizer™ would make an awesome name for any new arrivals to The Cube™.  I've already made the suggestion to someone.

I like this one better:


P.S. Whatever you do, don't tell Commissarka Pinky that there's a song called "Ms. Pinkie" on the "Zoot Alures" album. She might unpack her icepick.

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Colonel,

Red Salmonander could spearhead an offshoot of the species fluid movement.  Grievances?  We got' em!

Red Salmon(ander)