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5 Impossible Things Before Breakfast

3/15/2011, 10:32 am
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We are always and forever inspired by our Father Prog Theocritus, he chides us to forever practice correcting our thoughts in order to avoid repeated trips to Jiffi-Lobo. In his wisdom, he knows that we will repeatedly fail and thus his vast fortune of hummels, rare Russian chotskeis and archaic Americana nicknacks. All thanks to his glorious Jiffi-Lobo Enterprises he has amassed a fortune, but you didn't hear that here, because as we all know it's for the children. (Unless of course you're Congressman Waxman having a bit of cognitive dissonance, the-the-then it-uh-is-uh f-f-for chil-the child-ren.)

Let us take this opportunity to to concentrate on this devoted progressive seance entitled: Believing 5 Impossible things Before Breakfast. Let us start:

1) Transsexual Unicorns roam the hills of California in 5 inch heels.
2) Gays cannot be bullies and they all wear Chanel No. 5 which proves that they are practicing Buddhists.
3) Women cannot be bullies and they all are oppressed by the Glass Ceiling which is really a code word for Darth Vaders Force Field of Oppression.
4) Blacks cannot be racist and they all eat chocolate watermelon and sing the Blues at the Mos Eisley Cantina.
5) Mean-Spirited White Male Gnomes live in the Redwood Forest, they are also known to be seen in the Adirondacks and the Appalachians and are planning a wholesale attack on Unicorns, the Chanel No. 5 Factory, and the Mos Eisley Cantina.

What are your 5 Impossible Things Before Breakfast?
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3/15/2011, 1:06 pm
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1) Shabir Shaik is almost dead

He was granted medical parole in March, 2009 by then correctional services minister Ngconde Balfour, after his doctors found he was in the final phase of a “terminal condition”.

https://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa ... -1.1041726

(Ah... The joys of Afro-Commie politics...)

2) Global Warming caused the quake in Japan.

3) Sarah Palin caused the quake in Japan.

4) The quake in Japan would have been 15 on the Richter scale but for the timely intervention of Bareback Obama.

5) Father Prog Theocritus really exists. (As does the tooth fairy)

6) There are five things in this list.
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3/15/2011, 1:45 pm
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(1) Guns in the hands of private law abiding citizens are bad, but governments anywhere and everywhere can be trusted with them.
(2) People who have worked to earn their money, must give it to those who haven't worked.
(3) There is only so much wealth to be had, and anyone with too much took it from someone else who now can't earn wealth.
(4) Only a small handful of elite thinkers knows what is best for me, while I do not know how to best lead my life.
(5) It is ok for morbidly obese multimillionaire film makers to demand other multimillionaires redistribute their wealth, why he doesn't
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3/15/2011, 2:23 pm
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1) "To Serve Mankind" isn't a cookbook.

2) The religion of peace isn't Islam.

3) Rush was right.

4) Bush didn't do it.

5) The People's Director gave me a pay raise.
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3/15/2011, 5:56 pm
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Microsoft Works.
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3/15/2011, 6:12 pm
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1. Obama will see the light and let free markets work.

2. Moochelle will stop dictating everyone's food menu.

3. The government will pay today for a hamburger next Tuesday.

4. Oil leases will be handed out for drilling in the Gulf.

5. The media will be objective and point out Obama's flaws and Palin's strengths.
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3/15/2011, 6:54 pm
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Comrades,

I want to remind you all of what Father Prog has recently taught us that will help us get through these tough impossible Beliefs Before Breakfast™, or better known as the "3-B's". Father Prog taught us that we all need to have FORCED FAITH™. You can look it up in the Peoples Lexicon of Progressive Terminlogy.

It isn't enough to just chant "Omm" wearing rose-tinted John Lenin spectacles. We may all contribute our impossible beliefs here, but with FORCED FAITH™ they are no longer "impossible", but now the new promises of current truth for the glorious Progressive World of Next Tuesday™. As I'm sure you all heard and are aware of the adage "Faith can move mountains", but I tell you that FORCED FAITH™ can reduce them to dust!

With FORCED FAITH™I can believe:

1] Illegal aliens do the work Americans are too lazy to do, and they just want a better life, to raise their families, and assimilate into American culture. And learn English too.

2] Muhammed was not a blood-thirsty megalomaniac and pedophile who lusted after little girls, and didn't create a religion in order to be the most popular guy in the class.

3] Liberals love America, respect the Constitution, and will die for both to protect and preserve them.

4] Nanski Peloski is a normal human being who just happens to be a grandmother too.

