Image

A Fable: "The Squirrel That Wasn't"

User avatar
The Squirrel That Wasn't
(a comrade's fable)

Squirrel on limb 2.jpg
Once upon a time, in fact it was on a Tuesday, a squirrel stood on a thick limb and gazed up at the sky. Away up high he saw a flock of geese flying south. Then he gazed around at the other trees. The leaves had all turned yellow and brown and were falling from the branches. He knew when the geese fly south and the leaves fell from the trees, that winter would soon be here and snow would cover the forest. It was time to go into his winter home, deep in a burrow among the twisted roots of the old oak. And that was just what he did.

Not long afterward, in fact it was on a Wednesday, men came...lots of men. They had charts and maps and surveying instruments. They began charting and mapping and surveying everywhere around the old oak. But the squirrel wasn't awakened by all the racket. He was very, very tired from gathering nuts all summer long.

Then more men came, lots more men. They had steam shovels and saws and bulldozers and they shoveled and bulldozed and sawed all around the old oak. The men worked and worked till they finally finished a great building that completely surrounded the old oak. Then, they hung a sign on the front door that said, “Progressive Policy Think Tank.” But the squirrel just rolled over in his warm burrow and continued sleeping.

Then spring came. The squirrel awoke. He yawned and stretched and blinked his eyes. Then stood up and found his way through the darkness to the entrance of his burrow and stepped out into the bright spring sunshine. His eyes were only half open, but they didn't stay half open for long. They suddenly popped wide apart. Where was the forest? Where was the grass? Where were the trees? Where were the flowers? He couldn't understand what had happened? But we know what happened, don't we.

Just then a man came out of a big door and said to the squirrel, “Hey you. Why aren't you in the meeting room thinking? Get back inside and help your comrades or I'll report you.” The squirrel looked at the man for a moment and said, “I don't belong here. I'm a squirrel.” The man began laughing very loud and said, “A squirrel? A squirrel?? That's a fine excuse for a man not helping his comrades!” “But I really am a squirrel,” the squirrel said. Now the man stopped laughing and became very, very mad and said in a loud voice, “Don't try and fool me. You're not a squirrel. You're a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat. I'm taking you to the third assistant commissar.”

The third assistant commissar got even madder. He yelled, “You're not a squirrel! You're a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat. I'm taking you to the second assistant commissar.” The squirrel jumped up on his desk, looked him straight in the eye, and said, “But I really am a squirrel, just a plain, ordinary, everyday squirrel.”

The second assistant commissar was more than mad or madder. He was furious. He pointed his finger at the squirrel and bellowed, ““You're not a squirrel. You're a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat. I'm taking you to the first assistant commissar.” The squirrel sighed and followed the man to the first assistant commissar's office.

The first assistant commissar turned a bright shade of scarlet and shrieked, ““You're not a squirrel. You're a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat. I'm taking you to the Commissar.” The squirrel pleaded, “This is a dreadful error, you know, because ever since I can remember, I've always been a squirrel.”

Petting zoo 2.jpg
Now, the Commissar didn't yell or scream, but he did smile. “You can't be a squirrel, because squirrels are in natural history museums or petting zoos. They're never in think tanks and that's where you are; in a think tank. So how can you be a squirrel?” “But I really am a squirrel.” the squirrel said.

The Commissar leaned forward and in a calm voice said, “Not only are you a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat, but you are also very stubborn. I'm going to prove it to you once and for all. And so they all got into the Commissar's limo and drove to the petting zoo.

“Is he a squirrel?” the Commissar asked the petting zoo squirrels. The zoo squirrels said, “No, he isn't a squirrel, because if he were a squirrel, he wouldn't be outside the cage with you. He'd be inside the cage with us.” Then a baby squirrel said, “I know what he is. He's a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat.” “But I'm really , really a squirrel!” the squirrel said. So they all left the petting zoo and drove to the nearest natural history museum 600 miles away.

“Is he a squirrel?” the Commissar asked the curator. “No,” said the curator. “If he were a squirrel he'd be posed in one of the glass display cases like these museum squirrels, not out here with us.” The squirrel flicked his big, bushy tail in frustration but said nothing. And so they all got back in the Commissar's limo and drove back to the think tank where the squirrel spent the rest of the summer thinking.

