I have been selflessly orbiting Earth
since 1957, breaking space endurance
records, proving Soviet Space Program
is more advanced than Amerikanski
Program. Man on the moon, ptooey!
Amerikanski not returned to moon
since 1972, and I am still up here!

But I would like to come back to Earth
and help Amerikanski workers and
farmers defeat capitalist oppressors
and live happily like Soviet workers
and farmers. They could use help
from Hero Dog of Soviet Union,
Friend of People, no?

Laika (Controlling your tinfoil hats
since 1957)