5] Communism and Socialism have much to do with the humanitarian contributions to mankind, and have elevated the standards and quality of life for all the countries where it's been tried.
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3/15/2011, 9:55 pm
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I must denounce this nonsense! There's no use trying! One can't possibly believe six five impossible things before breakfast. Don't you know that with Obama as our leader, ALL things are possible!

Only . . . oops . . . well, he hasn't exactly been a leader lately, has he? Oh, very well, I'll try and come up with five impossible things:

1. I don't care.

2. Brad will never leave Angelina for me, so why should I care?

3. George W. Bush is the greatest leader America has had this century.

4. I gave up my shovel for Lent.

5. Michelle Obama's cleavage.

Now that I've done with that, back to reality and reason and what I know to be possible. Where's my breakfast, Rooster? I want eggs. Genuine Faberge eggs, and as usual I want YOU to lay them!
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3/15/2011, 10:57 pm
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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I must denounce this nonsense! There's no use trying! One can't possibly believe six five impossible things before breakfast. Don't you know that with Obama as our leader, ALL things are possible!

Thank Gaia I have FORCED FAITH™ to help me believe.
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3/16/2011, 12:11 am
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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
5. Michelle Obama's cleavage.


*ahem*

I DENOUNCE COMRADE PINKIE. *ducks, hides* Some things are better left unspoken, eh comrades?
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3/16/2011, 2:08 am
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Ah come on Pinkie, not again... I'm tired.. and well... frankly... it HURTS!
Can't we just get that golden goose down the street to give it go?

Er... ummm... looks like it might be the Colonels turn...
LAY THOSE DAMN EGGS YOU WALKING CLOCK! (not to be confused with your truly)

STOP CLOCKING THE COCK!
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3/16/2011, 6:57 pm
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1. The Administration will, without prejudice, become bi-partisan in working out a budget that the USA can live with. (and pass a budget for 2010, as well).
2. The Administration will back off on implementing ObamaCare, admit that it won't work and let the Free Market deal with health insurance.
3. The World of Next Tuesday will arrive next Tuesday......
4. The deficit will disappear magically.....and then Dear Leader will have more $$ to spend when the World of Next Tuesday arrives (finally)
5. The USSA will regain her status as the World's Leader and Super Duper Power!
6. I will denounce myself for the above statements! NEVER!
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3/18/2011, 5:34 pm
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Red Rooster wrote:We are always and forever inspired by our Father Prog Theocritus, he chides us to forever practice correcting our thoughts in order to avoid repeated trips to Jiffi-Lobo. In his wisdom, he knows that we will repeatedly fail and thus his vast fortune of hummels, rare Russian chotskeis and archaic Americana nicknacks. All thanks to his glorious Jiffi-Lobo Enterprises he has amassed a fortune, but you didn't hear that here, because as we all know it's for the children. (Unless of course you're Congressman Waxman having a bit of cognitive dissonance, the-the-then it-uh-is-uh f-f-for chil-the child-ren.)

Let us take this opportunity to to concentrate on this devoted progressive seance entitled: Believing 5 Impossible things Before Breakfast. Let us start:

1) Transsexual Unicorns roam the hills of California in 5 inch heels.
2) Gays cannot be bullies and they all wear Chanel No. 5 which proves that they are practicing Buddhists.
3) Women cannot be bullies and they all are oppressed by the Glass Ceiling which is really a code word for Darth Vaders Force Field of Oppression.
4) Blacks cannot be racist and they all eat chocolate watermelon and sing the Blues at the Mos Eisley Cantina.
5) Mean-Spirited White Male Gnomes live in the Redwood Forest, they are also known to be seen in the Adirondacks and the Appalachians and are planning a wholesale attack on Unicorns, the Chanel No. 5 Factory, and the Mos Eisley Cantina.

What are your 5 Impossible Things Before Breakfast?

1. https://www.playboy.com/articles/helen-thomas-playboy-interview/

2. https://www.playboy.com/articles/helen-thomas-playboy-interview/

3. https://www.playboy.com/articles/helen-thomas-playboy-interview/

4. https://www.playboy.com/articles/helen-thomas-playboy-interview/

5. https://www.playboy.com/articles/helen-thomas-playboy-interview/
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3/21/2011, 4:43 am
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1- Joe Stalin (60 million)
2- Mao 'Che' Dung (45 million)
3- Adolph Hitler (35 million)
4- Pol's Potty (20% the population of his country)
5- Tito (2.1 million - shame on you, looser!)
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3/26/2011, 4:04 am
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1) The People ™ will succeed in turning the economy around by amassing a fifty trillion dollar debt and ensuring everyone is employed by the government
2) Dear Leader will say something nice about Amerikka
3) I will make it to work on time, sober.
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