One day a long time afterward, the think tank was closed due to lack of government funding and all the progressives left and went home. The squirrel walked along behind them. He was all alone, and had no place to go. As he walked along, he happened to gaze up at the sky. Away up high, he saw a flock of geese flying south. Then he looked up at the trees. The leaves had turned all yellow and brown and were falling from the branches.

Burrow in snow 2.jpg
The squirrel knew that when the geese flew south and the leaves fell from the trees, that winter would soon be here and snow would cover land. He turned around and walked back to the abandoned think tank and found the old oak tree and his warm, cozy burrow among the twisted roots. He was just about to go into it, when he stopped and said, “But I can't go into the burrow and sleep. I'm not a squirrel. I'm a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat.”

So winter came and the snow fell. It covered the remains of the abandoned think tank and it covered him. He sat there, shivering with cold and said, “I sure wish I was a squirrel.” It got colder and colder. His toes were freezing and his ears were covered with snow, but he had been told so many times that he was a silly little man who needed a shave and wore a fur coat that he felt it must be true. The poor squirrel was very lonely and very sad. He didn't know what to do.

Squirrel in snow 2.jpg
Suddenly, he got up and began walking through the deep snow toward the base of the old oak and went into the entrance of his burrow. He sank down on a bed of pine needles and was soon happily asleep and dreaming dreams just like all squirrels do when they hide away for the winter.

So even though the man, and the third assistant commissar, and the second assistant commissar, and the first assistant commissar, and the Commissar, and the squirrels at the petting zoo, and the curator at the museum had said he was a silly little man who needs a shave and wears a fur coat, I don't think he really believed it, do you?


Captain Craptek wrote:This story is not too loosely based on the original children's story, "The Bear That Wasn't" by Frank Tashlin - published 1946, E. P. Dutton & Co., from which also sprang a multi-disk 78 RPM record album and later an animated short film by the same name.


User avatar
Compound questions: how does one get rationed the nuts that the Captain has been rationed; and, are they best smoked, nibbled, or made into brownies? As a fable, this is too dangerous to leave on line. It might get LIVs "thinking."


User avatar
Anyer Marx wrote:Compound questions: how does one get rationed the nuts that the Captain has been rationed; and, are they best smoked, nibbled, or made into brownies? As a fable, this is too dangerous to leave on line. It might get LIVs "thinking."

Comrade Marx,

To the first question: Trade secret

To the second: LIV's would die sooner than think; in fact, they do so.


Hey Captain Crapteck
Was that You I saw yesterday walking through the line of Tiger's putt at Firestone CC? You got an in? I want a badge for next years Masters with club house privileges.

User avatar
The loquacious as well as furry [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] wrote:Once upon a time... (plus 1,308 more words!!)
Captain - just a little heads up from me to you...

I was having a few beet vodkas with the boys down in IT this evening (I needed a new Cat5 cable... didn't get it - neither did they!) and they let slip that they almost tagged you for this here thread! I, of course, defended you by reminding them that you did not choose cursive as your font. We all thanked Lenin for that! Got to go - and please don't blame the messenger...
.
.
suicide-warning.jpg

User avatar
Comrade Putout wrote:
The loquacious as well as furry [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] wrote:Once upon a time... (plus 1,308 more words!!)
Captain - just a little heads up from me to you...

I was having a few beet vodkas with the boys down in IT this evening (I needed a new Cat5 cable... didn't get it - neither did they!) and they let slip that they almost tagged you for this here thread! I, of course, defended you by reminding them that you did not choose cursive as your font. We all thanked Lenin for that! Got to go - and please don't blame the messenger...

Golly geez, Comrade Putout - I hope I didn't break the TPC server! I've noticed ever since I posted this subject the page loads have been slow. I've re-posted the story below without any images in 280 x 300 jpg format and compressed it to below 50kB. Thanks for the warning.

The Squirrel That Wasnt.JPG



 
POST REPLY